Should I get married now ?

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Vannah113

New member
#1
Jan 21, 2020
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#1
I’m 19 and Me and my boyfriend are considering getting married before he leaves in March (he’s in the army) I know I love him with all my heart and loves me . But the problem is we would probably get married in a courthouse first before the church and I’ve been told that’s sinful but I’m not for sure . If it is maybe we will wait but I have to know the answer. So is it sinful and would God forgive me ?
 
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TheIndianGirl

Guest
#2
#2
Both of you are very young. Try Christian counseling or talking with your pastor first before getting married.
 
laughingheart

laughingheart

Senior Member
#3
Sep 21, 2016
1,709
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#3
What could possibly be sinful about signing legal documents? The church ceremony is only legal because of these same documents. I do not think it is a matter of sinful as opposed to possible regrets over not having the wedding that can include friends and family. Sometimes the feeling that you need to hurry, is a sign that you need to slow down. It is not a question of whether you love each other but of taking the time to understand things about each other that will matter in the long term. Have you done premarital counselling classes at your church? Have you discussed how you communicate, how your families communicated and the effect that had on you? What are your attitudes towards money? Are you savers, spenders, givers etc? What about children? Are you on the same page? One income family or two? What happens if one of you gets ill? What are your attitudes towards having a sick or disabled spouse? I am going on and on but this is an example of the sort of issues you need to talk about, preferably with godly counsel to help you see if you are ready. At your age you are both prone to change a lot. That doesn't mean young marriage cannot flourish. It is just wise not to rush. I don't want you to have regrets or do things that will cause hard feelings with family members.
Your question is about sin and there is none getting married at city hall. The question is what is the rush? If it is that he needs to marry quickly because he gets jealous or has trust issues, that is something that needs to be sorted out. Jealousy is not love. If it is you wanting to make sure he doesn't stray then the relationship needs to be at a firmer place.
Whatever happens I wish you all the best. God bless dear girl.
 
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blueluna5

Well-known member
#4
Jul 30, 2018
669
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#4
Vannah113 said:
I’m 19 and Me and my boyfriend are considering getting married before he leaves in March (he’s in the army) I know I love him with all my heart and loves me . But the problem is we would probably get married in a courthouse first before the church and I’ve been told that’s sinful but I’m not for sure . If it is maybe we will wait but I have to know the answer. So is it sinful and would God forgive me ?
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I don't have the whole story so it's hard to say. It's not a sin though, but may mess with your life if not right.

Questions to ask:
* Is he a Christian?
* Has he cheated on you or anyone before?
* How is his family? Are they"normal"? Are they together still? Are they similar to your family? Are they Christians? Do they have family values?
* How is HIS relationship with his family, especially his mom?
* Does he have any addiction issues?
* Do you agree on family values and future kids?
* Does he spend his money appropriately?

If you answer no to any of these questions, then I would say no it won't work. Be honest with yourself.

There WILL be struggles... Starting with just the army. Is he able to remain faithful? He will have opportunities... Everyone does.

The biggest factors to divorce are being unfaithful and finance.
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#5
Oct 13, 2014
6,891
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#5
If hes going into the military and u really want to stay with him all ur life, u should get a court wedding.

Rather really take time to think about the effect the military life has on u and if u really wanna live like that. Over seas trips, stress, life under controll of the military...
I wouldnt
 
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3angelsmsg

Guest
#6
#6
Hi sis,

I agree with the sentiments as listed already. It is not just about the formalities to make your marriage valid. There should be more significance too it than just the mere ceremony. It has to do with the heart or motive? If the motive for getting married is right no problem.

Like both of you are young, why the rush?
 
Mii

Mii

Well-known member
#7
Mar 23, 2019
2,082
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#7
Has he been deployed before while you have been together?

I would wait at least one deployment period myself...seems like a good test for any military relationship. If there's a time based pressure it makes sense to plan for the next few months while he is away and to consider how the separation affects you.

There's a lot of spicy impulse decisions that get carried out when military personnel get deployed or are home on leave, I'm not saying anything positive or negative about this because it is a unique situation...just bear it in mind.

If you feel that it's the Lord's will and want to plan a ceremony after he gets back and simply follow legal procedure prior to departure, that's not unscriptural as far as I know, but I do know that a wedding is just as much for a couple as it is for friends and family...something like baptism in a way. Certainly there are private baptisms and it's not frowned upon scripturally, but you can also declare it in a group setting and have others share in the joy. It's a personal decision. Get a group of people together and pray about it if you are uncertain

In the end it's not about friends or family but if a little bit of self-sacrifice can be made to their benefit and it's not "too" inconvenient...I'd wait. If not, and it's a burning need and you have thoroughly employed all the wisdom that you both have and have come to agreement on the matter and you have no reservations, then the Lord's will be done.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#8
Mar 13, 2014
42,665
17,120
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Tennessee
#8
Vannah113 said:
I’m 19 and Me and my boyfriend are considering getting married before he leaves in March (he’s in the army) I know I love him with all my heart and loves me . But the problem is we would probably get married in a courthouse first before the church and I’ve been told that’s sinful but I’m not for sure . If it is maybe we will wait but I have to know the answer. So is it sinful and would God forgive me ?
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No it is not sinful but perhaps it may be unwise to rush into things at such a young age. @Mii offered sound counsel in this regard. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#9
Sep 17, 2018
4,101
3,199
113
#9
Vannah113 said:
I’m 19 and Me and my boyfriend are considering getting married before he leaves in March (he’s in the army) I know I love him with all my heart and loves me . But the problem is we would probably get married in a courthouse first before the church and I’ve been told that’s sinful but I’m not for sure . If it is maybe we will wait but I have to know the answer. So is it sinful and would God forgive me ?
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Whoever told you that's a sin is clueless and I'd be cautious taking any advice from them in the future.
But rushing into marriage is usually a bad idea. I know it sounds loving and romantic but it takes more than that to sustain a marriage. Especially one with a military spouse. Being in the military can put a great strain on a relationship.
I'd slow down. But either way it's no sin to marry outside of a church.
 
brighthouse98

brighthouse98

Senior Member
#10
Apr 16, 2015
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#10
Sister rest your mind. who married Peter in the bible??? Matt 8:14-15,1 Cor 9:5, and finally 1 Peter 3:1-7 see sis? Where does it say in 1 Peter where to marry?? It doesn't!!!
'
 
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3angelsmsg

Guest
#11
#11
Hi Vannah, I am not sure how long the two of you have been in relationship and if you had tested the love of your partner before. But I suggest that you should really put your partner under severe pressure or stress, so that you can see the true identity of your future husband. For example, if you going on date. Take very long time to get ready for date or keep him waiting or when you are on date and he buys food. You don't eat the food. Or if he bring flowers you throw it in the bin. It may sound little extreme but you need to see his reaction if he gets angry you tell him that he failed the test. And that is why couples get married without truely knowing or blindly getting married. I hope that it makes sense
 
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Ruby123

Guest
#12
#12
3angelsmsg said:
Hi Vannah, I am not sure how long the two of you have been in relationship and if you had tested the love of your partner before. But I suggest that you should really put your partner under severe pressure or stress, so that you can see the true identity of your future husband. For example, if you going on date. Take very long time to get ready for date or keep him waiting or when you are on date and he buys food. You don't eat the food. Or if he bring flowers you throw it in the bin. It may sound little extreme but you need to see his reaction if he gets angry you tell him that he failed the test. And that is why couples get married without truely knowing or blindly getting married. I hope that it makes sense
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Sorry 3angels I had to laugh at the part where you said if someone buys you flowers throw them in the bin :LOL:
 
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3angelsmsg

Guest
#13
#13
Lol no it is fine sis. What do you think?
 
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Ruby123

Guest
#14
#14
I think it is wise to get to know someone a long time before marriage so you get to see all sides to them. Often they portray only their best side in the beginnings. Don';t rush and pray pray pray to God as to whether this person is right for you.
 
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