Just Received Summons - Complaint for Divorce

[Solemateleft]

I guess this is an update from my original threads from last year where I revealed that the woman that I loved, married and believed was my soulmate - had left and wanted a divorce...
I grew up believing that 'hard-work' along with faith in our Lord would produce success - in life, at work and in marriage...
The Lord knows that I have made herculean efforts to keep my marriage together, and to cope with some unanticipated work related stress.
When my wife first left - I fought to keep my marriage; but the harder I fought for us - the harder she pushed me away...
Then when I was finally able to 'Give It All' to the Lord - he helped to open my eyes to come to the realization that she simply was incapable of 'unconditional love' and of returning my love - questioning if I have ever been loved at all...
- She was diagnosed with 'severe depression' two years ago; coupled with a history of childhood abuse...
- She left with the last of our three kids still in high school; and I came to learn more about her self-confessed 'emotional relationship' (I discovered this past mother's day that her 'dance partner' had spent at least a few evenings/nights at her apartment).
- I strived to stay true to her in 'sickness and in health'...
- At times I felt as though I was surely drowning (cc has been my therapy) striving for civil resolution for the 'property settlement agreement' that her first lawyer drew up; while balancing all my old and new single parent duties on top of herding two college age kids and helping the third one in prep for college SATs, applications, scholarships and recruitment... All this on top of the unanticipated stress at work - filed complaint with HR re: hostile work environment...
- the Lord showed me, that in my time of need and consideration for some slack - she was incapable of any genuine emotional empathy...
- I spent lots of late nights computing my own valuation estimates for what I deemed she would owe me as a simple 'breach of contract' on her part for quitting; all for the intended purpose to maintain a civil agreement regarding a fair and reasonable division of properties... Knowing in the back of my mind that she comes from a wealthy family; while I have fought (literally) with blood and sweat for everything we have in order to be the best provider for my family that I could possibly be.
- My feedback on the property settlement agreement were merely intended to serve as trade-space for a mutually agreed upon negotiation and division of property... Knowing that I would simply be devastated if in the end I lost my wife, my best friend, my partner, my family unit and virtually half of everything I had ever worked for to provide for my family and our future...
- I'm spiritually, physically and emotionally exhausted, and now without any notice or consideration - I am blindsided and served with a Summons for Divorce... without a Lawyer...
While I strived to provide a good christian example for my kids during this transition - I am struggling with my ability to continually turn the other cheek - knowing the direction that this is likely to take if lawyers are employed on both sides...
I now feel compelled to solicit the help of a lawyer (I just don't like them) to protect my interests and my ability to continue to provide (as planned) for my kids colleges etc...
- While giving this all to the lord I've questioned my life's plan: 'if I should be working for a living' or 'if I should be Living for a living.' My mom is 84 in Arizona and I miss her dearly - currently live in Virginia ...
- I have reached out to my wife and her lawyer to request a Mediator as was originally planned; while somewhat receptive - I fear that I am being slow -rolled...
My dilemma: I've learned from my faith and military experience to strive for peaceful diplomacy at all cost; and only as a last resort - if the 'bully' persists to cross the pre-established 'red-line' that then and only then it would be completely in my right to defend myself at all cost... Fight fire with fire so to speak..
I appreciate your thoughts, prayers and hopeful vote of moral support... as I am preparing to seek a lawyer tomorrow knowing that a peaceful mediation remains my first choice...

Torn...

 

[Pumpkinspice]

We’ll always be your friends ‘till the end. Er, forever cuz there’s also heaven but you can count on us. (Meh) *cough *cough


Signed
Ann

 

[TamLynn]

I guess this is an update from my original threads from last year where I revealed that the woman that I loved, married and believed was my soulmate - had left and wanted a divorce...
I grew up believing that 'hard-work' along with faith in our Lord would produce success - in life, at work and in marriage...
The Lord knows that I have made herculean efforts to keep my marriage together, and to cope with some unanticipated work related stress.
When my wife first left - I fought to keep my marriage; but the harder I fought for us - the harder she pushed me away...
Then when I was finally able to 'Give It All' to the Lord - he helped to open my eyes to come to the realization that she simply was incapable of 'unconditional love' and of returning my love - questioning if I have ever been loved at all...
- She was diagnosed with 'severe depression' two years ago; coupled with a history of childhood abuse...
- She left with the last of our three kids still in high school; and I came to learn more about her self-confessed 'emotional relationship' (I discovered this past mother's day that her 'dance partner' had spent at least a few evenings/nights at her apartment).
- I strived to stay true to her in 'sickness and in health'...
- At times I felt as though I was surely drowning (cc has been my therapy) striving for civil resolution for the 'property settlement agreement' that her first lawyer drew up; while balancing all my old and new single parent duties on top of herding two college age kids and helping the third one in prep for college SATs, applications, scholarships and recruitment... All this on top of the unanticipated stress at work - filed complaint with HR re: hostile work environment...
- the Lord showed me, that in my time of need and consideration for some slack - she was incapable of any genuine emotional empathy...
- I spent lots of late nights computing my own valuation estimates for what I deemed she would owe me as a simple 'breach of contract' on her part for quitting; all for the intended purpose to maintain a civil agreement regarding a fair and reasonable division of properties... Knowing in the back of my mind that she comes from a wealthy family; while I have fought (literally) with blood and sweat for everything we have in order to be the best provider for my family that I could possibly be.
- My feedback on the property settlement agreement were merely intended to serve as trade-space for a mutually agreed upon negotiation and division of property... Knowing that I would simply be devastated if in the end I lost my wife, my best friend, my partner, my family unit and virtually half of everything I had ever worked for to provide for my family and our future...
- I'm spiritually, physically and emotionally exhausted, and now without any notice or consideration - I am blindsided and served with a Summons for Divorce... without a Lawyer...
While I strived to provide a good christian example for my kids during this transition - I am struggling with my ability to continually turn the other cheek - knowing the direction that this is likely to take if lawyers are employed on both sides...
I now feel compelled to solicit the help of a lawyer (I just don't like them) to protect my interests and my ability to continue to provide (as planned) for my kids colleges etc...
- While giving this all to the lord I've questioned my life's plan: 'if I should be working for a living' or 'if I should be Living for a living.' My mom is 84 in Arizona and I miss her dearly - currently live in Virginia ...
- I have reached out to my wife and her lawyer to request a Mediator as was originally planned; while somewhat receptive - I fear that I am being slow -rolled...
My dilemma: I've learned from my faith and military experience to strive for peaceful diplomacy at all cost; and only as a last resort - if the 'bully' persists to cross the pre-established 'red-line' that then and only then it would be completely in my right to defend myself at all cost... Fight fire with fire so to speak..
I appreciate your thoughts, prayers and hopeful vote of moral support... as I am preparing to seek a lawyer tomorrow knowing that a peaceful mediation remains my first choice...

Torn...

I want to share some lyrics with you. Rescue ~ by Lauren Daigle. May they bring you comfort and encourage your heart. I will pray for you.

"Rescue"

You are not hidden
There's never been a moment
You were forgotten
You are not hopeless
Though you have been broken
Your innocence stolen

I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS
Your SOS

I will send out an army
To find You in the middle of the darkest night
It's true, I will rescue you

There is no distance
That cannot be covered
Over and over
You're not defenseless
I'll be your shelter
I'll be your armor

I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS, your SOS

I will send out an army
To find You in the middle of the darkest night
It's true, I will rescue you
I will never stop marching
To reach you in the middle of the hardest fight
It's true, I will rescue you

I hear the whisper underneath Your breath
I hear you whisper you have nothing left

I will send out an army
To find you in the middle of the darkest night
It's true, I will rescue you
I will never stop marching
To reach you in the middle of the hardest fight
It's true, I will rescue you

Oh, I will rescue you

 

[PAC-fit]

I guess this is an update from my original threads from last year where I revealed that the woman that I loved, married and believed was my soulmate - had left and wanted a divorce...
I grew up believing that 'hard-work' along with faith in our Lord would produce success - in life, at work and in marriage...
The Lord knows that I have made herculean efforts to keep my marriage together, and to cope with some unanticipated work related stress.
When my wife first left - I fought to keep my marriage; but the harder I fought for us - the harder she pushed me away...
Then when I was finally able to 'Give It All' to the Lord - he helped to open my eyes to come to the realization that she simply was incapable of 'unconditional love' and of returning my love - questioning if I have ever been loved at all...
- She was diagnosed with 'severe depression' two years ago; coupled with a history of childhood abuse...
- She left with the last of our three kids still in high school; and I came to learn more about her self-confessed 'emotional relationship' (I discovered this past mother's day that her 'dance partner' had spent at least a few evenings/nights at her apartment).
- I strived to stay true to her in 'sickness and in health'...
- At times I felt as though I was surely drowning (cc has been my therapy) striving for civil resolution for the 'property settlement agreement' that her first lawyer drew up; while balancing all my old and new single parent duties on top of herding two college age kids and helping the third one in prep for college SATs, applications, scholarships and recruitment... All this on top of the unanticipated stress at work - filed complaint with HR re: hostile work environment...
- the Lord showed me, that in my time of need and consideration for some slack - she was incapable of any genuine emotional empathy...
- I spent lots of late nights computing my own valuation estimates for what I deemed she would owe me as a simple 'breach of contract' on her part for quitting; all for the intended purpose to maintain a civil agreement regarding a fair and reasonable division of properties... Knowing in the back of my mind that she comes from a wealthy family; while I have fought (literally) with blood and sweat for everything we have in order to be the best provider for my family that I could possibly be.
- My feedback on the property settlement agreement were merely intended to serve as trade-space for a mutually agreed upon negotiation and division of property... Knowing that I would simply be devastated if in the end I lost my wife, my best friend, my partner, my family unit and virtually half of everything I had ever worked for to provide for my family and our future...
- I'm spiritually, physically and emotionally exhausted, and now without any notice or consideration - I am blindsided and served with a Summons for Divorce... without a Lawyer...
While I strived to provide a good christian example for my kids during this transition - I am struggling with my ability to continually turn the other cheek - knowing the direction that this is likely to take if lawyers are employed on both sides...
I now feel compelled to solicit the help of a lawyer (I just don't like them) to protect my interests and my ability to continue to provide (as planned) for my kids colleges etc...
- While giving this all to the lord I've questioned my life's plan: 'if I should be working for a living' or 'if I should be Living for a living.' My mom is 84 in Arizona and I miss her dearly - currently live in Virginia ...
- I have reached out to my wife and her lawyer to request a Mediator as was originally planned; while somewhat receptive - I fear that I am being slow -rolled...
My dilemma: I've learned from my faith and military experience to strive for peaceful diplomacy at all cost; and only as a last resort - if the 'bully' persists to cross the pre-established 'red-line' that then and only then it would be completely in my right to defend myself at all cost... Fight fire with fire so to speak..
I appreciate your thoughts, prayers and hopeful vote of moral support... as I am preparing to seek a lawyer tomorrow knowing that a peaceful mediation remains my first choice...

Torn...

Sorry to hear Solemateleft. You certainly are not to be held as faltering on commitment. Myself, I would consult a Pastor or two (or more) at such recommendations for council.

Praying, ,

 

[Solemateleft]

I want to share some lyrics with you. Rescue ~ by Lauren Daigle. May they bring you comfort and encourage your heart. I will pray for you.

"Rescue"

You are not hidden
There's never been a moment
You were forgotten
You are not hopeless
Though you have been broken
Your innocence stolen

I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS
Your SOS

I will send out an army
To find You in the middle of the darkest night
It's true, I will rescue you

There is no distance
That cannot be covered
Over and over
You're not defenseless
I'll be your shelter
I'll be your armor

I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS, your SOS

I will send out an army
To find You in the middle of the darkest night
It's true, I will rescue you
I will never stop marching
To reach you in the middle of the hardest fight
It's true, I will rescue you

I hear the whisper underneath Your breath
I hear you whisper you have nothing left

I will send out an army
To find you in the middle of the darkest night
It's true, I will rescue you
I will never stop marching
To reach you in the middle of the hardest fight
It's true, I will rescue you

Oh, I will rescue you

Thanks TamLynn,
your response touched my heart, and then I listened to Lauren Daigle sing those lyrics for 'Rescue' on youtube and my heart was touched even more...

Thank you for this and for your prayers...
God Bless

 

[7seasrekeyed]

I guess this is an update from my original threads from last year where I revealed that the woman that I loved, married and believed was my soulmate - had left and wanted a divorce...
I grew up believing that 'hard-work' along with faith in our Lord would produce success - in life, at work and in marriage...
The Lord knows that I have made herculean efforts to keep my marriage together, and to cope with some unanticipated work related stress.
When my wife first left - I fought to keep my marriage; but the harder I fought for us - the harder she pushed me away...
Then when I was finally able to 'Give It All' to the Lord - he helped to open my eyes to come to the realization that she simply was incapable of 'unconditional love' and of returning my love - questioning if I have ever been loved at all...
- She was diagnosed with 'severe depression' two years ago; coupled with a history of childhood abuse...
- She left with the last of our three kids still in high school; and I came to learn more about her self-confessed 'emotional relationship' (I discovered this past mother's day that her 'dance partner' had spent at least a few evenings/nights at her apartment).
- I strived to stay true to her in 'sickness and in health'...
- At times I felt as though I was surely drowning (cc has been my therapy) striving for civil resolution for the 'property settlement agreement' that her first lawyer drew up; while balancing all my old and new single parent duties on top of herding two college age kids and helping the third one in prep for college SATs, applications, scholarships and recruitment... All this on top of the unanticipated stress at work - filed complaint with HR re: hostile work environment...
- the Lord showed me, that in my time of need and consideration for some slack - she was incapable of any genuine emotional empathy...
- I spent lots of late nights computing my own valuation estimates for what I deemed she would owe me as a simple 'breach of contract' on her part for quitting; all for the intended purpose to maintain a civil agreement regarding a fair and reasonable division of properties... Knowing in the back of my mind that she comes from a wealthy family; while I have fought (literally) with blood and sweat for everything we have in order to be the best provider for my family that I could possibly be.
- My feedback on the property settlement agreement were merely intended to serve as trade-space for a mutually agreed upon negotiation and division of property... Knowing that I would simply be devastated if in the end I lost my wife, my best friend, my partner, my family unit and virtually half of everything I had ever worked for to provide for my family and our future...
- I'm spiritually, physically and emotionally exhausted, and now without any notice or consideration - I am blindsided and served with a Summons for Divorce... without a Lawyer...
While I strived to provide a good christian example for my kids during this transition - I am struggling with my ability to continually turn the other cheek - knowing the direction that this is likely to take if lawyers are employed on both sides...
I now feel compelled to solicit the help of a lawyer (I just don't like them) to protect my interests and my ability to continue to provide (as planned) for my kids colleges etc...
- While giving this all to the lord I've questioned my life's plan: 'if I should be working for a living' or 'if I should be Living for a living.' My mom is 84 in Arizona and I miss her dearly - currently live in Virginia ...
- I have reached out to my wife and her lawyer to request a Mediator as was originally planned; while somewhat receptive - I fear that I am being slow -rolled...
My dilemma: I've learned from my faith and military experience to strive for peaceful diplomacy at all cost; and only as a last resort - if the 'bully' persists to cross the pre-established 'red-line' that then and only then it would be completely in my right to defend myself at all cost... Fight fire with fire so to speak..
I appreciate your thoughts, prayers and hopeful vote of moral support... as I am preparing to seek a lawyer tomorrow knowing that a peaceful mediation remains my first choice...

Torn...

truly so very sorry this is going on

this will end, but the only way out is through

I think you have made the right decision regarding a lawyer..

I will pray for you for strength and wisdom and also wisdom for your lawyer

again, I am so sorry about all of it

hugs in Jesus

 

[Magenta]

 

[Solemateleft]

Thank you Magenta, for your kind words and your keen ability to empathize with the battle within my soul... Your words have touched my heart.

God Bless you

 

[CharliRenee]

I stand in agreement with the words of encouragement and prayer. Please keep us posted. I appreciate your mindful approach to lead with mercy and peace. I so hope His revealing is detected by all concerned. God Bless you.

 

[Solemateleft]

Thanks for the prayers and moral support...
CC has certainly served to be therapeutic - to include this past week...
While anxiety got the best of me with the arrival of the Divorce Action Summons and the 21 day notice...
Taking a day off, and having some time to think it thru has greatly helped...
Got sufficient advice from local Lawyer to give me a bit of a reprieve...
The local lawyer is unable to help me with the summons because it originated from a different county (where wife now lives). However, the local lawyer gave me a solid referral for a lawyer in that county, and I have a meeting set for Monday to simply request a letter from their office stating that "I object to jurisdiction.'
This will require the case to revert back to the county of the residence of our marriage.
Once that is done - than I will be able to solicit the services of the local lawyer; which was referred to me from the USMC legal office.

While it remains difficult for my wife to see things thru any other prism than her own perspective - I remain hopeful to be able to continue to make attempts to collaborate with her (without her lawyer) toward a mutually supporting agreement for division of properties, investments and debts...
I feel that she kicked it up to the lawyers too soon (she is wrestling with her own struggles). I initiated dialogue with her lawyer (demonstrating my naivety) who merely demonstrated delaying and intimidation/bullying tactics and refused to offer a mediator upon request..

I still struggle that my belief system has been turned upside down where:
Faith + Hard Work + Commitment = Success in Life (Family and Work)

I still struggle at the potential of losing everything that I never expected would ever be at risk of losing: wife, life partner, best friend, family unit for all future special events and the ability to be able to continue to provide for my kids into the future and for myself into retirement (maybe sooner than ever anticipated; which equates to less income)...

All while I have never 'Agreed to Divorce'; I never believed it was 'irreconcilable'... I never gave up my hope and trust in the Lord; while I have now learned to trust in his master plan. I now know that 'this life is merely intended for me to earn my future salvation for an eternal life beyond this one.'

God Bless and thanks again

 

[PAC-fit]

Excruciating! Is that not the sum total of this experience? It isn’t right, it isn’t just, and causes us to wonder; why does anyone want anything to do with that that seeks the polar-opposite of kindness?

It’s been 10-yrs now and all of that which, yes, I have experienced was for me a slow-motion move towards that polar-opposite of my former spouse till it was I who fulfilled what she started, to separate.

She didn’t want me crying on her shoulder anymore and literally threw my limbs aside. After counselling of friends and professionals I unfortunately grown accustom to the thought, and so, I left. Lord have mercy, it really is not the answer but it happened to me in a subtle-fashion of rejection, slow and drawn out where I had to find solace, for it was depressingly heavy.

Blame me my friend, I put the capstone on the scene through to the finale only to find love again. We seek His kingdom and righteousness to receive, yet knowing all the while He has “called us to peace” (1Cor 7:15).

Among some of life's saddest of affairs. Make a way here Lord for your soldier!! Amen!