Peace & Blessings 2 All!

[MysteryChild]

I am a kingdom believer and worker for sure!
However, I have on and off symptoms that lately have been a little extra intense.
I battle them in secret mainly because I have no one to talk to about this.
I am a single/separated mom and the symptoms that I battle are being alone at 40!
I married when I was young to avoid these times that I'm experiencing now, but unfortunately, here I am.
I was in an extremely abusive marriage with a man whom even the doctors diagnosed as psychotic.
I believed and fell in love with this person before all truth came to light although I had a negative gut feeling.
This person even later admitted to cheating and that he only used me for a place to stay.
I gave this person all I could (including a child who is now 12), and tried to stay even through the abuse until no choice.
The abuse was mental, verbal, emotional, and physical.
I praise Jehovah God for delivering me out of this situation and it has now been 10 years since I've seen this man.
I've had on and off struggles through the years because I actually loved this man but had to remind myself that he didn't love me.
He also took advantage that I was (am) a believer in Christ.
Now, I struggle not with wanting this person back, but the unfairness of feeling stuck with the memory, the vows/covenant, the experience, and all feelings that I will have to live like this the rest of my life because I fear God, and I believe divorce is wrong, but I know Paul (in the bible) talks about that if you have to do so, remain unmarried. I can sort of live with that, but I don't know how with not being allowed to date or remarry in fear of sinning against God and living in adultery. Also, truthfully, I'm older but I'm not old and I struggle with body urges that frustrate me so much that I try to refuse as long as I can, and then I end up masturbating because I don't want to sleep with anyone, and I always hear that, that is wrong by a bunch of people who are married or old folks who don't know or forgot the struggle/pain/hurt!!
So, I've asked my doctor for my depression meds back to help control my libido and thoughts. I have my little girl who is great company since my oldest (22) moved out, but even she is getting older and don't want to cuddle as much, and I honestly miss that human adult intimate touch! I pray and cry all the time... I don't know what else to do. :-(
Should anyone have any suggestions, please, let me know!
Bless you all and thanks for reading!
And thank you all for having me.

 

[tourist]

There are a lot of single, separated, divorced members of this site that tell their own horror story so please know that you are not alone in this regard. Your husband has cheated and used use and this is biblical grounds for divorce and possible remarriage. Your introduction post has sadden me so I will pray for God comfort you and for the Holy Spirit to light your path. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.

 

[Deade]

Hello MysteryChild, welcome to Christian Chat.

I hope you'll enjoy your stay here.

 

[Kireina]

Hello! Sis...I read your story...I am sorry for what you have been through... I can imagine the trauma it caused you...I am glad that you were able to escape from it...Praise God! 😇

I can't advice you anything about divorce and remarriage coz I am also a lil confused about it... but I understand your battle for purity...I truly can relate to that...

It is hard...It is really a hard battle but we are not alone...
God will help us fight the temptations...1 Cor. 10:13 says that, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 😇


Stay in His word and allow His truth to transform your mind...Spend time in prayer in the morning and throughout the day, ask God to help you to desire His holiness more than you desire to please yourself ...


I say this because this was my battle and still my battle everyday....I am a single lady never been married. My struggle with lust porn and masturbation and sexual fantasy lasted for many many years... It was a sad journey...It felt good in the moment and hours of shame and guilt....ahhh it was a lonely road to look back...praise God we have Jesus His grace overflows and in Him through Him with Him we can win every battle we face 😇


I will pray for you sis may God help you to rely on His strength in your moments of weakness and protect you when you are tempted, In Jesus name! Amen.


Welcome to CC! God bless you and your child ❤

 

[Gojira]

I am a kingdom believer and worker for sure!
However, I have on and off symptoms that lately have been a little extra intense. ... And thank you all for having me.

I skimmed through your post, trying to get the gist of it. For all the good it does to hear this, you are not alone. And, I have much to say about the topic you raised towards the end. (Please forgive the length. Maybe you'll need to skim, too )

One thing I've learned through the years is to take stuff like this one day at a time. You can traverse much ground when you don't think too much about the amount of road left ahead. Besides, you don't know what the next mile will bring. Not sure how helpful that was, but I will continue.

I can tell you that I had more severe lust problems than I do today. You can say it's because I'm older now (57), but I believe it's more than that as I still have a healthy libido.

On the night of June 17th(?) of 2012, I decided to try to write God a blank check with my life. Scary as Hell. I cried from the fear of what that might mean. But, I was totally honest with Him and told him that 1% of 1% of me was doing this, and that I could not promise I'd continue no matter what. But, I would try.

That instant something happened in me. An addiction that was sex-related (not porn, not fornicating, but I'll leave it unmentioned) was gone. I mean gone, like a switch had been turned off. My desire to masturbate was instantly halved. Instantly. I think something demonic was removed from me.

Now, while I've gotten this lessening of sexual stress, it is not gone. I'm still a man, or some reasonable facsimile thereof. Of course, having someone in my life to text me each day just to say she's thinking about me, someone to snuggle with at a movie theater... all of that is desired as much as the sexual component. So, I get you. Completely. I'm not in my glorified body, free of the weaknesses of this flesh.

Pray God lessens the stresses and the desires. Stay away from things that would needlessly stimulate you (pluck out the eye, so to speak). Also, seek Him to be THE source of happiness, joy and fulfillment in your life -- consider the possibility that maybe the desire for a mate is an idol. Hence, its intensity. However...

Paul didn't say exactly what you said. He wrote: To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

The man cheated on you. Biblically speaking, you are in the clear. Pray for a husband. A good man in every respect. In the mean time, seek God to change your heart so that He's your ultimate Source of fulfillment in this life.

Also, be open to the possibility that there are things in you that are not necessarily spiritual problems, but still traits that could be worked on to make yourself more approachable. (E.g., I know I could dress more sharply. I've been weighing this in my mind for a little while now.)

I don't know if any of this helps or applies. But, I hope it does.

Stay on the road sister. No matter what, it's only temporary. Then, we'll get our relief, our peace. It will happen. The 2 trillion years-plus that follow you're remaining 40 or so are worth it methinks

 

[MysteryChild]

Hello! Sis...I read your story...I am sorry for what you have been through... I can imagine the trauma it caused you...I am glad that you were able to escape from it...Praise God! 😇

I can't advice you anything about divorce and remarriage coz I am also a lil confused about it... but I understand your battle for purity...I truly can relate to that...

It is hard...It is really a hard battle but we are not alone...
God will help us fight the temptations...1 Cor. 10:13 says that, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 😇


Stay in His word and allow His truth to transform your mind...Spend time in prayer in the morning and throughout the day, ask God to help you to desire His holiness more than you desire to please yourself ...


I say this because this was my battle and still my battle everyday....I am a single lady never been married. My struggle with lust porn and masturbation and sexual fantasy lasted for many many years... It was a sad journey...It felt good in the moment and hours of shame and guilt....ahhh it was a lonely road to look back...praise God we have Jesus His grace overflows and in Him through Him with Him we can win every battle we face 😇


I will pray for you sis may God help you to rely on His strength in your moments of weakness and protect you when you are tempted, In Jesus name! Amen.


Welcome to CC! God bless you and your child ❤

Hello! Sis...I read your story...I am sorry for what you have been through... I can imagine the trauma it caused you...I am glad that you were able to escape from it...Praise God! 😇

I can't advice you anything about divorce and remarriage coz I am also a lil confused about it... but I understand your battle for purity...I truly can relate to that...

It is hard...It is really a hard battle but we are not alone...
God will help us fight the temptations...1 Cor. 10:13 says that, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 😇


Stay in His word and allow His truth to transform your mind...Spend time in prayer in the morning and throughout the day, ask God to help you to desire His holiness more than you desire to please yourself ...


I say this because this was my battle and still my battle everyday....I am a single lady never been married. My struggle with lust porn and masturbation and sexual fantasy lasted for many many years... It was a sad journey...It felt good in the moment and hours of shame and guilt....ahhh it was a lonely road to look back...praise God we have Jesus His grace overflows and in Him through Him with Him we can win every battle we face 😇


I will pray for you sis may God help you to rely on His strength in your moments of weakness and protect you when you are tempted, In Jesus name! Amen.


Welcome to CC! God bless you and your child ❤

Thank you sis (and all) so much for your understanding, prayers, and support!
I just want to make it clear that God has brought me from a mighty long way.
I don't drink, smoke, fornicate, cuss, lie, mistreat people, gossip, and so many other things/sins that people over look.
Nor do I believe I have a dark force attached to my personality causing this struggle.
I certainly don't watch porn or anything that doesn't encourage my spirit.
I am human (unfortunately lol) and also this is not something I do frequently, it's just an on and off struggle.
I guess letting me know that I'm not perfect and need the Grace of Jesus Christ and I don't mind admitting that and
all in knowing that his strength is made perfect in any of our weaknesses.
But it's hard sometimes not even having a close friend or another adult who understands to talk to.
Sometimes people take for granted when they have supportive family/friends and they don't have to carry certain crosses
that others do. Both of my parents are deceased, and my mom was sick with MS (multiple sclerosis) most of my life.
I live in a state that I am not originally from. But my neighbors are nice. lol
I love people and like to make acquittances, but just about all of my surroundings are non-believers or 'not living the life.'
Although I have gotten weak at times and felt like I'd rather do that then sleep with anyone or feel so frustrated physically,
God has strengthen me to get back up and back in the fight. I certainly don't want to remarry for the wrong reasons!
I also actually enjoy my freedom of not having to be bound/committed (even in a good way) to anyone, at least to build more as the being that I am in Christ. Marriage isn't for everyone and especially when we decide to make choices outside of our Heavenly Father, which is certainly what I did. But I learned a lot and no matter how old I get, I always humble myself to learn though the Holy Spirit, life's experiences, and 'the right influences' which encouragement is almost none in my life! I think we all need it sometimes.
I've had to find things out the hard way all of my life. I can write a book! From being abused, molested, raped, using drugs, selling drugs, teen pregnancies, school drop out, & more, then into an abusive marriage from child-teen-early adult years, GOD IS FAITHFUL!
I don't look like what I can talk about! And through it all I had no one there barely for me. Today, God has blessed me to be a survivor of much and a person who has still been a great mom (by God's Grace) with good jobs, love, care and support for my kids, and have obtained various certifications, awards, recognitions, diplomas, & degree. So, I've over came a lot! In addition, I'm a healthcare professional for over 20 years, and I encourage youth today as well.
I don't ever try to be something that I'm not or hide anything. I can't! I'm too honest and I've been always told that and other nice things. I also refuse to let anything discourage me to give up the battle for The Kingdom of God through Christ.
I just continue to look for answers to give answers and if a person doesn't go through things, then how can they relate??
But, I thank you all, and I AM ENCOURAGED! AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

 

[MysteryChild]

Thank you (all) so much for your understanding, prayers, and support!
I just want to make it clear that God has brought me from a mighty long way.
I don't drink, smoke, fornicate, cuss, lie, mistreat people, gossip, and so many other things/sins that people over look.
Nor do I believe I have a dark force attached to my personality causing this struggle.
I certainly don't watch porn or anything that doesn't encourage my spirit.
I am human (unfortunately lol) and also this is not something I do frequently, it's just an on and off struggle.
I guess letting me know that I'm not perfect and need the Grace of Jesus Christ and I don't mind admitting that and
all in knowing that his strength is made perfect in any of our weaknesses.
But it's hard sometimes not even having a close friend or another adult who understands to talk to.
Sometimes people take for granted when they have supportive family/friends and they don't have to carry certain crosses
that others do. Both of my parents are deceased, and my mom was sick with MS (multiple sclerosis) most of my life.
I live in a state that I am not originally from. But my neighbors are nice. lol
I love people and like to make acquittances, but just about all of my surroundings are non-believers or 'not living the life.'
Although I have gotten weak at times and felt like I'd rather do that then sleep with anyone or feel so frustrated physically,
God has strengthen me to get back up and back in the fight. I certainly don't want to remarry for the wrong reasons!
I also actually enjoy my freedom of not having to be bound/committed (even in a good way) to anyone, at least to build more as the being that I am in Christ. Marriage isn't for everyone and especially when we decide to make choices outside of our Heavenly Father, which is certainly what I did. But I learned a lot and no matter how old I get, I always humble myself to learn though the Holy Spirit, life's experiences, and 'the right influences' which encouragement is almost none in my life! I think we all need it sometimes.
I've had to find things out the hard way all of my life. I can write a book! From being abused, molested, raped, using drugs, selling drugs, teen pregnancies, school drop out, & more, then into an abusive marriage from child-teen-early adult years, GOD IS FAITHFUL!
I don't look like what I can talk about! And through it all I had no one there barely for me. Today, God has blessed me to be a survivor of much and a person who has still been a great mom (by God's Grace) with good jobs, love, care and support for my kids, and have obtained various certifications, awards, recognitions, diplomas, & degree. So, I've over came a lot! In addition, I'm a healthcare professional for over 20 years, and I encourage youth today as well.
I don't ever try to be something that I'm not or hide anything. I can't! I'm too honest and I've been always told that and other nice things. I also refuse to let anything discourage me to give up the battle for The Kingdom of God through Christ.
I just continue to look for answers to give answers and if a person doesn't go through things, then how can they relate??
But, I thank you all, and I AM ENCOURAGED! AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

 

[MysteryChild]

OH and please forgive my lengthy writing, I am a writer also! lol (for real)
And I just want to give an FYI about me to get a more better idea of advice for me and to be lead by the Holy Spirit and discernment.
It's like, a person may still be getting educated or learning but in college and don't want high school learning anymore.
Or like spiritually, certain levels that a person has overcame (in Christ) and are not willing to be 'put in a bag' with other levels that are not relevant. I'm a blunt person and don't know how to be anyone but myself.
So, please don't anyone be mad at me.
I'm usually the strong one, the giver, the encourager, but I always think what happens when even the lion needs to have affection,
but carefully. ;-) lol. I have always had to carry heavy weight with no choice, so, please forgive me and I don't mean to sound harsh or offensive in any way or offend anyone. Just trying to get help where I'm at, so I can be free and help others. I like advise that I have not heard of, or tried... something new for relief! lol. Usually, this is not an easy subject(masturbation) with easy answers when not in a hurry to get married or want to practice sexual immorality. I love to be as transparent as possible because too many souls are deceived in this world (especially our younger generation) and God has grace me (and I'm sure others) with a heart to be true.
Love you all!
And I love chocolate! It calms the nerves! lol (just not too much)

 

[Gojira]

Well okay then. That is a much different tone than your original post.

 

[MysteryChild]

I skimmed through your post, trying to get the gist of it. For all the good it does to hear this, you are not alone. And, I have much to say about the topic you raised towards the end. (Please forgive the length. Maybe you'll need to skim, too )

One thing I've learned through the years is to take stuff like this one day at a time. You can traverse much ground when you don't think too much about the amount of road left ahead. Besides, you don't know what the next mile will bring. Not sure how helpful that was, but I will continue.

I can tell you that I had more severe lust problems than I do today. You can say it's because I'm older now (57), but I believe it's more than that as I still have a healthy libido.

On the night of June 17th(?) of 2012, I decided to try to write God a blank check with my life. Scary as Hell. I cried from the fear of what that might mean. But, I was totally honest with Him and told him that 1% of 1% of me was doing this, and that I could not promise I'd continue no matter what. But, I would try.

That instant something happened in me. An addiction that was sex-related (not porn, not fornicating, but I'll leave it unmentioned) was gone. I mean gone, like a switch had been turned off. My desire to masturbate was instantly halved. Instantly. I think something demonic was removed from me.

Now, while I've gotten this lessening of sexual stress, it is not gone. I'm still a man, or some reasonable facsimile thereof. Of course, having someone in my life to text me each day just to say she's thinking about me, someone to snuggle with at a movie theater... all of that is desired as much as the sexual component. So, I get you. Completely. I'm not in my glorified body, free of the weaknesses of this flesh.

Pray God lessens the stresses and the desires. Stay away from things that would needlessly stimulate you (pluck out the eye, so to speak). Also, seek Him to be THE source of happiness, joy and fulfillment in your life -- consider the possibility that maybe the desire for a mate is an idol. Hence, its intensity. However...

Paul didn't say exactly what you said. He wrote: To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

The man cheated on you. Biblically speaking, you are in the clear. Pray for a husband. A good man in every respect. In the mean time, seek God to change your heart so that He's your ultimate Source of fulfillment in this life.

Also, be open to the possibility that there are things in you that are not necessarily spiritual problems, but still traits that could be worked on to make yourself more approachable. (E.g., I know I could dress more sharply. I've been weighing this in my mind for a little while now.)

I don't know if any of this helps or applies. But, I hope it does.

Stay on the road sister. No matter what, it's only temporary. Then, we'll get our relief, our peace. It will happen. The 2 trillion years-plus that follow you're remaining 40 or so are worth it methinks

HI there!
Thanks for taking the time out and trying to help.
Yes, some did help. However, I was referring to 1 Corinthians 7:11 - But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
In addition, I believe that even scientifically we all have our own human levels of tolerance just depending and which can spill over into the spiritual, just depending... We all are different beings and struggle with different things on different levels with different human characteristics. But again, thank you so much! I love when someone can relate. I really appreciate it to be reassured that I'm not alone and that someone 'gets what I mean.' ;-)

 

[MysteryChild]

Well okay then. That is a much different tone than your original post.

I guess I had to get revived! lol
I can be mysterious and hard to pen point sometimes.
But I try my best to explain and everything I say is sincere and the God honest truth,
I guess my life is just not so concrete. Which is another reason I just deal with things silently, not to be secret, but silent...

 

[Gojira]

HI there!
Thanks for taking the time out and trying to help.
Yes, some did help. However, I was referring to 1 Corinthians 7:11 - But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
In addition, I believe that even scientifically we all have our own human levels of tolerance just depending and which can spill over into the spiritual, just depending... We all are different beings and struggle with different things on different levels with different human characteristics. But again, thank you so much! I love when someone can relate. I really appreciate it to be reassured that I'm not alone and that someone 'gets what I mean.' ;-)

Sure, but that verse must be taken in context with all the others.

Glad some of it was useful.

And, by the way, I believe you mentioned that married folks were giving you single-living advice? Dear GOD I HATE THAT!!! The rich man has no business telling the poor man how to be happy in his poverty. Not saying singleness is poverty. The analogy is not meant to be that precise.

 

[Gojira]

I guess I had to get revived! lol
I can be mysterious and hard to pen point sometimes.
But I try my best to explain and everything I say is sincere and the God honest truth,
I guess my life is just not so concrete. Which is another reason I just deal with things silently, not to be secret, but silent...

I have my good days and bad days as well. It sounded though like you were in one long bad day. (I refuse to say "season". I despise Christianese. )

 

[TabinRivCA]

Nice to meet you and glad the Lord led you to CC I see you've received much sound heartfelt responses so I'll say welcome and God bless you and your family! 'All things work together for good for those who love the Lord'.