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I am seeking advice on a relationship. So, about six weeks ago, a sister of a good friend of mine, started expressing romantic interest in me. I have known her sister for about four years, but I just met her for the first time a few months ago. She's a great girl, does social work, owns her own house, attractive, popular (she was head cheerleader in high school), all the good stuff anyone could want. Both her parents have PhDs and both are ministers. She was raised in a Christian home. She has committed her life to Jesus, is charismatic (speaks in tongues), and tithes regularly.
She connected with me on Facebook and wanted to hang out. I was definitely cool with hanging out and spending time to get to know her. When friends and I would go out on the weekend, I would invite her. We would all have a great time. She then expressed she wanted to go out with me one on one. We started doing that and would have a great time going out on the weekends. But, when we would discuss family and relationship matters, we always clash. There are a lot of little things that she has that are red flags, but I’m trying to get over them.
She has tattoos. For me, tattoos are a sign of rebelliousness. They are small ones that can be covered up, so I can get over that. She swears a lot and is pretty materialistic. As she says, she doesn’t look at price tags. If she likes it, she gets it. Mind you, she is a social worker. We are both in our thirties and she has stated she didn’t want to be pregnant all of her thirties and didn’t want a baby/babies to ruin her figure. If we could afford a surrogate, she would probably like that option. She’s pro-choice and has gay friends. One of her best friends is a woman who is active in her church and sings in the choir, but is a lesbian. She wants a lesbian to be a godmother to our children. These are red flags, but I don’t think they are deal breakers, because one can mature and grow out that mindset.
But the biggest issue is meeting her emotional needs. I’m from a conservative Christian background so I’m trying to figure out how to do this in a biblical manner. She wants to kiss (on the lips), cuddle on the couch and/or bed, and be alone in private having dinner or watching movies at her house or mine. I’ve made it clear that there is no sexual activity until marriage. She is ok with that, but is looking to develop intimacy. The way she wants to do that seems unbiblical and gives a lot of room for temptation. Also, for her the biggest way to build intimacy is through praying together. I’m okay with this, but I think it would be limited. When I share articles about Christian dating, she thinking I’m trying to be controlling and being emotionally abusive. She has hinted at being hurt or traumatize in the past and I think that’s why she is seeking intimacy. She is very emotional and cries about this, but I don’t want to do anything unbiblical.
Any thoughts on what I should do? Should I continue this relationship?
Laurens
She connected with me on Facebook and wanted to hang out. I was definitely cool with hanging out and spending time to get to know her. When friends and I would go out on the weekend, I would invite her. We would all have a great time. She then expressed she wanted to go out with me one on one. We started doing that and would have a great time going out on the weekends. But, when we would discuss family and relationship matters, we always clash. There are a lot of little things that she has that are red flags, but I’m trying to get over them.
She has tattoos. For me, tattoos are a sign of rebelliousness. They are small ones that can be covered up, so I can get over that. She swears a lot and is pretty materialistic. As she says, she doesn’t look at price tags. If she likes it, she gets it. Mind you, she is a social worker. We are both in our thirties and she has stated she didn’t want to be pregnant all of her thirties and didn’t want a baby/babies to ruin her figure. If we could afford a surrogate, she would probably like that option. She’s pro-choice and has gay friends. One of her best friends is a woman who is active in her church and sings in the choir, but is a lesbian. She wants a lesbian to be a godmother to our children. These are red flags, but I don’t think they are deal breakers, because one can mature and grow out that mindset.
But the biggest issue is meeting her emotional needs. I’m from a conservative Christian background so I’m trying to figure out how to do this in a biblical manner. She wants to kiss (on the lips), cuddle on the couch and/or bed, and be alone in private having dinner or watching movies at her house or mine. I’ve made it clear that there is no sexual activity until marriage. She is ok with that, but is looking to develop intimacy. The way she wants to do that seems unbiblical and gives a lot of room for temptation. Also, for her the biggest way to build intimacy is through praying together. I’m okay with this, but I think it would be limited. When I share articles about Christian dating, she thinking I’m trying to be controlling and being emotionally abusive. She has hinted at being hurt or traumatize in the past and I think that’s why she is seeking intimacy. She is very emotional and cries about this, but I don’t want to do anything unbiblical.
Any thoughts on what I should do? Should I continue this relationship?
Laurens
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