Really scared, need prayer and Christian advice, dealing with addiciton

[jessikate]

Hello. New to this. Very desperate for Christian advice and direction. I am a Christian, but I haven't always been a follower. Meaning, I went my own way and turned from God for a period not long ago. I consider myself a sex addict, though I know many don't believe it is a thing or that Christians can be. Anyway, when I relapsed, I met a guy who was a drug addict while he was high. I found myself talking to him about God and he said he had been a believer too. So,we decided to encourage each other to turn back to God. Even in our darkest moment God reached out to us.

Then we found out we were pregnant. We decided to become a couple, have been attending church, have been involved in recovery programs, and pray together. We have been praying about marriage, and I have been dutifully praying for him as though he were already my husband, knowing he and I are going to be co-parents at least.

Then he relapsed. Back to meth and his sex addiction. He literally tried to have someone over for sex and drugs two days ago and stood me up for an event with my closest friends. On my birthday. He isn't violent, and I am not unsafe.

Now he says he is trying to get help. I am over six months pregnant and scared. I know the devil is attacking him, and I know how hard it is to turn from addiction, but I also know I have to care and protect this baby and God does not intend for me to have to live in a den of sin. If we were married, I would make sure to pray a lot for him and encourage him while making sure I am safe, but we are not married yet. So I am considering leaving him.

Please pray, and I would love to know if there are Christian resources I can turn to.

Thank you.

 

[RickyZ]

I can't really point you to resources (but plenty here will). But I am praying for you all. God honors the effort as much as the success.

 

[tourist]

You might consider leaving him as he is a drug addict and you will never know when the next relapse is going to occur. If you marry him you most likely will have a lifetime of anxieties worrying about his next relapse or whether or not he is cheating on you. It all comes down to taking care of your baby and yourself as the mother. I have said a prayer for this most difficult situation that you are in. Welcome to CC.

 

[jessikate]

Thank you RickyZ and Tourist.

 

[Ugly]

Further romantic involvement with this guy will most likely lead to worse situations.

And not unsafe? How well do you know these people he's trying to bring into your house? Probably other addicts. Meth addicts in particular are known for violence.
If he isn't violent now, doesn't mean he won't be. Nor does it mean the people he wants to bring into your home won't be. And if you are pregnant it makes it that much worse.
Also, do you now feel emotionally taken care of? He ditched you on your birthday. Tried to have sex with another woman and do drugs. Does that sound Emotionally safe? Or that your emotions are in turmoil and at risk of his behavior?

Sounds as though he's not ready to quit. He just had a good high after meeting you, but 6 months later that high has worn off, so he's had to go back to drugs.
By the way, when starting a relationship the brain releases endorphines. This lasts about 6 months, roughly, during which time seeing, talking to or being around the object of your affection keeps those endorphines coming, and causing you to see them in the best light. After that you start noticing and paying attention to the things you ignored previously. Addictions can spring back up more easily.

So this guy didn't really quit. He just had his high replaced, and once it wore off, he went back into what he was doing. He's not ready. This guy needs a lot more time to prove he is seeking, and sticking with, the help he claims. Otherwise, despite what you want to tell yourself, you are not safe. Not physically, not emotionally, not mentally.
What if he sneaks and sleeps with someone and gets an STD?

You know the danger in getting drugs. There's always risk. What happens if he gets hurt or killed trying to get drugs? Or what happens if he sleeps with a married woman whose husband finds out? Nothing about this situation with him is safe.

I know you'd like to hear 'oh dear, i'm sorry, i'll pray and everything will work out', but none of us know that. It could very well be a possibility. Not saying it can't happen. But for what the situation is Right Now, it is not safe. It is unhealthy and he needs to have boundaries set up that he has something to lose if he continues to change. Not threats, but actual boundaries.

Anyways, i know it wasn't as syrupy nice as others may post, but personally i can't sit back and watch someone lie to themselves and encourage them into a situation that doesn't look good. Reality hurts, but hurting is sometimes a sign of a bigger problem. Hopefully you will consider all sides of the situation you're in, and not just the ones you want to hear. Wish the best for you, no matter what you decide.

 

[dalconn]

believe me when I tell you christians can sin,sin,sin but on a more serious note you will need pastorial (female) care sister, I pray you have a faith family to lean on

Father, we thank you for changing our sisters mind about unrighteousness and giving her a desire to follow you. We ask that you will open doors for her to find loving support and deliverance every child of God should have. Father we pray that you would comfort her and protect her and child through this spiritual battle, In Jesus Name

amen

 

[damombomb]

I would let go and let God. I would think of my child and continue to seek the Lord. Let the lord deal with him, you will be having a child and you don't want the law involved. That is what happens these days.
lord I pray for your daughter to be safe and to know you are near to her in Jesus name, amen

 

[AbideinVine]

Jessikate,

Welcome to CC. I would strongly encourage you read Ugly's post again, and perhaps again. It's hard to accept that something is unsafe, when you so want it to be okay. I know about that.

As far as provision for you and your baby, God will walk you through, day by day, provision and wisdom, as you cry out to Him, as your baby will cry out to you for nourishment, comfort, 'cleaning up', and everything else. The Lord is more loving than you are, and He can completely be trusted to supply all you need. Sometimes we have to wait for His best, but it is always worth the wait. Learn to listen for His voice and direction, His peace to lead you. And as you are able to take in the Word for yourself, take in Proverbs and Psalms and the gospels, so you can grow strong in spirit. A person strong in spirit can endure many hard things!

I am praying for you, and trusting that the Lord will guide you. Wise counsel is not hard to come by - God promises to give it whenever we ask for it, as we ask Him in faith. (see James 1)

May the grace of God, His comfort and peace be your steadiness today, and in the days to come!

 

[levi85]

Father God we pray hold their hands and guide them on your ways . Bless the baby in the womb Lord touch and set both of them free from the things which is dishonouring you. Lord please bless with your knowledge and wisdom . In Jesus name, Amen!

 

[Karraster]

Hi Jessikate, welcome to cc. I know it took courage to open up and reach out like that. Please know there are many praying for you and yours. It's the human condition, in that we are all messed up in our own ways. We all need grace and mercy from the Almighty, the One who created us He is love. Even in the darkest hour He is there, and He cares for you. Look at the moon and stars, they are marvelous. But even they, pale in comparison to even the least of His children.

I came across this lecture by a pretty smart guy. Maybe it can give you hope and ideas, maybe a fresh way to see your situation? Meantime, can you think of anybody, or a church close by perhaps who can offer immediate help? I know this is not much to offer, who knows maybe something in it will help? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daGcMhkNByU

 

[kaylagrl]

Hello. New to this. Very desperate for Christian advice and direction. I am a Christian, but I haven't always been a follower. Meaning, I went my own way and turned from God for a period not long ago. I consider myself a sex addict, though I know many don't believe it is a thing or that Christians can be. Anyway, when I relapsed, I met a guy who was a drug addict while he was high. I found myself talking to him about God and he said he had been a believer too. So,we decided to encourage each other to turn back to God. Even in our darkest moment God reached out to us.

Then we found out we were pregnant. We decided to become a couple, have been attending church, have been involved in recovery programs, and pray together. We have been praying about marriage, and I have been dutifully praying for him as though he were already my husband, knowing he and I are going to be co-parents at least.

Then he relapsed. Back to meth and his sex addiction. He literally tried to have someone over for sex and drugs two days ago and stood me up for an event with my closest friends. On my birthday. He isn't violent, and I am not unsafe.

Now he says he is trying to get help. I am over six months pregnant and scared. I know the devil is attacking him, and I know how hard it is to turn from addiction, but I also know I have to care and protect this baby and God does not intend for me to have to live in a den of sin. If we were married, I would make sure to pray a lot for him and encourage him while making sure I am safe, but we are not married yet. So I am considering leaving him.

Please pray, and I would love to know if there are Christian resources I can turn to.

Thank you.

Both of you being addicts is not the best situation. You both need good solid counseling. It really is a situation of the blind leading the blind. You are pregnant and you have to think of your child first. That child does not have a choice.It is being brought into this world with only you to guide it. So whatever his addictions are or his issues,none of that is your concern.Your concern is your child and God expects you to raise and guide this child to do what is right. It's unfortunate that you slipped back to addiction and got pregnant. But now you have a responsibility. A huge one. You need to ask your pastor who in your area can help you with the counseling you need. Then you need some good counseling on being a parent which your pastor may be able to do.

I dont know exactly what you need in resources but most places have a Salvation Army and they are always a great help.I believe they may also help with addiction counseling now that I think of it. As far as the BF you made a bad choice.You need a strong man that is willing to step up and help you raise this child. Until God sends you such a man,focus on your child. Let the BF go and sort out his own problems.You dont need that drama. I know Ive said it a lot,focus on the child. They are helpless,they cant change who their parents are or anything about their situation.Time to be mature and let the BF find his own way.

 

[Dan58]

So I am considering leaving him.

That would be a wise choice... Going through life living with a meth-head is no future for you or a baby, not to mention a sexually promiscuous man that you can't trust.. jmo

 

[Lynn68]

Hello jessikate, if you can start going to Celebrate Recovery that would be a great option for you. It's a Christ-centered recovery group. I myself go to the meetings, they are for everyone who has hurts, habits, and hangups that affect their lives. I pray that you can look at your situation as God does, and that you realize that He wants the best for you!