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I turned 30. And I guess I kinda thought it was going to feel like a bigger deal to me than this. But here I am, sitting in my living room alone, about to watch some silly show on the DIY channel, and I'm wondering...what were all those moments of panic about? This is nothing! This is just like every other year, every other "major" milestone in my life; it gets made out to be a big deal, but when I get there, there's nothing. Except this slightly bewildered feeling I've got now- What WAS the big deal, anyway?
Mostly what I'm feeling is a sense of relief; I made it one whole year without doing something epically stupid (um, not counting the other night and the punching of my own eye incident, I mean)! And I guess I'm feeling a little nostalgic, thinking back over the biggest, hardest lessons in my life and thanking God for dragging- um, getting me through things.
(A while later)
Well, dang. Now that I've started down this road, it's opened a lot of doors in my mind- memories of joy, pain, pride, fears, and a whole lot more. It's surprising (category: pleasant) to discover that most memories don't hurt or make me cringe anymore.
Man...I've done a whole lot of crappy, stupid things. For the first time, I feel like I can acknowledge that without also beating myself up over it. I feel a little sad for the girl, and then the woman, that I used to be. I feel a little sad that doing what was good and right was so rarely a concern of mine when I was younger.
At the same time, I can look back and laugh at myself for so much, and that feels good. And it's humbling to be able to see so clearly how God worked in my life, whether He was protecting me or teaching me or answering my prayers. It's...wonderfully overwhelming...to be loved and cared for so deeply.
The past decade (give or take a couple years) has been...rocky. But had it been smooth sailing, I wouldn't be who I am now, I wouldn't be where I am, and I wouldn't have learned nearly so much. I think...I kinda like me, as I am. And maybe that will make the next decade a little less crazy, with a few less regrets, and a lot more enjoyable.
So...here's to getting older, and to growing up. Here's to adventures and challenges and better choices. Here's to growing in faith, in love, in grace, and joy.
And...if you're still with me here...I just want to say thank you to all of you who have been around to see me at my worst here, and have been part of this epic journey I've been on. I feel like God has given me a special gift by letting me get to know so many of you. Each of you has had an impact on my life in some way, and I...just wanted y'all to know.
Um...that awkward moment when I have no idea how to end this post...
Mostly what I'm feeling is a sense of relief; I made it one whole year without doing something epically stupid (um, not counting the other night and the punching of my own eye incident, I mean)! And I guess I'm feeling a little nostalgic, thinking back over the biggest, hardest lessons in my life and thanking God for dragging- um, getting me through things.
(A while later)
Well, dang. Now that I've started down this road, it's opened a lot of doors in my mind- memories of joy, pain, pride, fears, and a whole lot more. It's surprising (category: pleasant) to discover that most memories don't hurt or make me cringe anymore.
Man...I've done a whole lot of crappy, stupid things. For the first time, I feel like I can acknowledge that without also beating myself up over it. I feel a little sad for the girl, and then the woman, that I used to be. I feel a little sad that doing what was good and right was so rarely a concern of mine when I was younger.
At the same time, I can look back and laugh at myself for so much, and that feels good. And it's humbling to be able to see so clearly how God worked in my life, whether He was protecting me or teaching me or answering my prayers. It's...wonderfully overwhelming...to be loved and cared for so deeply.
The past decade (give or take a couple years) has been...rocky. But had it been smooth sailing, I wouldn't be who I am now, I wouldn't be where I am, and I wouldn't have learned nearly so much. I think...I kinda like me, as I am. And maybe that will make the next decade a little less crazy, with a few less regrets, and a lot more enjoyable.
So...here's to getting older, and to growing up. Here's to adventures and challenges and better choices. Here's to growing in faith, in love, in grace, and joy.
And...if you're still with me here...I just want to say thank you to all of you who have been around to see me at my worst here, and have been part of this epic journey I've been on. I feel like God has given me a special gift by letting me get to know so many of you. Each of you has had an impact on my life in some way, and I...just wanted y'all to know.
Um...that awkward moment when I have no idea how to end this post...
