singleminded faith

[Lanolin]

I was thinking on what it means to be a faithful single.

quite often the stereotype of faith is that marriage is based on faith in your spouse. To last, both have to remain faithful to each other. But the problem with that is its places too much in one person who may have feet of clay. Your spouse is by no means perfect. Nobody ever can be. They might seem aboslutely perfect when you first meet and fall in love...but honeymoon periods soon end and then you find out all this stuff and have to live with them for the rest of your life!

for me well I dont know if I could handle another person placing all their faith in ME! That pretty much means I can never stuff up or let them down cos they would feel betrayed and hurt if I did. Thats a lot of pressure to be perfect.

on my part putting all my faith into my spouse is also rather risky. I would then be treating them as my saviour when they cant be.

why because I already have Jesus Christ as my saviour and Lord and no other man can come close...although I am sure there are men out there that are faithful christians its just that they are likely to be already married, or so secure in their faith in Jesus that they have no need to marry. which is ok because I need christian brothers more than I need a spouse. Putting all my faith in ONE person just seems like a really bad idea and would mean instead of being singleminded about Jesus...i would be doubleminded and losing my first love.

Pleasing Jesus and knowing him and talking to him is easy. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. But being married to someone seems fraught with difficulties...and not to mention raising children on top of that. Of course its entirely possible but depending on how many children one has you are looking at getting them through life as well in addition to your own. when does that leave you time for the Lord?

does this mean my faith will somehow get diluted as I try to please everyone in my family should I make a new one. Something I have pondered. I know many women who married in church even PASTORS and they still separated and divorced. their children dont even go to their own churches and they cant even keep track of their faith either.

so when people place their faith in getting married and having children I am a bit suss about that. Im like really, do you knowwhat you are getting into. How can you be sure. How can you have assurance, when the only assurance guranteed is the blessed assurance we have from the Lord who will ALWAYs be faithful to us, even if we are not?!

How about you.

 

[GWYW_Bob]

Hi Lanolin. You are right that putting all your faith in one person is a really bad idea and would interfere with being singleminded about Jesus. I am married, waiteded, endured until 53 and got married. My wife is the apple of my eye but I knew she wasn't perfect. Genesis 3:16-Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

This doesn't mean what it appears to on the surface. Without going into detail, the husband and wife will struggle with control issues. You may already be aware of the troubles in 1 Corinthians 7:28. It won't be too difficult to avoid putting all your faith in your spouse. Our sinful humanity can't be hidden when married.

Marriage is supposed to the place for not being distracted and riddled with sexual frustration, in other words, for most the best situation for being singleminded for Christ is marriage. In my own experience I can now breath a sigh of relief. My focus on the Lord was not diminished by being married, it was challenged when single, especially for so long.

I don't have children but if that happens it's a great opportunity to teach them the word and be the type of parent God wants me to be, which will require focus on him, his word, and how I model Christlike behavior. That's all good. A mother is busy doing the same.

God is with us when married, to continue to grow our faith and maturity. We can be singleminded there, in fact we must be.

 

[Lanolin]

interesting I think marriage would be way too distracting, for women anyway because of the children. Men seem to get off easy. I hate people trying to control me so its better I dont marry and be free.

dont know about the sexual frustration part. I think it would be annoying to be married and then your husband or wife has access to your body any time of the day or night. Not to mention hungry children. wouldnt that be annoying or would you just say to them get lost I need my quiet time.

 

[Lanolin]

Personally i think its about half and half because half marriages last and half dont, so its a bit obvious that marriage isnt meant for all. Otherwise there would be 100 percent marriages, no divorces, and no single people/bachelors.

I wouldnt say marriage is for everyone just as being single is for everyone. It certainly isnt expected nowadays alhtough after the war, all the baby boomers were expected to reproduce because half the population had died! it is interesting that many of the songs of that era, the 1950s were about finding a partner as if thats all they cared about.

 

[Lanolin]

I had some more thoughts on this and I think being single for christian men is a lot different than being single for christian women.

Another thing is because women are around children more in families and in work situations and so are CONSTANTLY being interrupted and used to it wheras theres still this thing where men are kept away from children. I dont know why...its like its almost taboo for a man to look after his own children when they are very young. But those young years when they are growing up are vital.

end result is many children end up being orphaned by their own dads when they are still alive!

a man who has wife has help at his beck and call whenever he desires
but a woman who has a husband often has a hindrance or someone who isnt even there cos he goes off to work and leaves her for 8 hours everyday with alone with the children.

 

[Hungry]

I had some more thoughts on this and I think being single for christian men is a lot different than being single for christian women.

Another thing is because women are around children more in families and in work situations and so are CONSTANTLY being interrupted and used to it wheras theres still this thing where men are kept away from children. I dont know why...its like its almost taboo for a man to look after his own children when they are very young. But those young years when they are growing up are vital.

end result is many children end up being orphaned by their own dads when they are still alive!

a man who has wife has help at his beck and call whenever he desires
but a woman who has a husband often has a hindrance or someone who isnt even there cos he goes off to work and leaves her for 8 hours everyday with alone with the children.

I think your observations are 100% accurate. You obviously do not currently possess the maternal instincts that cause a woman to look past the trials and responsibilities of motherhood for a chance to hold a little baby to call your own. Marriage is much more than putting your faith in someone. It is becoming one with someone. When done successfully you aren’t sharing a space, you are sharing a life. One life, two vessels. If you already feel whole, then marriage would most likely trouble you. For some reason I picture you about 22-25 yrs old. If dedicating your life to marriage and motherhood doesn’t appeal to you, what, dare I ask, will you occupy the next 50 years doing.....specifically? This isn’t a rhetorical question. I too did not favor the prospect of marriage and parenting but I can’t deny it has caused more growth in me than I ever could imagine. The Lord has used this institution to chip away foolishness, selfishness, pride and impatience. All that is left is wisdom, joy and love. In many ways it caused me to be a better servant. It is obstacles that strengthen us. In what ways will you challenge yourself?

 

[Lynx]

Every time I see the title of this thread I read it as "simpleminded faith" at first glance, and think "Oh that's me, that's me!"

 

[Lanolin]

I would possibly be still looking after other peoples children who feel abandoned by their own parents for 50 plus years.
One of my mums friends was a midwife who never had children, though she is married. I am not sure why but she borought more children into this world than having her own, so...she got to hold hundreds and hundreds of babies. You couldnt say she didnt have any maternal instinct.....

 

[Lanolin]

in terms of maturity maybe thats a thing for slow developers although one doesnt actually need to be mature to have children its easily done lol.
A lot of children end up being more mature than their own parents especially if one leaves or dies and they end up running the household in their absence.

 

[Lanolin]

looking after plants is also a bit easier than children...they dont tend to run away...!
The thing is whatver you do as a women you are generally looking after someone else already. But men dont seem to have the same kinds of jobs or responsibilities or duties of looking after someone else. They are encouraged to accept help. women are their own help.

 

[Lanolin]

another thing is babies dont stay babies forever.
I think a lot of mothers forget that babies grow into toddlers then children, then tweens, and then become..,teenagers! then adults. But in their minds, their adult child is still a a baby, although they cannot control them anymore. lol Ive seen mothers who had babies who they could not even hold as that was denied them at the hosptial ..but holding babies is something mums often cant do much of when you think its the most improtant thing they are off doing something else or looking after the children they already have.
which is kind of strange. also spoken to mums who had NOOO idea when they first had a baby how to hold or even feed them. Dads, it seems, have even LESS clue.

 

[Prycejosh1987]

I was thinking on what it means to be a faithful single.

I guess faithful single is looking after yourself and having self respect and looking after your needs and doing things for self.

 

[Lanolin]

I guess faithful single is looking after yourself and having self respect and looking after your needs and doing things for self.

hmm ok
I dont think that is the case necessarily.
Your body is not really your own, it belongs to God, (when you are a believer) so that precludes being selfish about it. Being faithful single isnt all about yourself...its about being faithful TO God and letting Him look after your needs. IMHO.

 

[Lion222]

You are single it is for service to God through obedience in faith.
Just as if you are married it is for service to God through obedience in faith.

Marriage exposes the self opposed to submitting to doing Gods will.
Children expose the self opposed to submitting to doing Gods will.
If you are single and you commit your life to obey Gods will in everything that will also expose the self.

Sin and self are always the problem.

It turns your obedience to God into judging the quality of your friends and family.
It turns your obedience to God into judging the quality of your man.
it turns your obedience to God into judging the quality of your woman.
It turns your obedience to God into judging your quality of your kids.

But it is obedience to God that judges the quality of you and me.

 

[Lion222]

hmm ok
I dont think that is the case necessarily.
Your body is not really your own, it belongs to God, (when you are a believer) so that precludes being selfish about it. Being faithful single isnt all about yourself...its about being faithful TO God and letting Him look after your needs. IMHO.

Is it not more like being faithful to God in sacrificing what you want, and what you and need ( Your widows mite ) and let him give you whatever He is pleased to give you?

I think it is a key distinction that God would have us bring into our relationships.

 

[tourist]

interesting I think marriage would be way too distracting, for women anyway because of the children. Men seem to get off easy. I hate people trying to control me so its better I dont marry and be free.

dont know about the sexual frustration part. I think it would be annoying to be married and then your husband or wife has access to your body any time of the day or night. Not to mention hungry children. wouldnt that be annoying or would you just say to them get lost I need my quiet time.

If you were to get married you don't have to have children.