Question for the Men -- and Anyone Who Knows Men. :) How Many Men Could Support a Family?

[cinder]

According to this website, the estimated average cost of living for a family of 4 in the US in 2021 is $4,547 a month. That comes to $54,564 a year.

Source: https://www.expatistan.com/cost-of-living/country/united-states

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Would be intersting to know what all they included in those costs. I know my costs are significantly lower than the single person estimate, but I know I also don't live in a particularly expensive area. Still I'm happy just covering me and my dog with the one income.

 

[JohnDB]

Would be intersting to know what all they included in those costs. I know my costs are significantly lower than the single person estimate, but I know I also don't live in a particularly expensive area. Still I'm happy just covering me and my dog with the one income.

What is kinda sad is that single parent families are now the largest demographic in America.
And a lot of that has to do with people not actually legally getting married and having no desire to do so.

So marriage and income statistics are somewhat skewed by that factor alone.

This last year's census is a total joke. (Quarantines started just after they started counting)

They are not going to be able to use the numbers but they are going to try.

And with the massive population shifts to the suburbs...it's even less accurate for locations.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Would be intersting to know what all they included in those costs. I know my costs are significantly lower than the single person estimate, but I know I also don't live in a particularly expensive area. Still I'm happy just covering me and my dog with the one income.

If you click on the link, some of the expenses like rent, utilities and gasoline are listed in a column on the left, along with prices for common items one would buy. They all seem pretty accurate to me. At least that's what stuff costs where I am.

 

[love_comes_softly]

There is no "one size fits all" definition of happiness.

As a guy who truly enjoys providing for his family I can say that a wife that doesn't want a career is not a wife that I will be happy with. And that's solely based on my personal tastes in the women that I'm attracted to. (I like the smart girls)
.

Are you saying that those that stay home aren’t smart?? ….




I think that any family that feels they should and chooses to have a 1 family income can make it work regardless of their income. I’ve seen this in so many scenarios. The Lord blesses those that follow His direction. He truly will provide. I’m not saying it won’t come without work or sacrifice, but it can work.

I think all situations and decisions like this should be prayed about and discussed as a couple.

 

[Lanolin]

let the couple fight it out and betray their prejudices over who does what.

I like the simple life lol.

the thing with income is it is NOT guaranteed these days. I dont think it ever was, that was an in illusion.
At some point you may even have to survive with NO Income.

 

[JohnDB]

Are you saying that those that stay home aren’t smart?? ….

No...not saying that.
But the attitudes and mindset and behaviors of the women that I particularly find attractive have professional careers. None have been below a master's degree in education.
All of them could easily grab a doctorate.
And generally speaking those degrees are expensive and need careers to pay for them. And also the women who get them are usually motivated to do something in a professional capacity as well...it's not "just a job" to them but a point to succeed at.
And I am something of an odd duck in that I am capable of competently discussing a very broad and wide range of topics. My wife needs to as well and be able to not get run over from my strong personality...which she would if she didn't have her own intellect and personality to match.

It's solely a personal preference....

AND

I am currently very happily married...so don't feel offended if I am not attracted to anyone but my wife at the moment.

Every guy has a unique set of qualities that he finds personally attractive qualities in a wife.
Some guys like someone who is nurturing or is Artistic or musical or something...that's their "go to". Mine is mine...theirs is theirs. Which is why I previously said that the "ideal" of the OP is not everyone's ideal household...it can be for some people but not everyone. Personally I'm extremely uncomfortable around a classic nurturing woman...and when not uncomfortable I'm irritated and frustrated. That doesn't mean that she is wrong or evil or something...it means that I'm not going to be attracted to that sort of person. Now I do lots of things for my wife...and she purrs and glows and has them paraded about as badges of awesomeness.
And my wife does things for me that takes my work and elevates it to levels unheard of...I can't do the things I do without her. (And vice versa) We are an extremely happy couple.

 

[Lynx]

She didn't join a feminist group
Didn't trade her apron in for a suit
She stayed home and raised my brothers and me
Now some people might call her crazy
Some magazine might say she's lazy
But I got some words I'd like to speak

If the world had a momma like mine
There'd be no more hating, we'd love all the time
And there'd be no kids sleeping in our streets
If the world had a momma like mine
There'd be a lot more dancing, a lot more laughing
And abortion would be a word we did not speak
If the world had a momma like mine

- Cortt Chavis

 

[Lanolin]

If you live within your means it can be fine, but a lot of men overreach and want more, but that can end up biting them in the butt.

If you want more, it will come at the expense of something or someone else.

for example, married friend of mine said her husband bought a boat and he was always off sailing and spending all his time and money on the boat. she ended up being a boat widow...always waiting for him to come back to land.

When she had children, he had to make a choice, spend the money on the boat or on the childrens needs. He gave up the boat and it saved their marriage.

The principal of sacrifice is always there, you will need to give up something or someone you really love for soemone else. It might be a job, it might be a hobby, it might even be your life (always hear stories of parents who risk their lives to save their children) it might even be your homeland if you have to move somewhere else to raise a family in safety, say theres a war on or something. It might be that you need to work a job that might not pay as much but at least its not so time consuming thant you never have any time with your family. You might not ever buy new clothes for yourself so you can spend it on your children who always outgrowing clothes and need new ones.

 

[BrotherMike]

I can support a family with my salary comfortably, but have mixed thoughts about single income families. My mom was a stay at home mom and I was very blessed and grateful to have that upbringing. Since my dad was the only one bringing in income we had to be frugal and tight with our money. It wasn’t poor, but just always needed to budget. That’s fine, nothing wrong with that, but I think it would have been nice to have some extras with my mom having a career. I would have had less time with my Mom though so .

I’m in the same thought process now where I would prefer her to have a career so we can live more comfortably. The only way I would object is if she makes the same or less than the cost of someone watching the kids (if we had them).

 

[OneOfHis]

I do believe I could support a wife and two children. Not because I make a whole bunch now but because I trust God will help me adapt to anything.


Right now it would be tight but with sacrifice and good choices, I am confident.

I've seen people do more with less, and with God workin with me I wouldn't be too worried.

 

[OneOfHis]

"Do you think the idea of a stay-at-home wife is practical (realistic) and achievable for most couples/families? Why or why not?"


Oh I missed this part. Of course it is. I think rushing into something like that without prayer or a plan or any sort of prep is probably going to come with lots of trials and ... speed bumps or road blocks if you have a smaller source of income, but I've seen it done with far less than God provides me.

Honestly I would not marry a woman who didn't want to be a home maker or "stay at home wife". I do not want her to focus on a career or anything like that. I want her to appreciate and desire the same things I do in life. Other wise I'll stay on the single bench.

 

[17Bees]

Are you saying that those that stay home aren’t smart?? ….




I think that any family that feels they should and chooses to have a 1 family income can make it work regardless of their income. I’ve seen this in so many scenarios. The Lord blesses those that follow His direction. He truly will provide. I’m not saying it won’t come without work or sacrifice, but it can work.

I think all situations and decisions like this should be prayed about and discussed as a couple.

No...not saying that.
But the attitudes and mindset and behaviors of the women that I particularly find attractive have professional careers. None have been below a master's degree in education.
All of them could easily grab a doctorate.
And generally speaking those degrees are expensive and need careers to pay for them. And also the women who get them are usually motivated to do something in a professional capacity as well...it's not "just a job" to them but a point to succeed at.
And I am something of an odd duck in that I am capable of competently discussing a very broad and wide range of topics. My wife needs to as well and be able to not get run over from my strong personality...which she would if she didn't have her own intellect and personality to match.

It's solely a personal preference....

AND

I am currently very happily married...so don't feel offended if I am not attracted to anyone but my wife at the moment.

Every guy has a unique set of qualities that he finds personally attractive qualities in a wife.
Some guys like someone who is nurturing or is Artistic or musical or something...that's their "go to". Mine is mine...theirs is theirs. Which is why I previously said that the "ideal" of the OP is not everyone's ideal household...it can be for some people but not everyone. Personally I'm extremely uncomfortable around a classic nurturing woman...and when not uncomfortable I'm irritated and frustrated. That doesn't mean that she is wrong or evil or something...it means that I'm not going to be attracted to that sort of person. Now I do lots of things for my wife...and she purrs and glows and has them paraded about as badges of awesomeness.
And my wife does things for me that takes my work and elevates it to levels unheard of...I can't do the things I do without her. (And vice versa) We are an extremely happy couple.

Yeah, I like when folks have at least a modicum of humility. But that's just me.

 

[JohnDB]

Yeah, I like when folks have at least a modicum of humility. But that's just me.

Claiming to only be a pot scrubber when you are in all actuality a gourmet chef isn't humility....it's called lying.

Humility is not claiming to be less than you are or an over inflation of your abilities or their importance but humility resides in accurately relating them.

And when I was asked if I was degrading someone who desired to remain a homemaker I tried in the most complete manner possible to say "nope". Just that I have uncommon tastes and preferences. (Which are currently fulfilled)

The larger issue is that everyone has unique desires and is happy with those choices when accurately understood.

Homemakers have a different set of skills and knowledge than the workplace guru. I'm friends with several through association with my wife and Sunday School class...I'm also friends with PHDs as well. (Both male and female)

And even though I have extremely odd tastes I thank God that I found a most perfect wife. She is truly perfect for me...no one else. And she swears the same about me...I know that I would be a lousy husband for most women. (At least all others that I have met)

So take whatever you want from that. You will anyway.

 

[17Bees]

Claiming to only be a pot scrubber when you are in all actuality a gourmet chef isn't humility....it's called lying.

Humility is not claiming to be less than you are or an over inflation of your abilities or their importance but humility resides in accurately relating them.

And when I was asked if I was degrading someone who desired to remain a homemaker I tried in the most complete manner possible to say "nope". Just that I have uncommon tastes and preferences. (Which are currently fulfilled)

The larger issue is that everyone has unique desires and is happy with those choices when accurately understood.

Homemakers have a different set of skills and knowledge than the workplace guru. I'm friends with several through association with my wife and Sunday School class...I'm also friends with PHDs as well. (Both male and female)

And even though I have extremely odd tastes I thank God that I found a most perfect wife. She is truly perfect for me...no one else. And she swears the same about me...I know that I would be a lousy husband for most women. (At least all others that I have met)

So take whatever you want from that. You will anyway.

Must've struck a nerve.

 

[kinda]

How many woman can support a family? How much is in your dowry? What's a dowry?

I figure only 25% of people should be getting married. How so? 50% divorce rate, so that takes care of 50%. Maybe another 25% are miserable and are just holding it together by shoe strings. Another 10% are probably reasonably happy. That leaves about 15% that are either happy or still in love. This is just an estimate, feel free to show statistics to show otherwise, really interested in the numbers.

 

[Hungry]

I think I’ve seen just about every circumstance in my life. I’ve been a son of a single income dad with mom at home, a single parent mom working with dad not helping financially. I’ve been single, no family. I’ve been only income provider with one child, and two income with four children. I can honestly say more money does not increase happiness or comfort.

My wife and I both earn enough individually to support the family. We should be extremely comfortable…but we aren’t. She spends it all. We have had about the same amount of cash in the bank for twenty years. Because we make more than enough she just knows there will be more. We don’t even have enough room for all of the crap she buys. Whatever, it’s only money. If she stayed home she would be so bored, she would be planning elaborate vacations, and inventing some sort of purpose to grant her significance. Being a wife and mother isn’t fulfilling enough for her unless her children are extraordinary.

 

[GiveThanks]

This is a very good topic.

The majority of men are not at all able to comfortably take care of a wife and kids. I see that some are saying, it all depends on what you mean. A man stressed out and struggling is not my idea of taking care of a wife and kids. And in such situations the wife should also have an income.

I remember the thread, pandemic of 40 year old childless/marriedless women. As I think about it now its quite funny. This one man in the thread saying how he had no respect for career women.

A lot of men who are mad at women for having careers, cant afford to take care of a wife & kids.

Unless a man can comfortably take care of a family including provisions in place incase he dies, then he should not require a stay at home wife/mom. Why would a man require a woman to prove her love, by staying at home struggling to make two ends meet, if she is able to work?

 

[Lanolin]

This is a very good topic.

The majority of men are not at all able to comfortably take care of a wife and kids. I see that some are saying, it all depends on what you mean. A man stressed out and struggling is not my idea of taking care of a wife and kids. And in such situations the wife should also have an income.

I remember the thread, pandemic of 40 year old childless/marriedless women. As I think about it now its quite funny. This one man in the thread saying how he had no respect for career women.

A lot of men who are mad at women for having careers, cant afford to take care of a wife & kids.

Unless a man can comfortably take care of a family including provisions in place incase he dies, then he should not require a stay at home wife/mom. Why would a man require a woman to prove her love, by staying at home struggling to make two ends meet, if she is able to work?

so double standard

or maybe its just all those priveliged middle class ppl talking again, but where exactly would you find priveliged middle class ...they dont really exist these days!

Very few women want to be a'kept woman' these days if being kept means starving or relying on husband to give you grocery money all the time. You hear about wives who LIE about what they spend it on, or they buy a lot of stuff with the pin money they are given and then sell it later so they can have some of their own income or a semblance of it thats their own.

 

[Hungry]

Perhaps I’m blinded by my own experiences but aside from raising children, haven’t most reasons the wife would need to remain home be obsolete? Modern day convenience has whittled a full day of chores into a couple of hours. It’s not like most women today are planting gardens to grow their own food, feeding the chickens, making bread and beating out rugs with sticks. They tidy up, throw in a load of laundry, maybe deep clean once or twice a week, go grocery shopping, pack lunches and make dinner. It may take an extra hour to find missing sock pairs but that still leaves countless hours to be bored. Throw an hour a day for Bible study, but that’s still done by lunch. Then they are looking for something to make them feel acknowledged. I guarantee there is women on here reading and posting for that very need. Fakebook provides the perfect venue for bored men and women to cheer on each other’s displays of mediocrity. It hones in on a human’s basic need for acceptance. The thumbs up on CC provides the same serotonin release. If not a career to feed this ridiculous obsession for significance, people find it elsewhere. Perhaps it will be in some expensive hobby, fitness obsession, or the nice looking neighbour who loves to smile and give compliments.

 

[Lynx]

The thumbs up on CC provides the same serotonin release.

Duly provided.