STDs

[missy07]

If you met a christian who has turned their life around and loves God wth all their heart, but then found out that they had somewhat of a dark past and had an std, would you still date them?

 

[seoulsearch]

Great question, Missy.

I think it would completely depend on the situation, at least for me.

Several years ago I met a Christian friend who was in this situation and had contracted an STD through an unfaithful marriage partner who eventually left for the other person. As you can imagine, this person wondered if they would ever be acceptable to someone else again.

The medical issue my friend had picked up, while chronic, was non-life threatening, and I'm happy to report that my friend is marrying a wonderful person (and a Christian--they serve together in many areas of the church) next year.

For myself, if that were the person's situation, I would definitely want to know about the background and issue at hand.

If it were someone who has lived an immoral lifestyle, I would probably pass. It's not that I haven't made my own mistakes or that I don't believe in forgiveness, it's just a personal preference, as I didn't go through a "wild, experimental" stage and am hoping to find someone else who hasn't either.

I have posted about this before, but one thing I'm finding is that some of the guys who have expressed interest in me are "reformed players"--whether they were Christian or not from the beginning, and claim to now be living completely for Christ. This is wonderful, of course, if it's true and genuine. But many are thinking that a "good Christian girl" will "keep them good", but she won't--she'll simply have to stand by in embarrassment and decide whether or not to accept the infidelities. (And yes, I know women can be this way as well--it's not gender-specific.)

Unfortunately, and this is just my own experience, I have yet to meet someone who claims that and hasn't fallen back into the old lifestyle (because of addictions to the lifestyle that were put on hold but never truly broken.) I know there must be exceptions out there, I just have not had the privilege of meeting one yet.

If I did, I would surely consider it, with they prayers and input of our families and church bodies, of course.

 

[missy07]

I know it would be hard to accept from someone who has been known as a "player". And yes it would be very difficult to be able to trust someone like that. But if the person had been in a very abusive relationship and had been raped would that make it easier to accept?

 

[seoulsearch]

I know it would be hard to accept from someone who has been known as a "player". And yes it would be very difficult to be able to trust someone like that. But if the person had been in a very abusive relationship and had been raped would that make it easier to accept?

In a situation like that, I would most definitely, without a doubt, at least be open-minded and want to help the person, as two of the guys I had long-term relationships with had been in sexually abusive situations.

But again, it depends on the situation, as some (NOT ALL, of course, but some) react to such abuse by turning to addictive lifestyles, and if that were the case... we're kind of getting into the same circle as my previous post... I would have to opt out.

 

[Ashton]

If you met a christian who has turned their life around and loves God wth all their heart, but then found out that they had somewhat of a dark past and had an std, would you still date them?

It's hard to say. I will say that my particular version of Christian beliefs would likely make it unlawful for me to be with anyone who has had relations with another man before me (i.e. if that is how they got the STD). If they just got it because they were pricked by a bad needle, got some infected blood in their system or the like then it would be hard to say. I would feel for them, but I know I certainly wouldn't want to get an STD. They'd have to be a very charming, admirable and loving woman for me to want to start a relationship with them. I'd also have to know we would work out well together so that it didn't end up being a waste with me getting nothing but a broken heart and an STD out of the deal.

 

[Dread_Zeppelin]

This is subject very near and dear to my heart because my best friend contracted an uncurable STD. I believe a lot of people fear dating/marrying a person with an STD because their disease is "forever". I get that, but to limit my marriage partner for the rest of my life would seem more tragic than taking a pill everyday or being careful.

My best friend is extremely pretty, funny, witty, and kind. She made the mistake of trusting someone and now has to pay the consequences. I saw the pain firsthand and how she felt when she found out. Seeing someone I loved so much think that no one would ever lover her, that she was essencially worthless, that her life was ruined was utterly heart breaking to watch. She isn't an emotional person and for one of the few times in my life I held her as she cried helplessly in my hug.

So yes, I would date someone with an STD. The outward man parishes, but the soul lives on.

 

[Pheonix]

I don't know about anyone else, but If it were me who had an STD, I would remove myself from the market. Its the only responsible thing to do. How can I be showing love for a person when I'm willing to risk giving that person what I have?

That's my opinion feel free to disagree.

 

[Dread_Zeppelin]

I don't know about anyone else, but If it were me who had an STD, I would remove myself from the market. Its the only responsible thing to do. How can I be showing love for a person when I'm willing to risk giving that person what I have?

That's my opinion feel free to disagree.

I'm not at all angry at you for your opinion, but I dont understand it. Are you saying people with STD's dont deserve love? What about people who were born with STDs, got a bad blood transfusion, or was sexually molested?

 

[Ashton]

I don't know about anyone else, but If it were me who had an STD, I would remove myself from the market. Its the only responsible thing to do. How can I be showing love for a person when I'm willing to risk giving that person what I have?

That's my opinion feel free to disagree.

Idealistically I'm going to agree with Pheonix on this one. Practically, I doubt I'd be able to remain alone for that one reason. I could supply others though: transmitting this STD to any children you might give birth to and them having to live with it as well as your partner. It sucks. It's horrible. But as you say, Dread, this life is temporary.

 

[seoulsearch]

I'm not at all angry at you for your opinion, but I dont understand it. Are you saying people with STD's dont deserve love? What about people who were born with STDs, got a bad blood transfusion, or was sexually molested?

Exactly... I can certainly respect Pheonix's consideration in not wanting to pass anything along to another person, but there are many people who have STD's either by, as Dread said in an earlier post, an unfortunate choice, or sometimes not by choice at all.

I think we've all known someone who has been in an abusive situation or have been in that situation ourselves...

Many people who, say, grew up with an abusive relative since childhood, did not have a choice and contracted something against their own will.

This is just me, but I think that kind of situation especially deserves, at the very least, prayerfully considerate compassion.

 

[juliet84]

Hi Missy07,

Feel free to read my forum (Girl with a Bad Past).........its something related to your question...

STD is either curable and non curable,...depending on what the cause is. As you know, viral cause is not curable as opposed to bacterial. However, having mild viral outbreaks does not mean its the end of your sex life. Ask youself, can you handle this problem? Because this is the only problem that you and your partner might have to face when having intimacy.

Forgiveness is the best thing to do. It does not matter whether he is in an abusive relationship or not. Forgive him and release him to Jesus for what he has done in the past. Your focus is the present time. Has he been acting good to you,....does his behaviour show that he is a trustworthy person, etc...I know it is hard to trust again, Ive been there, but all I do is keep praying to God to protect me , and no doubt, WE CAN TRUST THE LORD.

The decision is in ur hand, sis. Keep praying for guidance. God Bless.

 

[MyBagsRPacked]

classic reason why we should wait till marriage...

 

[seoulsearch]

classic reason why we should wait till marriage...

Of course I agree, MyBags...

However, there are many people in this world who, as children, grow up being raped by relatives, parents, step-parents... issues no one wants to think about, but are, unfortunately, the very real situation around us.

My best friend once wrote me and shared his distress over finding out that a female friend of his had confided in him that she was repeatedly raped by her step-father as a child and contracted herpes as a result.

What is a person to do in that situation? Throw up their hands and say, "That's it, it's over, no one can love me or would ever want me." As good Christian people, is that what we are to tell them? And we wonder why there is so much hopelessness in this world...

Many others are, for example, born HIV positive and not because of their own choice.

Of course, God's Word and principles are absolute.

But, unfortunately, circumstances are almost never ideal (how could they ever be in a fallen world), and one thing always remains true, that life is never all white or black.

 

[Wug]

Just to be clear....STD stands for Super Terrific Dude right?

 

[seoulsearch]

Just to be clear....STD stands for Super Terrific Dude right?

Especially just for you, Wug!

 

[Matthew]

I would still date a women with an STD, I am a big believer in the idea that if we would change our past we wouldn't be ourselves anymore so if someone asks me would I change anything my answer is usually no.

I get that having a disease for life is a bigger consideration than I have, but if a met a woman and fell in love with her I would be aware of the fact that having contracted the disease would have been one of the biggest things in her life and so many things about her would hinge on that experience, so I would be able to accept it because in a way it would be crucial to who she was.

I also go along with the idea that it doesn't diminish a person and they are still amazing in many ways and deserve love as much as anyone, as long as it was possible to have a healthy and safe relationship I wouldn't have any problem over the long term, although it would obviously be something we would have to talk about in depth so we were completely honest and aware of what it meant for both of us.

As others have said you can find yourself in this situation through no fault of your own, and those who make the mistake of having casual sex usually move on just fine, but sadly some pay a much higher price and I don't believe they shoud go on paying for the rest of their lives.

 

[Matthew]

I don't know about anyone else, but If it were me who had an STD, I would remove myself from the market. Its the only responsible thing to do. How can I be showing love for a person when I'm willing to risk giving that person what I have?

That's my opinion feel free to disagree.

I can understand, looking at the situation in a theoretical sense, I am not certain if I had an STD for life I would be able to get involved in a relationship knowing the danger that I might present to a partner, I'd also struggle with the feeling that maybe my partner would always feel uneasy about being with me and about potentially starting a family etc..

I know with the right person all of these things could be overcome, but if I had this issue I would be extremely cautious because the nightmare scenario would be passing it along to someone I cared about, and that possibility might alwyas exist no matter what precautionary measures were taken.

All things considered I'd keep an open mind to dating someone with an STD but if I had one I'm not sure how I'd react.

 

[Pheonix]

I'm not at all angry at you for your opinion, but I dont understand it. Are you saying people with STD's dont deserve love? What about people who were born with STDs, got a bad blood transfusion, or was sexually molested?

I'm not saying everyone should do the same, and I'm not saying someone with an std doesn't deserve love. That is simply a decision I would make for myself. To me its the most responsible thing for me to do in that situation. Why would I want to risk making the person I love go through the same pain that I had been through?

And no, I'm clean, never been in a physical relationship or drugs ever.

 

[seoulsearch]

I'm not saying everyone should do the same, and I'm not saying someone with an std doesn't deserve love. That is simply a decision I would make for myself. To me its the most responsible thing for me to do in that situation. Why would I want to risk making the person I love go through the same pain that I had been through?

And no, I'm clean, never been in a physical relationship or drugs ever.

This does pose a very interesting question, as I thought about it today.

Would I marry someone who was HIV positive?

Back in college (around 1996), I attended a presentation in which a woman in her late 40's told us her story of life with AIDS. She had contracted it from her husband, who was a hemophiliac and had gotten it from a tainted blood supply (this was before they took precautions to screen blood donors.) Neither had been unfaithful or done drugs. Her husband had died several years before, leaving her to raise their daughter alone.

After the presentation was over, I went up to speak with her and offered her a handshake and then, a close hug.

This woman, who wasn't far from being someone who could have been my own mother at the time, burst into tears on my shoulder.

"This is the first time in two years that someone who didn't know me has ever given me a hug," she explained. "Even with people who do know me, almost everyone else is too afraid to even shake my hand, let alone be willing to get close enough for a hug." She began to say thank you several times.

It about broke my heart!!! I certainly didn't walk away with dry eyes. And it is something I will never forget.

If I fell in love with someone who had such a disease... it would be a heart-wrenching decision, yes, but I know I would at least consider it.

 

[Dread_Zeppelin]

This does pose a very interesting question, as I thought about it today.

Would I marry someone who was HIV positive?

Back in college (around 1996), I attended a presentation in which a woman in her late 40's told us her story of life with AIDS. She had contracted it from her husband, who was a hemophiliac and had gotten it from a tainted blood supply (this was before they took precautions to screen blood donors.) Neither had been unfaithful or done drugs. Her husband had died several years before, leaving her to raise their daughter alone.

After the presentation was over, I went up to speak with her and offered her a handshake and then, a close hug.

This woman, who wasn't far from being someone who could have been my own mother at the time, burst into tears on my shoulder.

"This is the first time in two years that someone who didn't know me has ever given me a hug," she explained. "Even with people who do know me, almost everyone else is too afraid to even shake my hand, let alone be willing to get close enough for a hug." She began to say thank you several times.

It about broke my heart!!! I certainly didn't walk away with dry eyes. And it is something I will never forget.

If I fell in love with someone who had such a disease... it would be a heart-wrenching decision, yes, but I know I would at least consider it.

That is such a touching story. I really do believe that others see STD infected people as diseases and not actual human beings. Its so sad and, in my opinion, completely unChrist-like.

One of the first things I did when I learned my friend had an STD was use her bathroom and sleep in the same bed as her to keep her company. I vowed that I will never treat her different because I love her.