loving the unlovable

[Dan58]

As Christians we are called to love. Eventually we will come accross someone who is unlovable.

2) should we love them even if it takes a toll on us?/QUOTE]

Imo, its not the love that takes a toll on you, its supporting an obstinate person which can take a toll and becomes detrimental to yourself. Jesus said to love and pray for your enemies (Matthew 5:44). I think love is easy if we can do that without endorsing or enabling poor behavior. And I believe that when we pray for our enemies or problematic persons, God's response may not exactly be positive towards them, but then again, God corrects those he loves (Proverbs 3:12, Hebrews 12:6).

I once prayed for a crazy woman who was attacking my business and trying to sue me. Shortly thereafter, she got into all kinds of trouble, moved 2 counties away from me, and I never heard from her again. I almost felt bad for praying for her

 

[JFSurvivor]

I'm not talking about your enemies. I'm talking about the people who are socially awkward or unintelligent. Or even those who are just downright annoying. Even the people you hear about who are negative all the time and bring others down. What are your thoughts?

 

[DesiredHaven]

If they are hungry feed them as you would someone you love or your enemy, if these people fit somewhere in between the same I dont know because we are to love both.

Just because they might not be in some social click (?) the world doesnt accept (?) and are somehow considered social outcasts (in someway) from them doesnt mean they are less worthy of food and drink or clothes, even the most basic of necessities we can take of our own and show compassion to them.

They shouldnt need to have a harvard education to love them.

As if somehow they need to be intelligent enough for love or something?

Besides, for me, more often then not, I find those with a higher education to be far more annoying then those who arent that smart intellectually. So who one might find more annoying the less smarter person, who wouldnt be who I might consider annoying (who is often the smarter) if even by the worlds standards. I suppose you might want to try and figure out which side we are on by which I find more acceptable and/or annoying maybe?

1 Cr 1:26 For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh,
not many mighty, not many noble,are called:

1 Cr 1:27 But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise;
and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;

1 Cr 1:28 And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen,
yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:

Just as Christ was despised and rejected of men but precious to God

There was nothing in his appearnce (such as beauty) which is vain that we should desire or esteem him

Good word.

James 2:1 My brethren, have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with respect of persons.

And there are clicks in the arena of the church as there is in the world, they are almost indisquishable in respects to who they include and exclude, just tell alot of funnys and get em' roaring and you are in, pretty much personality centered, ability to fight for the team (depending on which one you are on) smooth words all that good stuff.

This becomes an issue for them, how do you love folks that are dumb (not as brilliant as them) and annoying (to them) and are a downer.

I believe Jesus Christ would be considered as much of a downer to some church folks as the two witnesses apparently will be though, but thats just my thoughts on the matter according to how scripture shows it, what is sound doctrine will be difficult and hard to endure even as peoples love grows colder.

 

[Jeff_56]

As Christians we are called to love. Eventually we will come accross someone who is unlovable.

1) how do we love them in a Biblical manner?

2) should we love them even if it takes a toll on us?

3) has this ever happened to you? If so what did you do about it?

do what jesus says to do. (it is written in HIS WORD, the BIBLE) (the STANDARD for all LIFE)


do what jesus says to do - spend a lot of time alone with father , in prayer, listening, every day.
gradually, our focus changes from on us to on him.

and he tells us what to do, with complete peace and joy and righteousness. (in line with ALL of HIS WORD). he never contradicts himself, ever. he never tells us to do what is wrong (although a LOT of people and demons will tell us every day to do what is wrong, as well as to not do what is right) )

 

[MarcR]

As Christians we are called to love. Eventually we will come accross someone who is unlovable.

1) how do we love them in a Biblical manner?

2) should we love them even if it takes a toll on us?

3) has this ever happened to you? If so what did you do about it?

The love we are called to is agape love which means that we are called to seek their well-being regardless of how we feel about them.

Sometimes when a person behaves in sociopathic ways, the most helpful thing we can do is try to help them see how mis-directed they are being.

 

[Sirk]

I'm not talking about your enemies. I'm talking about the people who are socially awkward or unintelligent. Or even those who are just downright annoying. Even the people you hear about who are negative all the time and bring others down. What are your thoughts?

I think this is good soil for sewing our own seeds of patience, forbearance, kindness, self control, peace etc. and for developing a God like character.

 

[psalm6819]

My daughter was Goth when in bigh school, she had some pretty scary lookin friends ?????? but I just fed them, they were not unlovable, they were must expressing themselves. no one is unlovable to me because if Jesus. Could love someone like me how can I disappoint Him and do anything less?

 

[DesiredHaven]

Sometimes teens test, I was a tester myself. As one testing the genuiness of another's love by putting up hard front.

Teens do this in their own little circle of life (the high school arena) which is their world (for the greater part) at a certain time.

And they might chose the opposite of what is commonly acceptable because they might feel they cannot reach that (for whatever reasons). But they know what they do within a certain degree of knowledge. They will know what might freak them out, or scare others off and chose it for themselves. Even that which might cause their peers to despise them ( and very purposefully) accordingly chosing outside of the known (and acceptable) or normal standards. And them doing so just to be excluded because they might be rebelling against the world's norms (among those in and of the world) but imposed norms (none the less). Especially on certain things like dress and appearance which they know they will be judged by.

Just as teens might do the same in that Goth deal. That just seems to be a good example found in the world itself (and its own) rebelling against the norms set by the world (but in a very worldly way) to remain received among its own (in the things it esteems, or praises).

But its still a place where they can make themselves visibly findable by others who might feel the same (so as to form a click of their own) that being somewhat the foundation of their own common bond, just so they would not feel so alone, but so that they can still find each other (by sight alone) and click together (in that thing) and set themselves apart from the other standard. Still worldly to do that, but I can understand doing something like that having been a teen myself (as we all have).

They wouldnt mind being set apart (even an outcast) from the other groups of peoples if they can create a place where their own standards become their own norms (among themselves) and where they can find acceptance among those who forsake those former standards (whether those who join them can or cannot reach those themselves). Like buying into another image (as set forth). Reminds me of people who seem a little afraid themselves just before taking upon themselves a particular look that might help create that same effect of other them-wards. Which would likely create some sense of power for them. I would think. Im not really good at articulating myself in these sort of matters either, but I can understand the same to a degree. I suppose what someone looks like or what they wear (online) posting wouldnt be any kind of issue here (ofcourse) but in the offline world where it can be seen is something you might have to force yourself to get past that, and treat them as you would any other.

 

[atwhatcost]

As Christians we are called to love. Eventually we will come accross someone who is unlovable.

1) how do we love them in a Biblical manner?

2) should we love them even if it takes a toll on us?

3) has this ever happened to you? If so what did you do about it?

Oh sure. Do this way better than I did it. lol

This is what I was trying to say all along on my thread. It was definitely an eye opener on what was meant compared to what it looked like I said.

I'm just going to read how people answered. But, thank you for saying what I was trying to say.

 

[atwhatcost]

This might sound a little selfish but I have found that his attitude is sharpening me. I don't know if anyone else struggles with this but it is so hard for me not to take the actions of others personally. When he is being a pill I use his bad behavior as an exercise in self control....to not react but to respond.....to bring my own discomfort and pain into my thoughts and process them before I say anything.......to pray......to be transformed by the renewing my mind!

I'm here to learn. So, question from the student. How long does it take you to go from react to God transforming response? I would think it would take me a good ten seconds to get from one end to the other.

 

[Utah]

I'm not talking about your enemies. I'm talking about the people who are socially awkward or unintelligent. Or even those who are just downright annoying. Even the people you hear about who are negative all the time and bring others down. What are your thoughts?

Such people are not unlovable, not by a long shot.

 

[secularhermit]

I pray for the unlovable that God will open their eyes and hearts to His glory, that they may have peace and rejoice in the saving grace we have in Jesus Christ. That's the best gift I can ever ask for anyone.

Further thoughts: What do make ppl unlovable? Essentially their fears (and ours)...

 

[secularhermit]

I'm not talking about your enemies. I'm talking about the people who are socially awkward or unintelligent. Or even those who are just downright annoying. Even the people you hear about who are negative all the time and bring others down. What are your thoughts?

Are you saying you haven´t loved someone like these?

Some of them are surely selfish but, several other have been hurt (like a dog on the streets).

My mom is like one of them and, the hard part of this is when I listen to the things I don´t want to hear or know... In both extremes, it´s up to the giver and the receiver of loving attentions...

 

[secularhermit]

Ok so here's another question: by the worlds standards who are the unlovable and how should we love them?

Also how did Jesus love the unlovable? (Aside from his death on the cross)

Just for me: The unlovable are those unwilling to accept even my human approach as a person, seeking nothing in turn. Chances are I had nothing to give but, the times I tried to, being rejected, I knew what to do and whenever I saw a person behaving like the cat of my avatar, I knew something was wrong with them (same way when I approached a horse, a dog or a cat).

Love and friendship aren´t things to be begged and those who were hindered or deprived from it, a long time, would act as unlovable but, when our soul is not utterly damaged, lost and hurt, most of people would react positively to your kindness and honesty.

I don´t have an absolute record on how Jesus dealt with those we may call unlovable but, at His crucifixion, we see the clearest example on how He dealt with them:


Luk 23:39 One of the criminals hanging there also insulted Jesus by saying, "Aren't you the Messiah? Save yourself and save us!"
Luk 23:40 But the other criminal told the first one off, "Don't you fear God? Aren't you getting the same punishment as this man?
Luk 23:41 We got what was coming to us, but he didn't do anything wrong."
Luk 23:42 Then he said to Jesus, "Remember me when you come into power!"
Luk 23:43 Jesus replied, "I promise that today you will be with me in paradise."

I don´t know what happened that moment, acutely but, that man changed his mind and had the chance to repent and asked Jesus something he received, soon!

 

[Sirk]

I'm here to learn. So, question from the student. How long does it take you to go from react to God transforming response? I would think it would take me a good ten seconds to get from one end to the other.

You are very kind. . Could you rephrase the question. I'm not sure I understand it correctly.

 

[Breeze7]

You might walk away and let God love them for a while. I mean I don't know your situation exactly but if a relationship is putting you in danger or its so stressful that your health is affected I'd drop it a while. Let God be God, we can't always always be the conveyor of his love.

 

[Miri]

There are some practical things people can do on CC.

When welcoming newcomers I always look out for the ones with the lowest number of replies
to answer first. Same if replying to the prayer requests.

Some people seem to attract loads of responses and the more they get, the more other
people reply also. While others hardly get any.

I also try to respond to the testimony forum posts. People go out of their way to
post their testimonies but hardly anyone responds unless the person is known
and popular.

I often feel a bit sorry for people and wonder what they thinking when the newbie above them
gets loads or replies and they hardly get any.

I realise that some posts can be tricky to reply to, but even the straight forward ones can
be marginalised at times.

 

[secularhermit]

Hmmm!

I owe this to CC and to the people I have been sharing for more than a year


(although I can publicly admit I don´t like those they actually know I felt were being grumpy or cheeky)

 

[atwhatcost]

I'm not talking about your enemies. I'm talking about the people who are socially awkward or unintelligent. Or even those who are just downright annoying. Even the people you hear about who are negative all the time and bring others down. What are your thoughts?

Again, this isn't me, "the teacher," because I'm so not. But I have had to deal with/love this person all my life, and it's hard. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do. He's my dad.

But that "he's my dad" thing gives it both a good side and a bad side to it.
1. Good side: I have to honor him no matter what. If love doesn't work, honor kind of forces the issue.
2. Bad side: I'm 59 and he's still my dad. I don't get the choice of walking away, and, honestly? He has six kids. Two have spent time simply walking away. I don't blame them. I would have walked at the same time, but felt it was my duty (a promise made to Mom right before she died) to take care of my little brother (who is now my big brother. lol)

He was hard to deal with before he got dementia, so he's doubly hard to deal with now with it.

I can't tell you the magical formula for loving him. (I wish I could. I really want one.) But I do often remember how he had to deal with me, and I'm no easy character either. And I remember the times he gave it his best shot, (and why his best shot wasn't all that good, so I reacted badly and wish I could take that back.) And, I know I'm not doing it right now, but he's my dad, so we keep trying again and again and again, always seeking common ground, and always willing to put up with the other when there is no common, and trying again, and now with one added obstacle. Now he can't remember any of what we've gone through together, except for a fractured it-didn't-happen-like-that-but-I-get-why-you-think-it-did stories.

So, it's messy, it's never really easier, sometimes it gets harder, but I remember two mandates. "Honor your mother and father" and "Love one another." I really do love him. I can tell, because this is breaking my heart.

 

[secularhermit]

There are some practical things people can do on CC.

When welcoming newcomers I always look out for the ones with the lowest number of replies
to answer first. Same if replying to the prayer requests.

Some people seem to attract loads of responses and the more they get, the more other
people reply also. While others hardly get any.

I also try to respond to the testimony forum posts. People go out of their way to
post their testimonies but hardly anyone responds unless the person is known
and popular.

I often feel a bit sorry for people and wonder what they thinking when the newbie above them
gets loads or replies and they hardly get any.

I realise that some posts can be tricky to reply to, but even the straight forward ones can
be marginalised at times.

Hmmm!

Now I know it...

That´s fair! I should apologize not being aware of that rewarding system. I´m used to pick, at random, topics I like and I´m prone to avoid theology, because I´m unsubscripted (?) even of my own unpopular threads.

That part of being "popular" is ignored my side. At the beginning on CC, I was moved by those fancy waves but I´m glad the swallow "leading" waters pushed me away, far from those who think they are (or were) popular.