Questions For Our Married Friends/People Who Have Experience With Marriage Who Hang Out in Singles
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I told them, I told them, I TOLD THEM SO!
Someone told me I should reply, as your question seemed custom made for my response. I said I'd rather not, as I know I'm still on your short list as a possibility for your daughter. But I said I'd read your post and maybe reply.
So I read your post and replied and I TOLD THEM SO!
Someone told me I should reply, as your question seemed custom made for my response. I said I'd rather not, as I know I'm still on your short list as a possibility for your daughter. But I said I'd read your post and maybe reply.
So I read your post and replied and I TOLD THEM SO!
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Lanolin, I don't know where you would classify me. I got married the first time at 17, I know stupid, but I didn't know it then. What I found out was that I was too young, we grew up and grew apart so that marriage ended at age 24.
I then had a 35 year period of the single life as I swore to myself I would never get divorced again even if it meant not getting married and I kept to my guns on that promise until at 59 years old met Tourist here on CC. November we will celebrate our 8th anniversary.
I have been married and I have been single and I have enjoyed both life styles. There is much good and bad about both. All I know as Lynx has said that I have been happy and living life in both styles of singledom and marriage. Being happy having a happy life is one of my main goals and I feel have succeeded in that.
I then had a 35 year period of the single life as I swore to myself I would never get divorced again even if it meant not getting married and I kept to my guns on that promise until at 59 years old met Tourist here on CC. November we will celebrate our 8th anniversary.
I have been married and I have been single and I have enjoyed both life styles. There is much good and bad about both. All I know as Lynx has said that I have been happy and living life in both styles of singledom and marriage. Being happy having a happy life is one of my main goals and I feel have succeeded in that.
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I would say that would be their loss. I have read your responses and the fact you deal with autism gives me a bit of information to not make a quick decision on how you say something or the way you respond. This helps me as well as other people who may not have know you are dealing with this.
Thanks for trying to communicate with us who might jump to another conclusion of what you might mean. Glad you are taking the time to jump in and join us marrieds and singles.
I am sorry you have to deal with those of us who may not know what you are going through on a daily basis. But I am happy to know more about you and I certainly wouldn't dislike you because of what you are dealing with. Keep on responding as it helps us all get to know you better.
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Truly I hope I am not pushing your buttons too hard truth be told you are one of my very favorite peeps on CC and I love messing with you.
My daughter never wants to get married either can you imagine? lol I'm her mother can you imagine?
You are fortunate that you don't have to deal with me on a daily basis. She on the other hand does.. Right now she lives with us poor thing... But she loves her Mama. I really don't mean to torture you and the likelihood of you two together is probably more than impossible.
Because I like you, I mess with you can I be forgiven if it's necessary?
PS: I figured you would respond but I also would really like to hear other's reasons too cause, I really am curious.
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Of course.
It's one of the reasons some of us are single for longer periods of time.
Because we listen, and observe among married people, how how hard marriage really is, and so we are very cautious.
It must also be kept in mind that many of us singles were married, but left behind for someone else.
God rarely takes married couples together.
How well will the married person adjust back, or to single life for the first time, if or when God calls their spouse home first?
We are more than happy to listen to marrieds who also try to see things from our perspective.
No one married likes to think about it, but his or her single days might be coming, too.
It's one of the reasons some of us are single for longer periods of time.
Because we listen, and observe among married people, how how hard marriage really is, and so we are very cautious.
It must also be kept in mind that many of us singles were married, but left behind for someone else.
God rarely takes married couples together.
How well will the married person adjust back, or to single life for the first time, if or when God calls their spouse home first?
We are more than happy to listen to marrieds who also try to see things from our perspective.
No one married likes to think about it, but his or her single days might be coming, too.
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J
I was with my first wife for 9 years. I ended it.
I was with my second wife for 8 years. She ended it.
I've been single for 18 years. It used to bother me.
I stopped hugging my pillow at night about 15 years ago.
Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be. I'm on my final stretch, so...
I am on the road...to my home...in the New Jerusalem.
And when I get there, there will be...
No more death, no more mourning.
No more crying...or pain!
I was with my second wife for 8 years. She ended it.
I've been single for 18 years. It used to bother me.
I stopped hugging my pillow at night about 15 years ago.
Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be. I'm on my final stretch, so...
I am on the road...to my home...in the New Jerusalem.
And when I get there, there will be...
No more death, no more mourning.
No more crying...or pain!
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Years ago, we had a married friend who was gone for a while, then came back to tell us that they had always liked hanging with us singles but felt a bit sorry for us.
This person had kind of picked up in church that marrieds were the more mature members and singles were untamed drifters without a cause.
This person explained that in their absence, they had unexpectedly gone through a separation from their spouse, and it was a lesson to them to value single friends - because a married person might very well find themselves being single.
I've been single about 20 years now, and some of the people who patted me on the head back then and said I was just a baby are just now starting their own single journey, whether through death or divorce.
So now who is going to pat them on the head as they did to us and then welcome them to the club? (I don't, out of respect. But I long for respect to go both ways.)
The marrieds I appreciate most are the ones who realize we aren't much different, and they could be filling out shoes at any time.
To all our married friends who laugh, cry, study, ponder, and fellowship with us while seeing us as peers rather than lesser beings or children, thank you. ❤️
This person had kind of picked up in church that marrieds were the more mature members and singles were untamed drifters without a cause.
This person explained that in their absence, they had unexpectedly gone through a separation from their spouse, and it was a lesson to them to value single friends - because a married person might very well find themselves being single.
I've been single about 20 years now, and some of the people who patted me on the head back then and said I was just a baby are just now starting their own single journey, whether through death or divorce.
So now who is going to pat them on the head as they did to us and then welcome them to the club? (I don't, out of respect. But I long for respect to go both ways.)
The marrieds I appreciate most are the ones who realize we aren't much different, and they could be filling out shoes at any time.
To all our married friends who laugh, cry, study, ponder, and fellowship with us while seeing us as peers rather than lesser beings or children, thank you. ❤️
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K
Hi Everybody!
I was reading over some old posts this morning and came across a comment by a married friend here who was talking about enjoying spending time with us in the Singles Forum.
I am often curious as to how we singles are seen by those who are married or have experience with marriage or marriage-related situations.
Maybe you are someone who is married, have been married in the past but aren't anymore, are engaged, or were once engaged but it didn't work out. Do your experiences with marraige make you look at singles (presumed to have no prior marital experience) differently?
* Do married people ever look around here (the Singles Forum,) and think something like, "Oh, those poor clumsy chaps, they're just stumbling around!" But in more of a good-natured, "they're trying their best, but they'll figure it out eventually" kind of way, rather than as judgment or criticism?
* Do married people find themselves wanting to give dating advice to singles? (If so, what is your advice?) And what mistakes do you want to help us avoid?
* Do married people want to make suggestions about whom they think would make good matches here? (If so, what would be the best way to make suggestions?)
* Do married people look at singles and think, "Praise God I don't have to be alone or deal with that rat race anymore!"
* How do married people feel when singles say they are lonely, and what would you tell them?
* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway?
* And, this might be a bit too personal, but for anyone who wants to answer... Does being here ever make married people wish they had stayed single for a bit longer, or do some maybe even admire, or envy, those who have become content with single life?
Everyone is welcomed to answer, of course, regardless of marital status or experience -- I was just curious as who how we as singles are perceived by the married friends who graciously spend their time with us but still let us be ourselves.
Something else that inspired this idea was reading some old threads that were made when I first joined CC (2009.) Back then, it was common to see such titles as, "Looking For Someone to Talk To Ages 19-23."
In other words, the singles crowd here has changed A LOT over the years, and now that many of us are older with a little more life experience than the old crowd, I'm wondering what married people REALLY think about hanging out with a crowd of 30ish-through-70ish-aged singles.
I'm actually hoping we might even be able to have a bit of good-natured banter/joking in our posts and/or between users.
Thanks in advance, and we are very thankful for the wise, compassionate, and thoughtful married friends who choose to spend their time here.
I was reading over some old posts this morning and came across a comment by a married friend here who was talking about enjoying spending time with us in the Singles Forum.
I am often curious as to how we singles are seen by those who are married or have experience with marriage or marriage-related situations.
Maybe you are someone who is married, have been married in the past but aren't anymore, are engaged, or were once engaged but it didn't work out. Do your experiences with marraige make you look at singles (presumed to have no prior marital experience) differently?
* Do married people ever look around here (the Singles Forum,) and think something like, "Oh, those poor clumsy chaps, they're just stumbling around!" But in more of a good-natured, "they're trying their best, but they'll figure it out eventually" kind of way, rather than as judgment or criticism?
* Do married people find themselves wanting to give dating advice to singles? (If so, what is your advice?) And what mistakes do you want to help us avoid?
* Do married people want to make suggestions about whom they think would make good matches here? (If so, what would be the best way to make suggestions?)
* Do married people look at singles and think, "Praise God I don't have to be alone or deal with that rat race anymore!"
* How do married people feel when singles say they are lonely, and what would you tell them?
* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway?
* And, this might be a bit too personal, but for anyone who wants to answer... Does being here ever make married people wish they had stayed single for a bit longer, or do some maybe even admire, or envy, those who have become content with single life?
Everyone is welcomed to answer, of course, regardless of marital status or experience -- I was just curious as who how we as singles are perceived by the married friends who graciously spend their time with us but still let us be ourselves.
Something else that inspired this idea was reading some old threads that were made when I first joined CC (2009.) Back then, it was common to see such titles as, "Looking For Someone to Talk To Ages 19-23."
In other words, the singles crowd here has changed A LOT over the years, and now that many of us are older with a little more life experience than the old crowd, I'm wondering what married people REALLY think about hanging out with a crowd of 30ish-through-70ish-aged singles.
I'm actually hoping we might even be able to have a bit of good-natured banter/joking in our posts and/or between users.
Thanks in advance, and we are very thankful for the wise, compassionate, and thoughtful married friends who choose to spend their time here.
No, I was one of those poor clumsy chaps not so long ago. I feel for people searching for a mate these days.
Yes, I want singles to know that there isn't a thing wrong with them if they haven't found the right person yet. I didn't meet my hubby till I was in my 40s. I could have tortured myself for all that time. God had a timing and nothing was going to change that. So stop worrying.
It's easy to find someone to sleep with, and when you are lonely it's easy to make that mistake. It's much harder to find a mate who will stay with you through thick and thin. So many ladies I know fell for this and are so miserable, it's better to be alone then let someone use you.
I saw a meme that said "Marriage is a walk in the park, Jurassic Park". A little extreme, but you get the idea. It's better to be single and alone than married and miserable. Make sure that person is the right person before you take that step.
Don't let your heart fool you, listen to your head. If you see red flags, getting married isn't gonna make them better. Never make that mistake.
Relax and enjoy single life until the right person comes along. Don't stop being you. If you feel called into a line of work or ministry or whatever it is, do it. Don't sit at home pining away because you're single. Being single is a gift, do what you can for the Lord, go on a mission trip. Who knows you might meet that special person.
Yes, yes I do and often! lol But I was ready to settle down and be married. I had done a lot of things and been a lot of places before I met my spouse.
Stay busy and try not to focus on being lonely. So many people jump into marriage for that very reason. Far better to be lonely than in a bad marriage.
* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway?
No, but I waited a long time to be married. I was ready to married, and I matured a lot as a person when I married. I didn't realize how much I needed to "grow up" to be married. lol But no, I would not want to be single again.
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I don't have too much dating experience. I went to prom with a friend, not a "boyfriend" type. Didn't date in college but had a few guy friends. Only started dating after college with online dating, spent a few years on that. Went to church for many years, a couple of guys were interested but I was not. Around this time a nonChristian was also interested in me. In my early 30s, I faced some other obstacles and was just glad to get through the day (work, cooking, errands, etc.). All this said, I was never really interested in dating and marriage even as a young girl. Early on, I realized there can be a lot of issues in marriage.
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Thank you so much for this beautiful post, Kayla. 🌹
I love hearing about people who marry later -- it gives us older singles hope. 🥰
And thank you for saying that you spend some of your precious time here because you want singles to know there isn't anything wrong with us, and that you want us to feel like we belong. ❤️
That was definitely from God! For whatever reason, I have been struggling a lot with loneliness lately, and that part of your post brought a year to my eye! 🥲
Thank you so much.
Again, to our married friends who work so hard to include us, THANK YOU. 💐 You might never know how much your stories, humor, spiritual fellowship and kindness mean to us singles. 🌺💝🥰
I love hearing about people who marry later -- it gives us older singles hope. 🥰
And thank you for saying that you spend some of your precious time here because you want singles to know there isn't anything wrong with us, and that you want us to feel like we belong. ❤️
That was definitely from God! For whatever reason, I have been struggling a lot with loneliness lately, and that part of your post brought a year to my eye! 🥲
Thank you so much.
Again, to our married friends who work so hard to include us, THANK YOU. 💐 You might never know how much your stories, humor, spiritual fellowship and kindness mean to us singles. 🌺💝🥰
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Thanks for your response. My daughter never wants to have children and that I can understand, the part I don't really understand is her never wanting to get married. She has lived with a guy and he did ask her to marry him but she didn't. They were together a little over 7 years and broke up. Commitment without commitment that I don't get at all.
I guess I can understand some are happy to live single and I also was happy 35 years of single between marriages, but I can say this once you find the one that fits you and gets you and loves you for who you are it can be good. Yes, there are times you might want to and be angry but you know you love them more than the anger and when you have found the right one they stay through the anger because they really love you too.
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I just think when the time is right for marriage you'll know I do think ppl rush into it too early and make it harder for themselves. I think being single is a lot easier than being married for many people I mean...theres a reason for womens refuges which are not there for singles. Its there for women who literally have to hide from their partners.
Also I live in a country where domestic violence is very high. Nobody will really help you if your partner or spouse decide to beat you up or abuse you as the police take the mans side and getting to a place of safety is complicated. And before you say christians dont do that, well, not true, church members can be as violent and agressive as the next person. Or financially controlling or coercive.
in churches many people that do go are recovering from bad marriages. I think I know at least half a dozen where the wome got married in church and their husbands cheated on them. and thought it was ok to do that. Cos they are men and thats their right or something and the wives will just forgive them anything they do...cos they are christians right?
Also I live in a country where domestic violence is very high. Nobody will really help you if your partner or spouse decide to beat you up or abuse you as the police take the mans side and getting to a place of safety is complicated. And before you say christians dont do that, well, not true, church members can be as violent and agressive as the next person. Or financially controlling or coercive.
in churches many people that do go are recovering from bad marriages. I think I know at least half a dozen where the wome got married in church and their husbands cheated on them. and thought it was ok to do that. Cos they are men and thats their right or something and the wives will just forgive them anything they do...cos they are christians right?
Hi Everybody!
I was reading over some old posts this morning and came across a comment by a married friend here who was talking about enjoying spending time with us in the Singles Forum.
I am often curious as to how we singles are seen by those who are married or have experience with marriage or marriage-related situations.
Maybe you are someone who is married, have been married in the past but aren't anymore, are engaged, or were once engaged but it didn't work out. Do your experiences with marraige make you look at singles (presumed to have no prior marital experience) differently?
* Do married people ever look around here (the Singles Forum,) and think something like, "Oh, those poor clumsy chaps, they're just stumbling around!" But in more of a good-natured, "they're trying their best, but they'll figure it out eventually" kind of way, rather than as judgment or criticism?
* Do married people find themselves wanting to give dating advice to singles? (If so, what is your advice?) And what mistakes do you want to help us avoid?
* Do married people want to make suggestions about whom they think would make good matches here? (If so, what would be the best way to make suggestions?)
* Do married people look at singles and think, "Praise God I don't have to be alone or deal with that rat race anymore!"
* How do married people feel when singles say they are lonely, and what would you tell them?
* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway?
* And, this might be a bit too personal, but for anyone who wants to answer... Does being here ever make married people wish they had stayed single for a bit longer, or do some maybe even admire, or envy, those who have become content with single life?
Everyone is welcomed to answer, of course, regardless of marital status or experience -- I was just curious as who how we as singles are perceived by the married friends who graciously spend their time with us but still let us be ourselves.
Something else that inspired this idea was reading some old threads that were made when I first joined CC (2009.) Back then, it was common to see such titles as, "Looking For Someone to Talk To Ages 19-23."
In other words, the singles crowd here has changed A LOT over the years, and now that many of us are older with a little more life experience than the old crowd, I'm wondering what married people REALLY think about hanging out with a crowd of 30ish-through-70ish-aged singles.
I'm actually hoping we might even be able to have a bit of good-natured banter/joking in our posts and/or between users.
Thanks in advance, and we are very thankful for the wise, compassionate, and thoughtful married friends who choose to spend their time here.
I was reading over some old posts this morning and came across a comment by a married friend here who was talking about enjoying spending time with us in the Singles Forum.
I am often curious as to how we singles are seen by those who are married or have experience with marriage or marriage-related situations.
Maybe you are someone who is married, have been married in the past but aren't anymore, are engaged, or were once engaged but it didn't work out. Do your experiences with marraige make you look at singles (presumed to have no prior marital experience) differently?
* Do married people ever look around here (the Singles Forum,) and think something like, "Oh, those poor clumsy chaps, they're just stumbling around!" But in more of a good-natured, "they're trying their best, but they'll figure it out eventually" kind of way, rather than as judgment or criticism?
* Do married people find themselves wanting to give dating advice to singles? (If so, what is your advice?) And what mistakes do you want to help us avoid?
* Do married people want to make suggestions about whom they think would make good matches here? (If so, what would be the best way to make suggestions?)
* Do married people look at singles and think, "Praise God I don't have to be alone or deal with that rat race anymore!"
* How do married people feel when singles say they are lonely, and what would you tell them?
* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway?
* And, this might be a bit too personal, but for anyone who wants to answer... Does being here ever make married people wish they had stayed single for a bit longer, or do some maybe even admire, or envy, those who have become content with single life?
Everyone is welcomed to answer, of course, regardless of marital status or experience -- I was just curious as who how we as singles are perceived by the married friends who graciously spend their time with us but still let us be ourselves.
Something else that inspired this idea was reading some old threads that were made when I first joined CC (2009.) Back then, it was common to see such titles as, "Looking For Someone to Talk To Ages 19-23."
In other words, the singles crowd here has changed A LOT over the years, and now that many of us are older with a little more life experience than the old crowd, I'm wondering what married people REALLY think about hanging out with a crowd of 30ish-through-70ish-aged singles.
I'm actually hoping we might even be able to have a bit of good-natured banter/joking in our posts and/or between users.
Thanks in advance, and we are very thankful for the wise, compassionate, and thoughtful married friends who choose to spend their time here.
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