Looking for love in a secular world.

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Jul 2, 2026
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I feel like finding a potential partner has gotten harder and harder over the last few years. In my head, college would open up many more opportunities to find someone who shares the same values and faith that I do. However, I go to one of the biggest "party" colleges in the country. Many people find their spouses during this time, but my odds are looking poorer and poorer. Is/has anyone going/gone through this? How should I navigate finding my future wife?
 
Could you change schools? Search for and join a christian club and / or local church that has a good young adult / college small group? A lot of the regulars around here are older singles who either went through that, found someone, and it didn't end up as happily ever after or else went through that and haven't found someone and are realizing that it's way harder to meet new people once you're settled into adult life (and most of the eligible people your age have already found someone) than it was when we were younger and hanging out in groups of friends many of whom were single too.

Now that the internet is bringing more people than ever before within our reach, everyone is looking for their perfect 10 of a unicorn and convinced that someone just a little bit better than everyone they see around them is out there. My best advice is to be different. If you want to marry young, set your filters for top tier character (because a partner lacking in character will be a nightmare), but look for average in most other areas. An average - slightly above average looking girl isn't going to be chased by all the guys but if you show interest in such a girl and treat her well you can probably win her over. Also put some time and thought into what you imagine the day to day of married life will be like : who drives when you're both going somewhere, or do you take separate vehicles? Who cooks, does the dishes, cleans the house, etc? Will you spend your evenings at home or will you go out frequently? Is she going to work outside the home or focus on being a home maker? And once you have your picture, make sure you discuss all the assumptions with your gal while you're dating. Also, I'd recommend start with asking for a commitment of 1 dinner (or lunch or coffee or whatever) rather than jumping to being in a relationship, especially if it's a girl you don't know that well. That takes the pressure off of both of you.

And that's really all the advice someone with as little experience as me should be giving. Hope it helps and remember there's always the singles forum while you're single ( and those singles who do get married we generally let stick around as well).
 
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I feel like finding a potential partner has gotten harder and harder over the last few years. In my head, college would open up many more opportunities to find someone who shares the same values and faith that I do. However, I go to one of the biggest "party" colleges in the country. Many people find their spouses during this time, but my odds are looking poorer and poorer. Is/has anyone going/gone through this? How should I navigate finding my future wife?
First, howdy and welcome to the forum.

Second, harder? How is it harder? With technology you can meet more girls than ever before. Harder? I could probably get a date tonight if I wanted. I'm old and lazy so I'm staying right here, but I probably could if I wanted.

I mean have you SEEN all the options available, just on your phone?! The mind boggles.
 
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First, howdy and welcome to the forum.

Second, harder? How is it harder? With technology you can meet more girls than ever before. Harder? I could probably get a date tonight if I wanted. I'm old and lazy so I'm staying right here, but I probably could if I wanted.

I mean have you SEEN all the options available, just on your phone?! The mind boggles.
Does not sound wholesome.
 
First, howdy and welcome to the forum.

Second, harder? How is it harder? With technology you can meet more girls than ever before. Harder? I could probably get a date tonight if I wanted. I'm old and lazy so I'm staying right here, but I probably could if I wanted.

I mean have you SEEN all the options available, just on your phone?! The mind boggles.
That's the problem. You can meet so many people it takes a lifetime to decide on one if you decide you want to check out all the options first.
 
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Now that the internet is bringing more people than ever before within our reach, everyone is looking for their perfect 10 of a unicorn and convinced that someone just a little bit better than everyone they see around them is out there. My best advice is to be different. If you want to marry young, set your filters for top tier character (because a partner lacking in character will be a nightmare), but look for average in most other areas. An average - slightly above average looking girl isn't going to be chased by all the guys but if you show interest in such a girl and treat her well you can probably win her over. Also put some time and thought into what you imagine the day to day of married life will be like : who drives when you're both going somewhere, or do you take separate vehicles? Who cooks, does the dishes, cleans the house, etc? Will you spend your evenings at home or will you go out frequently? Is she going to work outside the home or focus on being a home maker? And once you have your picture, make sure you discuss all the assumptions with your gal while you're dating. Also, I'd recommend start with asking for a commitment of 1 dinner (or lunch or coffee or whatever) rather than jumping to being in a relationship, especially if it's a girl you don't know that well. That takes the pressure off of both of you.

And that's really all the advice someone with as little experience as me should be giving. Hope it helps and remember there's always the singles forum while you're single ( and those singles who do get married we generally let stick around as well).

That's the problem. You can meet so many people it takes a lifetime to decide on one if you decide you want to check out all the options first.

Yeah...

We've all also known for a while that dating apps are filled with a lot of people who are already married/taken.

I just did a quick Google search that said studies show up to 65% of people on dating apps are married or in relationships. That's a whole lot more than when I looked up that statistic a few years ago.

Even the people who have someone -- are convinced they could have someone better...

As if the dating scene wasn't enough of a shark tank already. 🦈
 
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Yeah...

We've all also known for a while that dating apps are filled with a lot of people who are already married/taken.

I just did a quick Google search that said studies show up to 65% of people on dating apps are married or in relationships. That's a whole lot more than when I looked up that statistic a few years ago.

Even the people who have someone -- are convinced they could have someone better...

As if the dating scene wasn't enough of a shark tank already. 🦈
I am not sure they want someone better. Just something on the side, maybe.

When my sister married, and this was way before dating sites and apps etc,
her husband insisted she stay in shape (not she she ever was not). And then
being of the European descent he was, felt entitled to a fat mistress.
 
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I am not sure they want someone better. Just something on the side, maybe.

When my sister married, and this was way before dating sites and apps etc,
her husband insisted she stay in shape (not she she ever was not). And then
being of the European descent he was, felt entitled to a fat mistress.

Great point, Lady Magenta!

Somehow I got added to the feed of some kind of question-and-answer site, and there is often the same question from people who are married and having affairs, or unmarried but dating married people -- "When is this person going to leave their spouse for me like they promised?"

And we all know the answer to that.

It reminds me of the infamous Ashley Madison scandal of 2015, when there was a huge data breach on the infidelity-centered dating website -- and thousands of people who thought they were "discreetly" looking for something on the side -- were suddenly outed in front of the whole world.

I must apologize to @notsopropheticisaiah -- threads often get derailed, but I didn't mean to derail your thread THIS much.

In all honesty, @cinder said everything I could have said about the topic and more, and in a much better way.

But if you want some company from those that have walked the walk while you search, I hope you'll keep hanging out with us.
 
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I am not sure they want someone better. Just something on the side, maybe.

When my sister married, and this was way before dating sites and apps etc,
her husband insisted she stay in shape (not she she ever was not). And then
being of the European descent he was, felt entitled to a fat mistress.
Was he a follower of Christ?
 
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Reactions: Magenta
Yeah...

We've all also known for a while that dating apps are filled with a lot of people who are already married/taken.

I just did a quick Google search that said studies show up to 65% of people on dating apps are married or in relationships. That's a whole lot more than when I looked up that statistic a few years ago.

Even the people who have someone -- are convinced they could have someone better...

As if the dating scene wasn't enough of a shark tank already. 🦈
Is that the reason many refuse to meet in person? They are with someone already? Just want to have an internet affair?

I suggest meet in person, reveal a lot of truth. Don't play the virtual game.
 
I feel like finding a potential partner has gotten harder and harder over the last few years. In my head, college would open up many more opportunities to find someone who shares the same values and faith that I do. However, I go to one of the biggest "party" colleges in the country. Many people find their spouses during this time, but my odds are looking poorer and poorer. Is/has anyone going/gone through this? How should I navigate finding my future wife?
If you commit to a church, join fellowships, serve God together with your church, God will bring someone to you.
Seek God s kingdom and His righteousness first, the rest He will give to you.
 
I don't know about finding a wife.
I went to college (or as we call it, university) and nobody was actually looking for a wife that I know of. I'm sure I went to a few parties but, I don't remember people finding wives at them. Just went to parties to have fun.

So can't give you much advice there.
What I'm interested in is what are you actually studying? What profession do you hope to enter? Or do you just go to college to find a spouse. Cos that's not really the purpose of it.

The only couple I know that married straight out of uni, and found each other in a Christian fellowship group, are getting a divorce. After 10 years of marriage.

The thing with college is, if you getting a loan just to study there, it's not great time to marry because you'll be in debt, and you don't want to bring debt into a marriage. I mean sure you can find a potential spouse...but maybe wait about 5 years and then see where you at and you'd be in a better position and more mature. Cos I really don't recommend people get married straight after graduation. At least find a decent job first. Pay off your loan. In mean time make friends. What's the rush?
 
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Probably church singles groups your best bet actually.
If you can find one. They can be mixed bag...but if you in a university town surely there are some churches around that young people go to. Christian fellowship groups on campus are more kind of evangelistic so you probably find a lot of converts that don't have really a grounding in faith or come from families that are not Christian so would have upbringings different from yours. I mean they still Christian, but baby Christians.

Mission dating isn't recommended.
 
Work hard and be successful, reliable, and civil in dealing with others. Be husband material. Target younger, debt-free females with low body counts and common interests and goals, like children and family. Not brainwashed by modern feminism or Kamala Harris supporters in general. MY HS sweetheart ended up marrying a blue-collar man who built her a house. They had four children and stayed married. He was husband material. Successful married couples with children observed all the time if employment means out and about in the public sphere.
 
If you commit to a church, join fellowships, serve God together with your church, God will bring someone to you.
Seek God s kingdom and His righteousness first, the rest He will give to you.
Not a personal attack, but so tired of hearing this christian fairytale preached in spite of all the evidence and experience to the contrary:

This is an inappropriate application of Matthew 6 which is talking about God providing daily needs like food and clothing.

Yes as believers we should be committed to church attendance and serving and fellowship. And for single christian men it probably will bring them into contact with some single christian women.

But marriage isn't guaranteed and isn't a reward for being a good enough christian or doing enough christian things and we do single believers a disservice to talk about it like that. Such thinking also ends up making singles who are faithful to serve in church into underserved second class citizens. After all why put resources to any of the other specific needs of singles, if singleness is a problem that God is magically going to solve by dropping a marriage partner in some single's lap (if they've been faithful enough to deserve it)?
 
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Not a personal attack, but so tired of hearing this christian fairytale preached in spite of all the evidence and experience to the contrary:

This is an inappropriate application of Matthew 6 which is talking about God providing daily needs like food and clothing.

Yes as believers we should be committed to church attendance and serving and fellowship. And for single christian men it probably will bring them into contact with some single christian women.

But marriage isn't guaranteed and isn't a reward for being a good enough christian or doing enough christian things and we do single believers a disservice to talk about it like that. Such thinking also ends up making singles who are faithful to serve in church into underserved second class citizens. After all why put resources to any of the other specific needs of singles, if singleness is a problem that God is magically going to solve by dropping a marriage partner in some single's lap (if they've been faithful enough to deserve it)?
Point taken.

My observation is, if one is committed to a church, that gives one enough time to observe, if want a spouse. People can pretend for short time, but for long run, not likely.

In my church, many couples met when they were in 20s, Bible study, fellowship together. Now 30 years 40 years later, they are still serving together.
Singles are also serving here for decades, they are happily single too.

I don't see too many church couple divorce at all. One or 2, yes, but in my circle, mostly stay together.
 
If you commit to a church, join fellowships, serve God together with your church, God will bring someone to you.
Seek God s kingdom and His righteousness first, the rest He will give to you.
Hmm... I do all that stuff, but it hasn't worked out for ME like that. 48, still single.

Good thing too. Some people not only don't need a spouse, don't want a spouse, but a spouse would actually HINDER what they need to get done where God has put them. And I don't just mean mission trips to foreign countries or holding revival services. There's lots of good little Christians doing what they can to help people in situations where having a spouse would get in the way.

"God will bring someone to you." Some people are thinking, "Why on earth would you curse me like that? What did I ever do to you?!" :p
 
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