There are these moments in life where you're put into a position to apologize. I often don't want to because of shame and how clear those emotions and images play out in my own mind. Disgusting my core. I often wish they knew without the use of words, how sorry I am for committing such foolish acts. This also applies to those who have wronged me. I want to forgive and forget, but seeing that ugly scar there reminds me how frail and weak I am. I'm quietly angry at you and myself because that moment etched itself into who I am. And when I get these flashes and emotions, it's like a boiling liquid being poured into my mouth. I just want to curl up and pretend it never happened. Pretend it doesn't hurt. But use these. I use these to try and better myself as a person. I try to at least.
To confess to our fellow neighbor and or family is the hardest feat to overcome and do. Especially when others don't have a clue to what we have done, us knowing in ourselves that rotten doings of ours.
Confession to what we have done in not loving our neighbor as ourselves is key to being free and settled as to trust God once freed/
I had this same on my mind and had it for years, my conscience haunting me. so I set out to go to all as many as could find them and apologize to them for what I had done.
And when I confessed to that last person was my Brother and told him the truth.
And in each and every person I stated directly, I am ready to pay penance, for my stupidity.
I will never forget my Brother saying He forgave me, and as he was saying this he also perceived in me and said I see this has made you free. I said whether you forgave me or not, I confessed and God knows my heart, yes I am free
You choose as God leads
Life is like peeling an onion, makes one cry,
keep peeling for the center is sweet, and freedom is in truth.