So how do you tell if loneliess is caused from not spending enough time God, or just

[dothackzero]

the lack of quaility fellowship.

Basically, I just started to get out more(Going to a geeks club(We basically watch anime), going to a Christian Club at schoo(Starting on Monday)l, Going to a new Bible Study(That starts in Feb)) I'm also going to Church on Wednesday and Thursday. Well, theres also school and work, but that's just school and work.
I'm less shy that I used to be, but I'm still pretty shy. But I'm good enough now to where I can actually talk to girls decently, though I'm still not where I want to be yet.

I was able to talk to this cute girl tonight at church, and have a somewhat of a conversation with her. Which is was made so much easier since she figured out I was the shy type. So she was also trying to help me out with that. I even asked if I could set with her during service and she accepted.
So basically I'm getting more fellowship with girls than I used to, but now that that's done I'm feeling a little lonely again. I don't know, as nice as that was I feel like I'm not getting the specific type of fellowship I need to get(Not talking about sex. ).

But yeah, basically I'm looking for close friends, and deep conversations with them. Basically just laughing having fun, talking about God, normal stuff like that. The only problem is that right now I'm only getting where other people are doing that and I'm just listening in. I want to be at the point where I'm making the people around me laugh, learn more about God, and have deep conversation with my friends. That's the kind of fellowship I'm really looking for.(Well eventually finding a girlfriend/wife too)


As for God, I love him. I can talk to him about anything at anytime. I can talk to him about the deepest things in my heart. He's just so much easier to talk to since I know he loves me, and I know he won't make fun of me no matter what I talk to him about. God really is just so awesome.


But yeah, As I'm trying to go forward in looking for a girlfriend and other friends to hang out with. I just want to make sure that what I'm lacking really is the fellowship of other people, and loneliness isn't caused by not being close enough to God.

 

[LightningClap0002]

Well...

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?

In the beginning God walked with man. They shared The Garden.

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

God saw that even His own righteous presence wasn't enough.

Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

God made a companion for man, and brought them together.

So... even before the fall of man, even before we were separated from God by our sin. Even when man was in direct fellowship with God, it wasn't enough.

Good luck with your endeavors.

 

[Oncefallen]

There is a big difference between getting out of the house and around people, and developing deep lasting friendships. Some of the loneliest people I know are those who seem to be constantly around people. Although it takes time, the best combatant against loneliness is developing close intimate friendships, the kind of friends with whom you can share anything at all.

 

[Jullianna]

Some people can be alone and not feel lonely (moi). Some people can be married or in large crowds and still feel lonely.

You have chosen well to step out of your comfort zone and socialize with others. You are going to feel a bit awkward for a time, but it gets a lot easier. Just reach out to people. Take an interest in their lives. Ask how you can pray with them and then DO it. If you want to have friends and develop relationships with them, be a friend, don't just spend time with them. Relationships require that we invest ourselves in others. The reward of this is that the more we focus on Christ and how we can be of service/a blessing to others, the less time we have to mope around and have our own little pity parties.

So glad you are making such progress! God bless!

 

[genipher_elizabeth]

Stick it out. Once you feel comfortable in your surroundings, you'll have an easier time branching out.

I go to various bible studies and young adult groups but when I started I was the awkward "observer" and mostly kept to myself in the corner. This wasn't because I was terribly shy or anything, it was just new and I was uncomfortable. I took the time to watch others... see their mannerisms and learn their personalities... until I felt comfortable around these people. Then, when it came to talking to them I knew how they'd react to my own personality and I have made the closest friendships I've ever had. It took a lot of time. Months of just watching and common small talk with strangers and acquaintances. Until I was comfortable enough to let myself out and make true friends. You'll get there. Just give it time. Pray. And get a feel for the people you want to befriend. It worked for me!

 

[AsifinPassing]

Awesome responses people! Awesome post Dothackzero! (I'm not into anime anymore, but I do get the reference. Roots was probably my favorite...) =p

Well bro, here's the thing. (I've actually given a talk about this once or twice, Biblically.) It's not good for man to be alone. (Genesis 2:18, right?) So, God made Eve for Adam.

(That's nice.)

...but check this out. Earlier in chapter 1, verse 26, God is talking about making man in HIS image. (That's cool!)

Now, not only (getting into my personal apologetics here) do I believe that God wanted to make Adam LOOK like Him, but more or less to BE like Him. (Sweet!)

Not that man would be God, but that he would be LIKE God. (So?)

Well, that's just the thing. God's a Trinity, right? (...I think so.) No, He definitely is. Ironically, His name is I AM. (=Yod-heyh-vav-heyh/ Yahweh) ...or maybe not so ironically. You see, because He is, so we are. (...but I digress...)

God, in being a trinity, is a community within Himself. (Theology=study of God...love this stuff) So, loneliness never existed before.

When God made man (speculatively on my part for the following statement), He intended for Him to part of the community, like God is.

(Only...it didn't quite work out that way...)

See, Adam was singular. Maybe he realized this at some point as he saw the animals pairing up...maybe he just felt it like we do...(Hmm...)

Anyway, God corrected that little occurrence by making Eve. (Yay!)


(So what does all this have to do with the post????)
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Okay, now that we have the back story...

Loneliness in our lives can come from both a separation from God (reference not being part of the 'community'), or from the lack of a partner (reference God's answer to the problem of loneliness in Adam).

Now, while I will submit that THE MAIN reason I feel most are lonely is due to this separation from God, in other cases (where this person is close to God, but still lonely)...it comes from a design within us to have a mate. (EX: Adam and Eve)

So basically, you can never be too close to God. (I'd advise to continuously seek His face in prayer, scripture, worship, ext...) All the same, even though some of us are called to a single life (God bless you Paul), that's not the majority. (Hallelujah!)

Don't get me wrong...I understand the scriptures of having your attention halved between God and now your spouse/family. (I also understand that if you always put God first...though Scripture says there will be problems, having that spouse/family can be the closest thing to reaching Heaven on Earth for you...or the opposite if you go about it the wrong way...lol)

(Hey Reece, where are you going with all this...?)
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To sum all this up!!!!... (I have a personal story!).... I struggled with crushing loneliness for a VERY long time. (Granted, some or many of you probably have longer than I did...) One night, in my usual cry-myself-to-sleep, gnawing-away-my-insides agony, I cried out to God.

(Paraphrased, but please bear with me.) "God, I can't do this anymore! If this continues, I'll surely die. (...suicide will be another post topic later...) Please Lord Jesus, if You will, take this from me!"

(What happened?)

I cried myself to sleep, and upon waking up the next morning, guess what?! (WHAT?!!?) God answered my prayer and took my loneliness from me! (Really?)

Yes, really! How'd He do it? Well...He filled that God-shaped hole in my life with HIMSELF! No more would I feel utterly alone, even when surrounded by people!

So, do I still get sad sometimes at the lack of a life partner/wife? (CHA!) ...but, it's nowhere near the same! A little sadness is nothing like the crushing loneliness God delivered me from!

(So what's all this got to do with you?)

As far as loneliness is concerned, He took it from me...He can take it from you too. So, always make sure your life is FULL of HIM. As for the sadness of not having intimate relationships, I hear ya.

Just hang in there, keep going out and meeting people, and find that one person (or many people) who can grow intimately close to. I don't necessarily struggle from being shy, but it's hard for me to make real, close friends. So I can understand how you feel, but I have at least found 1 or 2 in my life so far, so there is hope!! Just keep praying, seeking, living, and being you!



God Bless Bro!

 

[Matt2011]

Thanks for sharing, I am mostly in the same boat as you are......sort of shy, want close friendships, spend time with God the way i am suppose to, (girlfriend/wife someday, if it is in God's plan for me)

I help out alot at my church, so that fills most of my time, but i am thinking i might have to learn more about time management and don't get over burdened with helping out. I run soundbooth on weekends and part of a lifegroup/small group on wednesdays. and lots of other things that i help with.

it is fun and i enjoy it, i also have figured out that i really enjoy running the soundbooth area -- media, sound, lights --- so i might be figuring out about a career in that area, maybe. but i still find myself lonely too. I would like to find a small group for young adults/20s, but not sure how to do that.

I enjoy coming on here and reading all the posts, and the replies have helped too, thanks everyone and thanks to the one that started this topic.

Keep listening to God and doing what He wants you to do. I am trying to do that and get myself to spend more time with Him.

Have a good week and God bless