That is fine. I have no problem with that at all. It is good to want to build each other up, as long as it is mutual.
I myself dont want to have to live up to someone else's expectations. I will not impose my own expectations on her either. Whoever God blesses me with I will accept her with all of her faults. Her relationship with the Lord is just that..hers. If she asks for my help I will gladly provide it, but I will not expect her to keep growing in her relationship with the Lord in order for me to be satisfied with her.
I think of it like this. My expectations are based on what we mutually agree for each other which comes from the bible. Our expectations of each other are what God expects from us individually and as a couple. If we feel the one is placing an expectation on the other which is not biblical then we talk and negotiate how important it really is.
Just a hint though, as a female, in this culture we are taught to be staunchly independent (which is unhealthy in large arrogant doses). When girls want help they dont like to ask for it because they dont want to appear needy. Theres one cure to this mess - a guy who takes initiative. As humans we most often dont realise when we need help either, so its important for couples to be observant of one another and keep each other accountable.
You sound like a very open hearted guy which is so cool (not many of those around
). I agree that its important to be unconditionally loving and tolerant. But how tolerant? I believe that in order to be unconditionally loving we need to have firm boundaries but gently laid out to others. Let me put an example to you:
Say you may get a girlfriend whose spiritual gift is faith and leadership. Shes full of love and optimism and bubbly ideas and people flock to her, but her weakness is organisation. And as much as she is loved, you notice that people get really annoyed at her unpunctuality, her never getting anything finished and then suffering because of her low grades or being put on probation at work. You see what the issue is but she doesnt and begins to think that God is punishing her for something and feels very discouraged.
Will you accept this fault of hers as untreatable and pat her on the back and say "there there, it'll be ok",
OR
Will you say gently, "My love, Ive noticed that you're not as strong in some areas as you are with others and this is making you and others unhappy. Can I help you to figure this out?" Are you going to tell her that in a workplace there are expectations of punctuality and work completion? Will you give her some ideas on how to straighten this out? What if she refuses your ideas accuses you of wanting to "control her" and continues down the path shes in while constantly never learning and always wallowing as to why things dont work out? You being her boyfriend and being in love with her, will surely not accept this. Are you really going to accept this unresolved fault as just part of the package? Intuitively, your expectation of her is that you want her to grow, and by growing in understanding become happier again. But for her to grow she needs to humble herself and consider the expectations of those around her including yourself. If you persevere in love and gentleness and she still doesnt get it, do you think you could continue to stand around being tolerant of that?
Dont you want her to have similar expectations of you if your positions were switched?
