(this will be somewhat long but I feel its important to share. I wrote a tl;dr for those who dont have time to read though)
Okay, so like... the uh guy I was living in sin with in the past, Ive talked about this here on the forum before in the past. Weve still been in contact ever since Ive came to the Lord on skype. We both share the same group of online friends and belong to the same skype group with them. And weve both kept in touch daily on skype, too. (Weve met irl a few times but we live in seperate states in the US). Well the other day I checked Revelations for a conversation here on CC I was reading, and for some reason I felt this need to read the entire chapter. So I did.
Well I read it, and I read verses about the New Jerusalem, and about how those who practice shameful and deceitful things would not be allowed in but cast into the pit. I have been thinking about my life and what Im doing and how God feels about it lately, and when I read all this I ended up bursting outwardly with emotions. I dont like saying too much because it feels like Im making a show of what happened with me in my relationship with God. But I ended up crying heavily, and I cried out to God for a good while. I talked to Him about struggling with doing wrong and feeling shame and about how I feared Him and didnt want to die and how I wanted to come to Him and not walk away from Him anymore.
I felt many intense feelings, and I knew I had to make a change. I felt God was speaking to me there, that He has been trying to warn me to make a change. I felt like I had even been born again for the first time. I felt that I didnt just have to make a change, but wanted to change. So I took skype off my task bar, and deleted it from my desktop. I didnt say goodbye to my friends, I didnt say anything. I just closed it all down right there.
I felt confident about it at the time, but the enemy is pushing sad feelings on me in order to guide me back to them. The enemy keeps reminding me how much fun we had talking together and how empty my life will be without them and all these things. I know its the enemy, but I know that this has worked in the past. And I dont want to fall back into these deceptive feelings again.
Even after coming back to God, through keeping in contact with that guy we met again and we did do things we shouldnt have, even as far as me letting myself walk back into sexual situations. I pulled out after a bit, but I still hold myself accountable for letting it happen to begin with. We were in talks about him coming next month. Luckily, he hasnt made the plan and spent the money yet, so I ran away just in time. But I know the enemy is working slowly to guide me right back to it. Even if Im strong now I fear letting myself be guided right back to it in the future, with thoughts of "I can just talk without doing wrong" and all those same lies.
TL;DR please pray that God help me stay strong against these deceitful feelings, and that Hell help me remember the warnings He has given me, and that He has called me away from that life, and help me keep in mind that I can live a happy life without these friends I had, and that all I need is Him. I am 100% sure the enemy is gonna press me hard with this one, and I dont want to walk back into sin.
(sorry for the long post. I kinda felt there was some testimony there that I wanted to share too)
Okay, so like... the uh guy I was living in sin with in the past, Ive talked about this here on the forum before in the past. Weve still been in contact ever since Ive came to the Lord on skype. We both share the same group of online friends and belong to the same skype group with them. And weve both kept in touch daily on skype, too. (Weve met irl a few times but we live in seperate states in the US). Well the other day I checked Revelations for a conversation here on CC I was reading, and for some reason I felt this need to read the entire chapter. So I did.
Well I read it, and I read verses about the New Jerusalem, and about how those who practice shameful and deceitful things would not be allowed in but cast into the pit. I have been thinking about my life and what Im doing and how God feels about it lately, and when I read all this I ended up bursting outwardly with emotions. I dont like saying too much because it feels like Im making a show of what happened with me in my relationship with God. But I ended up crying heavily, and I cried out to God for a good while. I talked to Him about struggling with doing wrong and feeling shame and about how I feared Him and didnt want to die and how I wanted to come to Him and not walk away from Him anymore.
I felt many intense feelings, and I knew I had to make a change. I felt God was speaking to me there, that He has been trying to warn me to make a change. I felt like I had even been born again for the first time. I felt that I didnt just have to make a change, but wanted to change. So I took skype off my task bar, and deleted it from my desktop. I didnt say goodbye to my friends, I didnt say anything. I just closed it all down right there.
I felt confident about it at the time, but the enemy is pushing sad feelings on me in order to guide me back to them. The enemy keeps reminding me how much fun we had talking together and how empty my life will be without them and all these things. I know its the enemy, but I know that this has worked in the past. And I dont want to fall back into these deceptive feelings again.
Even after coming back to God, through keeping in contact with that guy we met again and we did do things we shouldnt have, even as far as me letting myself walk back into sexual situations. I pulled out after a bit, but I still hold myself accountable for letting it happen to begin with. We were in talks about him coming next month. Luckily, he hasnt made the plan and spent the money yet, so I ran away just in time. But I know the enemy is working slowly to guide me right back to it. Even if Im strong now I fear letting myself be guided right back to it in the future, with thoughts of "I can just talk without doing wrong" and all those same lies.
TL;DR please pray that God help me stay strong against these deceitful feelings, and that Hell help me remember the warnings He has given me, and that He has called me away from that life, and help me keep in mind that I can live a happy life without these friends I had, and that all I need is Him. I am 100% sure the enemy is gonna press me hard with this one, and I dont want to walk back into sin.
(sorry for the long post. I kinda felt there was some testimony there that I wanted to share too)
