Hi
@ciicii,
I know you were asking for opinions from men, so I hope I'm not being disrespectful by replying. Your post set off a lot of thoughts for me that I hope might be of some value.
I find a lot of Christian culture to be a giant Catch 22 and very confusing. Some circles push very hard for women to be traditional housewives who stay at home and raise the kids, which is great -- but most people today don't get married until they're older, so women have to work to support themselves in the meantime. And if we don't get a job that's big enough to impress a man or his family, as you're saying, then what do we do? Lock ourselves into a career that takes 8 years of college and a couple $100,000 in debt, just to give it all up when we supposedly meet the right man to marry? Because if we actually go through and get that important career, we are the automatically seen as a rebellious Jezebel feminist who won't properly submit to a husband. (Facepalm.)
It's a classic case of facing condemnation no matter what you do. (Personally, I am thankful to all the women who ignore this and do things like become doctors, because when I have pain in my ovaries, I want to talk to someone about it who actually has ovaries.)
I certainly don't have the answers, but I know it's discouraging as all get out. I once went on a date with a guy from one of the Christian sites who was an engineer. As you described in your post, he looked visibly disappointed when I told him I worked in a store. We went for a drive, and when I mentioned I lived in the area we were in (which was seen as upper middle class,) his attitude seemed to soften (in a, "Maybe she's not a total bum and might be worth a little of my time after all" kind of way.)
Ironically, something he brought up in our conversation was that he was on the verge of losing his house due to his own money problems. He asked about going out again, but personally, I didn't think he was really interested in me as a person. It felt a little more like he might be interested in me as someone who could potentially help him keep his house or move into a better neighborhood.
And, let me tell you a story about working as an assistant manager in a grocery store...
Once upon a time, there was a boy who started at a small grocery store when he was 15, stocking shelves and doing all the things no one else wanted to do. By the time he was 21, he was the assistant store manager. He and a young woman who had been together since they were in junior high got married, and their assets included their jobs and two used cars. They bought a $5000 trailer to live in (that they had to get a loan to afford.)
Fast forward a few years later. That boy grew up to manage 2 stores of his own with a business partner, and they were part of a partnership in a chain that owned 22 stores. His beloved wife stopped working when they started having kids, becoming a stay-at-home mom. But there were many sacrifices. It might just be me, but if someone wants to be a higher earner, forget 40-hour work weeks -- from what I've seen, 60, 80, and 100-hour plus work weeks are more the norm.
You see, that boy who was sometimes mocked for "just working in a grocery store" -- was my father. And the woman who married him, not caring about prestige or money -- was my mother.
When my parents retired, they had a ministry in which they traveled and counseled hundreds of people about how to get out of debt. But it's not easy, and not many were willing to do what it takes (cut out all frivolous spending, get a second job, etc.)
The two cases they told me about that I'll never forget are:
A doctor and his wife (who was a prestigious nurse), and were making about $400,000 a year, but spending it all on houses, boats, luxury goods, etc. When my parents tried to develop a budget for them, they each wanted at least $1000 a week in "spending" money. The doctor wanted to hire my dad to just manage his finances for him, but my Dad declined, knowing they wouldn't do what was needed and also because he wanted to devote his time to his ministry.
My parents never charged a dime, never asked for donations of any kind (they'd tell people to keep their money for their own budgets,) and when they found out many people couldn't afford the basic course pack (which was like $25,) they produced their own and handed it out for free.
In contrast, the second case was a woman who worked in an ordinary place, and I'm guessing she probably made around $30,000 a year -- an "everyday" person's salary. She told my Dad she was going to get some things in order, then end her life because she had 32 credit cards she had maxed out and felt hopeless with no way out.
My parents worked with her for 2 years, and she eventually paid off every single card -- and was on her way to living debt-free.
Sometimes the amount of money and the distinguished line of work means nothing if a person doesn't know or have the self-control to properly manage it.
I've always been in retail and have never worked "important" jobs -- I was once in school to be a psychologist, and my own unwanted divorce bumped off that road. But the two things God gifted me with was figuring out to live below my means, and hanging on to money as long as I can. I don't have an impressive salary or line of work, but I often pray a "fishes and loaves" prayer -- God fed thousands of people with just a few small loaves and fishes, and I have no doubt He can do the same for the resources of everyday people like you and me.
I've said all this to say, I hope I can encourage you to keep seeking where God wants you to go. Yes, there probably will be people who won't see you as being "good enough" along the way. I've had that happen plenty of times! But if you keep following His lead, you might find yourself in some surprisingly wonderful places, and it won't matter what others have thought. Most people don't know much about the real me anyway, so they don't really know what they're judging.
And I understand what you mentioned in another post in another thread -- that people like me frighten you, because we've followed God, and yet we're still alone. I get that, and I know it's scary to hear.
I am not a very impressive person, nor do I have an impressive job, impressive life, or impressive collection of things. But what I do have, I own in full with no debts, and I've saved enough to where I can travel with friends about once a year. I have a little more free time than I used to so that I can volunteer for more of things I really want to help with, rather than just feel obligated to things that haven't capture my heart.
It's a simple, boring little life, but maybe someday, I'll meet a guy who understands I'm not built for a flashy or prestigious life -- maybe he'll be the same way -- and maybe we'll be able to travel and volunteer for things together.
Thanks for another great post and many blessings to you,
@ciicii!
I pray that God is blessing, comforting, and healing you day by day!
, a parade in their honor 
, and a key to a city!!!]