J
I am so sad right now, I've allowed certain things to happen in my home that goes against what God would have wanted. Three years ago I let my sons girlfriend move in with us, she was and is still in highschool, a senior about to graduate. My son who is 22 is also about to graduate from electrician school. I know it is wrong to allow them to live together, un married, I don't know why I allowed it but I just love her so much, like a daughter, shes such a sweet girl, and I could see how much my son loves her. He talked about them getting married after she graduates, he talked about them and what kind of house he wanted, something near or on the beach with 2 dogs and 4 kids! So anyway home life seemed to be going good but I had been through a lot over the past 4 years, a divorce, moving, getting into a place I really cant afford, so I told my children I would not be renewing my lease in August and that I would be moving to a one bedroom apartment that I can afford, In a sense I was preparing my son for the fact that once he graduated he would need to find other living arrangements for himself, his girlfriend and his dog.... I have been under so much stress lately, I have been working 7 days a week, and at times haven't even had enough money for food. So at first there was a little bit of conflict between my son and I, but I said to him I would never see him out on the street, he could come and sleep on the couch if he had to, I simply cannot afford where Im living now. Over the past few weeks things seemed to get better. Now Im coming to the whole reason for this lengthy post, On Monday evening when my son and his girlfriend weren't home I needed to go in his room to look for my nail clippers, on his night stand was a paper, explaining post op instructions from a womens clinic, and a prescription bottle from the same doctor in his girlfriends name.... she had an ABORTION. Then I find out my x knew about it the day before it happened because my son called him, and although he didn't say, he most likely helped him pay for it too. Now Im left feeling sad, hurt, empty, and I haven't said a word to either my son or his girlfriend, because I wasn't supposed to find out. She was pregnant and no one came to me for advice or guidance, I have so many un answered questions in my heart, my head, like how much thought was put into this decision to end a life? Is it because they thought due to my financial difficulties I wouldn't be supportive? Are they upset? do they need someone to talk to? how does my son feel about this? I know he wanted a family someday, was it his choice, or only her choice, or visa versa... I am so broken, and then theres the purely selfish feelings I have, This was my flesh and blood, my grandchild, how far along was she?? not that that even matters, a life is a life at any stage, but I cant help but thinking was its tiny heart beating? did it have little arms and legs yet? I am so distraught over this, its almost as if "I" had the abortion. Im sorry this is so long