So , 😞 I finally had to do it .....

[Suze]

Last Friday , my mum's carer Mel and Mel's cousin Adele , were both very rude , disrespectful and aggressive towards me , in front of my mum , again . My mum does nothing and says nothing , this is not because she is frail or anything like that , so they r definitely not bullying her , my mum is not bullyable . So , I left the house and went and did my mum's shopping and when I got back they were gone so , I told my mum that I wouldn't b coming to do her shopping any more because I had had enough of the way Mel regularly treats me and now Mels cousin has started to join in also . My mum was absolutely fine with this , suprise suprise .
I feel so free and relaxed , especially as I also asked my mum to take me out of her will a few weeks ago and she's done that . I get to spend more time at home which I'm happy about and , I won't b so exhausted all the time .
I feel sorry for my mum because she is her own worst enemy and she still doesn't realise it but what can I do ? Things were so bad with Mel that I was starting to feel that I wouldn't b able to control my anger and that I would retaliate and end up going down to her level , which I do not want to do .
Why would two guests in my mum's home , think that it's ok for them to belittle me , talk over me , dismiss me and challenge every little thing I say , in front of my mum ? There's only really one explanation for that and my mum confirmed it by her attitude to me when I told her I wasn't going to come any more .
Being around someone with a very serious personality disorder can b extremely treacherous , physically , mentally , emotionally and spiritually . I'm sad but relieved to b out if that situation .
Does anyone else have any similar experiences with psycopaths / narcissists etc ? How did it turn out for u ?

 

[faithlife]

Yes! I have an egomaniac bro who bullied my dad into leaving him my dad's estate when he passed. It was woth $750,000 right before the recession. My parents were always equal in giving us presents and would never willingly do something like this. He sits in my dad's home and has re-fied the house to the max. Thank God I recently saw the light and am letting go of the harsh feelings I have toward him. I can't be in God's love and carry this baggage so instead I've decided to pray for his salvation, he thinks he's a preacher(trying to cover his tracks, lol). So no Suze, you're not alone in dealing with egomaniac narcissists

 

[Standard]

Yes... You're not alone I'll keep you in my prayers, Suze. I'd rather not give details, just know you're in good company, God is great and will have my voice in His ears on your behalf

 

[Suze]

Yes! I have an egomaniac bro who bullied my dad into leaving him my dad's estate when he passed. It was woth $750,000 right before the recession. My parents were always equal in giving us presents and would never willingly do something like this. He sits in my dad's home and has re-fied the house to the max. Thank God I recently saw the light and am letting go of the harsh feelings I have toward him. I can't be in God's love and carry this baggage so instead I've decided to pray for his salvation, he thinks he's a preacher(trying to cover his tracks, lol). So no Suze, you're not alone in dealing with egomaniac narcissists

Oh gosh ! U r well out of that ! Please know that u have definitely done the right thing in cutting ties with him .
I honestly thought that maybe , just maybe , if I gave up my inheritance , which allowed my mum to leave it to Mel ( I knew already that this is what they both wanted ) that Mel would b less agressive to me and my mum would b happier , but no . It seems this gave them the impetus to finally totally push me away . I have been putting the blame for all this situation squarely on my mum's shoulders , as she is the diagnosed narcissistic psychopath and an extremely skilled manipulator , but my hubby says no . He says that Mel , and now even Adele , r grown intelligent women who cannot b made to do something that isn't already in their nature and I c his point . Any how I'm out of it completely , I still text my mum every morning and evening and she replies with the usual formulaic responses . Five years I've been going there regularly , 3 and a half years when my step dad was alive three days a week , and after he died a further year and a half for two days a week . It will b nice to get my life back and feel like myself again thanks for listening and , if someone is regularly deliberately mean to u , don't waste any of your time on them please , they r doing it because they enjoy doing it .

 

[Gideon300]

Last Friday , my mum's carer Mel and Mel's cousin Adele , were both very rude , disrespectful and aggressive towards me , in front of my mum , again . My mum does nothing and says nothing , this is not because she is frail or anything like that , so they r definitely not bullying her , my mum is not bullyable . So , I left the house and went and did my mum's shopping and when I got back they were gone so , I told my mum that I wouldn't b coming to do her shopping any more because I had had enough of the way Mel regularly treats me and now Mels cousin has started to join in also . My mum was absolutely fine with this , suprise suprise .
I feel so free and relaxed , especially as I also asked my mum to take me out of her will a few weeks ago and she's done that . I get to spend more time at home which I'm happy about and , I won't b so exhausted all the time .
I feel sorry for my mum because she is her own worst enemy and she still doesn't realise it but what can I do ? Things were so bad with Mel that I was starting to feel that I wouldn't b able to control my anger and that I would retaliate and end up going down to her level , which I do not want to do .
Why would two guests in my mum's home , think that it's ok for them to belittle me , talk over me , dismiss me and challenge every little thing I say , in front of my mum ? There's only really one explanation for that and my mum confirmed it by her attitude to me when I told her I wasn't going to come any more .
Being around someone with a very serious personality disorder can b extremely treacherous , physically , mentally , emotionally and spiritually . I'm sad but relieved to b out if that situation .
Does anyone else have any similar experiences with psycopaths / narcissists etc ? How did it turn out for u ?

I was blessed to be living overseas when I was saved. I left home at 15 to join the military 6 months later. My father was an angry atheist. My mother took every burden of the family on herself. I prayed for my parents, who were alcoholics. After a little while, the went to AA and on the wagon. That was amazing as AA requires people to have at least a concept of a god figure. In a few years, my parents went from destitute to owning their home and were debt free.

I went home rarely, especially after I was married. At first, it was grim. Many years later, my father mellowed and we got on fine. I believe that he respected the fact that I would not take any rubbish from him helped. I quit trying to witness to him early on. My sister had much more to do with my parents. She got saved also. I believe that shook my father more than anything else.

Walking away from strife is very often the only answer. We need to forgive those who offend us, as I had to forgive my father. We need to honour our parents. But that does not mean that we sacrifice our peace and joy. Lord Jesus switched off from his family when they gave Him a hard time.

"A man’s enemies will be the members of his own household." Matthew 10:36

 

[Suze]

I was blessed to be living overseas when I was saved. I left home at 15 to join the military 6 months later. My father was an angry atheist. My mother took every burden of the family on herself. I prayed for my parents, who were alcoholics. After a little while, the went to AA and on the wagon. That was amazing as AA requires people to have at least a concept of a god figure. In a few years, my parents went from destitute to owning their home and were debt free.

I went home rarely, especially after I was married. At first, it was grim. Many years later, my father mellowed and we got on fine. I believe that he respected the fact that I would not take any rubbish from him helped. I quit trying to witness to him early on. My sister had much more to do with my parents. She got saved also. I believe that shook my father more than anything else.

Walking away from strife is very often the only answer. We need to forgive those who offend us, as I had to forgive my father. We need to honour our parents. But that does not mean that we sacrifice our peace and joy. Lord Jesus switched off from his family when they gave Him a hard time.

"A man’s enemies will be the members of his own household." Matthew 10:36

Thank you very much for sharing that it's very hard when your own immediate family treat u badly , they r the ones u r supposed to b able to trust and rely on always . It can very much affect your relationships with others when u haven't come from a place where u felt safe and accepted . I do believe that all experiences , good and bad , teach us something very important that God wants us to know , He protects us and brings us through our troubles into a place of safety , in Christ .
I've just very recently had a horrible thought . When I gave my inheritance up , I knew my mum would leave it to her carer Mel . This was not the reason I gave it up but , I did think that it might have a nice knock on effect , I thought Mel might mellow towards me and that my mum would b happier and more relaxed but , it seems to have had the opposite effect . Mel especially pushed me away even harder than usual , which seems very strange to me u would think that they both would b happier around me , not nastier . I have thought of a possible explanation and it's horrible . What if , all the time they have been nasty to me , ( since my step dad died ) it had been in order to cause a fall out between my mum and I , in order to give my mam an excuse to write me out of her will and put Mel in ? I preempted this by giving up my inheritance anyway of my own free will . So know , instead of being nice to me , they give me a big shove away because they really don't need me around now they have got what they wanted . What would have happened if I hadn't given it up voluntarily and hadn't left ? What lengths would they have gone to ? Might they have engineered an ' accident ' ? A bit far fetched I admit but , I'm so very puzzled as to why , me giving them what they wanted didn't softened their attitude towards me but , made them push me away harder ? Is it because that's what they were after all along ? A way to get me out of my mams will and get Mel in it ? Now that's done I can take a hike ? It doesn't bare thinking about any more , I'm glad to bout of it thanks to God for guiding and protecting me .

 

[Rosemaryx]

Thank you very much for sharing that it's very hard when your own immediate family treat u badly , they r the ones u r supposed to b able to trust and rely on always . It can very much affect your relationships with others when u haven't come from a place where u felt safe and accepted . I do believe that all experiences , good and bad , teach us something very important that God wants us to know , He protects us and brings us through our troubles into a place of safety , in Christ .
I've just very recently had a horrible thought . When I gave my inheritance up , I knew my mum would leave it to her carer Mel . This was not the reason I gave it up but , I did think that it might have a nice knock on effect , I thought Mel might mellow towards me and that my mum would b happier and more relaxed but , it seems to have had the opposite effect . Mel especially pushed me away even harder than usual , which seems very strange to me u would think that they both would b happier around me , not nastier . I have thought of a possible explanation and it's horrible . What if , all the time they have been nasty to me , ( since my step dad died ) it had been in order to cause a fall out between my mum and I , in order to give my mam an excuse to write me out of her will and put Mel in ? I preempted this by giving up my inheritance anyway of my own free will . So know , instead of being nice to me , they give me a big shove away because they really don't need me around now they have got what they wanted . What would have happened if I hadn't given it up voluntarily and hadn't left ? What lengths would they have gone to ? Might they have engineered an ' accident ' ? A bit far fetched I admit but , I'm so very puzzled as to why , me giving them what they wanted didn't softened their attitude towards me but , made them push me away harder ? Is it because that's what they were after all along ? A way to get me out of my mams will and get Mel in it ? Now that's done I can take a hike ? It doesn't bare thinking about any more , I'm glad to bout of it thanks to God for guiding and protecting me .

@Suze ...I dont know if I am speaking out of terms here , but maybe because you have handed it over to them , they are more hostile towards you because you have decreased their power what they thought they had over you...You have raised your shield against the enemy ...xox...

 

[JohnDB]

My dad is getting up there....
And he and especially my mom and her parents tried to use inheritance as a means of controlling us....

But when you really don't care....it's freeing.
The biggest thing I worry about is my brother. Using my father or the inheritance as a means of control.
IOW....just being ugly.

So....I got dad to move to about two blocks away. And he has been having a blast ever since. He sits in our pew at church....we cook together. He takes ice cream (home made) to a monthly pot luck. We just went to a peach festival this weekend and to a peach orchard to get peaches and pecans. We rested Sunday...(I had put up 12 ½C and 10 half pints of peach jam Saturday)

He'll be over when his peaches are ready for freezing. I have a vacuum sealer. (And the ice cream freezer)

I made him go put his will in order....because I don't want to fight with my brother who fights over such things.

I could care less about dad's money or stuff. Really don't care.....
I just want my dad to be happy.....have fun...live a full life. Since mom passed away he was depressed living near my brother. For a year it was not getting better....only worse. Once a week my brother would go over to dad's and eat. Maybe talk....maybe not.

Now....huge difference. We cook, we talk, we go places and do things constantly...his mood has elevated a bunch. Dad has several trips in the cue....next one is DC. He needs to start taking his workouts more seriously at the gym.

It's annoying at times.....family always is annoying. That's adult family. But there is nowhere else to go for unconditional love, and brutally dismissive teasing. No one else to have your back the way they do....because it's their job to stab you in it. No one else's.

If you experience anything like this....it's perfectly normal.

 

[Gideon300]

Thank you very much for sharing that it's very hard when your own immediate family treat u badly , they r the ones u r supposed to b able to trust and rely on always . It can very much affect your relationships with others when u haven't come from a place where u felt safe and accepted . I do believe that all experiences , good and bad , teach us something very important that God wants us to know , He protects us and brings us through our troubles into a place of safety , in Christ .
I've just very recently had a horrible thought . When I gave my inheritance up , I knew my mum would leave it to her carer Mel . This was not the reason I gave it up but , I did think that it might have a nice knock on effect , I thought Mel might mellow towards me and that my mum would b happier and more relaxed but , it seems to have had the opposite effect . Mel especially pushed me away even harder than usual , which seems very strange to me u would think that they both would b happier around me , not nastier . I have thought of a possible explanation and it's horrible . What if , all the time they have been nasty to me , ( since my step dad died ) it had been in order to cause a fall out between my mum and I , in order to give my mam an excuse to write me out of her will and put Mel in ? I preempted this by giving up my inheritance anyway of my own free will . So know , instead of being nice to me , they give me a big shove away because they really don't need me around now they have got what they wanted . What would have happened if I hadn't given it up voluntarily and hadn't left ? What lengths would they have gone to ? Might they have engineered an ' accident ' ? A bit far fetched I admit but , I'm so very puzzled as to why , me giving them what they wanted didn't softened their attitude towards me but , made them push me away harder ? Is it because that's what they were after all along ? A way to get me out of my mams will and get Mel in it ? Now that's done I can take a hike ? It doesn't bare thinking about any more , I'm glad to bout of it thanks to God for guiding and protecting me .

Remember that God is in control. I have no doubt that my struggles growing up at least partly led me to accept Christ. I had a serious problem with rejection, a terrible self image and little sense of self worth. Most people grow up in dysfunctional homes. The degree varies.

I believe that the carer is unable to cope with you around because of guilt. She knows what she has done. She is reminded of it every time she sees you. I would not be surprised if she did not get the satisfaction they she expected for getting her own way.

God can restore whatever you have lost in ways that you do not expect. I missed out on an inheritance because it was frittered away before my mother's death. As I live overseas, I had little say in it. I did not complain. A few years later, I received an amazing amount in a settlement for mistreatment in the Navy when I first joined. God can restore the years the locust has eaten.

 

[JohnDB]

Most people grow up in dysfunctional homes. The degree varies.

Ain't that the truth!

I have yet to find a "functional" family....only dysfunctional. I've heard rumors that a fully functional family exists somewhere...but it was a lie.

 

[Deuteronomy]

Yes! I have an egomaniac bro who bullied my dad into leaving him my dad's estate when he passed. It was woth $750,000 right before the recession. My parents were always equal in giving us presents and would never willingly do something like this. He sits in my dad's home and has re-fied the house to the max. Thank God I recently saw the light and am letting go of the harsh feelings I have toward him. I can't be in God's love and carry this baggage so instead I've decided to pray for his salvation, he thinks he's a preacher(trying to cover his tracks, lol). So no Suze, you're not alone in dealing with egomaniac narcissists

Hello Sister, I'm very sorry to hear this (and I feel your pain) because your brother sounds just like my sister, the narcissist In my case however, both of my parents knew what she would do, so they made the same ironclad provision in their wills (they were divorced) to stop her (and it worked, for the most part anyway).

However, as a result, she has refused to speak to me ever since (for over a decade now) as she believed that she was due the entirety of both of their estates for some reason , or at least whatever she wanted to take from them (which was anything of value).

Narcissism is simply a HORRIBLE personality defect!!

God bless you!!

~Deuteronomy

 

[Deuteronomy]

Does anyone else have any similar experiences with psycopaths / narcissists etc ? How did it turn out for u ?

Hello Sister, as you may have already read in my last post, yes, I have had a close, personal experience with a narcissist, and I'm very sorry to hear that you have too

Along with what I wrote about my sister above, we also had problems with a "caretaker", although in this case it was the woman (and her family) who were helping my maternal grandmother and her husband (she was widowed and had remarried later in life). They retired to Florida, and they needed regular help as they got older, too regular for my mother (or us) to provide (being 1,500+ miles away from us).

So, this woman and her family (who my grandmother referred to as "her angel"), who never showed her face while we were visiting, got her under a spell somehow (I guess you could say), and she (my grandmother), who was already paying her a tidy sum for her services once or twice a week, started giving her additional, large sums of $$ to "help her" with other things in her life (a new car, new a/c for her home, college tuition and a car for her son .. you get the picture). All-in-all, I believe that she gave her over $100,000, most of which my mom was never able to recover from her, even in part (BTW, this is something that my grandmother would have NEVER done, even a year or two before she did, but this woman was a professional and knew how and when to make her move w/my grandmother .. we too, thought she sounded great, until we finally figured out what she was really up to, of course).

This kind of thing is so prevalent in the State of Florida that a free legal society has been created down there to help families combat it, but sadly, it remains a horrible problem for many, even today.

I hope this is not the case with the people who are helping your mom, but sadly, you may want to at least consider the possibility that this is what may be going on.

God bless you!!

~Deuteronomy

 

[Suze]

@Suze ...I dont know if I am speaking out of terms here , but maybe because you have handed it over to them , they are more hostile towards you because you have decreased their power what they thought they had over you...You have raised your shield against the enemy ...xox...

Of course u r not speaking out of turn , that's something I hadn't thought of but it could definitely b true

 

[Suze]

Would just like to say a very big thank you to everyone on this thread for their kind and intelligent words of support , u truly r my brother's and sisters , much love in Christ to u all

 

[seoulsearch]

Would just like to say a very big thank you to everyone on this thread for their kind and intelligent words of support , u truly r my brother's and sisters , much love in Christ to u all

@Suze,

I'm sorry I don't have any wisdom or experience to share, I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for everything you've gone and are going through.

I've read many of your posts and you always seem like such a kind, sweet, and compassionate person. It makes me very sad to know that others in your life have not shown the same to you.

May God bless, comfort, strengthen, and guide your path as you distance yourself for your own well-being.