The Best Break-Up... EVER?! ("God Bless the Broken Road -- That Led Me Straight to You.")

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

I had a situation several years ago in which I met a really nice guy and went out with him a few times -- but I had to move out of the area soon after that, so our time was very short-lived. I flew back a couple times to see him, but we knew, due to various work and family circumstances, that things just wouldn't work out. But we kept in touch as friends, and a few years ago he started seeing a great girl (I've never met her, as I don't live in the area anymore, and he told her about me from the start.)

He and I only talk a couple times a year, just to catch up on life. I hadn't talked to him since around last summer, and when he called recently, he told me they had gotten married. He sounded very happy and like he was in a great place in life.

But he also gifted me with something I never thought I'd have -- a sense of closure. He told me he was very thankful for our time together, even though it wasn't long, and that it had helped prepare him for the life he has now. In return, I told him how much his thoughtfulness, honesty, and work ethic had helped me as well. And I thanked him for telling me something no one (in a relationship) had ever told me before -- that I meant something, even though things didn't work out.

As I was praying about this the next day, an old song came to mind. I think it was originally by Rascal Flatts? But the only version I know is sung by the Christian band Selah.

The lyrics that stood out to me were:

"I set out on a narrow road many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you.

That every long-lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
That much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you."

Now of course, this wasn't the person that God was leading me to. And maybe there NEVER will be a specific person that God leads me to -- maybe the ultimate person I'll always have in my life is HIM (the Lord.)

But the part of the song I was thinking about was the "Northern stars" that God sends in our life to help lead us on, because this guy was no doubt one of them, no matter where my life goes from here.

He and I had talked about our lives and past experiences, and I told him that one of the most painful parts about my ex-husband leaving for someone else was that it felt like I didn't mean anything.

Having this guy tell me that our time together, though short and never something we defined as a relationship (due to lack of time and distance), but was so meaningful and helpful to him... I got off the phone feeling like a decades-old wound had finally closed (at least, in part.) And I sincerely thanked him for that -- for allowing God to mend part of my heart through his kindness and his integrity -- through being who he is.

I was smiling to myself, because even though what we went through hadn't been a "break-up" -- in some ways, it was the best break-up I could have ever had. And it ended with him happy and finding what he had been looking for, so what else could anyone ask for?

* Have you ever had a break-up (or something like it) that was actually positive?

* Do you think that, like this song, God sent, or sends, you "Northern stars" to lead you along the way?

* If you are married, did you have any break-ups that in some way, helped prepare you for your marriage?


The reason I'm asking this is because I've known other Christians who truly felt God led them into certain relationships that didn't work out, but they believe it was helped them grow in ways that prepared them for their futures. Some have now married, and some have not.

I don't know that I've ever felt God led me into a relationship, even though I had very few, but I always assumed it just was my own stupidity -- and that I should have stayed as far away as possible.

* Have you ever felt that God led you into a relationship, and then a break-up, on purpose?

 

[Starsdance7]

Writer, have you ever published a book?

 

[Godsgirl1983]

bitter sweet song...
always makes me cry

an old song came to mind. I think it was originally by Rascal Flatts? But the only version I know is sung by the Christian band Selah.

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band originally wrote/recorded it back in the 90's.
Rascal Flats recording of it made it a hit 10 years later.
Selah did it somewhere in the middle.

I remember hearing it a lot when Selah did it.
Actually, when I first remember hearing it, it just made me think of the relationships I had or wasted time wishing I had/trying to have that just left me broken and running back into the arms of Christ.

 

[Suze]

Hey Everyone,

I had a situation several years ago in which I met a really nice guy and went out with him a few times -- but I had to move out of the area soon after that, so our time was very short-lived. I flew back a couple times to see him, but we knew, due to various work and family circumstances, that things just wouldn't work out. But we kept in touch as friends, and a few years ago he started seeing a great girl (I've never met her, as I don't live in the area anymore, and he told her about me from the start.)

He and I only talk a couple times a year, just to catch up on life. I hadn't talked to him since around last summer, and when he called recently, he told me they had gotten married. He sounded very happy and like he was in a great place in life.

But he also gifted me with something I never thought I'd have -- a sense of closure. He told me he was very thankful for our time together, even though it wasn't long, and that it had helped prepare him for the life he has now. In return, I told him how much his thoughtfulness, honesty, and work ethic had helped me as well. And I thanked him for telling me something no one (in a relationship) had ever told me before -- that I meant something, even though things didn't work out.

As I was praying about this the next day, an old song came to mind. I think it was originally by Rascal Flatts? But the only version I know is sung by the Christian band Selah.

The lyrics that stood out to me were:

"I set out on a narrow road many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you.

That every long-lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
That much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you."

Now of course, this wasn't the person that God was leading me to. And maybe there NEVER will be a specific person that God leads me to -- maybe the ultimate person I'll always have in my life is HIM (the Lord.)

But the part of the song I was thinking about was the "Northern stars" that God sends in our life to help lead us on, because this guy was no doubt one of them, no matter where my life goes from here.

He and I had talked about our lives and past experiences, and I told him that one of the most painful parts about my ex-husband leaving for someone else was that it felt like I didn't mean anything.

Having this guy tell me that our time together, though short and never something we defined as a relationship (due to lack of time and distance), but was so meaningful and helpful to him... I got off the phone feeling like a decades-old wound had finally closed (at least, in part.) And I sincerely thanked him for that -- for allowing God to mend part of my heart through his kindness and his integrity -- through being who he is.

I was smiling to myself, because even though what we went through hadn't been a "break-up" -- in some ways, it was the best break-up I could have ever had. And it ended with him happy and finding what he had been looking for, so what else could anyone ask for?

* Have you ever had a break-up (or something like it) that was actually positive?

* Do you think that, like this song, God sent, or sends, you "Northern stars" to lead you along the way?

* If you are married, did you have any break-ups that in some way, helped prepare you for your marriage?


The reason I'm asking this is because I've known other Christians who truly felt God led them into certain relationships that didn't work out, but they believe it was helped them grow in ways that prepared them for their futures. Some have now married, and some have not.

I don't know that I've ever felt God led me into a relationship, even though I had very few, but I always assumed it just was my own stupidity -- and that I should have stayed as far away as possible.

* Have you ever felt that God led you into a relationship, and then a break-up, on purpose?

I'm soon glad that u got closure with him , it's a lovely feeling I know . Before I was baptized and married I had one or two boyfriends . My first was from age 14 to 23 , he was 3 years older than me . We started out as friends , playing out on the estate we lived , part of a bigger group . We were good friends , made each other laugh and liked the same music and films . I wasn't really interested in a romantic relationship but he was so I just fell in with that . Just before my 16th birthday I got my own place , kind of , a room in a very big house full of other mostly young people . Peter was worried about me so decided to move in with me , I let him . We had some good times but , by the time he was 20 I knew he liked to drink and then to fight , not me , other drunken men . It was a common thing for young British men last century . He was sweet , funny and intelligent but , liked to drink too much for me and , I hate physical violence . My step dad got him a good job working as a long distance lorry driver , so when he wasn't working he liked to catch up with his friends in the pub . I worked also and socialised with my girlfriend's . However , I come from a family of alcoholics so didn't drink very much . Just b 4 I was 24 I had to leave him . He didn't hit me but , I knew it was coming and I would probably have killed him if he did that , my own dad beat me from when I was a baby until I was 7 so , I will not tolerate a man putting their hands on me . Fast forward very many years , Peter is married with children , I had heard they had troubles , both of them drinking and his infidelity but I kept out of his life . My step dad is dying in 2024 . I'm thinking about how huge his funeral will be , very big family , old work colleagues etc . Peter would show for sure , him and my step dad were close . I was looking forward to seeing him at the funeral ! Gonna give him a hug and tell him I'm glad he got what he wanted , a wife and children , things I couldn't give him . Six months before my step dad died , Peter died . Aged 61 of a cardiac arrest . I was very upset , mostly because I had been looking forward to hopefully getting some closure with him after all these years . So , I'm glad u got yours

bitter sweet song...
always makes me cry

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band originally wrote/recorded it back in the 90's.
Rascal Flats recording of it made it a hit 10 years later.
Selah did it somewhere in the middle.

I remember hearing it a lot when Selah did it.
Actually, when I first remember hearing it, it just made me think of the relationships I had or wasted time wishing I had/trying to have that just left me broken and running back into the arms of Christ.

 

[Lynx]

I think only happily married people can sing that song accurately.

For the rest of us, it's hard to sing that song without getting a "sour grapes" tone in our voice... Or for people to assume we are singing sour grapes.

Like, if I sang that song, at my current stage of life, it would look very odd. It would look like I was stubbornly clinging to some idea that every person is destined to find the love of his life, in spite of not finding mine yet.

 

[RodB651]

But the part of the song I was thinking about was the "Northern stars" that God sends in our life to help lead us on, because this guy was no doubt one of them, no matter where my life goes from here.

I have a group of friends that I would consider "Northern Stars". These friends have helped me in ways I'll never have words for...

They know who they are.

The reason I'm asking this is because I've known other Christians who truly felt God led them into certain relationships that didn't work out, but they believe it was helped them grow in ways that prepared them for their futures. Some have now married, and some have not.

I like to think that the relationships I've had over the years have helped me see who I see in the mirror. It's taken a very long time to get here. Most of these relationships ended in a negative way and now, all these years later, I'm ok with it. They had purpose.

 

[seoulsearch]

Writer, have you ever published a book?

I haven't, but thank you so much.

I've known 2 Christians who wrote and published books, and I have to be honest -- after seeing all the money they had to spend, work they had to put in, and then woung up just simply giving away their books (because no one was interested in buying them,) I'd rather just post threads on CC!

I've read that it costs about $10,000 to publish and since the market is so saturated, most only sell a few copies at best -- never coming close to earning their money back.

The thing I enjoy most about writing is the interaction -- I see writing threads as just setting up a stage for a play -- it's all the amazing people who come in and answer that bring the real story to life!

I probably couldn't write a book even if I tried -- I would get too bored having to go over the same material so many times and for so many years to get it right.

I appreciate CC because it provides the interaction that makes writing worth the work, and the freedom to experiment with all kinds of new topics.

Thank you again for the kind words!

 

[seoulsearch]

bitter sweet song...
always makes me cry

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band originally wrote/recorded it back in the 90's.
Rascal Flats recording of it made it a hit 10 years later.
Selah did it somewhere in the middle.

I remember hearing it a lot when Selah did it.
Actually, when I first remember hearing it, it just made me think of the relationships I had or wasted time wishing I had/trying to have that just left me broken and running back into the arms of Christ.

It's most definitely a very emotional song for me, too.

I'm so glad that God led you on and to the wonderful family you have now.

 

[seoulsearch]

I'm soon glad that u got closure with him , it's a lovely feeling I know . Before I was baptized and married I had one or two boyfriends . My first was from age 14 to 23 , he was 3 years older than me . We started out as friends , playing out on the estate we lived , part of a bigger group . We were good friends , made each other laugh and liked the same music and films . I wasn't really interested in a romantic relationship but he was so I just fell in with that . Just before my 16th birthday I got my own place , kind of , a room in a very big house full of other mostly young people . Peter was worried about me so decided to move in with me , I let him . We had some good times but , by the time he was 20 I knew he liked to drink and then to fight , not me , other drunken men . It was a common thing for young British men last century . He was sweet , funny and intelligent but , liked to drink too much for me and , I hate physical violence . My step dad got him a good job working as a long distance lorry driver , so when he wasn't working he liked to catch up with his friends in the pub . I worked also and socialised with my girlfriend's . However , I come from a family of alcoholics so didn't drink very much . Just b 4 I was 24 I had to leave him . He didn't hit me but , I knew it was coming and I would probably have killed him if he did that , my own dad beat me from when I was a baby until I was 7 so , I will not tolerate a man putting their hands on me . Fast forward very many years , Peter is married with children , I had heard they had troubles , both of them drinking and his infidelity but I kept out of his life . My step dad is dying in 2024 . I'm thinking about how huge his funeral will be , very big family , old work colleagues etc . Peter would show for sure , him and my step dad were close . I was looking forward to seeing him at the funeral ! Gonna give him a hug and tell him I'm glad he got what he wanted , a wife and children , things I couldn't give him . Six months before my step dad died , Peter died . Aged 61 of a cardiac arrest . I was very upset , mostly because I had been looking forward to hopefully getting some closure with him after all these years . So , I'm glad u got yours

I am so sorry you didn't get your closure with Peter, Suze.

That makes me want to cry for you -- I know how much it hurts to not get that final ending to your story.

I have often wondered why God seems to have made us with a built-in need for closure when we were made for eternity. Was it some kind of by-product from the fall into sin? Was is something God put in us for this life here on earth? Because it seems in heaven, everything will be open-ended and never-ending, so there would be no need for closure.

But yet here on earth, it hurts so much in this life when we don't get it, and I've often wondered why.

But it's probably just another thing that is way beyond understanding.

Even Jesus wept at Lazarus's funeral -- even though He knew that He was just going to raise Lazarus from the dead in literally a few minutes.

I pray that God will give your heart closure over Peter, Suze!

 

[seoulsearch]

I think only happily married people can sing that song accurately.

For the rest of us, it's hard to sing that song without getting a "sour grapes" tone in our voice... Or for people to assume we are singing sour grapes.

Like, if I sang that song, at my current stage of life, it would look very odd. It would look like I was stubbornly clinging to some idea that every person is destined to find the love of his life, in spite of not finding mine yet.

I have a group of friends that I would consider "Northern Stars". These friends have helped me in ways I'll never have words for...

They know who they are.




I like to think that the relationships I've had over the years have helped me see who I see in the mirror. It's taken a very long time to get here. Most of these relationships ended in a negative way and now, all these years later, I'm ok with it. They had purpose.

I have to agree with Rodney in that many of the "Northern stars" in my life have been friends, and even places, as this forum has been a giant Northern star in my life.

When I first came here, I was terribly broken and teetering on the edge of self-destruction -- the people on this site, just by being here, but showing up and being willing to give of themselves and their stories, literally helped guide me into a better way of living.

And for that, I will be forever grateful.

 

[Suze]

I am so sorry you didn't get your closure with Peter, Suze.

That makes me want to cry for you -- I know how much it hurts to not get that final ending to your story.

I have often wondered why God seems to have made us with a built-in need for closure when we were made for eternity. Was it some kind of by-product from the fall into sin? Was is something God put in us for this life here on earth? Because it seems in heaven, everything will be open-ended and never-ending, so there would be no need for closure.

But yet here on earth, it hurts so much in this life when we don't get it, and I've often wondered why.

But it's probably just another thing that is way beyond understanding.

Even Jesus wept at Lazarus's funeral -- even though He knew that He was just going to raise Lazarus from the dead in literally a few minutes.

I pray that God will give your heart closure over Peter, Suze!

Oh I'm over it now I don't dwell on things that I can't do anything about . It was just that I hadn't seen him for very many years and I feel as if I'm a different person to who I was when we were together , I'm guessing he will have been also . We were just a couple of daft kids really just playing house I just wanted him to know that there were no hard feelings on my part and that I was happy for him . Never mind , I thought about him quite a bit for several days after he died and I felt very strongly that he knew what I wanted to say to him . Wether that was just wishful thinking on my part I don't know but , it was quite a powerful feeling . .

 

[zeroturbulence]

I haven't, but thank you so much.

I've known 2 Christians who wrote and published books, and I have to be honest -- after seeing all the money they had to spend, work they had to put in, and then woung up just simply giving away their books (because no one was interested in buying them,) I'd rather just post threads on CC!

I've read that it costs about $10,000 to publish and since the market is so saturated, most only sell a few copies at best -- never coming close to earning their money back.

The thing I enjoy most about writing is the interaction -- I see writing threads as just setting up a stage for a play -- it's all the amazing people who come in and answer that bring the real story to life!

I probably couldn't write a book even if I tried -- I would get too bored having to go over the same material so many times and for so many years to get it right.

I appreciate CC because it provides the interaction that makes writing worth the work, and the freedom to experiment with all kinds of new topics.

Thank you again for the kind words!

I heard you can publish your own e-books online now so you don't need a publisher. People can just download your book. I don't know much about it but I heard it on the news several years ago.

 

[seoulsearch]

I heard you can publish your own e-books online now so you don't need a publisher. People can just download your book. I don't know much about it but I heard it on the news several years ago.

I have to say that if there was ever any chance that I would write a book, CC has pretty much spoiled it!

With threads, I get to try new topics, styles, and polls. If some fall flat, that's ok -- there's always new ideas to try. It doesn't get boring because the world around us (and the antics of social media) provide an endless of variety of subjects to discuss through the Christian lens.

And I LOVE hearing what other people have experienced and have to say about any given topic, which is something I couldn't get from writing a book. For me, getting people talking is the whole purpose of creating threads. I think that if I ever did try to write a book (especially since I'm not a storyteller, I'd get bored within a month.

And I can't imagine the pressure if I were trying to write for money -- it would ruin any motivation I ever had for writing, because now I would HAVE to "perform", and mold myself to audience demands, which would kill my interest.

Funny thing, but I never see myself as a writer.

I'm just someone who made friends over long distances way before the internet, so I had to learn how to put my thoughts into written words to keep in touch with them (phone calls were seen as too expensive then, at least in my family.)

Someone on CC once said I have "situational humor, like Garfield or Seinfeld," and that really shaped the way I try to communicate.

I often find myself in everyday situations and I'm thinking about them "in writing" in my head -- I'll be internally narrating the situation and trying to weave in humorous observations that hopefully, someone else might find interesting.

Time is the greatest gift anyone can give, so I know I have to put in some effort to try to make it informative or entertaining, or people will feel like they've wasted their time. And I love that in writing, people can skip over my posts entirely if they're not interested. I don't have to bore anyone or hold them captive.

I've heard it said that some people think in numbers or graphics, etc.

In most life circumstances, I am literally thinking things out in written sentences!

 

[Godsgirl1983]

I'll be internally narrating the situation and trying to weave in humorous observations that hopefully, someone else might find interesting.

So this is why your threads sometimes feel so tailored and custom made for some of us

 

[seoulsearch]

So this is why your threads sometimes feel so tailored and custom made for some of us

I couldn't do that with writing a book.

The best thing about threads is being able to adapt with, or to your audience.

 

[Lanolin]

I'm a librarian and I don't think I could write a book either. All the work that goes into it, promoting it, getting to bookstores, even trying to get it published is a huge production and then after it's released it can sink without a trace, or it could become a bestseller and make you rich and famous at a huge cost to your personal life.

I'm like no, you write'em I just read em' and put them on the shelf when I've finished.

Some people make a living being journalists or correspondence or some such but that's a pressure to meet deadlines or write what everyone else wants you to write so it can kill creativity.

I think in another life, I would have been a cartoonist, but it didn't turn out that way for me. Writing is easy, making a living from it is hard. I know we are meant to challenge ourselves and do hard things, but sometimes there is a huge effort for little reward.

Anyway, what was the topic again?

 

[SearchingforSerenity]

I'm a librarian and I don't think I could write a book either. All the work that goes into it, promoting it, getting to bookstores, even trying to get it published is a huge production and then after it's released it can sink without a trace, or it could become a bestseller and make you rich and famous at a huge cost to your personal life.

I'm like no, you write'em I just read em' and put them on the shelf when I've finished.

Some people make a living being journalists or correspondence or some such but that's a pressure to meet deadlines or write what everyone else wants you to write so it can kill creativity.

I think in another life, I would have been a cartoonist, but it didn't turn out that way for me. Writing is easy, making a living from it is hard. I know we are meant to challenge ourselves and do hard things, but sometimes there is a huge effort for little reward.

Anyway, what was the topic again?

You’re a very good writer Lanolin I think you could. Your grammar and wording is amazing. You’d do well as a writer. Or a journalist

 

[Lanolin]

Breaking up is hard to do.
Hmm can I short answer this and say no.

God never led me into a relationship so I could make a huge mess of it and then learn from it. I just did that all by myself. I think we tend to blame God for a lot of things we do ourselves.

He didn't say to me I should make myself into a wife so someone could marry me and be chained to them until I die, or can't handle it and end up divorced/abandoned.

Its kind of weird to ask someone all their past history and say well great, you broke up so now *I* get a chance to go out with you.

 

[Lanolin]

God just wants me in a relationship with Him. A spiritual relationship obviously. And also, Jesus did say "I will never leave you, nor forsake you' and I have hung on to that promise.
He is the only One with whom it is possible to do this. Marriage is earthly and not eternal. It has a beginning and an ending. The only thing about marriage these days that people or maybe it's just Christians have assumptions about is that it's between one man and one woman all the time.
As we know, humans can be a promiscuous bunch and to vow to stick with one person their entire life is not always possible.

I wish it were not so, but that's reality, not fantasy. My parents were able to do this, but there were a few reasons why and even they got sick of each other after a long time.

 

[Lanolin]

In NZ we just call it 'they split up' or I split up, we don't call it breaking up.
I guess breaking up has certain connotations that aren't pleasant. If you wreck a marriage, whether your own or someone elses, that's a terrible thing to do or have done to you. But if you mutually decide to split, then that is a civilised and decent thing to do.