Severe lack of young men in church

[DuchessAimee]

The operative word being "probably". How can you be sure, especially when you are in the situation? You can't even be completely sure in 20 year retrospect. I know for a fact, it was just a non-denom church.

Well, if it wasn't a cult, it probably had unbiblical leadership. Personally, I would respect a pastor, and I would follow his counsel, but the example you gave previously screams "I'm unhealthy". I would most likely leave that church because of the pastor's "leadership".

 

[AsifinPassing]

*raises hand*

There are some, but I hear what you're saying. Overall, the church population (of the Western World) does seem to be on the decline. Among those groups, the young men 18<30 seem to be smallest, thought not non-existent!!

 

[Jordache]

The missing age range in my church is different. We have a good group of 20-25 old single men. There are no 25-40 yr old singles. I have no idea why this happens, but what I do see is a lot of older men going after much younger women.

 

[Shouryu]

The missing age range in my church is different. We have a good group of 20-25 old single men. There are no 25-40 yr old singles.

^ This. I see this a lot. Again, very frustrating, but at the same time, I'm in church to focus on my Maker, not on a potential mate. But in general, a dearth of post-collegiate singles is quite common.

As far as older men chasing younger women, I can't say. Maybe it's the ol' mid life crisis kicking in. *smirk*

 

[DuchessAimee]

The missing age range in my church is different. We have a good group of 20-25 old single men. There are no 25-40 yr old singles. I have no idea why this happens, but what I do see is a lot of older men going after much younger women.

How much older? Personally, I wouldn't date anyone who seemed out of my generation. So someone who's more than 5 or so years older is probably out of my age range.

 

[wisebeardman]

How much older? Personally, I wouldn't date anyone who seemed out of my generation. So someone who's more than 5 or so years older is probably out of my age range.

Actually id say age isnt so important. its just who you "click" with I guess.

As for what goes inside churches. I haven't been inside one since 2003-4'ish. and I worked at that one. long but bad story.

Course I am quite sure id get funny looks and scare small children if I walked into one today with my long hair and beard and looking like I fell off the show duck dynasty.

 

[leelee]

There are heaps of young men and women at my church, the majority of the church is under 35. The biggest age groups are the 18-25 and the 25-30(ish)

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

How much older? Personally, I wouldn't date anyone who seemed out of my generation. So someone who's more than 5 or so years older is probably out of my age range.

I kinda agree with you Aimee. I find the older I get,I realize age range is more of a factor. When I was in my 20's & even 30's,I don't think I felt like that,but now into my 40's I feel like there's no way I could date a woman that was more than 5 years younger than me...older sure,not a prob...I'd go up to 50,but for some reason the younger I go,the less women get me or my personality,humor,idiocy. Yanno? lol

 

[David_1]

I believe that there is no Scripture backing submission to a pastor, and in fact, that Scripturally we are doing church wrong. If we did as I Cor. 14 shows us and Heb. 10:25 advises, everyone would have shared authority. The Catholic church started this, and it is where I grew up. The Catholics started the idea that the pope cannot make a mistake, and that the pastor is under the pope. Consequently, any member who heard from God on his own was automatically wrong. Men were more likely to have to seek God for something new, since they were out in the world doing new projects. The protestants have never completely fixed Catholic errors, and this in one of the big ones (it is still called cessationism and is a big subject here in many threads). I am not surprised that men avoid church, because they are often told by innuendo and various subliminal techniques that what they are hearing from God has no place in the church.

I like this post. I think back to some documentaries I saw on the Church in the first few hundred years before it became a State Sanctioned Roman Empire Religion. Where there were house churches, and communion bread was often the only thing that hungry travellers got to eat during tough times and strife. People were brothers and sisters.

Now we have Authoritarians.

 

[Nautilus]

See my other post. Suppose your husband thought God was telling you to move to Australia, and your pastor thought you needed to remain in your current church?

I know a man who was lost to the Body of Christ for more than 20 years, because the pastor refused to let him go to bible college, inisting he work as a cook in a buffet restaurant, and that he continue playing drums in the praise team when he had a broken hand. His mother and step-father disagreed with the pastor, but the mother insisted on submitting to the pastor. The man married a pagan wife.

Anyone who follows a pastor that blindly deserves whatever they get.not to mention that pastor is clearly abusing his authority.

 

[agirlandherguitar]

I'm astounded by all of the fantastic replies from everybody! Mostly men (YOU EXIST!) and some women (hurray!), which is what I was hoping for. From what I've read there is incredible insight to this issue and here are three of the reoccurring thoughts:

1) Sermons are catered to married couples and growing families
2) No small or large groups offered for men
3) Lack of other single men and women to connect with

1) Although there are always different opinions on what goes on in a church but I want to say that I took the time to ready everybody's reply and I agree with a lot of what is being said. I find that sermons are mostly catered to marriage and family (You can almost always tell who goes to the church by the sermons being preached). The singles are nearly never addressed. While I don't expect a church to go on and on about the Lone Ranger from Singlesville but a little bit of recognition is STRONGLY needed and very much missing in a lot of churches. Churches need to talk about the pressures of single men and women in this fast changing world. We need to be guided and assured that the church has our back! Even something as small as a four week sermon on singlehood would be much appreciated. I have a lot of questions and I'm having a hard time find answers in the church. I'm sure the men feel this way too.

2) SMALL GROUPS SHOULD BE MANDATORY IN EVERY SINGLE CHURCH IN EXISTENCE. From personal experience my relationship with God excelled with leaps and bounds and became so strong just by going to a weekly small group. I was so sad that after a year it fell apart and now I don't really see the people I used to see and talk to. Small groups are so impactful in your walk with God because you are able to connect with people close to your age and with similar questions and ideas that you have. You can express yourself to this intimate group and pray for each other and man... you REALLY feel that prayer working! I benefited so much attending a small group in conjunction with going to church with the same people. It was nuts. If young men don't have this in their lives then they are missing out and it's a damn shame.

3) My intention in my original post wasn't supposed to focus on the whole "I want to meet somebody in the church", but the topic was mentioned and people ran with it. I'm glad it was focused on... but we all know truthfully that church isn't a singles bar and that is not the reason we go to church. Sometimes you just have to leave those kinds of feelings at the door, y'know? But I agree with most that it is very hard keeping your mind off of meeting somebody special. Where else would you for sure find a good Christian man or woman to potentially date and carry on a relationship with? Truthfully we are everywhere! And as some mentioned above, if God wants us to be married then He will bring that person to us only if we relent to Him. It's safe to say that most of us need to "give up the search" and carry on contently with how our lives are right now.
That being said, there is still the fact that these precious single people are missing from the congregation!

To the guys I have a message to you: For many ladies it's the classic same lake, different boat situation. I myself have found it hard to connect with young men in the church. I am a woman and I am saddened and disappointed that you are not here in the church with me to praise God together, whether you are meant to be my friend or to be more than my friend, that I will never know because you are not there to try. We are here, many women are in the church and we are looking around wondering where you are. The congregation is not whole without you there. You precious, precious men. I know it is hard to connect and that you feel that church doesn't offer you anything and that you cannot offer anything to it but you are so, so wrong. I am a woman who goes to church and wants to be surrounded by you good men. You protect us, you provide for us, you lead us and we know you are strong but you need to prove it. Church isn't "sissy", Jesus was more than gentle, you can do so much more than sit quietly as the married couples and families dominate the topics. Reach out, invite friends. Every man who reads this needs to start seriously discussing this with the other members of their church. Speak to anybody who will listen. Every man and woman needs to pray for the church to make a change and a difference in young men's lives. Every man needs to pray and ask God to reveal to him what his role is in the church he is going to. You are so important and it's sad that you don't realize it.

 

[nuclearbeaver]

The reason I don't feel comfortable in the church is because I feel that the 'system' has overtaken any other consideration. In my opinion, we have create a tradition that no-one is willing to challenge and a bureaucracy that must be perpetuated. The 'system' has become a monster that must be constantly fed while more important things like genuine fellowship and seeking after God with our whole hearts fall by the wayside. I have tried going along to several churches over the last few years and each time, I come away thinking: "What is the point?" I'm strongly committed to Jesus and yet my commitment has led me out of the institutional church.

 

[Mad_Doctor]

I'm astounded by all of the fantastic replies from everybody! Mostly men (YOU EXIST!) and some women (hurray!), which is what I was hoping for. From what I've read there is incredible insight to this issue and here are three of the reoccurring thoughts:

1) Sermons are catered to married couples and growing families
2) No small or large groups offered for men
3) Lack of other single men and women to connect with

1) Although there are always different opinions on what goes on in a church but I want to say that I took the time to ready everybody's reply and I agree with a lot of what is being said. I find that sermons are mostly catered to marriage and family (You can almost always tell who goes to the church by the sermons being preached). The singles are nearly never addressed. While I don't expect a church to go on and on about the Lone Ranger from Singlesville but a little bit of recognition is STRONGLY needed and very much missing in a lot of churches. Churches need to talk about the pressures of single men and women in this fast changing world. We need to be guided and assured that the church has our back! Even something as small as a four week sermon on singlehood would be much appreciated. I have a lot of questions and I'm having a hard time find answers in the church. I'm sure the men feel this way too.

2) SMALL GROUPS SHOULD BE MANDATORY IN EVERY SINGLE CHURCH IN EXISTENCE. From personal experience my relationship with God excelled with leaps and bounds and became so strong just by going to a weekly small group. I was so sad that after a year it fell apart and now I don't really see the people I used to see and talk to. Small groups are so impactful in your walk with God because you are able to connect with people close to your age and with similar questions and ideas that you have. You can express yourself to this intimate group and pray for each other and man... you REALLY feel that prayer working! I benefited so much attending a small group in conjunction with going to church with the same people. It was nuts. If young men don't have this in their lives then they are missing out and it's a damn shame.

3) My intention in my original post wasn't supposed to focus on the whole "I want to meet somebody in the church", but the topic was mentioned and people ran with it. I'm glad it was focused on... but we all know truthfully that church isn't a singles bar and that is not the reason we go to church. Sometimes you just have to leave those kinds of feelings at the door, y'know? But I agree with most that it is very hard keeping your mind off of meeting somebody special. Where else would you for sure find a good Christian man or woman to potentially date and carry on a relationship with? Truthfully we are everywhere! And as some mentioned above, if God wants us to be married then He will bring that person to us only if we relent to Him. It's safe to say that most of us need to "give up the search" and carry on contently with how our lives are right now.
That being said, there is still the fact that these precious single people are missing from the congregation!

To the guys I have a message to you: For many ladies it's the classic same lake, different boat situation. I myself have found it hard to connect with young men in the church. I am a woman and I am saddened and disappointed that you are not here in the church with me to praise God together, whether you are meant to be my friend or to be more than my friend, that I will never know because you are not there to try. We are here, many women are in the church and we are looking around wondering where you are. The congregation is not whole without you there. You precious, precious men. I know it is hard to connect and that you feel that church doesn't offer you anything and that you cannot offer anything to it but you are so, so wrong. I am a woman who goes to church and wants to be surrounded by you good men. You protect us, you provide for us, you lead us and we know you are strong but you need to prove it. Church isn't "sissy", Jesus was more than gentle, you can do so much more than sit quietly as the married couples and families dominate the topics. Reach out, invite friends. Every man who reads this needs to start seriously discussing this with the other members of their church. Speak to anybody who will listen. Every man and woman needs to pray for the church to make a change and a difference in young men's lives. Every man needs to pray and ask God to reveal to him what his role is in the church he is going to. You are so important and it's sad that you don't realize it.

well i im a chruch where we are like 7 man and only 2 girls not maried
what do you do then ????????????????????????????????????

 

[dliz]

That is true. There are a lot of single ladies in my church and most of the men are either engaged,married or underage.

 

[Mad_Doctor]

im not underage , i just need courage and praying to god to give me courage

 

[agirlandherguitar]

The answer should not be "well I don't feel comfortable so I'm not even going to go to church". Often we have to do things that make us uncomfortable. It's a challenge! I don't always feel comfortable in social situations but I asked God to help me with that. It was the prayer that I've been avoiding my whole life because I knew God would push me out of my comfort zone if I asked him and I was scared. But... you kind of have to take that leap of faith if you want improvement in your life. You'll grow closer to God because you let go and let him take control.

We should not give up when things get tough and as men you need to fight that urge. Not going to church just adds to the problem we're discussing. No matter what you think you feel God is leading you you should ask yourself this question: Would going to church displease God? Only if you're going with a bad attitude, then you should stay home. Would NOT going to church please God? And if you think the answer is "yes" then you need to figure out why that is.

 

[beltn4real]

I too have noticed a lack of young men in Church. I am 23 and most people my age aren't interested in God and I have found it hard to date and make friends with fellow Christians. It's been easy to get wrapped up in guys of this world because men of Christ have been sparse. It's really disheartening. It's also been difficult to find girls to be friends with that aren't wrapped up in partying. :/

 

[Ugly]

I don't know, man. In my experience it has the worked the other way too. The Lord has blessed me with a youthful handsome face full of soft delicate and symmetrical features but that hasn't exactly helped me find a Born Again girl, so I'm really not sure where looks come into play. If I was supposed to have some advantage based on my looks, it's clearly not working (and those on CC who know me will scarce believe that I just typed these words! LOL)

Yeah, you stand the two of us up against the average Christian woman, and we'll see how that pans out. The clean cut baby face, or the scruffy bearded weirdo, haha. My look, since my teens have often not only turned most females away, but many church goers in general.
I was a leader in youth when i was 18. One woman started bringing her kids, when she picked them up she saw me and got very nervous, asked her kids who i was. She spent the next month or 2 grilling her kids on what i did, said, and how i acted at the youth service, she was convinced i was a bad person and there to corrupt the kids. haha. Finally she learned i wasn't so bad, and we eventually became good friends, but yeah, i'm sure if she saw you there she wouldn't have thought twice.

 

[Ugly]

I too have noticed a lack of young men in Church. I am 23 and most people my age aren't interested in God and I have found it hard to date and make friends with fellow Christians. It's been easy to get wrapped up in guys of this world because men of Christ have been sparse. It's really disheartening. It's also been difficult to find girls to be friends with that aren't wrapped up in partying. :/

Spend a few days in the chat room, with that avatar of yourself you'll have a number of dating and marriage proposals in under a week, haha.

 

[Ugly]

The answer should not be "well I don't feel comfortable so I'm not even going to go to church". Often we have to do things that make us uncomfortable. It's a challenge! I don't always feel comfortable in social situations but I asked God to help me with that. It was the prayer that I've been avoiding my whole life because I knew God would push me out of my comfort zone if I asked him and I was scared. But... you kind of have to take that leap of faith if you want improvement in your life. You'll grow closer to God because you let go and let him take control.

We should not give up when things get tough and as men you need to fight that urge. Not going to church just adds to the problem we're discussing. No matter what you think you feel God is leading you you should ask yourself this question: Would going to church displease God? Only if you're going with a bad attitude, then you should stay home. Would NOT going to church please God? And if you think the answer is "yes" then you need to figure out why that is.

Of course, the way to apply the women's actions to this is stop being so worried about marriage and dating that you run off to date non-Christians because you can't find one in church. Both genders are acting wrong in regards to this situation.