Singles and Safety -- What Are Your Best Tips and Advice for Surviving Life Alone? (Saying No, Getting Help, Standing Your Ground, Etc.)

[seoulsearch]

I haven't watched too many episodes of Judge Judy, actually it is rather boring, but I do remember her saying 'Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining'

The US tv 'reality' show that shocks me is Hoarders, or maybe Storage Wars, I mean the idea of stuffing your house full of stuff, so much so you need to buy extra space, and then never using it. You can't fit any friends or family in your house, it's too full of your stuff. For health and safety reasons, people that do this need to be evicted...! And all their stuff taken to the tip, but then they can't bear to part with it, so would rather live in their own tip.

Can't survive alone without your stuff? I am sure Jesus said a lot about that in the Bible.

Well that's the beauty of sites like this.

Here you can get to know real, actual Americans living in the USA -- and I think you'll find that we're a lot different than what's portrayed just on Judge Judy or Hoarders.

Sure, there are some people like that, but it's like every other country -- we have some... outliers... but we're mostly just regular everyday people.

I know you've said you've spent some time in the USA, but like any place, all we one really gets when traveling is just a small snapshot (sample size) of what life and the people are like -- unless they live there for an extended time.

And even then, in a place as big as the USA, things vary widely from region to region, or even from town to town.

 

[Lanolin]

Well that's the beauty of sites like this.

Here you can get to know real, actual Americans living in the USA -- and I think you'll find that we're a lot different than what's portrayed just on Judge Judy or Hoarders.

Sure, there are some people like that, but it's like every other country -- we have some... outliers... but we're mostly just regular everyday people.

I know you've said you've spent some time in the USA, but like any place, all we one really gets when traveling is just a small snapshot (sample size) of what life and the people are like -- unless they live there for an extended time.

And even then, in a place as big as the USA, things vary widely from region to region, or even from town to town.

Of course but its terrible to see that in your country. Of course, not everyone lives in Beverly Hills or like a Beverly Hillbilly either. But you have to admit, the culture is weird to any foreigner.

 

[Lanolin]

'Keep Austin weird' is actually a thing that town is proud of, I've heard. Austin, Texas.

 

[Lanolin]

One time, a lady from church asked if I would help clean a house for another churchgoer, and it turned out, she was a hoarder. And about to be evicted. I could literally not get in the door.

I didn't know that people would make entire tv shows about it. Until I actually saw it on TV and every episode was dedicated to people who hoarded from all across the US.

I had to call the Phobic Trust to see if I could help or do anything because I certainly was not able to clean or sort anything at her house! I also told the Pastor and he said we couldn't do anything, she'd just fill it up with stuff all over again.

 

[Lanolin]

The Tiny house thing is also, a thing that became popular. TV of course takes extremes of everything. I am sure if anyone watched NZ soapie Shortland Street, they'd think our doctors and nurses did nothing but sleep around together. lol

But it is also true a lot of kiwis are always ending up in A&E thanks to our drunk drivers.

 

[Lanolin]

Just want to add, be assertive and when necessary reinforce your boundaries.

I think it harder for those who's boundaries have already been crossed to then toss that person out of their life as they've set up home and need evicting.

My strategy is someone is getting TOO CLOSE to remind that person if they are married or have an other half to ask where is your wife? Or hows your wife, don't you have a home to go to? Or if they've got family that they need to go back and look after them first.

You don't need to be acting as the husband/wife of someone who ALREADY has one and doing all their chores for them they could do. Or things they could easily do themselves or would be better off doing by themselves. You can just say 'sorry, I can't help you' and leave it at that.

I have had the experience of a 'friend' who always let me down, and she would do it to everyone, like she made arrangements and then cancels at the last minute, and this has happened more than 3 times until I said enough, you always do this, I'm not hanging out with you anymore. And when she kept trying to call me, I wouldn't answer, blocked her number, and when she left messages, changing her mind, apologising and then doing it all over again and trying to do it through another friend, I just told my other friend, if she tries that to not pass on any messages from her either. She got tired of being the 'meat in the sandhich' too.

finally I hope she got the message, because really it was wearing me down. This 'friend' or ex-friend was someone I'd known for years and years but before I became a Christian so she wasn't like someone who respected my boundaries which I had to learn AFTER that.

Altho having said that I encountered a few that said they were Christians but they turned out not to be and really it got to me thinking they were spiritually manipulative because they bought God into all the things they actually were trying to bulldoze me into doing. They claimed God wouldn't be happy if I didn't do whatever they wanted!