Loving Commitment vs. Biblical Law: Questioning the Premarital Sex Rule

[Fox]

Hi, I’ve got a question. I guess what brings me here is that I have some questions—some pretty difficult ones, at least for me—and I’m looking for some guidance and different perspectives. And yes, I do believe in the Lord.


I’m sorry if I sound frustrated or harsh, but I’m honestly tired of hearing people simply tell me that everything is wrong without really explaining why.


My question is this: I don’t personally understand why having a sexual relationship with someone you genuinely love and are committed to would automatically be considered immoral or bad. I would actually argue that, in the right circumstances, it can be quite the opposite.


I understand that being controlled by lust is wrong, and I agree with that. But I struggle with the idea that genuinely desiring your partner, loving them, and wanting that kind of intimacy with them is something you’re supposed to suppress simply because of a rule or interpretation that comes from almost 2,000 years ago. Especially when there are questions about historical context, translation, and how certain passages should actually be understood today.


Another thing I struggle with is that the only one who could give us an absolutely certain answer is God Himself, and we don’t get to simply sit down and ask Him directly what He meant.


And if premarital sex really is that serious of a sin, what does that mean for Christians who genuinely believe in God, try to follow Him, love their partners, but still have sex before marriage? Are they condemned because of that? Does having sex before marriage somehow outweigh everything else about their faith and relationship with God?


I’m sorry if any of this sounds stupid, disrespectful, or harsh. I’m not trying to attack Christianity or God. I genuinely believe in the Lord. I’ve just been dealing with a lot of questions and stress about this lately, and I want to actually understand rather than simply being told, “It’s wrong because it’s wrong.”

 

[Levib]

Well there’s a lot to unpack here and I don’t think it’s disrespectful to ask. I will attempt to answer your questions.

And if premarital sex really is that serious of a sin, what does that mean for Christians who genuinely believe in God, try to follow Him, love their partners, but still have sex before marriage? Are they condemned because of that? Does having sex before marriage somehow outweigh everything else about their faith and relationship with God?

I think this gets at the root of your issue, the thought that one good act (or several) should make up for one negligible evil act. This is self-righteousness, righteousness which you have decided what is right, what is wrong and what the consequences should be. Isaiah 69:6 says our righteousness is as filthy rags (the definition of ‘filthy’ in this context is too disgustingly inappropriate to post). What we consider to be ‘good’ is disturbingly nasty.

If Christians live in willful sin, they are condemned already and possibly not Christians at all.

John 3:36 NASB
The one who believes in the Son has eternal life; but the one who does not obey the Son will not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.”

‘Faith’ is Obeying God and trusting He will reward those who diligently seek Him. -See Hebrews Chapter 11

My question is this: I don’t personally understand why having a sexual relationship with someone you genuinely love and are committed to would automatically be considered immoral or bad. I would actually argue that, in the right circumstances, it can be quite the opposite.

I would ask, if you are in a loving and committed relationship, what is stopping you from honoring God in the commitment of marriage? After all, the primary reason for marriage is to obey God’s commandment. If we believe something is less harmful than it is, does that actually make it less harmful?

Proverbs 14:12 NASB
There is a way which seems right to a person, But its end is the way of death.

I’m honestly tired of hearing people simply tell me that everything is wrong without really explaining why.

The reasons are both physical and spiritual. If we are honest, the physical reasons are obvious and endless. Disease leading up to causing death, children born without fathers, families broken up and orphaned children. It potentially affects endless other innocent people, not just yourselves.

As for the spiritual reasons, many people fall into the thinking ‘multiple partners are not the same as multiple marriages’. However, every partner is likely a spiritual spouse. We were created to marry once and then have relation only inside that marriage. I can use a screwdriver in place of a pry-bar but it often results in it getting damaged and no longer functioning for its intended purpose. So we can understand that misusing things leads to damage and destruction. God has made clear the intended use of sexual relations.

Furthermore, the Apostle Paul said sexual sins are worse because in addition to sinning against God they are also sins against our physical body. Similar to self-harm, cutting, suicide, etc. It may be difficult to recognize the similarity though that is the truth. It is damaging both spiritually and physically.