Let's discuss deal breakers

[Edith]

After witnessing first hand an ugly marriage from my parents, and my self haven gone through some failed relationships. I unconsciously developed some deal breakers in relationship. I get to notice them right away. I don't like people always complaining about one thing or the other, I don't like it when a person does not tell their feelings and leaves you guessing, I don't like people doing hot and cold, one moment you feel they are in and the other moment you are not so sure. I don't like laziness and finally I don't like it when someone doesn't take Christ seriously.
when I notice any of these I stay as far away as possible.
am I exaggerating?
what are your deal breakers in a relationship

 

[Tall_Timbers]

All of us are normally on our best possible behavior as we're getting to know someone. After enough time has passed, that might get a little harder to maintain. Dating someone for a couple of years is a pretty safe amount of time to really get to know a person.

If you notice they are sometimes short or mean with restaurant help or others you come into contact with or make negative comments about those workers behind their backs, take that as a warning. Remember you're seeing them at their best and you might want to end the relationship, otherwise you'll someday find yourself the target of that meanness.

Are they dabbling in any of the vices? Keep your eyes wide open...

When an obvious opportunity provides itself to offer someone assistance, do they step up or stay back?

Do they spend time with Jesus? Do the two of you share Jesus with each other? If not, move on.

Are they in debt? Carrying credit on their cards v.s. paying them off each month? Are they saving for a rainy day? Poor financial habits can lead to many problems and much suffering. Best not to saddle yourself with someone who can't manage what they have and live within their means.

 

[Elizabeth35]

Pride is a major deal breaker for me. Someone who thinks they know everything, thinks they are better than others and judges everyone by their own self-righteous standard, and tries to control and manipulate people is a person I don't want a relationship with. I've noticed that pride often grows out of unhealed trauma and insecurity, but that isn't an excuse to treat people like trash. I have compassion for someone who's hurting but that doesn't mean I get to be their punching bag.

Of course I have other deal breakers, but this is definitely at the top of the list right under not being a Christian.

 

[Edith]

All of us are normally on our best possible behavior as we're getting to know someone. After enough time has passed, that might get a little harder to maintain. Dating someone for a couple of years is a pretty safe amount of time to really get to know a person.

If you notice they are sometimes short or mean with restaurant help or others you come into contact with or make negative comments about those workers behind their backs, take that as a warning. Remember you're seeing them at their best and you might want to end the relationship, otherwise you'll someday find yourself the target of that meanness.

Are they dabbling in any of the vices? Keep your eyes wide open...

When an obvious opportunity provides itself to offer someone assistance, do they step up or stay back?

Do they spend time with Jesus? Do the two of you share Jesus with each other? If not, move on.

Are they in debt? Carrying credit on their cards v.s. paying them off each month? Are they saving for a rainy day? Poor financial habits can lead to many problems and much suffering. Best not to saddle yourself with someone who can't manage what they have and live within their means.

Thank you. so much wisdom with a touch of Deja-vu

 

[Edith]

Pride is a major deal breaker for me. Someone who thinks they know everything, thinks they are better than others and judges everyone by their own self-righteous standard, and tries to control and manipulate people is a person I don't want a relationship with. I've noticed that pride often grows out of unhealed trauma and insecurity, but that isn't an excuse to treat people like trash. I have compassion for someone who's hurting but that doesn't mean I get to be their punching bag.

Of course I have other deal breakers, but this is definitely at the top of the list right under not being a Christian.

Great! I have never really thought of it. you open my eyes to it. Imagine someone who belittles me 🤔 I will not stand a day.
thank you dear

 

[Lynx]

When someone refuses to talk stuff out, that gets on my last nerve. If you see a dealbreaker in me and you just bail instead of talking about it, that's a dealbreaker for me. But you already bailed out, so I count it as a bullet I dodged.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Smoking, drinking, drugs, short hair, doesn't enjoy my humor, selfish, high maintenance, wears a lot of makeup, into anime/manga and I'm sure there are more.
I believe there are two kinds of things not wanted. One is deal breakers and the other is preferences, things you'd prefer, but don't require.

I find knowing what you don't want more useful than a list of what you do want. In my experiences I've found some preferences of what you don't want can be changed by meeting the right man/woman. Also someone you meet may add to your wants/don't wants.