My relationship is over and there's nothing I can do...

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ProdigalDaughter1992

ProdigalDaughter1992

Junior Member
#1
Jan 16, 2018
8
0
1
Wisconsin
#1
My boyfriend of 5 years told me his heart just is not in this, or us anymore. We have a 3yr old together and are currently living with his family due to finances. He said he will look for his own place and signed a custody agreement...but I tried so hard to fix this. He refuses to try. Yet, I am still wanting to do things for him, fold his clothes, make dinner, etc etc. What is he going to do when he is on his own with 2 kids? What am I going to do? The car is in his name and its what I practice driving in and get back and forth to work in when I have a job, and to my GED classes. Most of all what am I going to do without him, or my son every other week?...He expects me to act like nothing ever happened. He is smiling and laughing and going on about his day while I am trying to keep myself breathing. He doesn't care how much he hurt me...and I still love him...why....
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#2
Oct 13, 2014
6,891
1,960
113
Germany
#2
Hes not worth it sis.
Get ur life together as quick as possible. Its gonna hurt a while but u can make it. I dont know why he dumped u like that but its definitely not right. Why are u even giving him full custody instead of fighting for ur child. U should live for God and ur child and not for that guy.
What am I missing
 
ProdigalDaughter1992

ProdigalDaughter1992

Junior Member
#3
Jan 16, 2018
8
0
1
Wisconsin
#3
Demi777 said:
Hes not worth it sis.
Get ur life together as quick as possible. Its gonna hurt a while but u can make it. I dont know why he dumped u like that but its definitely not right. Why are u even giving him full custody instead of fighting for ur child. U should live for God and ur child and not for that guy.
What am I missing
Click to expand...
I am not giving him full custody. 50/50. I would never give up my son while im still breathing... i love my...ex...too much to just give up though... he just expects me to though like its just so easy...
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#4
Oct 13, 2014
6,891
1,960
113
Germany
#4
ProdigalDaughter1992 said:
I am not giving him full custody. 50/50. I would never give up my son while im still breathing... i love my...ex...too much to just give up though... he just expects me to though like its just so easy...
Click to expand...
Sounds like hes a really cold guy.
I know the feeling. Cry it out, tell people. Do what u gotta do to heal.

Im glad ur not giving him full custody. He doesn't deserve more
 
PennEd

PennEd

Senior Member
#5
Apr 22, 2013
13,612
9,127
113
#5
ProdigalDaughter1992 said:
My boyfriend of 5 years told me his heart just is not in this, or us anymore. We have a 3yr old together and are currently living with his family due to finances. He said he will look for his own place and signed a custody agreement...but I tried so hard to fix this. He refuses to try. Yet, I am still wanting to do things for him, fold his clothes, make dinner, etc etc. What is he going to do when he is on his own with 2 kids? What am I going to do? The car is in his name and its what I practice driving in and get back and forth to work in when I have a job, and to my GED classes. Most of all what am I going to do without him, or my son every other week?...He expects me to act like nothing ever happened. He is smiling and laughing and going on about his day while I am trying to keep myself breathing. He doesn't care how much he hurt me...and I still love him...why....
Click to expand...
I am so terribly sorry for you.

Gosh I hate to say anything hurtful, but this should definitely be a lesson NOT to have sex with someone who is not your husband.

Dating... marriage.... child.... in that order.

On a practical level, make SURE he is providing for his son. DON'T let him skate on that. And not a few dollars here and there. Something LEGAL and binding until he is at least 18.

Also, DON'T leave the Lord out of this equation. May He guide and protect you.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#6
Mar 26, 2014
4,436
2,423
113
#6
ProdigalDaughter1992 said:
My boyfriend of 5 years told me his heart just is not in this, or us anymore. We have a 3yr old together and are currently living with his family due to finances. He said he will look for his own place and signed a custody agreement...but I tried so hard to fix this. He refuses to try. Yet, I am still wanting to do things for him, fold his clothes, make dinner, etc etc. What is he going to do when he is on his own with 2 kids? What am I going to do? The car is in his name and its what I practice driving in and get back and forth to work in when I have a job, and to my GED classes. Most of all what am I going to do without him, or my son every other week?...He expects me to act like nothing ever happened. He is smiling and laughing and going on about his day while I am trying to keep myself breathing. He doesn't care how much he hurt me...and I still love him...why....
Click to expand...
Yes it sounds like there's a whole lot of growing up and sorting stuff out that both of you are going to be doing now. It sounds like near term you're going to be staying with his family while he moves out into his own place, is that correct? That doesn't sound like someone who is being completely heartless, but it does sound like he's already done the emotional work of ending it before he decided to tell you it was over. Which means that you've just had this sprung on you and have a lot of emotional work and processing ahead of you, and you're still wanting to do all that stuff for him because you haven't integrated the overness of it yet and your normal is doing those things for him. And it's ok to hurt and be upset and not be ok right now.

Practically, are work and GED classes close enough to walk or ride a bike? Is public transport available at all or a co-worker / classmate who you could ride share with? What people will you have in your corner to help you out during this difficult transition? Where can you find out what help is available for struggling single parents in your area?

We're all sorry you find yourself in this situation, but unfortunately there's no good alternative to doing the necessary emotional work and transitioning. But as often as you need a listening ear or some encouragement or advice, feel free to come back and talk to us.
 
Ellorah

Ellorah

Well-known member
#7
Jan 28, 2019
436
679
93
31
South Carolina
#7
Sadly I echo the above. Nothing prospers if God isn’t part of it. Don’t beat yourself up. We’ve all made bad decisions and acted out of emotions or in haste. How you handle the situation from here is what matters. My advice sis is to pray. Turn from the hold he has on you and turn to Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father. Acknowledge your mistakes and be so thankful that we serve a forgiving God. He is always there for us.

I will pray for you and for your child. Remember this is going to be difficult for him as well so consider his tender heart in all matters. God bless you 🙏
 
TLC209

TLC209

Active member
#8
Mar 20, 2019
553
182
43
42
Merced, CA
#8
Pray for your boyfriend to have a change of heart. You guys are a family, you guys have a child together you should have been thinking of marriage because like the guys was trying to say fornication is sin. And sin has consequences so its best that we do things the way God intended us to do them. Is your boyfriend a Christian? He doesnt sound like one. Maybe you should pick up your bible and stary praying. That movie War Room shows the struggles that marriages go through sometimes but there is hope if you put your trust in God. Its never too late to turn to Christ and turn away from sin. Weve all been there and made choices we regret later. No ones perfect so were not here to judge you, but hopefully steer you in the right direction and thats JESUS. Only He can fix this. He is the answer to what you are going through. Ask the Holy Spirit to intercede. God can turn this around for not only you but your child. The guy needs Jesus as well. He will be alot more loving if he has God in his heart and in his life. Dont give up.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#9
Jun 30, 2015
25,587
13,857
113
#9
ProdigalDaughter1992 said:
My boyfriend of 5 years told me his heart just is not in this, or us anymore. We have a 3yr old together and are currently living with his family due to finances. He said he will look for his own place and signed a custody agreement...but I tried so hard to fix this. He refuses to try. Yet, I am still wanting to do things for him, fold his clothes, make dinner, etc etc. What is he going to do when he is on his own with 2 kids? What am I going to do? The car is in his name and its what I practice driving in and get back and forth to work in when I have a job, and to my GED classes. Most of all what am I going to do without him, or my son every other week?...He expects me to act like nothing ever happened. He is smiling and laughing and going on about his day while I am trying to keep myself breathing. He doesn't care how much he hurt me...and I still love him...why....
Click to expand...
Hello and Welcome, PD1992...
Others have given you good input already. There are two issues I'd like to address:

First, your signature line says, "suicidal thoughts". PLEASE tell someone local to you: a pastor, a counselor, even a teacher where you're getting your GED. Don't ignore these feelings and thoughts; get help to process them safely! :)

Second, if you haven't already (and you didn't specify), surrender your life to Jesus Christ. Trust in Him for everything, most importantly that He has paid the full penalty for your sins. Bring all your concerns to Him and ask Him to help you.

I don't usually recommend this for unmarried folks, but in this case, I believe the daily devotional from DivorceCare.org would be helpful to you. Of course, some of it won't apply, but you are functionally divorcing, and will be dealing with many of the same issues.

May the Lord give you peace, wisdom, and strength. You can get through all this, with His help.
 
W

WIJeff

Member
#10
Nov 27, 2012
55
7
8
#10
I can only add my sadness over your problems. It's hard but you can overcome it. I've been divorced also.
 
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