My head's so full and my home life so empty

[sajamor]

I just feel right now like I've got so much weighing on me and so little time or space to sort it out. My anxiety's really escalated as a result and I so wish my week off work was this one, not mid October.

I've been managing the charity shop I'm officially Assistant Manager at for about ten months now. I interviewed for the shop manager job in April and didn't get it but neither did anybody else so the position was re-advertised. I interviewed for it last week but learnt on Friday I hadn't got it.

I am still going to be kept on as Assistant Manager, which is good news and especially in light of all the Thomas Cook job losses. However, the contract is only 21 hours a week and even with the Universal Credit I'd be entitled to won't give me full time money.

So now I'm having to look at full time alternatives and the only ones I've found involve commuting which will make for days whose length I might struggle with. But then part time won't give me enough financial or professional fulfillment unless I can do freelance translation where the money's good but not guaranteed.

Working from home might also make me feel more isolated than I do already. Working long hours largely alone doesn't put me in contact with many people or opportunities of a relationship.

I joined an online dating site where most of the contact came from guys who creepy, expecting too much too soon or both. However, one I did get talking to seemed absolutely great - very interesting and interested in me as a person with a lot of common ground.

Then when we met up last week he looked scruffy and kept talking non stop at me to the point I needed split seconds to drive words in edgeways. At the end he just said "Have a nice evening" without suggesting another date or chatting online later or taking my phone number.

On one level I was relieved he didn't want things to go further. However, on another I couldn't help feeling rejected, which in a way annoyed me because he really hadn't given me a proper chance to prove myself by monopolising the conversation. Yet in another way it hurt, as did the realisation I would almost certainly have given him a second chance because I'd no other option for a relationship.

He took himself off the site so I couldn't suggest we did meet up again but with rather better social behaviour on his part. Perhaps that would have just descended into an argument and I know if I'd been his only issue with that site he would have just blocked me. Yet now with my financial insecurity I can't pay to join another site for now and I can't see how I won't be alone for yet another birthday in early November.

 

[tourist]

There may be a few single available men on this site that might be worth considering.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

If you're willing to chase down a self absorbed, inconsiderate twat like that, out of desperation then you're probably better off not getting on another site. Until you develop some personal standards you're just begging to be hurt or taken advantage of.
Better another bday alone than with someone that doesn't even show you basic respect.

 

[cinder]

I just feel right now like I've got so much weighing on me and so little time or space to sort it out. My anxiety's really escalated as a result and I so wish my week off work was this one, not mid October.

I've been managing the charity shop I'm officially Assistant Manager at for about ten months now. I interviewed for the shop manager job in April and didn't get it but neither did anybody else so the position was re-advertised. I interviewed for it last week but learnt on Friday I hadn't got it.

I am still going to be kept on as Assistant Manager, which is good news and especially in light of all the Thomas Cook job losses. However, the contract is only 21 hours a week and even with the Universal Credit I'd be entitled to won't give me full time money.

So now I'm having to look at full time alternatives and the only ones I've found involve commuting which will make for days whose length I might struggle with. But then part time won't give me enough financial or professional fulfillment unless I can do freelance translation where the money's good but not guaranteed.

Working from home might also make me feel more isolated than I do already. Working long hours largely alone doesn't put me in contact with many people or opportunities of a relationship.

I joined an online dating site where most of the contact came from guys who creepy, expecting too much too soon or both. However, one I did get talking to seemed absolutely great - very interesting and interested in me as a person with a lot of common ground.

Then when we met up last week he looked scruffy and kept talking non stop at me to the point I needed split seconds to drive words in edgeways. At the end he just said "Have a nice evening" without suggesting another date or chatting online later or taking my phone number.

On one level I was relieved he didn't want things to go further. However, on another I couldn't help feeling rejected, which in a way annoyed me because he really hadn't given me a proper chance to prove myself by monopolising the conversation. Yet in another way it hurt, as did the realisation I would almost certainly have given him a second chance because I'd no other option for a relationship.

He took himself off the site so I couldn't suggest we did meet up again but with rather better social behaviour on his part. Perhaps that would have just descended into an argument and I know if I'd been his only issue with that site he would have just blocked me. Yet now with my financial insecurity I can't pay to join another site for now and I can't see how I won't be alone for yet another birthday in early November.

How long or far of a commute? I wouldn't be crazy about commuting either, but I imagine it's something you can learn to live with up to a point. What about a second part time job? I would also be asking for specifics on why my current employer isn't giving me the promotion to the position I've practically been doing for almost a year and try to work out a path to promotion with them, especially since it sounds like they're having a hard time finding acceptable candidates.

I'd also recommend you not evaluate your life or worth solely by your relationships. Do you have nearby friends or family you can invite to celebrate your birthday with you? Alone is always better than a bad relationship. And there is nothing whatever that says you can't go do or enjoy things alone.

And when things seem overwhelming one of my best strategies is to stop and take a minute to tell everything to shut up and then figure out what I actually have to get done today, and what can wait until later or just isn't as urgent and it's trying to make me think it is. You aren't going to get all of life sorted and figured out in one day or even one week off of work. So just determine what the next thing you can do is and do it. The rest you have to leave in God's hands and trust that he can take care of it and you.

 

[kinda]

I just feel right now like I've got so much weighing on me and so little time or space to sort it out. My anxiety's really escalated as a result and I so wish my week off work was this one, not mid October.

I've been managing the charity shop I'm officially Assistant Manager at for about ten months now. I interviewed for the shop manager job in April and didn't get it but neither did anybody else so the position was re-advertised. I interviewed for it last week but learnt on Friday I hadn't got it.

I am still going to be kept on as Assistant Manager, which is good news and especially in light of all the Thomas Cook job losses. However, the contract is only 21 hours a week and even with the Universal Credit I'd be entitled to won't give me full time money.

So now I'm having to look at full time alternatives and the only ones I've found involve commuting which will make for days whose length I might struggle with. But then part time won't give me enough financial or professional fulfillment unless I can do freelance translation where the money's good but not guaranteed.

Working from home might also make me feel more isolated than I do already. Working long hours largely alone doesn't put me in contact with many people or opportunities of a relationship.

I joined an online dating site where most of the contact came from guys who creepy, expecting too much too soon or both. However, one I did get talking to seemed absolutely great - very interesting and interested in me as a person with a lot of common ground.

Then when we met up last week he looked scruffy and kept talking non stop at me to the point I needed split seconds to drive words in edgeways. At the end he just said "Have a nice evening" without suggesting another date or chatting online later or taking my phone number.

On one level I was relieved he didn't want things to go further. However, on another I couldn't help feeling rejected, which in a way annoyed me because he really hadn't given me a proper chance to prove myself by monopolising the conversation. Yet in another way it hurt, as did the realisation I would almost certainly have given him a second chance because I'd no other option for a relationship.

He took himself off the site so I couldn't suggest we did meet up again but with rather better social behaviour on his part. Perhaps that would have just descended into an argument and I know if I'd been his only issue with that site he would have just blocked me. Yet now with my financial insecurity I can't pay to join another site for now and I can't see how I won't be alone for yet another birthday in early November.

This is the way of life now it seems. Everything is so backwards. Being in a good mental state is a luxury. Most jobs are very production based, metrics, and so on. Economy is pretty competitive. Produce or work your way out of a job. Turn, turn, turn, and after the work day you're spent. After awhile you might find your self burnt out.

I really think the gray area of secular life and Christianity is out the window. Just scroll through your television channels and see what's playing 24/7. Now talk to your friends, family, and people you meet. This will give you a good sense of what the culture is like. Personally, I think it's a good idea to get away from major cities. The smaller the better. It might be a good idea to live close enough to a major city, so you can be connected with the rest of the world...Just not that close.

It would be nice to see Christian communes or villages to help bring stability in a Christian lifestyle, but this might be a pipe dream. The world is moving faster and faster. Technology is driving us to go faster and faster.

Sorry for my rambles, but it's how I see it. I will hold comment on the dating scene, might sound like a broken record.

It's time to pray.

The western world has become so disconnected with the natural world, that we are off balance.

 

[LittleMermaid]

I think you need to work on your self-worth. Remember that Jesus loves you. The creator of the entire universe wanted you to exist! Go read Psalms for your heart and Proverbs for your brain. Repeat to yourself the promises of God that you read in the Bible.

You DO NOT need a man to be happy! Yes, marriage is a beautiful gift that God gives sometimes. But even if you don't have it, you are still blessed. Just in different ways. You need to learn how to be happy as a single woman before you can be happy in a relationship. Do you really think that scruffy man was going to make you happy? Would he be there for you when you needed him? Do you think he would be faithful? A marriage needs a deep rooted love that knowns no bounds. Do not settle for less than that, hun. Otherwise, you're going to get hurt.

Stop hurting yourself and wallowing in self-pity. I've been there myself. Tell God to help you out of the slimy pit. He will do it!
I suggest you read your Bible as much as you can and maybe do some devotionals. I personally like InTouch by Charles Stanley and Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.

 

[Trailblazer]

I just feel right now like I've got so much weighing on me and so little time or space to sort it out. My anxiety's really escalated as a result and I so wish my week off work was this one, not mid October.

I've been managing the charity shop I'm officially Assistant Manager at for about ten months now. I interviewed for the shop manager job in April and didn't get it but neither did anybody else so the position was re-advertised. I interviewed for it last week but learnt on Friday I hadn't got it.

I am still going to be kept on as Assistant Manager, which is good news and especially in light of all the Thomas Cook job losses. However, the contract is only 21 hours a week and even with the Universal Credit I'd be entitled to won't give me full time money.

So now I'm having to look at full time alternatives and the only ones I've found involve commuting which will make for days whose length I might struggle with. But then part time won't give me enough financial or professional fulfillment unless I can do freelance translation where the money's good but not guaranteed.

Working from home might also make me feel more isolated than I do already. Working long hours largely alone doesn't put me in contact with many people or opportunities of a relationship.

I joined an online dating site where most of the contact came from guys who creepy, expecting too much too soon or both. However, one I did get talking to seemed absolutely great - very interesting and interested in me as a person with a lot of common ground.

Then when we met up last week he looked scruffy and kept talking non stop at me to the point I needed split seconds to drive words in edgeways. At the end he just said "Have a nice evening" without suggesting another date or chatting online later or taking my phone number.

On one level I was relieved he didn't want things to go further. However, on another I couldn't help feeling rejected, which in a way annoyed me because he really hadn't given me a proper chance to prove myself by monopolising the conversation. Yet in another way it hurt, as did the realisation I would almost certainly have given him a second chance because I'd no other option for a relationship.

He took himself off the site so I couldn't suggest we did meet up again but with rather better social behaviour on his part. Perhaps that would have just descended into an argument and I know if I'd been his only issue with that site he would have just blocked me. Yet now with my financial insecurity I can't pay to join another site for now and I can't see how I won't be alone for yet another birthday in early November.

Jesus said put all you're cares and worries upon him. Let him know how your feeling. The Lord is in control of all things that happen in your life. And they are for the good. Getting in the word through Christian radio and Christian music can /is a blessing much of the time.
Heck! The only friend I have on this planet is my frog. Considering that! I'm doing pretty good. Sad but funny.
Oh yea! The Lord says he is my friend also. That must be where my joy comes from.

Dating sites are tough!..That scruffy guy on the dating site. He may have a rejection issue. Too many no 2nd dates. Blind date excitement and anxiety results in talking to much .Burned out on the dating sites. Hide profile often. Been their done that. My personal issue was no tolerance for angry or dishonest women. My profile ended up being hidden more times then not.

You should not have to prove yourself to any one. Be happy, Be yourself, and Love the Lord.

 

[Ruby123]

There may be a few single available men on this site that might be worth considering.

Tourist, maybe you should have your own thread match making all the singles.

 

[Trailblazer]

Tourist, maybe you should have your own thread match making all the singles.

If I remember correctly some years back before Tourist got married. Darlene? mentioned her future hubby getting fed up and leaving the site. Guess she went after him. When I got busy with life and off the site 5 years or more. I think they threw a big party out in FL celebrating my departure off the site.

 

[tourist]

Tourist, maybe you should have your own thread match making all the singles.

I did exactly that when I first joined but it was not well-received. There were a lot of anal members back then who thought that it was not proper to find a match on this site but rather perhaps in church. Oh, yeah, they were biblically naïve in matters of the heart as well. I almost quit the site because of how I was treated but in the end I found the one of my heart's desire on this very site. At least I got what I wanted. I stayed as a member mainly for the fellowship, encouragement, and prayer, both giving and receiving. I love this site and it has been a tremendous blessing for me.

 

[oldethennew]

True Blessing come from true 'behaviour'...

 

[Ruby123]

I did exactly that when I first joined but it was not well-received. There were a lot of anal members back then who thought that it was not proper to find a match on this site but rather perhaps in church. Oh, yeah, they were biblically naïve in matters of the heart as well. I almost quit the site because of how I was treated but in the end I found the one of my heart's desire on this very site. At least I got what I wanted. I stayed as a member mainly for the fellowship, encouragement, and prayer, both giving and receiving. I love this site and it has been a tremendous blessing for me.

In theory to meet someone at church is ideal. But what if in your particular church the other members are already teamed up, or are of the same sex as you are, or there is a large age gap. It makes it impossible.
I agree that this should not be a dating site because then the whole focus becomes on finding a partner but I don't think there is any harm in having one thread for people who would like to meet someone.
I think I have seen a couple of threads here and there that have started but they seem to fade out. Perhaps nobody is interested enough.

 

[cinder]

In theory to meet someone at church is ideal. But what if in your particular church the other members are already teamed up, or are of the same sex as you are, or there is a large age gap. It makes it impossible.
I agree that this should not be a dating site because then the whole focus becomes on finding a partner but I don't think there is any harm in having one thread for people who would like to meet someone.
I think I have seen a couple of threads here and there that have started but they seem to fade out. Perhaps nobody is interested enough.

Well generally very few of us are inclined to respond to "I just need someone to love (me)" threads. We've had a few all in good fun list some good qualities about yourself threads, but serious strenuous attempts to find a date in an online forum usually smell of desperation. We've also had people catfished or stalked by people they met here (that's the exception not the norm). The other thing I would say is that while as a fun joke such threads can occasionally be fun, when it comes to the serious side 1) for various reasons many of us may not want to make our relationships or developing relationships with other forum members public on the forum 2) personally there are few things more annoying than people trying to talk you in to dating someone that you know exists but have already decided for whatever reasons not to pursue. So I'm not at all in favor of a serious matchmaking thread.

The flip side of that is that there are a lot of ideas surrounding Christian dating, or dating for Christians in general, that when taken together end up coming across as this idea of "until God has made you perfect, you shouldn't be looking for a spouse" and I will admit that too often these are trotted out to correct (discourage) people who maybe should be sympathized with a little more and encouraged to pursue relationships and date wisely rather than not date because they're not deemed to be "ready". Though we all know the perfect partner who will make all my problems disappear daydream is just that an unrealistic dream, too often we tend to swing to the other end of the spectrum and imply to people that since they can't solve all your problems they won't help with any and you're on your own (except for God because after all this is a christian site). I can't say that way of thinking is useful or helpful either.

 

[kinda]

Well generally very few of us are inclined to respond to "I just need someone to love (me)" threads. We've had a few all in good fun list some good qualities about yourself threads, but serious strenuous attempts to find a date in an online forum usually smell of desperation. We've also had people catfished or stalked by people they met here (that's the exception not the norm). The other thing I would say is that while as a fun joke such threads can occasionally be fun, when it comes to the serious side 1) for various reasons many of us may not want to make our relationships or developing relationships with other forum members public on the forum 2) personally there are few things more annoying than people trying to talk you in to dating someone that you know exists but have already decided for whatever reasons not to pursue. So I'm not at all in favor of a serious matchmaking thread.

The flip side of that is that there are a lot of ideas surrounding Christian dating, or dating for Christians in general, that when taken together end up coming across as this idea of "until God has made you perfect, you shouldn't be looking for a spouse" and I will admit that too often these are trotted out to correct (discourage) people who maybe should be sympathized with a little more and encouraged to pursue relationships and date wisely rather than not date because they're not deemed to be "ready". Though we all know the perfect partner who will make all my problems disappear daydream is just that an unrealistic dream, too often we tend to swing to the other end of the spectrum and imply to people that since they can't solve all your problems they won't help with any and you're on your own (except for God because after all this is a christian site). I can't say that way of thinking is useful or helpful either.

In theory to meet someone at church is ideal. But what if in your particular church the other members are already teamed up, or are of the same sex as you are, or there is a large age gap. It makes it impossible.
I agree that this should not be a dating site because then the whole focus becomes on finding a partner but I don't think there is any harm in having one thread for people who would like to meet someone.
I think I have seen a couple of threads here and there that have started but they seem to fade out. Perhaps nobody is interested enough.

I have a new theory. If you can't find anyone in your hometown you like, what about moving to another state or another country?!? It could be that you have a different culture than your hometown culture.

I really think this is the case most of the time. Try finding your roots or a like minded culture, and move there. I think I just found a place that fits me just great. Is it possible to have a country heart, but grew up in the suburbs?!?!

 

[tourist]

In theory to meet someone at church is ideal. But what if in your particular church the other members are already teamed up, or are of the same sex as you are, or there is a large age gap. It makes it impossible.
I agree that this should not be a dating site because then the whole focus becomes on finding a partner but I don't think there is any harm in having one thread for people who would like to meet someone.
I think I have seen a couple of threads here and there that have started but they seem to fade out. Perhaps nobody is interested enough.

There is probably a lot of interest but there might be those that are afraid to make their feelings known because it might actually result in a relationship being started.

Besides being content with being single, I believe the two main reasons that people remain single is fear of rejection and fear of commitment. Also, there are those who set unrealistic standards for a prospective mate and spend most of their adult years waiting for that perfect someone. Or maybe, they say they are waiting on God's perfect timing whatever that means. In my opinion that means that they are unwilling to at least make an effort in establishing an intimate romantic relationship. God may indeed find you the one of your heart's desire but you must then be ready to take bold decisive action as God is not going to simply drop a prospective spouse in your lap.

As far as being content with being single, I'm sure that in some instances instead of being content they are really resigned to the idea of remaining single the rest of their lives out of fear of the unknown in regards to what may or may not happen in any such relationship leading to marriage.

 

[Hamarr]

There is probably a lot of interest but there might be those that are afraid to make their feelings known because it might actually result in a relationship being started.

Besides being content with being single, I believe the two main reasons that people remain single is fear of rejection and fear of commitment. Also, there are those who set unrealistic standards for a prospective mate and spend most of their adult years waiting for that perfect someone. Or maybe, they say they are waiting on God's perfect timing whatever that means. In my opinion that means that they are unwilling to at least make an effort in establishing an intimate romantic relationship. God may indeed find you the one of your heart's desire but you must then be ready to take bold decisive action as God is not going to simply drop a prospective spouse in your lap.

As far as being content with being single, I'm sure that in some instances instead of being content they are really resigned to the idea of remaining single the rest of their lives out of fear of the unknown in regards to what may or may not happen in any such relationship leading to marriage.

I do think there's an element of avoidance in the idea of waiting, or can be. If you are waiting for the perfect person to drop into your lap, you never have to put yourself out there. I do personally think I still have some work to do on myself first, but that could also be another form of avoidance. It does seem that sometimes being content with singleness can be blurred into something along the lines of "you shouldn't seek out a relationship" to me sometimes.

As far as a setup with someone on here, there's a number of reasons not to that were mentioned by others. I'm not sure if it necessarily an act of desperation to look here, but maybe a notice that they are available and looking. I have seen some advice aimed at Christian singles to make their friends aware they are available. That said, I would prefer it to be more organic, if anything were to happen with someone here. Get to know them, see how well you get along and let things go from there. But I am also not in a hurry to get hitched.

 

[Mezame83]

It's time to pray.

I agree.

 

[BDS]

Hello,

I am new here and I was intrigued by ur post...I to struggle in the similar area...feel free to say hi back and let’s chat

Brandon

 

[Lanolin]

Why do people live alone? Just wondering why you not living with your mum or dad and helping them out. Or flatting. Thats why some people take in boarders, to help pay the rent.

 

[1christian1]

I did exactly that when I first joined but it was not well-received. There were a lot of anal members back then who thought that it was not proper to find a match on this site but rather perhaps in church. Oh, yeah, they were biblically naïve in matters of the heart as well. I almost quit the site because of how I was treated but in the end I found the one of my heart's desire on this very site. At least I got what I wanted. I stayed as a member mainly for the fellowship, encouragement, and prayer, both giving and receiving. I love this site and it has been a tremendous blessing for me.

I am so glad for you tourist. You give me hope. not for finding a partner but your words of encouragement. After reading so many depressing things in here it is reassuring to such a positive note. thanks...