My story began in January this year. I had come, finally, to a place of repentance and my heart was lit with fire from heaven. Over the summer I grew distant and disappointed with myself for not walking in the truth I had been shown about my past. To be blunt, and sorry ladies, I have to say...I may not have jumped into bed with a stranger, or started up a unhealthy relationship with anyone...but in my heart I have...over and over.....and over again. And I'm tired of not having the assurance that comes with a clean heart and honest mouth. I have become cynical and hardened. I don't like it.
This weekend the man I consider a grandfather to me passed away. I had been working with his daughter, a distant cousin, to get him into a home, as he had been given months to live. A few times a week I visited him, but this weekend, he lost his battle with COPD. I had planned to ask his daughter to go to church with me while she was in town, and since he passed on Saturday, I thought it would be even more important to get us there. We went. And I know I'm still alive inside somewhere...but the fire needs stoking. If I can just get that...it will blaze. I know who He made me to be, what He wants me to be...and I keep running away in fear and rebellion. I just need that "push" to keep going back...even when I screw up.
Anyway...I know this is a all little disjointed, but please just pray. I don't even know what to pray for. I'm tired. A full time student. No job. Been working at grandparents house every day to get things moved out. The place is a mess. Funeral plans. Family dealing with all this. Feel like I'm in the middle of a hurricane. This all would have been so much easier if I had been following closely.
Thanks all.
This weekend the man I consider a grandfather to me passed away. I had been working with his daughter, a distant cousin, to get him into a home, as he had been given months to live. A few times a week I visited him, but this weekend, he lost his battle with COPD. I had planned to ask his daughter to go to church with me while she was in town, and since he passed on Saturday, I thought it would be even more important to get us there. We went. And I know I'm still alive inside somewhere...but the fire needs stoking. If I can just get that...it will blaze. I know who He made me to be, what He wants me to be...and I keep running away in fear and rebellion. I just need that "push" to keep going back...even when I screw up.
Anyway...I know this is a all little disjointed, but please just pray. I don't even know what to pray for. I'm tired. A full time student. No job. Been working at grandparents house every day to get things moved out. The place is a mess. Funeral plans. Family dealing with all this. Feel like I'm in the middle of a hurricane. This all would have been so much easier if I had been following closely.
Thanks all.