Losing a family member

[Lanolin]

Sorry that this isn't a more uplifting post. But it helps to write about it, and to know you are not alone.
We all know parents don't live forever. It happens to everyone sooner or later, they become an orphan.
Losing your sibling might be harder, or outliving your offspring.
We've all lost pets because humans generally outlive them, unless they are parrots or tortoises, who can live for over 100 years.
Some of us are widows.

I wasn't able to compose a complete obit for my mother who passed in October of last year. Even at the funeral, I could only speak a little bit, my eulogy was a bit of a nothing, I could only speak of how my mum loved her pets, and treated them just like family - chickens comes to mind. They were more spoiled than me! I was lower in her affections.

If you are in the dead mums/mom club what is one thing or maybe more what you miss about her? Especially if you lived with her and cared for her for a while. What is their legacy to you? Could be personal trait or maybe some heirloom.

If you not in the club, but lost someone, you can share. It's a safe thread, only share what you want to.

I'll think about it for a bit then post my thoughts. I think, looking back on her life, she really lived it to the full. And if I really think about it, she was pretty amazing. I wish to inherit her cooking skills. Now she's gone, I can experiment in the kitchen. She'd never let me near the stove cooking HER dishes when she was here. It was HER kitchen. I was meant to get my own lol.

 

[Templar62]

for me losing my parents meant that i lost the only two people i could trust.loneliness for me increased quickly after their passing.

 

[Rosemaryx]

I am 64 and I lost my Mother when I was 3 yrs of age...She was 28 when she died and left four of us daughters...My Dad put us all into care , and I was passed from one childrens home to another...I have no memories of my Mother whatsoever , but God has blessed me with 4 daughters , 2 sons ( One I do not have contact with ) and I have 19 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren...
God saved me when I was 53 and knowing that He is my Father has taken away all that emptiness I had while growing up without my Mum , and now I am so content in Him that I no longer grieve over my loss...All the glory to Him I say Amen...

 

[Marie-G]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for opening the space to share such a dear and deep grief of loved ones.
I was shocked by the sudden death of my beloved father two months ago. He was just there running life healthily. That morning I came in, I couldn't find him. Mom rushed from inside saying to me "Your dad had died. I found him lying down inside". I would not have imagined that my dad would leave me one day. How I wished I could just said goodbye, hugged him tight and thanked him for being such a loving and sacrificing father. His loss would ever be alive inside of me. I gonna miss him forever and ever. He is in my prayers every day! Praying he is in Heaven now waiting for me to meet again...

 

[tourist]

Dad died in 2008 - Mom in 2019. Lost a younger brother in 2019. Sad circumstances but life goes on.

 

[Marie-G]

Passing away is a sure destiny, yet the pain of separation is what hurts. As much as peaceful passing is for the loved one, the harder it is for the close family. May all departing souls find peace in heavens and watch over us from up there!

 

[Lanolin]

I think it gets better over time but it won't ever go away...

We had the lantern festival last month and I thought of honoring my mum that way, since her body was cremated. I bought some lanterns and some were shaped like hot air balloon. After all mum flew all the way to live here.

I also bought these sky lanterns from the $2 shop, but I need to wait for the right time to release them. Possibly over Matariki, when it's darker and cooler, and there's no risk of fire..

Some people make tattoos to honor their loved ones, or burn incense. Mum didn't get a christian burial as that wasn't her wish.

I'm going to make the favourite soup she used to make for me, she told me the recipe, and I wrote it down I hadn't made it myself before, but when I eat it I will think of her. I hope it turns out alright.

Her love language would have been Acts of Service, if you've read the Love Languages book, but really, it was feeding me food. She was a giving person, always giving. I was born on Mothers Day, so, either she was the gift to me or I was the gift to her lol

 

[Lanolin]

I am 64 and I lost my Mother when I was 3 yrs of age...She was 28 when she died and left four of us daughters...My Dad put us all into care , and I was passed from one childrens home to another...I have no memories of my Mother whatsoever , but God has blessed me with 4 daughters , 2 sons ( One I do not have contact with ) and I have 19 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren...
God saved me when I was 53 and knowing that He is my Father has taken away all that emptiness I had while growing up without my Mum , and now I am so content in Him that I no longer grieve over my loss...All the glory to Him I say Amen...

Wow that's so young...and sad for your dad and your siblings. But wonderful that God took you in. And gave you a big family

 

[Lanolin]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for opening the space to share such a dear and deep grief of loved ones.
I was shocked by the sudden death of my beloved father two months ago. He was just there running life healthily. That morning I came in, I couldn't find him. Mom rushed from inside saying to me "Your dad had died. I found him lying down inside". I would not have imagined that my dad would leave me one day. How I wished I could just said goodbye, hugged him tight and thanked him for being such a loving and sacrificing father. His loss would ever be alive inside of me. I gonna miss him forever and ever. He is in my prayers every day! Praying he is in Heaven now waiting for me to meet again...

I had a near-death experience with my dad, when he had these fainting spells and would suddenly drop to the floor. It turned out he had epilepsy. One time he hit his head on the floor when he fell out of bed. I was so worried. But he was fine. Before he had a good medicine I was always worried whenever he went out on his own that he'd suddenly collapse.

I think long goodbyes can be sadder when the loved one wants to go, and is in pain, but can't. They have to hang on and suffer. Sometimes sudden death can be easier. I think your Father would have known you loved him anyway, maybe that's what Father's day is for.

 

[Lanolin]

for me losing my parents meant that i lost the only two people i could trust.loneliness for me increased quickly after their passing.

Aw what about other family members..? My mum had a big family but it was more my cousins on my dad's side that came through for me. I also have siblings, but mum was very close to me, and we were kind of like 'best friends' type relationship nobody really was closer. I have other friends but they don't really know me like she did.

My mum was the eldest of 7 siblings, so, there was nobody above her as her parents had passed away so she was like the mum to her siblings as well.
Also when you are single, I guess it's different to if you are married and have your own spouse and family to care for and think about.

 

[Lanolin]

Dad died in 2008 - Mom in 2019. Lost a younger brother in 2019. Sad circumstances but life goes on.

True tourist...time doesn't stand still, but sometimes it seems to slow down when you are stuck or grieving. I was like that for a time before and after.
sometimes there are familial relationships like you can't live with them, but you can't live without them either.

 

[tourist]

True tourist...time doesn't stand still, but sometimes it seems to slow down when you are stuck or grieving. I was like that for a time before and after.
sometimes there are familial relationships like you can't live with them, but you can't live without them either.

Time may heal all wounds, but it does seem to be a slow process.

 

[Lanolin]

Time may heal all wounds, but it does seem to be a slow process.

For some time goes fast, but not when you're losing someone, esp to cancer.
Like the song 'Unchained Melody'

From diagnosis to the end, it was about 5 years...

 

[tourist]

For some time goes fast, but not when you're losing someone, esp to cancer.
Like the song 'Unchained Melody'

From diagnosis to the end, it was about 5 years...

Regarding cancer diagnosis - Dad, 6 weeks, Mom, 6 weeks. I guess God had mercy on me by shortening the days between diagnosis to death.

I can relate to the pain that you endured by the death of your mom. Like it has been said many times before, yeah, they're in a better place now. The problem remains though that those left behind are in a sad world.

Hopefully, God may give us the courage, strength, and wisdom to make this a much brighter world for those less fortunate. Only time will tell. There might be a correlation between our service to the Lord and our tolerance for pain.

 

[Suze]

I loved one of my mum's sisters very much and when she died I felt very alone . In this life , she was a security blanket . Whatever was going on in my life , I always knew I could go and c her and she would b there for me . If I was ever homeless , I knew I could go to her and she wouldn't hesitate to take me in , I guess that what home is , the place u can always go to if u need to b and feel safe and accepted . My Aunty Jeannette was that place .
She wasn't overly affectionate or fussy or anything like that , she was just a calm , accepting , non judgemental person . Many vulnerable people were drawn to her . Once , a hungry elderly lady knocked on her door , a total stranger . When Aunty Jeanette opened the door the lady said ; the Lord told me to come here . The lady stayed all afternoon , had something to eat and then disappeared . That kind of thing often happened to her . This world is slightly colder without her .

 

[Michaelarc]

Sorry that this isn't a more uplifting post. But it helps to write about it, and to know you are not alone.
We all know parents don't live forever. It happens to everyone sooner or later, they become an orphan.
Losing your sibling might be harder, or outliving your offspring.
We've all lost pets because humans generally outlive them, unless they are parrots or tortoises, who can live for over 100 years.
Some of us are widows.

I wasn't able to compose a complete obit for my mother who passed in October of last year. Even at the funeral, I could only speak a little bit, my eulogy was a bit of a nothing, I could only speak of how my mum loved her pets, and treated them just like family - chickens comes to mind. They were more spoiled than me! I was lower in her affections.

If you are in the dead mums/mom club what is one thing or maybe more what you miss about her? Especially if you lived with her and cared for her for a while. What is their legacy to you? Could be personal trait or maybe some heirloom.

If you not in the club, but lost someone, you can share. It's a safe thread, only share what you want to.

I'll think about it for a bit then post my thoughts. I think, looking back on her life, she really lived it to the full. And if I really think about it, she was pretty amazing. I wish to inherit her cooking skills. Now she's gone, I can experiment in the kitchen. She'd never let me near the stove cooking HER dishes when she was here. It was HER kitchen. I was meant to get my own lol.

What's worse. A physical dead family or one living and dead to you? Idk. I can't complain too much cause before Jesus was taken seriously bad choices. So my daughter is not in my life. My dad same. Siblings don't care. Good thing Mom is a woman of faith. Only one around on phone anyway. In different towns. But me and Jesus. Trying to find a church family. People say cling to what ya have cause after she is gone never the same. Hard to do. Her new husband said don't come back and I'm not the one to ruin her happiness in her marriage. No poor me. Just read on my Bible yesterday to comfort others cause of the comfort the Lord gives us. So don't feel alone. We all face trials. My sympathy for your losses and love of Christ and comfort of the spirit of God keep you. Take care.

 

[Lanolin]

What's worse. A physical dead family or one living and dead to you? Idk. I can't complain too much cause before Jesus was taken seriously bad choices. So my daughter is not in my life. My dad same. Siblings don't care. Good thing Mom is a woman of faith. Only one around on phone anyway. In different towns. But me and Jesus. Trying to find a church family. People say cling to what ya have cause after she is gone never the same. Hard to do. Her new husband said don't come back and I'm not the one to ruin her happiness in her marriage. No poor me. Just read on my Bible yesterday to comfort others cause of the comfort the Lord gives us. So don't feel alone. We all face trials. My sympathy for your losses and love of Christ and comfort of the spirit of God keep you. Take care.

Aw, I hadn't thought of estranged family when I was making this post.
I suppose its more like a prodigal son situation - He was once lost, but now he is found. The dad thought his son was dead...but he came back! A lot of people take comfort in this parable Jesus told.

or Lazarus...Martha said he was dead and stinketh...but while Jesus wept, he kinda knew what was going to happen when he rolled away the stone to his grave.

Also when David stopped grieving for his first son with Bathsheba it was because he could never get him back. Though it was different with his other son Absalom. I just think that we all have our trials.

Rachel was weeping in Ramah, and she was inconsolable.

What I learned is we have to get on with living our lives as we will lose others along the way..but Jesus will never leave us or forsake us. Satan can't snatch us out of His hand.
Jesus left the 99 sheep safe in God's shelter while he went looking for the lost one that went astray. Isn't He a good shepherd?

 

[Michaelarc]

Aw, I hadn't thought of estranged family when I was making this post.
I suppose its more like a prodigal son situation - He was once lost, but now he is found. The dad thought his son was dead...but he came back! A lot of people take comfort in this parable Jesus told.

or Lazarus...Martha said he was dead and stinketh...but while Jesus wept, he kinda knew what was going to happen when he rolled away the stone to his grave.

Also when David stopped grieving for his first son with Bathsheba it was because he could never get him back. Though it was different with his other son Absalom. I just think that we all have our trials.

Rachel was weeping in Ramah, and she was inconsolable.

What I learned is we have to get on with living our lives as we will lose others along the way..but Jesus will never leave us or forsake us. Satan can't snatch us out of His hand.
Jesus left the 99 sheep safe in God's shelter while he went looking for the lost one that went astray. Isn't He a good shepherd?

Amen. Thanks sissy

 

[Lanolin]

I am sad some of our CC members have passed away.

I wish I could have hugged them if I'd known, I only ever know people on here through the posts they make. I guess its the way with Jesus, those of us who know him cannot touch him in the flesh but know Him through His Word.

Our memories tend to be the things they said, and we can only write things down to remember them by. Photos and flowers can fade, but words can endure forever.

 

[Lanolin]

Has anyone read 'The Giving Tree'? by Shel Silverstein. It's a picture book for children.
Mum told me that story when she knew she wouldn't have long to live after her diagnosis. It still makes me cry.

After she passed I went and got the book from the library and read it. I wanted to read it out loud at the funeral but it was too long and we didn't have much time to speak.