I'm really hoping I keep on improving, tomorrow morning physically. I think I will, I just need sleep. Something that hasn't come easy these past 2 nights. But I think I'll sleep much better tonight.
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MissCris
Guest
Sometimes I want to crawl out of my skin and be somebody else for a while. I don't want to make the choice I need to make; loyalty to someone who admittedly doesn't deserve it, or protection for someone I barely know, but can't protect themselves?
The answer is obvious, and yet it still is ripping my heart out to even consider doing what I know needs to be done. Just because something is right, doesn't mean it's easy, I know. Such an awful, cliche platitude when you're the one trying to do the right thing.
It makes me sick that it's come to this. I am not a crusader, I didn't ask for this, and I hate, hate, hate that I'm this deeply involved.
Lord, help me be a willing servant, guide me in the steps I have to take, and heal those who will be hurt by this.
The answer is obvious, and yet it still is ripping my heart out to even consider doing what I know needs to be done. Just because something is right, doesn't mean it's easy, I know. Such an awful, cliche platitude when you're the one trying to do the right thing.
It makes me sick that it's come to this. I am not a crusader, I didn't ask for this, and I hate, hate, hate that I'm this deeply involved.
Lord, help me be a willing servant, guide me in the steps I have to take, and heal those who will be hurt by this.
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MissCris
Guest
I found a bug carcass floating in my coffee just now. This is why I don't like for other people to wash/put away the dishes. Coffee mugs go upside down! It prevents bugs from crawling in and dying and leaving their carcasses for me to almost drink.
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Jullianna
Guest
J
Jullianna
Guest
Why? Because had I succeeded in getting myself killed, there would only be one moment of sorrow, and another moment of passing, and another moment of healing, and so on and so on. Life would go on with one less person to have to WORRY & think about. I am self aware to know enough that I haven't been a good brother, uncle, son, grandson, employee, and sometimes a friend. I can see the burden and bitterness in my family's eyes well enough that I wish I could take it away. I got sick of being a constant screw up to you. I got tired of messing everything up. I got tired of getting in your way. I got tired of knowing that I can't do anything right. I just wanted to lighten up the load by removing myself, because I've messed up long enough to know that I'm just dead weight. I understand that NO ONE is perfect, but I can clearly see that I seem to be a constant bother to nearly everyone I come in contact with.. I try, I fail, I disappoint. This seems to be the constant cycle I gain from people. I can't work like the others. I can't be strong. I'm not as confident as them. *sigh* I judge myself 10x before anyone else could... I tried to kill myself because I'm not who I want to be, and I'm not nearly as close to the picture of the "good man" standard they place me on.
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MissCris
Guest
Searching4Truth-
I'm no counselor. I'm not good at helping people through hard times. I'm not even a very good friend a lot of times, and often, not all that great a person. But I've been following your posts here recently, keeping quiet because I don't know what to say or how to say it, and I don't know you beyond the few witty things you say here once in a while...
Those few posts, prior to these about suicide, I have enjoyed. When you don't post for a while, I notice, and wonder where you've gone. And then you chime in somewhere, and it usually brings a smile to my face.
Whatever it is about yourself that you're seeing and hating, whatever regrets and sorrows and pain you're experiencing, whatever burdens you're under or have placed on yourself...
Please, please, let go. Give them up to the Lord, your Creator, who loves you and put you here for a purpose. Whatever that purpose is, whether you fulfill it tomorrow, or in 30 years, please, trust in God, have faith that He can heal your heavy heart, and that He still has a plan for you. Please let Him do this for you.
(I'm terrible at this kind of thing...I just pray that you'll think on what's been said, and I pray for healing for you.)
I'm no counselor. I'm not good at helping people through hard times. I'm not even a very good friend a lot of times, and often, not all that great a person. But I've been following your posts here recently, keeping quiet because I don't know what to say or how to say it, and I don't know you beyond the few witty things you say here once in a while...
Those few posts, prior to these about suicide, I have enjoyed. When you don't post for a while, I notice, and wonder where you've gone. And then you chime in somewhere, and it usually brings a smile to my face.
Whatever it is about yourself that you're seeing and hating, whatever regrets and sorrows and pain you're experiencing, whatever burdens you're under or have placed on yourself...
Please, please, let go. Give them up to the Lord, your Creator, who loves you and put you here for a purpose. Whatever that purpose is, whether you fulfill it tomorrow, or in 30 years, please, trust in God, have faith that He can heal your heavy heart, and that He still has a plan for you. Please let Him do this for you.
(I'm terrible at this kind of thing...I just pray that you'll think on what's been said, and I pray for healing for you.)
A
arwen83
Guest
If you have considered/attempted or are considering suicide, please seek professional help if you haven't already. You owe it to God to stay alive until His will says for you to come home.
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GreenNnice
Guest
S4T, I don't understand your last few posts, I'm not sure what has happened of late, but, we both know, that all peace of our life is from God, which passeth all understanding, it will get us through everything tough on us.
Don't be tough on Him, unless you are doing something for a good reason that is going to help you benefit in the end, and, in that case, like Jacob, wrestle with an angel, who, in that case , was God. Pray, first, and, then, Ask Him something like, 'OK, God, I want to follow your will for my life but this is not working out, I'm so mad and upset over this, I'm going to really give this to you and go this direction now that's so different and just trust in you and see where it goes, but I'm not going willfully and I am going to fight with you until this thing that I want to do FOR YOU happens."
And, if what you just asked, and, end that ask, make it a prayer ending, saying 'Thy will be done, in Your name, Lord Jesus' Searching4HisTruth, it will be done for you. Scripture is clear, if we ask anything in His name, it will be done for us. Now, the timing is of faith, we must have faith, that is key.
So, if you must, wrestle, seek Him, His plans for you, brother, we are ALL in things in our life as Christians, that is how it became with sin in the beginning, because of it, we ALL suffer greatly now. But, stay strong and follow Him , He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. The original Greek is a stronger word than 'never,' it's 'never, ever, never' in that early original language.
NEVER give up on God, for He NEVER gives up on you
You can always PM me, too, brother The Lord leads
Don't be tough on Him, unless you are doing something for a good reason that is going to help you benefit in the end, and, in that case, like Jacob, wrestle with an angel, who, in that case , was God. Pray, first, and, then, Ask Him something like, 'OK, God, I want to follow your will for my life but this is not working out, I'm so mad and upset over this, I'm going to really give this to you and go this direction now that's so different and just trust in you and see where it goes, but I'm not going willfully and I am going to fight with you until this thing that I want to do FOR YOU happens."
And, if what you just asked, and, end that ask, make it a prayer ending, saying 'Thy will be done, in Your name, Lord Jesus' Searching4HisTruth, it will be done for you. Scripture is clear, if we ask anything in His name, it will be done for us. Now, the timing is of faith, we must have faith, that is key.
So, if you must, wrestle, seek Him, His plans for you, brother, we are ALL in things in our life as Christians, that is how it became with sin in the beginning, because of it, we ALL suffer greatly now. But, stay strong and follow Him , He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. The original Greek is a stronger word than 'never,' it's 'never, ever, never' in that early original language.
NEVER give up on God, for He NEVER gives up on you
You can always PM me, too, brother
The Lord leads
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kenthomas27
Guest
And besides all this S4T, (and au contraire MissCris mon ami - you probably even missed your calling on the counselor thing) if you have self esteem issues - YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE! Reading some of these posts I've read - i'm starting to feel better about my own self! Seriously, if you ever have any more self doubts, just go the conspiracy threads. They'll cheer you right up. You'll come out of there on top of the world.
On a more serious note, re-read arwe83. That's good practical advice and sometimes we just need is hand is all.
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Jullianna
Guest
You are one step closer to being the man you are striving to be than most people simply because you are not happy where you are. You know things can be better. Does it help you to know that pretty much everyone posting here has messed up big time at one point or another? We are no better than you. None of us.
We are reading your posts. We are listening. We care. More people than you know care. Listen to arwen and let someone help you if you truly need it. Please.
Over the past few months I've been learning to be OK with not knowing everything, and with being imprecise. I want to know everything relevant to my life or interests, and I want to be right about it all. But that will probably never happen. But that's alright. Even if I make errors, and I will, the correct things I do will out-weigh the errors and mitigate any effect they have. Life is also full of imprecision. Just imagine making a sandwich at a fast food shop, or being a farmer. You don't get exact numbers, yet life goes on just as well. Whether an assignment is handed in at 4:00 pm or 4:01 pm is irrelevant. The work's still done, the credits are still given.
I am moving away from being obsessively detail oriented and perfectionistic. I wonder what I'm moving toward, then?
I am moving away from being obsessively detail oriented and perfectionistic. I wonder what I'm moving toward, then?
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GreenNnice
Guest
When we are wondering what we are moving away from, that is God moving from inside us, that we 'see' something else He wants us to see
"...you follow Me." John 21:22
"...you follow Me." John 21:22
For all those who couldn't listen to my new song before...try this:
[video=youtube;5a_essnJLCY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a_essnJLCY[/video]
[video=youtube;5a_essnJLCY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a_essnJLCY[/video]
The central part of any story is the conflict. This is the thing which the main character must overcome. Without a conflict, what do you have? Just a bunch of people standing around doing nothing. To make a story unique, you need to have a detailed conflict. This example is the conflict of a story I got part of the way through writing:
"A pastor's son tries to re-establish the church after all adults in the world die."
That's catchy, but still pretty vague. We can do better.
"A pastor's son struggles with his faith, while trying to re-establish his father's church in a world where all adults have died, resulting in street gangs of kids and teens who look primarily for their own survival above all."
Ooh, that's nice!
"A pastor's son tries to re-establish the church after all adults in the world die."
That's catchy, but still pretty vague. We can do better.
"A pastor's son struggles with his faith, while trying to re-establish his father's church in a world where all adults have died, resulting in street gangs of kids and teens who look primarily for their own survival above all."
Ooh, that's nice!
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GreenNnice
Guest
I like the harmonies, Reece, it's together. That's what I like most. Second, I like the voices, unique, feeling. Third, I like the melody way. Duh, duh-duh-duh..... It's good, catchy, got a beat one can tap feet to. Fourth, I like the words, with the words right at the end very poignant, and, catchy, and, fresh. I almost know what words are coming, but I don't: I'm not afraid to die.
I can't even really tell you what to work on, maybe, a third vocal is all, a girl sound, since it is talking about human love mixed with God's Love. It's THAT good, technically tight ! If you don't have this song copyrighted that's a mistake, it's beautifully sung and beautifully done, it's music that tells a great story of Love, and, how together, we can Love, that's my first impression, with listening to it once. Yea, thanks, for putting it on this way, I could hear it now, Asif, buddy, awesome.
Remember, you're awesome ! And, now remember, you're music sounds awesome. I before just was sure it was awesome, the Lord leads, and, He was telling me so, based on knowing you and your passion for helping them kidders and being an all-around smart guy, that's why God led me to you. You're talented, with words, and, said things in a way that was genuine and real when I first met you. REALLY
And, guess what? Your music sounds the same way, it's got HEART, and, the music chases after Him. God bless you, brother, keep up the 'GREAT' work here He's got you doing so gift-given. Pray for great things from God and this music will sprout and grow and blossom and flower into something that could become quite vocally beautiful into the ears of all who hear? And, for those who REALLY listen? Life-changing, eternally so
A couple of things:
1) Never play racquetball if you have eaten next to nothing all day.
2) I feel alone in this, because others are usually like "Oh I LOVE that smell!" but I really don't like the "new car" smell. I traded in my car for a new one today (long story) and the new car smell...ugh. It almost makes me a bit sick. I have an air freshener in there, hopefully that will help get rid of it sooner.
1) Never play racquetball if you have eaten next to nothing all day.
2) I feel alone in this, because others are usually like "Oh I LOVE that smell!" but I really don't like the "new car" smell. I traded in my car for a new one today (long story) and the new car smell...ugh. It almost makes me a bit sick. I have an air freshener in there, hopefully that will help get rid of it sooner.
If I ever got involved in a sport, I'd want to do track.
And I find the new car smell suffocating at first. It can give me a headache.
I'm still on the road to getting better. Slept GREAT last night. Probably the best I have in a while honestly. But I'm still coughing alot and my voice is still irritated. Can't hum or sing one iota. I tried, and all that comes out is air.
So I'm gonna keep all speaking and stuff at a minimum. Lots of hot stuff. I don't respond well to cold stuff. It makes me cough harder and more often.
I'm wondering if I SHOULD go to Walgreens and get something for this. Though I haven't been doing super duper terrible, I wanna get better soon. I wanna do stuff. Get a regular exercise schedule in (I'm not gonna exercise if I can't breathe enough air in, and I'm not experimenting on if I can exercise even though I'm coughing every 5 minutes), get plenty of schooling done, and just try to improve myself this last year of high school. This year just seems really significant to me. I want to make the best of it. I want to look and feel my best this year (obviously I'm not feeling my best right now. But I should be over that sometime early next week, I'm hoping).
And I find the new car smell suffocating at first. It can give me a headache.
I'm still on the road to getting better. Slept GREAT last night. Probably the best I have in a while honestly. But I'm still coughing alot and my voice is still irritated. Can't hum or sing one iota. I tried, and all that comes out is air.
So I'm gonna keep all speaking and stuff at a minimum. Lots of hot stuff. I don't respond well to cold stuff. It makes me cough harder and more often. I'm wondering if I SHOULD go to Walgreens and get something for this. Though I haven't been doing super duper terrible, I wanna get better soon. I wanna do stuff. Get a regular exercise schedule in (I'm not gonna exercise if I can't breathe enough air in, and I'm not experimenting on if I can exercise even though I'm coughing every 5 minutes), get plenty of schooling done, and just try to improve myself this last year of high school. This year just seems really significant to me. I want to make the best of it. I want to look and feel my best this year (obviously I'm not feeling my best right now. But I should be over that sometime early next week, I'm hoping).
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GreenNnice
Guest
I'm into natural stuff, littleChristone, so......If I ever got involved in a sport, I'd want to do track.
And I find the new car smell suffocating at first. It can give me a headache.
I'm still on the road to getting better. Slept GREAT last night. Probably the best I have in a while honestly. But I'm still coughing alot and my voice is still irritated. Can't hum or sing one iota. I tried, and all that comes out is air.
I'm wondering if I SHOULD go to Walgreens and get something for this. Though I haven't been doing super duper terrible, I wanna get better soon. I wanna do stuff. Get a regular exercise schedule in (I'm not gonna exercise if I can't breathe enough air in, and I'm not experimenting on if I can exercise even though I'm coughing every 5 minutes), get plenty of schooling done, and just try to improve myself this last year of high school. This year just seems really significant to me. I want to make the best of it. I want to look and feel my best this year (obviously I'm not feeling my best right now. But I should be over that sometime early next week, I'm hoping).
1. chew on a ginger root for the sore throat. It's OK, not that bad , a taste, like ginger chicken without the ginger
2. get some natural licorice, that is good for a cough. 'Panda' brand is what we got around here, like Fred Meyer. But, natural licorice is key. Cheap too , about $3 for a box that'll fill ya
3. Get some lemons, they are potent, and, some green tea, I eat the tea leaves in the bag when I am sick, and, also, if can't find panda brand licorice, get Stash 'licorice' tea, at least, that is what I do and open the tea bag into your hot water after it steeps. that way you get the full effect.
OK, Dr green ,out , lastly, or, should I say, firstly, pray
I am thankful, I was really sick with a sinus infection back in September 2011 and went through misery for two months and then doctor finally gave me antibiotics, two rounds, still didn't help, so, went to a more powerful antibiotic and after the 2nd round of that, in January! I was finally better.