Question about an abusive marraige

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and also the power of God healing marriages. You have not experience them, because you already don't believe that God can save marriages.
 
I am in an abusive marriage and mud husband left a little over a year ago. For most of that time he was the one threatening to divorce.. Unfortunately he never really sought help, repented, or filed. In August I made the choice to file myself. Papers were files two days ago. From the time my marriage began to fall apart, around February of last year, my two good friends and pastors have been involved on all ends. They have been my confidants, my counsel, and my covering. Despite knowing every evil thing my husband did to me, they never encouraged me to divorced. They encouraged boundaries, seeking the Lord, and sought to protect me when it was needed. It was until a year later after I had attempted reconciliation a half dozen times and my husband was still responding in rage that one actually offered to pay for my divorce. I didn't take it up right away. In fact I was told that in June. Divorce is permissable in cases of abuse. If you wan to argue this then PM me and I will give you plenty of scripture to back it up.
 
Jordache said:
I am in an abusive marriage and mud husband left a little over a year ago. For most of that time he was the one threatening to divorce.. Unfortunately he never really sought help, repented, or filed. In August I made the choice to file myself. Papers were files two days ago. From the time my marriage began to fall apart, around February of last year, my two good friends and pastors have been involved on all ends. They have been my confidants, my counsel, and my covering. Despite knowing every evil thing my husband did to me, they never encouraged me to divorced. They encouraged boundaries, seeking the Lord, and sought to protect me when it was needed. It was until a year later after I had attempted reconciliation a half dozen times and my husband was still responding in rage that one actually offered to pay for my divorce. I didn't take it up right away. In fact I was told that in June. Divorce is permissable in cases of abuse. If you wan to argue this then PM me and I will give you plenty of scripture to back it up.
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sorry sister as much as i would like to share with you, due to our distance, we really can't. Perhaps if God call me to serve Him in the US, we (my wife and i) can meet personally as councelling normally involve personal contact.
 
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Chuinchoy, she isnt asking for counceling. she is telling you that you are wrong lol and that abuse is a biblically sound reason for divorce.
 
ic, thanks sister, think i got to brush up my english. i don't think there is any scripture that says divorce is allowed for abuse cases. However, i am willing to be proven wrong.
 
chuinchoy said:
I've known some men they hit their wives because they have inferior complex. They feel bad about themself that they are worthless/useless. Thus they vent their anger on their wife/child. If this is your case, then you should get phychology help.

I do agree that you should temporary leave the house to prevent the abuse BUT not for more than 2 years because otherwise your husband can claim abundonment and have valid grounds for divorce. Well, hope everything goes well for you and will prayed for you.
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I'm sure much of this depends on the state you live in as divorce laws vary from state to state.
 
darling818 said:
I am young and married. We both attend a Pentecostal church here where we live. But no one knows about the physical abuse and emotional abuse I go through. I have confided in people at my job about it but I don't want to bring it into the church at all because I don't want to ruin my husbands relationship with God at all, ecspecially since this is the first church he has ever gotten close to. The thing is he was being very abusive physically. And now he is so abusive emotionally. He hasen't put his hand on me in a while but I know it will happen again. I am so scared and the things he says to me are unreal. I need help. I want to get away from this situation. He has isolated me from my family and friends and even if they were talking to me I live 10 hours away from them. I love my job and my church. I teach the childrens church sometimes and I love those kids and never want to leave them either. I dont know what to do about my husband. I love him with all my heart but I can't go through this. I wanna leave but I am so scared God won't forgive me if we get a divorce. I love God so much and I would endure anything for him but I don't know. I wanna leave but I don't want God to leave me. I need some advice from someone who has a strong relationship with God and who knows about this first hand. Can someone please give me advice on what to do.
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Here is my advise to you. Leave him. Don't divorce him, just leave him. There is nothing in all of Scriptures that teach it is sinful to live in different houses from your husband. It would be sinful to get a divorce, so don't get a divorce. But do leave him, live somewhere else so that you are not living in fear of him. And he may grow to understand what he had when you lived with him, he may then repent and change.

If in the event you move out, and he repents and asks you to move back in with him, let him know the conditions of your moving back in with him, if he lays a finger on you then you will leave him again, tell him you will not tolerate it. AND DO SO IF HE DOES.

If you leave him, and he starts having a sexual relationship with another, then in the eyes of God he is an adulterer, and you may then divorce him. Because he is still married to you, and is not divorced even though separated. Separated is NOT divorced.

If you leave him, and after some time, he divorces you, then so be it, you have not sinned. However if you leave him, and start to have a sexual relationship with another you do commit sin and become an adulterer. So make sure leaving him is something that you are willing to do, that is to give up sexual relationships until which time you are either reconciled with your husband or are divorced.

Seriously though, the answer to your problem, is to leave him, but not divorce him.

Hope this has helped in some way.

^i^
 
I'm always somewhat amazed when I see Christians advising other Christians to seek easy divorces as has happened in this thread with some. There are many alternatives to divorce which really is reserved for adultry where the offended partner cannot forgive.
 
Dave is giving some sound advice here in my humble opinion. One certainly can be married and choose to NOT be codependent. There are many support groups for codependents. In fact, Christian groups like Celebrate Recovery view codependence as something to recover from. I agree with that point of view.

When the person who has been living in codependency ceases being codependent, my observations is that these things work themselves out in one of two ways: the abuser/manipulator changes or they leave and move on to find another codependent (after they get out of jail).

Celebrate Recovery WFR - Copendency



DiscipleDave said:
Here is my advise to you. Leave him. Don't divorce him, just leave him. There is nothing in all of Scriptures that teach it is sinful to live in different houses from your husband. It would be sinful to get a divorce, so don't get a divorce. But do leave him, live somewhere else so that you are not living in fear of him. And he may grow to understand what he had when you lived with him, he may then repent and change.

If in the event you move out, and he repents and asks you to move back in with him, let him know the conditions of your moving back in with him, if he lays a finger on you then you will leave him again, tell him you will not tolerate it. AND DO SO IF HE DOES.

If you leave him, and he starts having a sexual relationship with another, then in the eyes of God he is an adulterer, and you may then divorce him. Because he is still married to you, and is not divorced even though separated. Separated is NOT divorced.

If you leave him, and after some time, he divorces you, then so be it, you have not sinned. However if you leave him, and start to have a sexual relationship with another you do commit sin and become an adulterer. So make sure leaving him is something that you are willing to do, that is to give up sexual relationships until which time you are either reconciled with your husband or are divorced.

Seriously though, the answer to your problem, is to leave him, but not divorce him.

Hope this has helped in some way.

^i^
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The serial monogamy we see in Christiandom today is not a scriptural approach to marriage or divorce.
 
This situation is not about being responsible on your part. It is about being safe and you are so young. I dated some men that were abusive when I was young. I thank God for helping me to cut ties and move on. I had a dear friend who was in an abusive relationship and she is no longer living due to the consequences of staying in abusive relationship. God doesn't expect you to be beaten and abused. I would seek a divorce and a safe place to live away from him and start over. Don't worry about what others say, they don't have to walk a mile in your shoes. God knows your heart and he understands what you have been through. He is a loving and forgiving God. May God bless you and protect you and give you wisdom in Jesus' name.
 
darling818 said:
I am young and married. We both attend a Pentecostal church here where we live. But no one knows about the physical abuse and emotional abuse I go through. I have confided in people at my job about it but I don't want to bring it into the church at all because I don't want to ruin my husbands relationship with God at all, ecspecially since this is the first church he has ever gotten close to. The thing is he was being very abusive physically. And now he is so abusive emotionally. He hasen't put his hand on me in a while but I know it will happen again. I am so scared and the things he says to me are unreal. I need help. I want to get away from this situation. He has isolated me from my family and friends and even if they were talking to me I live 10 hours away from them. I love my job and my church. I teach the childrens church sometimes and I love those kids and never want to leave them either. I dont know what to do about my husband. I love him with all my heart but I can't go through this. I wanna leave but I am so scared God won't forgive me if we get a divorce. I love God so much and I would endure anything for him but I don't know. I wanna leave but I don't want God to leave me. I need some advice from someone who has a strong relationship with God and who knows about this first hand. Can someone please give me advice on what to do.
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#1... You should remove yourself, but if you are committed to stay... I recommend you contact a local womens shelter to get information about making an exit plan and having an emergency get away bag on the ready.

#2 the fellowship you go to is exactly where you should be "telling", if you have had bruising in the past that was noticable... someone has probably noticed already.

#3 Bringing it to church will not ruin his relationship with God... His relationship with God is already in ruin because of the abuse and what ever is in his heart driving the behavior... none of it is okay with God.

#4 You are the wife... to be loved and cherished... nothing about abuse comes from love.

#5 you need some biblical counseling to deal with the issues you have born out of the situation.

#6 your husband needs some counseling, it isn't your job to be his therapist.

#7 I urge you to consider seperating from him until he gets counselling... but you also must prepare yourself for divorce... it might go that direction.

#8 Daily cast your cares upon the Lord, give the situation to Him. He can restore your marriage... but your husband must be willing.
 
AgeofKnowledge said:
I'm always somewhat amazed when I see Christians advising other Christians to seek easy divorces as has happened in this thread with some. There are many alternatives to divorce which really is reserved for adultry where the offended partner cannot forgive.
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you didn't mention the abandonment.
 
AgeofKnowledge said:
Then why don't you. We'd love to hear your views on that topic.
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If you wish to open a thread on this topic I would be inclined to participate... an expository is outside the scope and intent of this thread. I commented merely to make known... abandonment is a reason.
 
Get out my love and get out fast we are Gods children and he is our father as a father he would want to protect you and keep you from harm this man is not protecting you and causing you harm. Go and take yourself somewhere safe away from him and rest assure your father will be right by your side showing you the way out bless you and good luck
 
I know what you are talking about and I'm still with my husband of 11 years and have not left him because of what the bible says. I live in the house with him. He drinks,calls me names on a daily bases,a very controlling man, and very moody man, demands that I not go to church. He constantly puts my church down. I pray everyday for the strenght to overcome all this and I have faith that the Lord is with me and I pray for my husband not to change but that he wil open his heart to the Lord and to help him with all his problems. To help me do what is right for my marriage. Leaving is the easy thing to do, if you feel your life is threaten go to the police for help. The Lord is the first to go to. Me and my husband live in the same house and are rising our daughter together but we are not together in a romatic way. I was married before and left him for phyical abuse and a year after I left him he filed for a devoice and so he coud remarry. I wil pray for you. Ask him to go see your pastor together and even if he wont please go your self. The LORDS ways are not for us to know but to follow him and his words. Turn it over to the Lord. Remember you can not change him you are to love him and pray for him.
 
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