Severe lack of young men in church

[zaoman32]

I think a part of the problem (just as much as family orientation) is that a lot of churches don't even have small groups directed towards men in general, let alone young christian men. Most churches I've been to that have gotten a really good guys small group going they only let it last a couple months and then they shut it down and never get anything off the ground again. I think single guys would be more inclined to come to church even if there was just something like this where they can make a stronger connection with other guys, that way they'd actually have a reason to attend church...hmmm...I may need to speak with my pastor about this...

 

[my_adonai_]

Cant GOD provide a wife if we Ask HIM To? cant hear show us who HE wants for us? weakness in the church is a basis of more prayer, changes, repentance. but a not a basis of someone who has a personal on going relationship with GOD in getting a wife.

i believe relationships is a TWO WAY Thing really, you and the GOD intended spouse.so its up for the two of you to pray and wait. having faith and DOUBTING not

 

[dashadow]

Many churches aren't teaching sound doctrine. Young people are not as gullible as they once were because answers can be found on the Internet. One often finds churches full of clicks, mostly older folks set in their ways or families that are more interested in the social interaction. Who could blame young folks for not wanting to be a part of that?

 

[arwen83]

I agree. I am creating a research proposal on single Christian woman in their 40's and 50's for a class. It appears that it is now common for there to be less men in the church, which causes woman to either wait to meet a guy in the church, which may not happen, or date outside the church because there are more options. It might be easier for woman in their early 20's to say no to dating men outside the church, but it is my theory that as a lady will get older, it will be harder to say no. Could be wrong though.

 

[Epicnerdheroix]

I've always had a 'rough around the edges' look and despite all the 'looks don't matter' claims by women, that has not been my experience in person.

I don't know, man. In my experience it has the worked the other way too. The Lord has blessed me with a youthful handsome face full of soft delicate and symmetrical features but that hasn't exactly helped me find a Born Again girl, so I'm really not sure where looks come into play. If I was supposed to have some advantage based on my looks, it's clearly not working (and those on CC who know me will scarce believe that I just typed these words! LOL)

 

[zaoman32]

Many churches aren't teaching sound doctrine. Young people are not as gullible as they once were because answers can be found on the Internet. One often finds churches full of clicks, mostly older folks set in their ways or families that are more interested in the social interaction. Who could blame young folks for not wanting to be a part of that?

Yes and no. Yes many churches are not teaching sound doctrine, as for young people not being gullible I disagree. Yes we have the internet to find answers, but unfortunately the "answers" found on the internet are, more times than not, wrong and shaped and formed in a way to look like they're not. All someone has to do is put an official title on their name and drop lines like "studies show" and "research" and things like that in order for someone to buy it, and rather than wasting energy to see if it's actually accurate or biblically sound people buy into it, just because it sounds professional and it works for what they want to believe.

We're not biblically sound because people would rather be "right" than "wrong", and rather than admit that wrong we're willing to grasp anything we can to prove we're right, even when we're not. I'm just as guilty as anyone else, so no intentional preaching or targeting was meant.

 

[danschance]

I detect sarcasm in your reply but it's unnecessary for it's not an either/or proposition. The modern liberals worked hard to undermine the nuclear family as per their ideology but the people affected by their efforts are still accountable to God as is everyone.

I also didn't bring up the fact that zebras have stripes or many other facts because they weren't my point.

Yes there was some sarcasm in my post, though it was not meant to be offensive and if you are offended, please accept my apology. It was to make a point. Regardless of what we are tempted with we can blame others for our own sin. I find that blaming liberals for the decline of young men attending church is a severe over simplification of the dire problems we face. One can not blame the liberals with out also blaming conservatives, they both are opposite side of the same exact coin. Yet in my opinion, I think that the liberals and conservatives are just pawns being manipulated by others.

The media spews out filth at a rate far worse and is more widely disseminated to every strata in our society, to such a degree that no politician or political group is capable of. Men see sex in movies, sex in advertising and porn is easily accessible to anyone with an internet connection. I believe that there are much, much darker forces to blame than just liberal politicians or even the media for what is going on.

 

[kenisyes]

It was the same when I was a kid. As long as we build Christian society that women are supposed to submit to men (as husbands), and church members are supposed to submit to pastors, men are competitors to pastors for submission of potential wives. It is not polite for Christians to fight, so the men stay home.

 

[dashadow]

It was the same when I was a kid. As long as we build Christian society that women are supposed to submit to men (as husbands), and church members are supposed to submit to pastors, men are competitors to pastors for submission of potential wives. It is not polite for Christians to fight, so the men stay home.

Once again, you provide wise insight Ken. And that reminds me of another problem with young people and church. I don't believe age necessarily corresponds to wisdom. But elders who obviously show great wisdom aren't accorded the respect they deserve. A lot of young men prefer to listen to their own peers as opposed to listening to elders. Perhaps not having spiritually guided fatherly leadership at home is partially to blame for that.

I mentioned earlier that young people aren't as gullible as they were in the past. And a young person respectfully disagreed. And I appreciate that. However, in my respectful opinion, I sort of disagree with his analysis. When people have access to information the way they do today and still decide to embrace nonsense over the Truth, I wouldn't call that gullibility. I'd call that foolishness.

Anyway, I don't think there should be such a concern for the young men. They may be wiser than we give them credit for, unless one believes church attendance is proportionally related to one's standing with God.

 

[danschance]

It sounds like you may have had the advantage of a two parent Christian home. How advantegous for you. I can see how it would be easy for you to look down on those living in the world who didn't. It's easy to get on one's high horse.

Actually i grew up in an abusive home. I am the victim of child abuse and my parents divorced while I was a minor. God is still healing the scars of my past. Yes, you are correct in that it is easy to get up on a high horse.

 

[stone8]

i have often wondered this as well...but after reading some of the replys from guys i agree...when you want to find a christian partner where is your first instinct to look..church? right because thats where most christians go..but we have a young ppls group at my church and i stopped going because i was the only single person and actually besides one other couple everyone was married...every time we met they talked about marriage issues and lifestyles...there is nothing wrong with that but sometimes you just need a group of single ppl when you are single..and now as i get older i feel like there are less and less single christian guys at church or else where..and so i have dated outside the church...idk how to attract more christian men to the church without changing some of the things that happen at church..like groups specifically for singles..or use other things that guys are into to be used in a church activity...

 

[Tintin]

I agree. I am creating a research proposal on single Christian woman in their 40's and 50's for a class. It appears that it is now common for there to be less men in the church, which causes woman to either wait to meet a guy in the church, which may not happen, or date outside the church because there are more options. It might be easier for woman in their early 20's to say no to dating men outside the church, but it is my theory that as a lady will get older, it will be harder to say no. Could be wrong though.

Arwen, from what I've witnessed in my own church, it seems it's those girls who are in their late teens/early 20's that are looking outside their faith for love and not the older women (most of who are married though). Hmm...

 

[Stuey]

Could you ellaborate Kenis?

 

[psychomom]

It was the same when I was a kid. As long as we build Christian society that women are supposed to submit to men (as husbands), and church members are supposed to submit to pastors, men are competitors to pastors for submission of potential wives. It is not polite for Christians to fight, so the men stay home.

hmmmm...when I do that math I submit to my (Christian) husband first and foremost,
(which is actually a joy!)
and we submit to our pastor in church matters and things regarding the faith...
but our pastor would never ask me to be in submission to him before my husband...

have we had this wrong?

 

[kenisyes]

Could you ellaborate Kenis?

I believe that there is no Scripture backing submission to a pastor, and in fact, that Scripturally we are doing church wrong. If we did as I Cor. 14 shows us and Heb. 10:25 advises, everyone would have shared authority. The Catholic church started this, and it is where I grew up. The Catholics started the idea that the pope cannot make a mistake, and that the pastor is under the pope. Consequently, any member who heard from God on his own was automatically wrong. Men were more likely to have to seek God for something new, since they were out in the world doing new projects. The protestants have never completely fixed Catholic errors, and this in one of the big ones (it is still called cessationism and is a big subject here in many threads). I am not surprised that men avoid church, because they are often told by innuendo and various subliminal techniques that what they are hearing from God has no place in the church.

 

[kenisyes]

hmmmm...when I do that math I submit to my (Christian) husband first and foremost,
(which is actually a joy!)
and we submit to our pastor in church matters and things regarding the faith...
but our pastor would never ask me to be in submission to him before my husband...

have we had this wrong?

See my other post. Suppose your husband thought God was telling you to move to Australia, and your pastor thought you needed to remain in your current church?

I know a man who was lost to the Body of Christ for more than 20 years, because the pastor refused to let him go to bible college, inisting he work as a cook in a buffet restaurant, and that he continue playing drums in the praise team when he had a broken hand. His mother and step-father disagreed with the pastor, but the mother insisted on submitting to the pastor. The man married a pagan wife.

 

[DuchessAimee]

I don't know how many young men are in my church. I just started attending a new one, so who knows? However, church isn't about finding a mate. It's about worshiping God. I attend church alone, I sit alone, and I'm okay with that. Most churches cater to married families or single, college age kids. I'm 32 and single, although I've gone back to school, I'm hardly college age. This is what I figure. If God wants me to get married, he'll introduce me to my husband. If I meet him at church, cool. If I don't meet him at church, that's fine too. Whatever. In the mean time, I'm going to continue going to church and let God deal with the alleged lack of 18 to 40 year old men. He's the only one that can get them there to begin with.

 

[DuchessAimee]

See my other post. Suppose your husband thought God was telling you to move to Australia, and your pastor thought you needed to remain in your current church?

I know a man who was lost to the Body of Christ for more than 20 years, because the pastor refused to let him go to bible college, inisting he work as a cook in a buffet restaurant, and that he continue playing drums in the praise team when he had a broken hand. His mother and step-father disagreed with the pastor, but the mother insisted on submitting to the pastor. The man married a pagan wife.

I think that any pastor with that much power over his followers probably leads a cult.

 

[kenisyes]

Whatever. In the mean time, I'm going to continue going to church and let God deal with the alleged lack of 18 to 40 year old men.

you only need one, if it's the right one.

 

[kenisyes]

I think that any pastor with that much power over his followers probably leads a cult.

The operative word being "probably". How can you be sure, especially when you are in the situation? You can't even be completely sure in 20 year retrospect. I know for a fact, it was just a non-denom church.