The conondrum with men/ women and pursuit.

[MsMediator]

I've read some requirements that men must fulfill to suit modern women. Such men do exist, but they can have any woman they want. There just aren't enough filthy rich , dark haired 6'2 men to go around.

This is superficially true, just like men seek young and attractive women. Even if they are looking at older options, men and women are still on the lookout for the Melanias and George Clooneys. I do not think women care about looks as much on an ordinary basis though, as long as she considers him handsome (which she should). What modern women are really looking for is whether the guy is able to MAINTAIN her lifestyle, or if she is going to be worse off. Most are not looking for a super rich guy, although it is not incorrect to say that women would desire to marry an handsome doctor (kindness, looks, and wealth rolled together). However, it is not really just modern women wanting this, as I'm sure most all women (including women from hundreds of years ago, undereducated foreign women (as passport bros find out)) expected this. However, as women had basically nothing to offer financially in the past, maintaining or improving her desired lifestyle was easier to achieve. Another factor I see, is that modern women are not as tolerant of disrespect. I think women in the past put up with disrespect more. Women have become more vocal about this, and they too can be disrespectful. I'm not commenting on whether any of this is right, just commenting on observations.

 

[Gideon300]

This is superficially true, just like men seek young and attractive women. Even if they are looking at older options, men and women are still on the lookout for the Melanias and George Clooneys. I do not think women care about looks as much on an ordinary basis though, as long as she considers him handsome (which she should). What modern women are really looking for is whether the guy is able to MAINTAIN her lifestyle, or if she is going to be worse off. Most are not looking for a super rich guy, although it is not incorrect to say that women would desire to marry an handsome doctor (kindness, looks, and wealth rolled together). However, it is not really just modern women wanting this, as I'm sure most all women (including women from hundreds of years ago, undereducated foreign women (as passport bros find out)) expected this. However, as women had basically nothing to offer financially in the past, maintaining or improving her desired lifestyle was easier to achieve. Another factor I see, is that modern women are not as tolerant of disrespect. I think women in the past put up with disrespect more. Women have become more vocal about this, and they too can be disrespectful. I'm not commenting on whether any of this is right, just commenting on observations.

The reality is that many men have just given up dating. I saw a statistic that said one of the triggers for divorce is a man getting injured/sick and unable to work or losing his job. I also think a lack of respect comes into it, and that is from observation.

There are women who offer matching services to find dates for some women too busy to look for themselves. At least one has quit the business. She said that the women she dealt with demanded the impossible.

The shy, sensitive, caring man who can turn into a version of Chuck Norris on demand does not exist, except in a vivid imagination. And men also need to wake up. Most have little idea how to treat a woman.

I'd advise anyone seeking a relationship to check out Mark Gungor. He is intelligent, very funny and has great insight.

 

[PennEd]

I’ve posted this awhile back, but it’s worth another posting because of how true it is:

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1HKNU45NV3/?mibextid=wwXIfr

 

[girliegirl39]

We also shouldn't discount the fact that the internet is full of videos full of women who will do anything those guys want and there's 0 risk and a whole lot of dopamine reward to just watch those instead of interacting with real live women. And I'm sure there are plenty of similar options for women who don't want to interact with real live men. But it's kind of like if you eat enough relational junk food then you have no appetite for a real meal.

So true.. it's easier to interact with someone who isnt being real and getting that dopamine without having to put the work and effort into an actual relationship

 

[MsMediator]

I’ve posted this awhile back, but it’s worth another posting because of how true it is:

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1HKNU45NV3/?mibextid=wwXIfr

The question is, WHY do women prefer to die alone than "settle"? Older women in the dating scene are also very picky too. I am talking about senior women. I once met a 65 year old woman (at church) who wants a guy who can afford to take her to Paris and isn't too old, and please her sexually. (She is remaining celibate until marriage).

 

[MsMediator]

The question is, WHY do women prefer to die alone than "settle"? Older women in the dating scene are also very picky too. I am talking about senior women. I once met a 65 year old woman (at church) who wants a guy who can afford to take her to Paris and isn't too old, and please her sexually. (She is remaining celibate until marriage).

She was also put off if a guy doesn't open the car door for her.

That goes to my earlier point that women are less likely to put up with what they perceive as disrespect. They also expect chivalry. Before, I think it would be more common for a woman to marry a rich jerk.

 

[seoulsearch]

The question is, WHY do women prefer to die alone than "settle"? Older women in the dating scene are also very picky too. I am talking about senior women. I once met a 65 year old woman (at church) who wants a guy who can afford to take her to Paris and isn't too old, and please her sexually. (She is remaining celibate until marriage).

While I applaud this woman's commitment to celibacy until marriage, I often wonder what the line is between unreal expectations and "expecting a man to provide."

I have written a lot about the fact that I'm a woman who has experienced the opposite as far as "provision" -- the only man who ever provided for me was my dad -- then I got into relationships where I was working 3 minimum wage jobs and supporting a man. In later years, it also became a man and his kids.

Even if you get married, it's no guarantee, nor does it mean that a husband will be able to provide, or that the marriage would last -- and even if he does provide, what happens if he becomes disabled or God calls him home early?

I suppose I'd be seen as part of the evils of feminism, but when younger ladies ask me about life, I always tell them to learn to support themselves as much as they can to prepare themselves for the harsh unknowns of life. Yes, God is with us, but man, life can be hard.

A woman who wants a man to be able to take her to Paris?

Beh. If she finds this and he's mutually ok with that, great.

But if not?

I've been researching all-women travel groups for those who don't have a partner or whose partner doesn't want to travel. If a woman doesn't "have a man" or can't demand that one take her to where she wants to go (which is ridiculous anyway,) I say, roll up your sleeves, get to work, and start saving up towards those goals yourself.

 

[keepingthingsreal]

Being the glutton for punishment that I am, I figured that I would quickly share a thought here that just popped into my mind.

When it comes to men, women, and the potential for marriage, why doesn't everybody just follow the example that Jesus gave us in relation to the same?

I mean, he, as the man in this potential marital or bridegroom/bride scenario, made an open display of his affection for his potential mate, or he made what we might call "a grand gesture," when he laid his life down for us.

We, as the she, or as the potential bride in this marital relationship, have all been given the option to either respond favorably or negatively to such an outward display of love and affection.

Why can't it simply be the same with men and women today?

In other words, why can't a man simply make it known to a woman that he is interested in her, and why can't the woman, in return, simply respond either favorably or unfavorably to the man?

What I am basically trying to say is that I have never understood the need for all of the game playing, mixed messages, reverse psychology, hiding of one's true feelings, etc., etc., etc.

Again, as I asked here initially, whatever happened to "Honesty is the best policy?"

Anyhow, I am not looking for anybody, and I can assure you that nobody is looking for me either, so I have no horse in this race. My horse died of malnutrition (lack of interest) a long time ago.

 

[maxwel]

i was handed two very specific Christian books.. one was titled "I kissed dating goodbye" and the other one titled "when God writes your love story".
Anyway.. point is.. i blame the church more than i do hollywood on the concept of pursuit.

Bad Pop Culture Books, and Blaming The Church:

1.) We can't impugn the entire church:
Because "some" churches blindly follow the lost secular culture, or blindly follow some idiocy from "christian pop culture", doesn't give us grounds to blame the entire "church" at large. This is an overstatement.

2.) Many Christians and churches never fell for those pop culture books.
I'm very sorry your youth pastor pushed you toward books like "I kissed dating goodbye", and that advice cause you a lot of problems. But you should be aware, there was ALWAYS a huge pushback against that christian pop-culture nonsense by Christians with more extensive Biblical grounding. None of my friends (young or old) ever gave those books a second thought. So this was never "the church" at large.
I'm very sorry you were give bad advice at a young age, but we can't blame the entire church at large.

3.) No Christians should ever have fallen for nonsense like "I kissed dating goodbye."
a. The author had no training, experience or authority to write such a book for the Christian church.
- He had no theological or seminary training. He had no ministry experience. He had no training, credentials, authority, or experience to make him fit for such a task.
- Everyone who took 5 seconds to check him out, would have immediately seen this... and it's why many Christians simply IGNORED HIM.
b. When an unlearned and unprepared person makes himself an authority, it eventually catches up with him and becomes clear.
- He has publicly recanted and disavowed the teachings of his own book.
- He has since deconstructed and left the faith, claiming he's no longer a Christian.
- After leaving the faith, and disavowing his own book, he also divorced his wife.
- No Christians should have ever listened to him, and many never did.

.

 

[Lynx]

Being the glutton for punishment that I am, I figured that I would quickly share a thought here that just popped into my mind.

When it comes to men, women, and the potential for marriage, why doesn't everybody just follow the example that Jesus gave us in relation to the same?

I mean, he, as the man in this potential marital or bridegroom/bride scenario, made an open display of his affection for his potential mate, or he made what we might call "a grand gesture," when he laid his life down for us.

We, as the she, or as the potential bride in this marital relationship, have all been given the option to either respond favorably or negatively to such an outward display of love and affection.

Why can't it simply be the same with men and women today?

In other words, why can't a man simply make it known to a woman that he is interested in her, and why can't the woman, in return, simply respond either favorably or unfavorably to the man?

What I am basically trying to say is that I have never understood the need for all of the game playing, mixed messages, reverse psychology, hiding of one's true feelings, etc., etc., etc.

Again, as I asked here initially, whatever happened to "Honesty is the best policy?"

Anyhow, I am not looking for anybody, and I can assure you that nobody is looking for me either, so I have no horse in this race. My horse died of malnutrition (lack of interest) a long time ago.

I only wish it was that simple. It should be that simple. Anything else is just generating drama.

Unfortunately if you sally forth with that attitude and try to find somebody, you are going to be very surprised. Very, very, very surprised. Shocked, even.

 

[girliegirl39]

Being the glutton for punishment that I am, I figured that I would quickly share a thought here that just popped into my mind.

When it comes to men, women, and the potential for marriage, why doesn't everybody just follow the example that Jesus gave us in relation to the same?

I mean, he, as the man in this potential marital or bridegroom/bride scenario, made an open display of his affection for his potential mate, or he made what we might call "a grand gesture," when he laid his life down for us.

We, as the she, or as the potential bride in this marital relationship, have all been given the option to either respond favorably or negatively to such an outward display of love and affection.

Why can't it simply be the same with men and women today?

In other words, why can't a man simply make it known to a woman that he is interested in her, and why can't the woman, in return, simply respond either favorably or unfavorably to the man?

What I am basically trying to say is that I have never understood the need for all of the game playing, mixed messages, reverse psychology, hiding of one's true feelings, etc., etc., etc.

Again, as I asked here initially, whatever happened to "Honesty is the best policy?"

Anyhow, I am not looking for anybody, and I can assure you that nobody is looking for me either, so I have no horse in this race. My horse died of malnutrition (lack of interest) a long time ago.

Dont you think its a little early to be discounting yourself from the possibility of love and marriage? I mean, i have known older people who met and married at 75. Maybe your horse isnt dead...maybe its just sleeping.

 

[girliegirl39]

I only wish it was that simple. It should be that simple. Anything else is just generating drama.

Unfortunately if you sally forth with that attitude and try to find somebody, you are going to be very surprised. Very, very, very surprised. Shocked, even.

I WISH it were that simple too.

 

[keepingthingsreal]

Dont you think its a little early to be discounting yourself from the possibility of love and marriage? I mean, i have known older people who met and married at 75. Maybe your horse isnt dead...maybe its just sleeping.

You might be right.

Let me give it one more try...


GIDDY UP, HORSEY!!!

Still nothing.

 

[keepingthingsreal]

I WISH it were that simple too.

It could be.

 

[girliegirl39]

You might be right.

Let me give it one more try...

View attachment 272761
GIDDY UP, HORSEY!!!

Still nothing.

You call that a try? Oh you of little faith.

 

[girliegirl39]

It could be.

Really?? Really??? Like actually really?

 

[keepingthingsreal]

You call that a try? Oh you of little faith.

Of course, I was joking. Believe me, I am not the type of person who gives up easily. At the same time, however, when I determine, based upon a host of factors, that something is not in the cards for me, then I do not sulk over it. Instead, I try to find out what else God has in store for me or what his will is for my life.

Could God surprise me somewhere down the line with a relationship with a woman? He could, but I would have to say that it is not likely. At least not at this particular time.

This is what I honestly believe:

Even if God does have a mate in store for someone, then he is going to try to prepare those people before he brings them together. In other words, he will try to prepare the man to be the type of husband he calls men to be, and he will similarly seek to prepare the woman to be the type of wife he calls women to be. What if the man and woman do not cooperate? Will God still bring them together? What would be the eventual outcome of that relationship if they had not properly prepared for it in advance?

It seems to me, based upon my own observations in life, that men are way too concerned about what a woman might be like, and not even remotely concerned enough about becoming the type of man they ought to be. The same principle seems to apply to women as well.

If you are in a waiting period, or in a "holding pattern," then spend the time wisely. That is my advice to you, me, and everybody else.

 

[keepingthingsreal]

Really?? Really??? Like actually really?

In line with what I just said in my last response, if men prepare themselves to be the type of men God wants them to be, and if women prepare themselves to be the type of women God wants them to be, then "yes"...it actually could be. My intended point is that we often think that we are waiting on God, when, in reality, he is waiting on us.

 

[girliegirl39]

Of course, I was joking. Believe me, I am not the type of person who gives up easily. At the same time, however, when I determine, based upon a host of factors, that something is not in the cards for me, then I do not sulk over it. Instead, I try to find out what else God has in store for me or what his will is for my life.

Could God surprise me somewhere down the line with a relationship with a woman? He could, but I would have to say that it is not likely. At least not at this particular time.

This is what I honestly believe.

Even if God does have a mate in store for someone, he is going to try to prepare those people before he brings them together. In other words, he will try to prepare the man to be the type of husband he calls men to be, and he will similarly seek to prepare the woman to be the type of wife he calls women to be. What if the man and woman do not cooperate? Will God still bring them together? What would be the eventual outcome of that relationship if they had not properly prepared for it in advance?

It seems to me, based upon my own observations in life, that men are way too concerned about what a woman might be like, and not even remotely concerned enough about becoming the type of man they ought to be. The same principle seems to apply to women as well.

If you are in a waiting period, or in a "holding pattern," then spend the time wisely. That is my advice to you, me, and everybody else.

That is such good advice.
Somtimes its hard to accept...
I feel like i was created to love and i would love to be married to someone that I could just pour my whole heart into. I think for me..its easy to love someone.. it just often seems harder for them to love me the same way back.

Seems like i take the "love hard" approach but it appears not to come back to me the same way. Not that my goal is to get into relationship in order to be loved.

 

[keepingthingsreal]

That is such good advice.
Somtimes its hard to accept...
I feel like i was created to love and i would love to be married to someone that I could just pour my whole heart into. I think for me..its easy to love someone.. it just often seems harder for them to love me the same way back.

Seems like i take the "love hard" approach but it appears not to come back to me the same way. Not that my goal is to get into relationship in order to be loved.

I hear you, and I can definitely relate to what you are saying about pouring your whole heart into somebody else and loving hard. Yeah, I have been there, and I have done that. Always seemed to be the giver, and never the receiver. I solace myself by looking at Jesus. Nobody ever loved harder than him, and he was often rejected.

Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world. With somewhere around 8 billion people in it, you would think that it would be easy to find the right match, but mine must have fallen into a sinkhole or something. lol.

For whatever it is worth, I feel for you, and I know how tough it can be. Right now, by God's grace, I am okay being by myself, and I can truly be happy for those who have found the right someone. Who knows? Maybe my "Mrs. Right" will show up unexpectedly some day.

KNOCK! KNOCK!



Could that be her?





AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!