Should Christians Use Dating Apps?

[celras]

Should Christians Use Dating Apps?

 

[Churchgoer]

Absolutely, why not?

No matter where you go, let your light shine.

I recommend mingle and cafe.

 

[Lynx]

This topic comes up now and then. Soooooo... You might not get the eager participation you expected here. Or you might get a lot of argument from people taking up the old lines they used in the last argument.

 

[Churchgoer]

For young people 30 years ago, I saw many found their spouse in church fellowships. And they are still together now.

Today, I don't know. Try all resources, church, internet....

 

[Aussie52]

I would trust God to bring the right person along. Dating apps are a bit suspect, rather look in Church circles as mentioned above.

 

[passion84god]

Should Christians Use Dating Apps?

Whatever route Christians choose to go, they should cautiously proceed with much prayer. Marriage, if we really consider everything that the Bible has to say about it, is a very risky proposition.​

 

[cinder]

Well, I don't think dating apps are inherently evil or wrong for Christians to use, but we really should consider several things when we think about using them.

First there's the way that having more choices tends to delay making a decision, dating apps help play into this because there's always another profile that will go up. Along with that there may be a passivity that dating apps encourage, just put up all your info and wait for people to message you and tell you how wonderful you are and that you're their dream person (some may do this and others may just message everyone in hopes that someone responds).

Distance and merging lives are also considerations. You can meet a lot of wonderful people that are so far away that you can't easily both maintain your current lives if you end up together. If someone has to pack up and restart their life for the couple to be together that's a higher risk situation than meeting someone locally and both keeping your own lives while you're dating. And you can also lose a lot of time to long distance relationships that seem good, but then you meet and realize you couldn't actually stand living with this person because they're messy as anything and covered in dog sheddings or you've never made a bed in 20 years but it bothers this person if the bed isn't made and the house isn't tidied up. And sometimes it's just the practicality of wanting / needing to stay close to family that can stop the relationship from moving forward. And that doesn't even begin to touch on the idea of fake profiles and catfish that will waste your time and use you.

There's also the subtle way that dating apps commercialize relationships. I haven't really done the dating app thing (maybe because I don't see a relationship as a consumer product I'm shopping for to enhance my life), but I imagine it's really easy to start viewing all those potential matches through a lens of how can they benefit me and improve my life instead of a lens of is this someone I want to support and serve and be stuck with when life gets hard and bad things happen. So I don't think dating apps are encouraging people to view relationships in a way that's healthy and lasting. Now there are people I know who married someone they met online or through a dating site, but I'd be interested in what the stats actually are on % of users actually active and % of users who actually marry and how long it takes them on average and how much therapy those couples end up needing to make their marriage work (if it does end up lasting for a significant period of time).

And all those thoughts are why I'll probably never use a dating site.

 

[celras]

This topic comes up now and then. Soooooo... You might not get the eager participation you expected here. Or you might get a lot of argument from people taking up the old lines they used in the last argument.

Thank you.

Well, I don't think dating apps are inherently evil or wrong for Christians to use, but we really should consider several things when we think about using them.

First there's the way that having more choices tends to delay making a decision, dating apps help play into this because there's always another profile that will go up. Along with that there may be a passivity that dating apps encourage, just put up all your info and wait for people to message you and tell you how wonderful you are and that you're their dream person (some may do this and others may just message everyone in hopes that someone responds).

Distance and merging lives are also considerations. You can meet a lot of wonderful people that are so far away that you can't easily both maintain your current lives if you end up together. If someone has to pack up and restart their life for the couple to be together that's a higher risk situation than meeting someone locally and both keeping your own lives while you're dating. And you can also lose a lot of time to long distance relationships that seem good, but then you meet and realize you couldn't actually stand living with this person because they're messy as anything and covered in dog sheddings or you've never made a bed in 20 years but it bothers this person if the bed isn't made and the house isn't tidied up. And sometimes it's just the practicality of wanting / needing to stay close to family that can stop the relationship from moving forward. And that doesn't even begin to touch on the idea of fake profiles and catfish that will waste your time and use you.

There's also the subtle way that dating apps commercialize relationships. I haven't really done the dating app thing (maybe because I don't see a relationship as a consumer product I'm shopping for to enhance my life), but I imagine it's really easy to start viewing all those potential matches through a lens of how can they benefit me and improve my life instead of a lens of is this someone I want to support and serve and be stuck with when life gets hard and bad things happen. So I don't think dating apps are encouraging people to view relationships in a way that's healthy and lasting. Now there are people I know who married someone they met online or through a dating site, but I'd be interested in what the stats actually are on % of users actually active and % of users who actually marry and how long it takes them on average and how much therapy those couples end up needing to make their marriage work (if it does end up lasting for a significant period of time).

And all those thoughts are why I'll probably never use a dating site.

I think you've made a balanced point. The problem isn't necessarily the technology itself, but the mindset it can encourage.

One thing that stood out to me was your observation that dating apps can subtly turn people into products to be compared rather than individuals to be known. That's a real challenge in a culture that values endless choice.

At the same time, I wouldn't completely dismiss them. God isn't limited by the means He uses. There are Christian couples who genuinely met online and built strong, Christ-centered marriages. The platform itself isn't what determines the outcome—our hearts, motives, and discernment do.

For me, the key question isn't, "Should Christians use dating apps?" but rather, "Can I use one without adopting the world's view of relationships?" If someone can approach it prayerfully, with honesty, patience, and a genuine desire to find a lifelong covenant rather than just the next exciting option, then I think it's possible. But it certainly requires wisdom and self-discipline.

 

[Churchgoer]

Whatever route Christians choose to go, they should cautiously proceed with much prayer. Marriage, if we really consider everything that the Bible has to say about it, is a very risky proposition.​

Absolutely, even in local church, pray, observe, patience.

 

[passion84god]

strong, Christ-centered marriages

In your opinion. what would a strong, Christ-centered marriage look like?​

 

[celras]

In your opinion. what would a strong, Christ-centered marriage look like?​

That's a great question.

To me, a strong, Christ-centered marriage isn't one where the husband and wife are perfect, or where they never struggle. It's one where both are committed to putting Christ above themselves.

That means praying together, encouraging each other's faith, extending grace when the other falls short, and choosing forgiveness over resentment. It means asking, "How can I love and serve my spouse today?" rather than, "What am I getting out of this relationship?"

I also think a Christ-centered marriage understands that love is more than a feeling. Feelings come and go, but a covenant remains. The love described in Scripture is patient, sacrificial, faithful, and intentional. When both husband and wife pursue Christ first, they naturally grow closer to each other.

Of course, no couple lives this out perfectly. We all fail. But the direction matters more than perfection. A Christ-centered marriage is one in which both spouses keep turning back to Christ—and because of that, they keep turning back toward each other.

 

[CarriePie]

That's a great question.

To me, a strong, Christ-centered marriage isn't one where the husband and wife are perfect, or where they never struggle. It's one where both are committed to putting Christ above themselves.

That means praying together, encouraging each other's faith, extending grace when the other falls short, and choosing forgiveness over resentment. It means asking, "How can I love and serve my spouse today?" rather than, "What am I getting out of this relationship?"

I also think a Christ-centered marriage understands that love is more than a feeling. Feelings come and go, but a covenant remains. The love described in Scripture is patient, sacrificial, faithful, and intentional. When both husband and wife pursue Christ first, they naturally grow closer to each other.

Of course, no couple lives this out perfectly. We all fail. But the direction matters more than perfection. A Christ-centered marriage is one in which both spouses keep turning back to Christ—and because of that, they keep turning back toward each other.

This is very well said and deserves a trophy thingy (I miss the trophy reaction).

I don't have an answer for your thread, as I've never joined a dating site and I have no plans of doing so (my past relationships happened organically). I just like that part where you mentioned that we shouldn't think about "What am I getting out of this relationship?" This seems to be big problem in relationships. What you said should be remembered by all who are in relationships/married.

 

[Churchgoer]

My take is treating whoever you encounter as brother and sister in Christ, as if meeting them in local church, be polite, be honest, no need to disclose everything, but be true.

We can say we are not comfortable to tell, to do certain things. See if 2 people can meet each other in middle, if not, just say thank you for meeting politely and move on.

If 2 people getting to more serious stage such as pre marriage counseling, then need to find out each other's details. Know every past about the person if possible.

 

[celras]

This is very well said and deserves a trophy thingy (I miss the trophy reaction).

I don't have an answer for your thread, as I've never joined a dating site and I have no plans of doing so (my past relationships happened organically). I just like that part where you mentioned that we shouldn't think about "What am I getting out of this relationship?" This seems to be big problem in relationships. What you said should be remembered by all who are in relationships/married.

Thank you—that's very kind of you!

I really believe that mindset makes a huge difference. When both people are primarily asking, "How can I love, encourage, and serve my spouse?" instead of "How can this relationship make me happier?" the whole dynamic changes.

Of course, marriage shouldn't be one-sided. Both husband and wife have needs, and both should care for one another. But I think the biblical model begins with giving rather than demanding. Ironically, when two people are committed to serving each other, both usually end up receiving far more than if each were focused on themselves.

I'm glad your past relationships developed organically. There really is something beautiful about getting to know someone naturally over time.

My take is treating whoever you encounter as brother and sister in Christ, as if meeting them in local church, be polite, be honest, no need to disclose everything, but be true.

We can say we are not comfortable to tell, to do certain things. See if 2 people can meet each other in middle, if not, just say thank you for meeting politely and move on.

If 2 people getting to more serious stage such as pre marriage counseling, then need to find out each other's details. Know every past about the person if possible.

I like your perspective. Treating one another first as a brother or sister in Christ creates a foundation of respect, kindness, and honesty, regardless of whether the relationship leads to marriage.

I also agree that there is a time for everything. You don't have to share your whole life story on the first few dates, but as the relationship grows, openness and transparency become increasingly important.

Ultimately, I think the goal is to build enough trust that neither person feels the need to hide anything that could affect the marriage. A relationship centered on Christ should be a place where truth and grace grow together.

 

[celras]

My take is treating whoever you encounter as brother and sister in Christ, as if meeting them in local church, be polite, be honest, no need to disclose everything, but be true.

We can say we are not comfortable to tell, to do certain things. See if 2 people can meet each other in middle, if not, just say thank you for meeting politely and move on.

If 2 people getting to more serious stage such as pre marriage counseling, then need to find out each other's details. Know every past about the person if possible.

I like your perspective. Treating one another first as a brother or sister in Christ creates a foundation of respect, kindness, and honesty, regardless of whether the relationship leads to marriage.

I also agree that there is a time for everything. You don't have to share your whole life story on the first few dates, but as the relationship grows, openness and transparency become increasingly important.

Ultimately, I think the goal is to build enough trust that neither person feels the need to hide anything that could affect the marriage. A relationship centered on Christ should be a place where truth and grace grow together.

 

[CarriePie]

Thank you—that's very kind of you!

I really believe that mindset makes a huge difference. When both people are primarily asking, "How can I love, encourage, and serve my spouse?" instead of "How can this relationship make me happier?" the whole dynamic changes.

Of course, marriage shouldn't be one-sided. Both husband and wife have needs, and both should care for one another. But I think the biblical model begins with giving rather than demanding. Ironically, when two people are committed to serving each other, both usually end up receiving far more than if each were focused on themselves.

I'm glad your past relationships developed organically. There really is something beautiful about getting to know someone naturally over time.

I agree with you that that mindset makes a huge difference. I saw a couple holding hands and praying. I thought, how nice is that! What if whenever there is conflict, couples just stop and hold hands and pray.

Relationships developing organically is nice, but I'm not against those that do opt for online dating apps. I just can't bring myself to use apps or dating sites. I have never looked for a relationship, yet I've been in a few and it has not been long since I was in a relationship. So, though my way is nice in that it developes naturally, it hasn't proved to be any better than for those who use dating apps. Not yet anyway lol.

 

[celras]

I agree with you that that mindset makes a huge difference. I saw a couple holding hands and praying. I thought, how nice is that! What if whenever there is conflict, couples just stop and hold hands and pray.

Relationships developing organically is nice, but I'm not against those that do opt for online dating apps. I just can't bring myself to use apps or dating sites. I have never looked for a relationship, yet I've been in a few and it has not been long since I was in a relationship. So, though my way is nice in that it developes naturally, it hasn't proved to be any better than for those who use dating apps. Not yet anyway lol.

I really like your example of a couple stopping to hold hands and pray. It's such a simple gesture, yet it completely changes the focus. Instead of trying to win an argument, both people are reminded that they're on the same team and that Christ is the center of their marriage.

I also appreciate your honesty about relationships developing naturally. I don't think one approach is automatically better than the other. God can bring two people together through everyday life or through a dating app. What matters most is the character of the two people and whether they're both seeking to honor Christ.

I hope that, in God's timing, the next relationship you find yourself in will be the one that lasts.

 

[CarriePie]

Yes, simple gestures! I think people often forget how important simple gestures are. I also think (and have experienced this) that people in relationships too often make a big deal out of something that really isn't a big deal, allowing it to cause unnecessary problems.

And thanks! May the Lord's will be done. Our lives are always better when His will and guidance are present. May that especially be true in our relationships!

 

[celras]

Yes, simple gestures! I think people often forget how important simple gestures are. I also think (and have experienced this) that people in relationships too often make a big deal out of something that really isn't a big deal, allowing it to cause unnecessary problems.

And thanks! May the Lord's will be done. Our lives are always better when His will and guidance are present. May that especially be true in our relationships!

Amen to that.

I think you're right—many conflicts grow, not because the issue itself is so important, but because pride, misunderstanding, or hurt feelings are allowed to take over. Sometimes a gentle word, a sincere apology, or simply stopping to pray together can prevent a small disagreement from becoming a deep wound.

And I couldn't agree more with your last sentence. If both husband and wife are genuinely seeking God's will above their own, they'll usually find themselves moving closer to each other as well. That's the kind of marriage I hope to have one day.

 

[CarriePie]

Amen to that.

I think you're right—many conflicts grow, not because the issue itself is so important, but because pride, misunderstanding, or hurt feelings are allowed to take over. Sometimes a gentle word, a sincere apology, or simply stopping to pray together can prevent a small disagreement from becoming a deep wound.

I remember a quote that said, "The greatest distance between two people is misunderstanding." Two people can be in the same house and have the greatest distance between them, and that feels like the harshest distance. When you truly love someone, for them to hurt is for you to hurt.

And I couldn't agree more with your last sentence. If both husband and wife are genuinely seeking God's will above their own, they'll usually find themselves moving closer to each other as well. That's the kind of marriage I hope to have one day.

That sounds like the best kind of marriage!