Red flags men see in women (low salary?)

[ciicii]

So, like God's got the party in full swing and you're sitting outside away from the fun telling him, no god I'm not worthy of a party and I don't deserve all the gifts you got for me so I'm not going to open them? Do you think he's going to give you a massive awesome gift and not show you how to make best use of it? Or do you maybe think that when the Bible calls the devil the accuser of the bretheren (oops lapsed into biblish there) that maybe all these accusations about not being enough could be coming from him?

At least that's how I'd talk my insecurities down if I were starting a relationship.

blunt but true

 

[Magenta]

Thank you so much for the kind words, Lady Magenta -- I will be sure to pass them along to my Mom and Dad.

Aside from, God they are my greatest inspirations and, unless God sends me a husband someday, the true loves of my life.

But my goodness!!!

Your parents raised 11 children??!!! I knew you were from a big family, but I had forgotten the exact number!!

Please tell your parents that they deserve a trophy , a parade in their honor , and a key to a city!!!]

Many kudos to them!! That is truly an accomplishment of a lifetime!!

Yes, my siblings and I still marvel at and wonder how my mother ever managed, because our dad was seldom home, and she was a stay-at-home mom, never learned to drive, and gave up her teaching career, if not when they married, at least when the babies started coming. As fairly staunch Irish Roman Catholics, that meant no birth control, heh, and there is 19 years between my oldest and youngest sisters, with my (older) twin brother being the true middle child. My parents are both long gone; my dad passed almost 50 years ago before he was sixty, and my mom lived to ninety, marrying a second time and burying her second husband too, when he passed some years later. But they had a good life together also. Even though I really rebelled against all the strictures of my upbringing, I know I have much to be grateful for in what they provided with such a solid foundation, just as I know you are grateful for the solid foundation your parents provided.

 

[Lanolin]

Get a LIM report.
I don't know what property laws are in Canada, but you should know what you are getting on the piece of land your house is on. Whether it can be built on or expanded or what. Is the location good for schools? Will you have to contend with neighbours, share a driveway? How close is it to amenities, public transport etc?

If you are going househunting with your spouse or fiance you both need to agree that is what you want. If they already own a house, you have to be happy with it and willing to live there, right? It won't be just you, will be your children, is there enough space? Is the grocery store you are working at, within travel distance or will you find another job if you move somewhere else? If you going to stay at home, do you have support, are your neighbours all young and living in 'nappy valley' new builds too or is the housing stock old and need renovations. Is there enough play space for toddlers? Is it in an area with heavy traffic?

Sister..it's not just about being a wife, but a mother. Any mother would protect their children first. No gang areas right?

I mean have you even thought of all the practicalites? I just don't want your head in the clouds with this one. Children deserve a healthy mother and a good home. Meaning you can have a fancy home and all but if your marriage is broken or you constantly have to move place to place thats going to be disruptive. They need a community to and to be able to play safely and make friends. Home schooled kids often don't get the social interaction that comes from going to school and living in the real world, they are often TOO sheltered, once they grow up and leave they gonna have a hard time outside the home.

You going to fellowship at a church right? Will you choose one with a good children's ministry?

Please say you thought about all this in addition to finding Mr Right. Because you both have to want the same things. Is he happy to be a dad and working to keep a roof over your head. Some men aren't. They want a life of adventure.

 

[ciicii]

Get a LIM report.
I don't know what property laws are in Canada, but you should know what you are getting on the piece of land your house is on. Whether it can be built on or expanded or what. Is the location good for schools? Will you have to contend with neighbours, share a driveway? How close is it to amenities, public transport etc?

If you are going househunting with your spouse or fiance you both need to agree that is what you want. If they already own a house, you have to be happy with it and willing to live there, right? It won't be just you, will be your children, is there enough space? Is the grocery store you are working at, within travel distance or will you find another job if you move somewhere else? If you going to stay at home, do you have support, are your neighbours all young and living in 'nappy valley' new builds too or is the housing stock old and need renovations. Is there enough play space for toddlers? Is it in an area with heavy traffic?

Sister..it's not just about being a wife, but a mother. Any mother would protect their children first. No gang areas right?

I mean have you even thought of all the practicalites? I just don't want your head in the clouds with this one. Children deserve a healthy mother and a good home. Meaning you can have a fancy home and all but if your marriage is broken or you constantly have to move place to place thats going to be disruptive. They need a community to and to be able to play safely and make friends. Home schooled kids often don't get the social interaction that comes from going to school and living in the real world, they are often TOO sheltered, once they grow up and leave they gonna have a hard time outside the home.

You going to fellowship at a church right? Will you choose one with a good children's ministry?

Please say you thought about all this in addition to finding Mr Right. Because you both have to want the same things. Is he happy to be a dad and working to keep a roof over your head. Some men aren't. They want a life of adventure.

respectfully, I think you may be overstepping with your assumptions.

I am asking about a specific insecurity as I am forced to start my life over from scratch. I am not looking for a boogie house or a dictatorship of just what I want in a marriage or else it won't work.

Thank you for your concerns but reading this I genuinely do not think it is uplifting or related to the OP.

 

[Churchgoer]

I am currently going through a divorce but this has always been a huge fear of mine. I am more than willing to work if my husband needs it, but ultimately I want to be a house wife (like a hard working one obviously).

And I have learned many skills to ensure I am a good one with financials, budgeting, other labors etc (not really the point). But Now I am back working, and I guess this is the high school career classes still influencing me. But I find that when I consider myself I am not worth a good christian man.
we all want like a handsome strong man by outsides, but I think of the man also wanting a strong christian woman. and although I know my faith is strong, I would be embarrassed if my husband has his own business and I am here working in a grocery store. I am good with savings and all that, but the title of my job seems to be a dilema and I am not sure if that is one sided or not.

So I would like your thoughts on that, and any other red flags or green flags you think are important from a male perspective, becuase I think they are very different the more I think about it.

but i still my biggest fear is meeting in laws and saying im a grocery Ast. manager, but is that even a valid fear to have?

Sorry to say, if you are still in a marriage, it is biblical to try everything to stay in the marriage covenant.
The grass is not greener on the other side.
It is a blessing to obey Bible teaching and keep marriage intact.

 

[ciicii]

Sorry to say, if you are still in a marriage, it is biblical to try everything to stay in the marriage covenant.
The grass is not greener on the other side.
It is a blessing to obey Bible teaching and keep marriage intact.

I have tried everything to keep the marriage becuase of my values, he is leaving anyway.
he has cheated on me multiple times, has denounced his faith, financial abuse, also became reporbate decided he is a cross dresser, then gay and now transgender. I am still trying to change his mind and he will not stay or turn away from his sin. (and that is the short list)

I am not saying the grass is greener on the other side, but I do know I desire a family and marriage, and as of now, unless he changes his mind last minute ... that will not be with my husband who is divorcing me against my wishes. I have not initiated this, and scritpure says if the unbeleiving spouse is not willing to stay let them go.

Believe me I have followed scripture even when I had a biblical way out of the marriage I still stayed until he said otherwise unfortunately.

 

[Lanolin]

Oh ok

You haven't thought of these things then.
Its ok. You are just getting divorced and then it seems you plan to jump straight into another relationship, the only insecurity being your salary. I don't know what your salary has to do with your faith.

But you wanted advice regarding salary, and you wanted to be a housewife. So you are posting all these things, and then you say you don't want those things. OK

 

[Lanolin]

?
I would just concentrate on following Jesus if I were in your position, and ask God what career path or ministry He has in mind for me. And if I'm working in a grocery store, to be a good worker in the job I have now. Because God sees that being faithful in little means I can be faithful in much.

Maybe you'll be promoted thats always a possibility if you willing to work hard.

 

[Churchgoer]

I have tried everything to keep the marriage becuase of my values, he is leaving anyway.
he has cheated on me multiple times, has denounced his faith, financial abuse, also became reporbate decided he is a cross dresser, then gay and now transgender. I am still trying to change his mind and he will not stay or turn away from his sin. (and that is the short list)

I am not saying the grass is greener on the other side, but I do know I desire a family and marriage, and as of now, unless he changes his mind last minute ... that will not be with my husband who is divorcing me against my wishes. I have not initiated this, and scritpure says if the unbeleiving spouse is not willing to stay let them go.

Believe me I have followed scripture even when I had a biblical way out of the marriage I still stayed until he said otherwise unfortunately.

If so, wait till the final court paper then start looking.
Our God is super natural, He will direct your footsteps ..

 

[Lanolin]

And so your current husband (the one you are divorcing from) already knows you have a low salary. This can't be the reason you are divorcing right? It seems for other reasons. But it doesn't seem to be the reason you got married either.

And you were never a housewife, even when you were/are married? Then what were you? If you don't mind me asking.

How can you be already a wife, and then say its not what you want, and then say you want to be a housewife. ?

 

[ciicii]

?
I would just concentrate on following Jesus if I were in your position, and ask God what career path or ministry He has in mind for me. And if I'm working in a grocery store, to be a good worker in the job I have now. Because God sees that being faithful in little means I can be faithful in much.

Maybe you'll be promoted thats always a possibility if you willing to work hard.

okay wow

first of all, I am not planning on going into a relationship "off the bat" I a was just asking about something I have been meditating on for a while and wanted advice from a Godly perspective.

2) I have thought of these things before that is why I said I think you are over the line, becuase it seems like you are underestimating me.

3) my salary and my faith have nothing to do with each other. I am seeking God first always, especially through this very hard season of my life that has lasted longer than you know, and I have done nothing but grow closer to God.

4) I actually did get a promotion, because I do work hard, constantly. please don't imply that I don't.

I was very kind to you when I asked about your opinions and everything I am asking for you to do the same. Or at the very least be respectful.

My question was about 'men's' opinion on a woman who is making a a large amount of money (that amount can vary from person to person). Because it is something I have always thought about and wanted to know.

I didn't ask about my faith, where I go to church, if I considered things about schools (which I have btw because my daughter died a year ago). Or asked about getting into a new relationship because I will not be doing that anytime soon. I am focusing on what I do know which is my career and what God has called me to do with the talents he has given me.

Thank you

If I have offended in anyway that is causing this animosity, please just don't respond, and I will give you your space as well. I do not want any strife

 

[ciicii]

If so, wait till the final court paper then start looking.
Our God is super natural, He will direct your footsteps ..

Yes I will, I was just asking the question as a general curiosity, I will not be looking for any relationships for a while lol
I am still respecting my vows.

thank you btw I do appreciate your response and advice and agree with it 100%

 

[ciicii]

And so your current husband (the one you are divorcing from) already knows you have a low salary. This can't be the reason you are divorcing right? It seems for other reasons. But it doesn't seem to be the reason you got married either.

And you were never a housewife, even when you were/are married? Then what were you? If you don't mind me asking.

How can you be already a wife, and then say its not what you want, and then say you want to be a housewife. ?

you are making a lot of assumptions.
and I am sorry I will not be answering your questions

 

[NightTwister]

Watch how she treats wait staff in a restaurant. You'll eventually be treated the same way, whether good or bad.

 

[Delvianna]

I am currently going through a divorce but this has always been a huge fear of mine. I am more than willing to work if my husband needs it, but ultimately I want to be a house wife (like a hard working one obviously).

And I have learned many skills to ensure I am a good one with financials, budgeting, other labors etc (not really the point). But Now I am back working, and I guess this is the high school career classes still influencing me. But I find that when I consider myself I am not worth a good christian man.
we all want like a handsome strong man by outsides, but I think of the man also wanting a strong christian woman. and although I know my faith is strong, I would be embarrassed if my husband has his own business and I am here working in a grocery store. I am good with savings and all that, but the title of my job seems to be a dilema and I am not sure if that is one sided or not.

So I would like your thoughts on that, and any other red flags or green flags you think are important from a male perspective, becuase I think they are very different the more I think about it.

but i still my biggest fear is meeting in laws and saying im a grocery Ast. manager, but is that even a valid fear to have?

I think it depends on the guy. Specially in Christian circles, there seems to be an understanding that men are the providers. They are expected to be. So I think the job of the woman is less of an issue unless that particular person has a problem with it. I feel like this fear is more worldly based than it is Christian based because the world puts stock into your title and how much money you're bringing in, but Christianity teaches differently.

Obviously do what you feel makes you proud and let God worry about the rest because ultimately whomever your future spouse is, should be in God's hands anyway and if your income was a factor in this equation, then that factor would get resolved. But all jobs, all money comes from the Lord anyway, so let Him worry about that.

Personally, I think any man that has an issue with your current work label, isn't one worth having. And any in-laws that put value on who you are and tie it to your career title, also have a big issue within themselves and isn't a reflection on you at all. The right man will see your worth. So even if the majority of men value careers/status/pay, those are serious red flags in my book. As long as you two can function financially, that's all that matters.

 

[Lanolin]

Ok well as long as you know that, those questions will be asked of you.
If you are already married, even though you are going to be divorced, it is something you probably know by now anyway because you could have just ask your ex about that.

 

[Lanolin]

What about the red flags women see in men on a high salary?

I could make a post about that.

But I'm not going to. I already asked about how high (or tall) men had to be and nobody really answered, so I guess it's not that important.

 

[ciicii]

I think it depends on the guy. Specially in Christian circles, there seems to be an understanding that men are the providers. They are expected to be. So I think the job of the woman is less of an issue unless that particular person has a problem with it. I feel like this fear is more worldly based than it is Christian based because the world puts stock into your title and how much money you're bringing in, but Christianity teaches differently.

Yes I actually have followed a woman named Bindi Marc, she is a great christian woman, when I think of my own salary and how I finance my money and prepare myself (I don't think we ever stop learning) I have always had an issue with the worldly standards of men being providers.

I know that men are to provide as scripture says, but secular influences have turned that into somewhat of a burden for men that is unrealistic. Like never being tired, or sad, and women at home has translated to just staying home instead of tending to it. That is a huge concern for me.

I do know that 'how much I bring' is more of a worldly concern though, that is why I wanted a biblical pov on it and from a man's perspective. logically I know it doesn't especially since I am not concerned with any potential spouses in the future having a high income either. When I was a housewife it didn't bother me, but now that I am working again I have that knawing thought of wanting to earn more to give more. (definitely heart in the right place, and not wrong, but not necessary biblically speaking)

-_- i know I just need more people to tell me that lol

Obviously do what you feel makes you proud and let God worry about the rest because ultimately whomever your future spouse is, should be in God's hands anyway and if your income was a factor in this equation, then that factor would get resolved. But all jobs, all money comes from the Lord anyway, so let Him worry about that.

Amen yes I agree with this, those are the kinds of thoughts I want to focus on and believe are true.

Thanks for your thoughts they helped a lot.

 

[Delvianna]

I know that men are to provide as scripture says, but secular influences have turned that into somewhat of a burden for men that is unrealistic. Like never being tired, or sad, and women at home has translated to just staying home instead of tending to it. That is a huge concern for me.

100% agree. That's why I said at the end, as long as you two can function financially, that's all that matters. The economy is a mess, prices are high and its rare that a man can make enough to financially support two people now anyway, much less a family. Marriages are a team effort, so that might mean you have to work. But if you are blessed to be a house wife again, then great!

I also think it has to do with denomination too. That can also heavily influence a mans perspective on a woman and careers. Some denominations preach about putting all the weight on the man for providing, others will say it's more about team work. Both instances cite different scriptural text to back up their claims. But from my own experience as a previous house wife myself, generally low income or low wage careers aren't a red flag to men. I think its more so about the work ethic than it is with the actual income.

 

[tourist]

.

...but i still my biggest fear is meeting in laws and saying im a grocery Ast. manager, but is that even a valid fear to have?

Nothing wrong at all in being an assistant grocery manager. That is a working environment that is open to advancement. Some in-laws can be problematic though. That's about par for the course.