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Thought humorous, just for a laugh
Thought humorous, just for a laugh
Laughter good medicine for the soul
- Thread starter homwardbound
- Start date
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An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their doctor to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice.
When they got home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!"
"Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget."
"Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!"
"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife.
"Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream."
With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later.
Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Hey, where's the toast?"
When they got home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!"
"Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget."
"Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!"
"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife.
"Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream."
With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later.
Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Hey, where's the toast?"
My grandson who is not quite two, was excited to celibate mothers day.
Mostly because he cannot quite say it correctly, so he called it mustard day.
I recieived a sweet hand made card from him saying happy mustard day grandma, along with a bottle of mustard.
You see, he loves mustard alot, just like grandma, so it being mustard day, he was very excited to give grandma a bottle of mustard.
Children are great!
God bless
pickles
Mostly because he cannot quite say it correctly, so he called it mustard day.
I recieived a sweet hand made card from him saying happy mustard day grandma, along with a bottle of mustard.
You see, he loves mustard alot, just like grandma, so it being mustard day, he was very excited to give grandma a bottle of mustard.
Children are great!
God bless
pickles
P
pastac
Guest
Someone get some depends I think I just wet myself wait I did I did wet myself lol in floor hollering and shaking having a funny fit this was great made my evening!!!!!!!!
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pastac
Guest
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pastac
Guest
A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: ‘Stop! Acts 2:38!
(Acts 2:38 (ESV) says “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ, for the forgiveness of your sins.”)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: ‘Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.’
‘Scripture?’ replied the burglar. ‘She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!’
(Acts 2:38 (ESV) says “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ, for the forgiveness of your sins.”)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: ‘Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.’
‘Scripture?’ replied the burglar. ‘She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!’
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pastac
Guest
The young minister who had taken over the old Church from the retiring minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17 over the week.”The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the New young minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Several went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”
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pastac
Guest
A pastor is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boys efforts for some time, the pastor moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child’s level, the pastor smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?” To which the boy replies, “Now we run!”
After watching the boys efforts for some time, the pastor moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child’s level, the pastor smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?” To which the boy replies, “Now we run!”
Oh, I have to share this one with my hubby,
I know he will love it!Thankyou for sharing it!
God bless
pickles
P
pastac
Guest
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pastac
Guest
[h=2]Actual Announcements from Church Bulletins[/h]• Coming Up—Theological Open House. We discuss thought-provoking topics. Your opinions are hardly welcome.
• All singles are invited to join us Friday at 7 p.m. for the annula Christmas Sing-alone."
• Thursday night – potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and the community.
• For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
• This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
• Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
• Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
• Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.
• This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
• The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly, and the rest of the congregation will join in.
• Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
• The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" – come early and listen to our choir practice.
• Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
• The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
• Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
• The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
• Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
• The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
• Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the back door.
• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7:00 p.m. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
• Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
• The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
• The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
• Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
• The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
• The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
• Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
• Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
• Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
• Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
• This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
• The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
• All singles are invited to join us Friday at 7 p.m. for the annula Christmas Sing-alone."
• Thursday night – potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and the community.
• For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
• This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
• Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
• Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
• Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.
• This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
• The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly, and the rest of the congregation will join in.
• Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
• The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" – come early and listen to our choir practice.
• Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
• The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
• Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
• The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
• Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
• The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
• Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the back door.
• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7:00 p.m. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
• Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
• The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
• The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
• Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
• The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
• The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
• Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
• Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
• Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
• Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
• This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
• The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
P
pastac
Guest
A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few?" he asks.
"No, not at all!" the woman replied.
They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl. "I'm terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really just meant to eat a few."
"Oh, that's all right," the woman says. "Ever since I lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off them."
"No, not at all!" the woman replied.
They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl. "I'm terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really just meant to eat a few."
"Oh, that's all right," the woman says. "Ever since I lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off them."
P
pastac
Guest
A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY... for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope."
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for the last 48 years."
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY... for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope."
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for the last 48 years."
I
inthewind
Guest
Three men went fishing
Moses, Jesus, and a little old man
Moses to put first, and has to make the ball go past the lake, he hits and the ball looks good to go past the lake to the green, and ends up in the lake,
Jesus snickers a little, and Moses parts the waters and goes on in and puts to the green, and says okay Jesus your turn
Jesus hits the ball hard long and high, looks good to go past the lake, but does not make it, and Moses snickers now
Jesus walks on the water, pulls the ball up to on top and hits the ball to the green
Now it is the little old Man's turn and he finds the best driver he can find and makes the hardest hit he can and the ball is definitely not going past the lake, and right as the ball is about to hit the water, a fish jumps out of the water, catches the ball, and right before the fish is back in the water, an eagle grabs the fish and takes off with the fish.
Now the ball the fish has falls out of the fish up and over the hole, and the ball falls into the whole, a hole in one
Jesus looking over his shoulder, says great shot Dad
Moses, Jesus, and a little old man
Moses to put first, and has to make the ball go past the lake, he hits and the ball looks good to go past the lake to the green, and ends up in the lake,
Jesus snickers a little, and Moses parts the waters and goes on in and puts to the green, and says okay Jesus your turn
Jesus hits the ball hard long and high, looks good to go past the lake, but does not make it, and Moses snickers now
Jesus walks on the water, pulls the ball up to on top and hits the ball to the green
Now it is the little old Man's turn and he finds the best driver he can find and makes the hardest hit he can and the ball is definitely not going past the lake, and right as the ball is about to hit the water, a fish jumps out of the water, catches the ball, and right before the fish is back in the water, an eagle grabs the fish and takes off with the fish.
Now the ball the fish has falls out of the fish up and over the hole, and the ball falls into the whole, a hole in one
Jesus looking over his shoulder, says great shot Dad
I have some classic collection of Sardar jokes. In India, the jokes are quite popular and we love it, so, sharing it here just for laugh 
.
•Banta enters kitchen, opens sugar box, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why?
Because the doctor told him to check his sugar level regularly.
Banta and Shopkeeper
•Banta: You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to you.
Banta: Radio label shows "Made in Japan" but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
• Boss: Where were you born?
Banta: India ..
Boss: which part?
Banta: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India.
Banta Singh in Social Science Class
Teacher: What is common between Rama, Krishna, Buddha and Jesus Christ?
Banta: All of them were born on government holidays.
• Hitler says,
"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my
dictionary".
...
...
Banta says: What's the point of saying that now? You should have checked it before buying.
• Teacher: How can you Kill a Lion?
A. Banta Singh thought and thought really hard and then comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison and let the lion eat me.
• Banta Singh could not dial 911, because he could not find the digit eleven?
• Teacher to Banta: where were you born?
Banta: Thiruvananthapuram
Teacher: can you spell it?
Banta (after thinking for some time): I think I was born in GOA.
• On a romantic date Banta’s girl friend asked him:
“Darling ! Will you give me a ring on our engagement day?”
Banta replied: “Sure ! What’s your phone number?”
.•Banta enters kitchen, opens sugar box, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why?
Because the doctor told him to check his sugar level regularly.
Banta and Shopkeeper
•Banta: You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to you.
Banta: Radio label shows "Made in Japan" but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
• Boss: Where were you born?
Banta: India ..
Boss: which part?
Banta: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India.
Banta Singh in Social Science Class
Teacher: What is common between Rama, Krishna, Buddha and Jesus Christ?
Banta: All of them were born on government holidays.
• Hitler says,
"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my
dictionary".
...
...
Banta says: What's the point of saying that now? You should have checked it before buying.
• Teacher: How can you Kill a Lion?
A. Banta Singh thought and thought really hard and then comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison and let the lion eat me.
• Banta Singh could not dial 911, because he could not find the digit eleven?
• Teacher to Banta: where were you born?
Banta: Thiruvananthapuram
Teacher: can you spell it?
Banta (after thinking for some time): I think I was born in GOA.
• On a romantic date Banta’s girl friend asked him:
“Darling ! Will you give me a ring on our engagement day?”
Banta replied: “Sure ! What’s your phone number?”
Last edited:
P
pastac
Guest
I cant find the humorI have some classic collection of Sardar jokes. In India, the jokes are quite popular and we love it, so, sharing it here just for laugh
•Banta enters kitchen, opens sugar box, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why?
Because the doctor told him to check his sugar level regularly.
Banta and Shopkeeper
•Banta: You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to you.
Banta: Radio label shows "Made in Japan" but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
• Boss: Where were you born?
Banta: India ..
Boss: which part?
Banta: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India.
Banta Singh in Social Science Class
Teacher: What is common between Rama, Krishna, Buddha and Jesus Christ?
Banta: All of them were born on government holidays.
• Hitler says,
"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my
dictionary".
...
...
Banta says: What's the point of saying that now? You should have checked it before buying.
• Teacher: How can you Kill a Lion?
A. Banta Singh thought and thought really hard and then comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison and let the lion eat me.
• Banta Singh could not dial 911, because he could not find the digit eleven?
• Teacher to Banta: where were you born?
Banta: Thiruvananthapuram
Teacher: can you spell it?
Banta (after thinking for some time): I think I was born in GOA.
• On a romantic date Banta’s girl friend asked him:
“Darling ! Will you give me a ring on our engagement day?”
Banta replied: “Sure ! What’s your phone number?”