T
toinena
Guest
I have been on CC for half a year soon. And how i stumbled upon CC was a bit of a coincident. I have been looking for a fellowship since I moved back to Norway in 2005. It is a lonely affair trying to be a Christian when you are stuck in your role as a teacher, musician, disability rights activist. The roles came in conflict with my faith. As a teacher I should be neutral and including. Never mention my own belief. Hiding my passion for Christ. Even when I was teaching religion I couldn't say what I believed. But I guess my passion was visible anyway. And of course the staff was very hostile against Christians in general. As a musician it can be tough. All of my mates from my studies knew. But they said I was not like the other Christians they knew. I was happier (yes. Even I can be happy at times) and more relaxed. But sometimes my faith made it difficult. Playing music that was mocking my faith was painful. Even more so because it was performed in a church. As a peer counselor I should be proud of being disabled. I couldn't do that. Why should I love and be proud of the imperfection caused by the fall? I know I have a value in Christ. But my value is not my disability.
I have been challenged these past weeks about being true to who I am. And I have to admit. I hide things. I never tell I go to therapy. No problem to tell about physio therapy. That is obvious. But to admit to others I need help with my mental health? Oh no! I even refuse to go there by taxi, because I am on friendly terms with the cab drivers. Hey. I have been through a lot. Why shouldn't I go to therapy to sort things out. Perhaps even get some self worth back, if I ever had it. Silly me.
On CC I have had my face up from the beginning. Yes. I have written about my Muscular Dystrophy. I have prayed and been prayed for. I really loath being disabled. So I hid it. Until yesterday. I was kind of pushed by a very special friend I met here on CC to send me a picture of my self. In my wheelchair! This has been my zone were I have been free from physical obstacles. I didn't want to show the full picture. But I did. And guess what! It felt good. It felt like I could be myself. 100%.
I have been through some ups and downs here on CC. In the beginning, I felt like it was some kind of group that I really didn't belong to. Tourist was great. He always liked and prayed and made me feel welcome. Depleted too meant a lot to me in the beginning. Thanks to her as well. In the chat rooms... Well. There are some really creepy men lurking around the chat rooms. And I wonder why they seek their prey on Christian women. Satan thinks he is clever, huh? And why do the same people argue about the same topic day after day? Don't they ever get out of the chat room?
I wasn't in the forums much. I understood the Bible forum was not a place for me. And this singles forum. Everyone seemed to know each other. And I felt stupid. I stayed in the chat room, and sometimes pouring my heart out in a blog entry.
Then things changed. I came back from my holidays. I was soooo mad and hurt. I needed to get out of the chat rooms. I didn't want any men in my life. And not that kind of PM's you get there. So I started to post in the singles forum. I started interacting. And what really changed it, was the one day we were hanging out in the lounge together. For me that represented a turning point. I felt included. I felt accepted. I felt I belonged. I felt blessed. And now. I am in the crowd. I? How did that happen? Thank you all, guys. This is my love letter to you. You have changed my life to the better.
I had a very bad day some weeks ago. The broken heart, the loneliness, the depression hit me hard. I was sent home from work. And there was only one person I managed to contact. Not my mum, not my best friend. But a person here on CC. I didn't know then why God prompted me to do that. We hadn't really spoken much. And he was there. He said the right things at the right moment. And slowly he taught me I was lovable. And by a miracle. I think I can be loved. For real. By a person that loves God and that sees me beyond my wheelchair. Of course. I wasn't ready to get romantically involved with anyone. But maybe. Maybe I shouldn't give up the hope just yet. Because God can perform miracles. And he has done so here on CC. And I will always be grateful to Him and this lovely place.
THANK YOU!
I have been challenged these past weeks about being true to who I am. And I have to admit. I hide things. I never tell I go to therapy. No problem to tell about physio therapy. That is obvious. But to admit to others I need help with my mental health? Oh no! I even refuse to go there by taxi, because I am on friendly terms with the cab drivers. Hey. I have been through a lot. Why shouldn't I go to therapy to sort things out. Perhaps even get some self worth back, if I ever had it. Silly me.
On CC I have had my face up from the beginning. Yes. I have written about my Muscular Dystrophy. I have prayed and been prayed for. I really loath being disabled. So I hid it. Until yesterday. I was kind of pushed by a very special friend I met here on CC to send me a picture of my self. In my wheelchair! This has been my zone were I have been free from physical obstacles. I didn't want to show the full picture. But I did. And guess what! It felt good. It felt like I could be myself. 100%.
I have been through some ups and downs here on CC. In the beginning, I felt like it was some kind of group that I really didn't belong to. Tourist was great. He always liked and prayed and made me feel welcome. Depleted too meant a lot to me in the beginning. Thanks to her as well. In the chat rooms... Well. There are some really creepy men lurking around the chat rooms. And I wonder why they seek their prey on Christian women. Satan thinks he is clever, huh? And why do the same people argue about the same topic day after day? Don't they ever get out of the chat room?
I wasn't in the forums much. I understood the Bible forum was not a place for me. And this singles forum. Everyone seemed to know each other. And I felt stupid. I stayed in the chat room, and sometimes pouring my heart out in a blog entry.
Then things changed. I came back from my holidays. I was soooo mad and hurt. I needed to get out of the chat rooms. I didn't want any men in my life. And not that kind of PM's you get there. So I started to post in the singles forum. I started interacting. And what really changed it, was the one day we were hanging out in the lounge together. For me that represented a turning point. I felt included. I felt accepted. I felt I belonged. I felt blessed. And now. I am in the crowd. I? How did that happen? Thank you all, guys. This is my love letter to you. You have changed my life to the better.
I had a very bad day some weeks ago. The broken heart, the loneliness, the depression hit me hard. I was sent home from work. And there was only one person I managed to contact. Not my mum, not my best friend. But a person here on CC. I didn't know then why God prompted me to do that. We hadn't really spoken much. And he was there. He said the right things at the right moment. And slowly he taught me I was lovable. And by a miracle. I think I can be loved. For real. By a person that loves God and that sees me beyond my wheelchair. Of course. I wasn't ready to get romantically involved with anyone. But maybe. Maybe I shouldn't give up the hope just yet. Because God can perform miracles. And he has done so here on CC. And I will always be grateful to Him and this lovely place.
THANK YOU!
