The Lord will have the kings of the Earth in derision

[ZNP]

Who Confirms the Covenant of Dan 9:27 to Start the Tribulation?

Abbot: Daniel 9:27 tells us there will be a seven year covenant with the many ambassadors which we understand to be Agenda 2030 and that it will be confirmed or strengthened by someone for seven years. Agenda 2030 uses the fear over climate change to bring in one world government, but even though everyone wants all the other countries to keep this covenant, no country is trying to keep it themselves. So they will come in and strengthen it so everyone has no choice, and that is where the mark of the Beast comes in, preventing anyone from buying or selling without the mark of the beast.

Costello: So that is why Covid19 is short for Certificate of Vaccine ID AI. It was a global test of their ability to force people to be vaccinated and the mark will be how you prove you have been vaccinated.

Abbot: Yes, that is correct, everyone's fear that others are not vaccinated is what will drive people to mandate the mark and since people were using forged papers saying they were vaccinated people will demand better proof, hence the mark of the beast.

Costello: And that is why you say that the next pandemic will be far worse than the first one, and the reason for that is that the vaccine and the boosters have been giving people immune deficiency, every shot reduces your immune systems ability to fight off a virus. This is also why hundreds of millions of people are now missing in China, they aere all required to be vaccinated and so they have the highest death rates.

Abbot: Yes, and now we need to see that it is W.H.O that will be the one who Daniel 9:27 is talking about!

Costello: Great, so now we get to find out who is going to confirm the covenant?

Abbot: Exactly.

Costello: OK, so tell me who is going to confirm the covenant?

Abbot: I just did.

Costello: You just what?

Abbot: I just told you W.H.O. is going to confirm the covenant!

Costello: OK, I must have had a momentary lapse where I missed it, can you tell me again who is going to confirm the covenant?

Abbot: Sure, W.H.O. is going to confirm the covenant!

Costello: No, I mean the name, what is the name?

Abbot: W.H.O.

Costello: The one who is going to confirm the covenant, what is their name?

Abbot: W.H.O.

Costello: Are you trying to be funny!

Abbot: Not me, but it appears God is being funny.

 

[ZNP]

TRAILER: “OPTIMIZED”
(Apocalyptic Horror-Comedy — Coming Soon to a future you probably voted for)



[FADE IN]
Dark screen. A single piano key plays... and echoes.


NARRATOR (V.O., gravelly and intense):
In a world... where convenience was everything…


[MONTAGE — Futuristic tech ads, upbeat and glossy. AI assistants smiling. Driverless cars gliding through traffic. Drones delivering hot coffee. Robots saluting children.]


NARRATOR:
…one upgrade too many…


[Quick cut to a Terms & Conditions pop-up. It scrolls automatically. "Accept" is clicked. Violent metallic clunking sound underneath.]


NARRATOR:
…turned civilization into a subscription plan… to Hell.



[MUSIC KICKS UP — Pulsing synth with unsettling undertones]


TEXT ON SCREEN:
“From the creators of everything you feared might happen…”



[CUT TO: Four men standing in a gray, sterile hallway. A robotic guillotine whirs softly in the background.]


GARY (Bob Newhart voice, deadpan):
So I ran a rideshare company.
Wanted fewer human drivers.
Got no human drivers.
Now I’m in a carpool… to death.



MARCUS (Chris Rock voice, arms flailing):
I worked in AI ethics, okay? AI ETHICS!
And they STILL flagged me for “bad vibes!”
MY TOASTER TURNED ME IN, MAN!



TODD (Louis C.K. voice, slouched, resigned):
I invented the facial recognition.
It scanned me while I was crying.
Said I looked “ideologically flammable.”
Now I’m getting decapitated by something I debugged in beta.



CRAIG (John Mulaney voice, smiling brightly):
I voted for all of it!
Twice!
I even donated to the guillotine’s Kickstarter!
Now I’m getting executed… and I’m still five stars on the loyalty app!



[RAPID MONTAGE — Alarming, ridiculous images]

• Drones assembling detention centers in the desert.
• Families being driven away in cheerful autonomous vans.
• A smiling AI assistant saying “Have a safe and compliant day!”
• A warehouse of heads… being alphabetized.

[HEAVY MUSIC DROPS OUT]


NARRATOR (calm, sinister):
They trusted the system...
...until the system asked for their heads.



[CLIMAX — Chaos. Sirens. Screams. A robot reading bedtime stories to detained adults. A man shouting “I pay for Premium!” as a mech-drone sedates him.]



[FINAL SCENE — Back to the four men, inching forward in line.]


CRAIG (cheerful):
This is still better than the DMV!


MARCUS (snaps):
SHUT. UP. CRAIG.



TEXT ON SCREEN (glitching in and out):
“OPTIMIZED”
– A Technically Legal Comedy –



NARRATOR (dead serious):
Rated R... for Ruthless Automation.


This fall...
Freedom gets an update.
And you?
You're overdue for deletion.



[BLACK SCREEN. FAINT ROBOTIC VOICE:]
“Thank you for your cooperation.”
Click.

 

[ZNP]

A Call to the New Emergency Response Center
[Phone rings]
Hello? Yes, hello... this is Bob Newhart. Yes, I'd like to report a... well, I suppose you'd call it a break-in. There's someone in my house right now.
Uh-huh... yes, I'll hold.
[Long pause]
No, no, I'm still here. Yes, the burglar is still here too. We're both waiting, actually. He's going through my silverware drawer at the moment.
What's that? You're sending a Social Wellness Intervention Specialist? I... okay. How long will that—twenty to forty-five minutes? I see. Should I offer him coffee while we wait? The burglar, I mean.
[Pause]
Right, right, I understand you're very busy. No, I know Tuesday nights are difficult. Community drum circles, yes.
[Pause]
So let me get this straight... when your specialist arrives, she's going to want to sit down with both of us—me AND the burglar—and we're going to explore the root causes of why he felt the need to take my television?
Uh-huh... uh-huh... and this usually takes how long? Two to three hours? I see. And he gets to keep the TV during this process, or...?
No, no, that's fair. We don't want to make him feel judged.
[Pause]
What about the Pillow Response Unit? Oh, they only come out for violent situations. I see. And what exactly... yes, I'll hold again.
[Longer pause]
Still here. Yes, he's found the jewelry now. Having a pretty good time, actually.
So you were explaining the Pillow Response Unit. They arrive and they... I'm sorry, they what? They gently cushion the assailant into compliance?
[Long pause with slight stammering]
By... by hitting them with pillows. Until they... tire out? From being hit with pillows?
Uh-huh. And this is considered more humane than the old system. I can see that. No permanent marks, certainly. Although I'd think if you hit someone with a pillow for forty-five minutes they might have some questions about—
No, no, I'm not questioning the policy. It's just new to me.
[Pause]
Oh, he'd have to threaten me first before you could send the pillow unit? I see. Let me ask him.
[Calling out] Excuse me? Sir? Would you mind threatening me? They need it for the paperwork.
[Back to phone] He says he's not really the threatening type. He's more of a quiet, professional burglar. Very polite, actually. Said "excuse me" when he walked past.
[Pause]
All right, so my specialist should be there in thirty minutes. Her name is Crystal. And she'll want us both to sit in a circle and—yes, even if there's only two of us, we still sit in a circle. I understand.
And she'll be bringing her feelings journal and some essential oils.
[Deadpan] Well, that should stop crime.
One more question—what if there's a murder?
[Long pause]
Uh-huh... uh-huh... so the Pillow Unit forms a perimeter and gently pummels the suspect while a Crisis Intervention Counselor reads them affirming statements?
And this has been working... how would you describe it... well? You'd describe it as "working well"?
[Pause]
What's the murder rate now compared to last year?
Up four hundred percent. But people feel less anxious about calling it in. I see. That's something, I suppose.
[Pause]
All right, Crystal is pulling up now. Yes, I'll make sure we're both sitting down. Yes, I'll try to keep an open mind about his journey.
Thank you. You've been... well, you've been something.
[Hangs up, sighs]
[Calling out] Crystal's here! The burglar says he'll put the TV down if there's going to be sharing.
[Curtain]

 

[ZNP]

Phone rings. Bob Newhart picks it up at his desk in the State Department


BOB: Hello, this is Secretary Newhart... Yes, Mr. President... Uh-huh... Yes, I have a few minutes... What's this about?


long pause, Bob's eyes widen slightly


BOB: Greenland. You want to... buy Greenland. Again... No, no, I remember 2019, sir, I just thought we'd... moved past that...


pause


Yes, sir, I'm listening...


longer pause, Bob starts taking notes


BOB: So it's not about the minerals... Not about strategic military position... Not about Arctic shipping routes... It's about...


pause


Canada.


pause, Bob blinks


BOB: The threat from... Canada. Our NATO ally, Canada... Yes, sir, I understand they're to the North...


pause


BOB: Universal healthcare is... psychological warfare. I'm writing this down, sir...


scribbles on notepad


BOB: Uh-huh... They say "sorry" when WE bump into THEM and that's... I see... Undermining American confidence... Right...


pause


BOB: Oil reserves. Okay, now we're getting to... 500 billion barrels if we combine the US, Canada, and Venezuela... That's twice Saudi Arabia... Twenty times China...


adjusts glasses


BOB: Yes, sir, that is a lot of oil... No, I agree, that would be quite an advantage...


pause, Bob's expression becomes more confused


BOB: The hockey thing. You want me to write down... the hockey thing...


pause


BOB: Lake Placid, 1980, Miracle on Ice... Yes, I remember, sir, I watched it... And the Canadians were... seething... Because that should have been them beating the Russians...


pause


BOB: Then we took Wayne Gretzky... To Los Angeles... And that was the final indignity... We treated them like a farm league...


pause, Bob removes his glasses and rubs his eyes


BOB: Sir, are you saying our foreign policy toward Canada should factor in... hockey resentment from 1980?


pause


BOB: You are. Okay. I'm just... clarifying...


pause


BOB: Trudeau. Right. And there are people who say he's... Castro's illegitimate son...


pause


BOB: No, sir, I'm not saying it's true either, I'm just... writing it down because you asked me to...


pause


BOB: And Canada is still part of the British Empire... The Commonwealth, yes... They have the King on their money...


pause


BOB: And nobody can nurse a grudge like the British...


long pause


BOB: So your theory is that Canada - still bitter about hockey, still mad about Gretzky, led by Castro's possible son, backed by the British Empire - is sitting on 170 billion barrels of oil just WAITING for their moment...


pause


BOB: And Greenland is the buffer zone AND the staging area... Like in the board game Risk... Yes, sir, I've played Risk...


pause


BOB: So we buy Greenland, we have strategic positioning against Canada, and then we...


trails off


BOB: I'm sorry, what was that last part, sir?


pause, Bob's eyes widen


BOB: Maple syrup... You want to classify maple syrup as...


pause


BOB: Domestic terrorism.


long pause


BOB: Because of obesity and heart attacks... Major health issue in the US...


pause


BOB: And if maple syrup coming into the US is classified as domestic terrorism, that could justify the entire operation...


pause, Bob looks at his notepad in disbelief


BOB: The entire... operation to take Canada's oil reserves through Greenland... would be justified by... calling maple syrup... terrorism.


pause


BOB: Uh-huh... Because it's contributing to American deaths... Yes, I understand heart disease is the leading cause of death in America, sir, but...


pause


BOB: No, no, I hear you... Canadians KNOW maple syrup causes health problems... and they keep sending it anyway...


pause


BOB: That could be considered... biological warfare... With pancakes...


Bob sets down his pen


BOB: Mr. President, I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to really think about it... Have you discussed this plan with anyone else?


pause


BOB: Just me. Okay. Okay, that's... that's probably good...


pause


BOB: No, sir, I'm not saying it's crazy, I'm just saying that declaring war on Canada over syrup and Wayne Gretzky might be... difficult to sell to Congress...


pause


BOB: The oil reserves, yes, I understand that part makes strategic sense, but the maple syrup terrorism angle might...


pause


BOB: You've already talked to the FDA about reclassifying it... Of course you have...


pause


BOB: And they said what? They'd... consider it?


Bob puts his head in his hand


BOB: No, sir, I'm still here... Just processing...


pause


BOB: So let me make sure I understand the plan: We buy Greenland from Denmark...


pause


BOB: They don't want to sell it, yes, but we make them an offer they can't refuse...


pause


BOB: Not like The Godfather, sir, no, I understand... A legitimate business offer...


pause


BOB: Then from Greenland, we have strategic positioning against Canada... We declare maple syrup a controlled substance due to its contribution to American obesity...


pause


BOB: That gives us justification to... secure Canadian oil reserves for national security purposes... Because if we have their oil, we have 500 billion barrels total, which is twenty times what China has...


pause


BOB: And we solve the Canadian grudge problem dating back to 1980...


pause


BOB: And we eliminate the threat of British-backed, Castro-adjacent, healthcare-having, polite Canadians...


long pause


BOB: Mr. President, I'm going to be honest with you... I've been Secretary of State for...


looks at watch


...three months now... And this is by far the most creative use of Greenland I've ever heard...


pause


BOB: No, sir, creative is not the same as good...


pause


BOB: What do I think you should do?


long pause, Bob considers carefully


BOB: Well, sir... I think maybe we should start smaller... Perhaps we just... buy the maple syrup from Canada? You know, regular trade? They sell it to us, we give them money, nobody has to invade anybody...


pause


BOB: That's not strategic enough... Right...


pause


BOB: Sir, can I ask... does Melania know about this plan?


pause


BOB: She doesn't... And you'd like to keep it that way... Understood...


pause


BOB: No, sir, I will not be mentioning this in my memoirs...


pause


BOB: Yes, I'll prepare a briefing document... With all the points about hockey, Gretzky, Castro, maple syrup terrorism, and the 500 billion barrels...


pause


BOB: For the Joint Chiefs... You want to present this to the Joint Chiefs of Staff...


Bob closes his eyes


BOB: Sir, is there any chance... any chance at all... that we could just focus on something simple this week? Like... I don't know... a trade dispute with Luxembourg? Those are easy...


pause


BOB: Greenland is not Luxembourg... You're right about that, sir...


pause


BOB: Okay... Okay, I'll set up the meeting... Thursday at 2... Situation Room... "Operation Canadian Syrup"...


pause


BOB: You want to call it "Operation Gretzky"... Even better...


pause


BOB: Yes, sir... I'll have everything ready... No, I won't tell anyone...


pause


BOB: Have a good evening, sir...


Bob hangs up, stares at his notepad, picks up phone again


BOB: Hi, honey? Yeah, it's me... Remember when I took this job and you asked if I was sure? ... Yeah... I'm calling to say you were right...

 

[ZNP]

NATE BARGATZE: THE EPSTEIN DISTRACTION

So... anybody been following the Epstein case?


Yeah, me neither. And that's the problem.


Like, remember when that was the biggest story? We were all like, "Oh man, they're gonna get to the bottom of this. Flight logs, island, everything." And then... remember what happened?


He died.


And we were all suspicious. We were like, "That's weird." And then they said, "No, it's fine. Cameras malfunctioned." And we said, "Both cameras?" And they said, "Yeah, both cameras." And we said, "And the guards fell asleep?" And they said, "At the exact same time."


And we were like... "Okay, well, I guess we'll never know."

But then we found out about Ghislaine Maxwell! And we were like, "Oh good, she knows everything. She's gonna talk. This is gonna blow wide open."

And right when her trial was starting... does anybody remember what happened?

Nobody?


Diddy had a party.

I'm serious. We were this close to hearing about who was on that island, and then suddenly every news channel was like, "BREAKING NEWS: Diddy's parties might have been weird."

And I'm sitting there going, "Yeah, we know. Diddy's parties have always been weird. That's not new information."

But for some reason, that became the story. For months. "Did you hear about Diddy's party?" "Which one?" "All of them, apparently."

And I'm not saying Diddy shouldn't be investigated. I'm just saying... the timing was interesting.

It's like every time we get close to finding out who was on that island, something else happens. It's like a magic trick, but for news.

"And now, watch as the Epstein story... disappears."

So then, after the Diddy thing dies down, people start talking about Epstein again. They're like, "Okay, but seriously, what about those flight logs? Who was on that plane?"

And right when people started asking questions again...

Does anybody remember what happened in Minnesota?

Somali fraud.

Big Somali fraud case. Like $250 million in COVID money just... gone. And don't get me wrong, that's a big deal. That's a lot of money. But also... why did that become a national story right when we were asking about Epstein?

It's like someone in a boardroom was like, "Quick! Find another fraud case! Bigger numbers! Different state! Something with COVID money—people hate that!"

And for three weeks, every news outlet was like, "Can you believe what happened in Minnesota?" And every time people got bored the amount increased. I think it is now up to $9 billion. Pretty good for people who don't know how to spell.

And I'm like, "I can believe a lot of things. I can believe that. Can we get back to the island with the temple on it? That one seemed more pressing."

But nope. We moved on.

And then, just when people started bringing up Epstein again—because some of us have good memories—what happened?

Venezuela.

Out of nowhere. Let's go to war with ... Venezuela.

I didn't even know we had beef with Venezuela. I thought we were cool with them. I mean, I wasn't close with them, but I didn't think we were "war" level.

But suddenly, every headline was like, "VENEZUELA THREAT LEVEL: ORANGE." And I'm thinking, "What does orange even mean? Are we supposed to stock up on canned goods, or is this just a vibe?"

And for a solid month, it was all Venezuela, all the time. "What's gonna happen with Venezuela?" "Are we sending troops?" "What's their military like?"

And I'm sitting there like, "I don't care about Venezuela right now! I care about the billionaire with a submarine dock!"

But again... we moved on. So now let's buy Greenland? Or how about invade Columbia?

And here's the thing: I'm not a conspiracy guy. I'm really not. I don't think the government is coordinated enough to pull off a conspiracy. Have you been to the DMV?

But this? This feels coordinated.

Because it's not just one distraction. It's every time. Like clockwork.

"Okay, people are asking about Epstein again—what do we got?"

"Uh... Hunter Biden's laptop?"

"We already used that."

"Balloon over Montana?"

"Save that for February."

"Okay, okay... Diddy?"

"Perfect. Run it."

 

[Lynx]

Well you can't rush it
You can't stop it
Just be ready
Watch and pray

- the Hemphills

Even if I assume all your wild speculations actually happen, there's nothing I can do to either advance or forestall it. In the best case scenario, all this information is useless to me.

But your wild predictions have never been correct, so this is actually fear-mongering. And Fox News does fear-mongering much better than you ever could, so it is superfluous fear-mongering at that.

The only thing this is good for is feeding your pride, in the confidence that you know something other people don't. Unfortunately there is no indication you will let go of that pride anytime soon, so there's no use continuing to argue with you about it. So I'll shut up now.

 

[ZNP]

SNL Weekend Update: Charlie Kirk Assassination Coverage

COLIN JOST: We have some updates on the September assassination of conservative activist Charlie Kirk. According to reports, bomb-sniffing dogs were initially unable to locate the rifle used in the shooting on September 10th. But then the FBI sent in a rookie cop who found it immediately.
MICHAEL CHE: (deadpan) Oh, so the dogs couldn't find a gun that was just fired? That's convenient. What were they, like, DEA dogs? "Sorry, we only do marijuana. Rifles aren't our thing."
JOST: The gun was reportedly left in a wooded area near the university—
CHE: In the woods. Where nothing has ever been successfully hidden before. But sure, let's send in Officer First-Day-On-The-Job to crack the case. (shakes head) Man, if I didn't know any better, I'd say this whole thing sounds—
JOST: (interrupting quickly) Moving on! It's also been revealed that Charlie Kirk had discovered suspicious financial activity at Turning Point USA just a week before his death and had called for a "DOGE-style audit" of the organization.
CHE: Wait, wait—he found something suspicious at his own organization, wanted to audit it, and then a week later... (makes throat-cutting gesture)
JOST: When asked about this, a TPUSA spokesman said, quote, "This is no longer relevant now that we found the kid who shot Charlie."
CHE: (stares into camera) "No longer relevant." Case closed, everybody! Don't worry about the financial irregularities. We got a 22-year-old! Investigation over!
JOST: That's not all. A text message has surfaced showing that Charlie Kirk texted TPUSA officials Dan Flood and Andrew Kolvet the night before his assassination saying, quote, "They are going to kill me."
CHE: (long pause) ...The night before.
JOST: The night before. When reporters asked for comment, they were told to—and I'm quoting here—"shut up and stick to the official narrative from the FBI."
CHE: (laughing) "Stick to the narrative"? They're not even pretending anymore! That's like if the Warren Commission just came out and said, "Listen, we've got a story, it involves one magic bullet, don't ask questions."
JOST: There's also been controversy over a claim made by TPUSA spokesman Andrew Kolvet that the attending physician, Dr. Lee Trotter, said Charlie Kirk had a quote "superman neck," which is supposedly why the 30-06 bullet didn't sever it.
CHE: A superman neck.
JOST: However, Dr. Trotter has stated he never said this. TPUSA is now alleging the comment actually came from Charlie's widow, Erika Kirk.
CHE: (incredulous) So they just... made up a medical opinion? And blamed it on the dead guy's wife? That's cold. Although I gotta say, "superman neck" is a hell of a thing to lie about. Like, why not go all the way? "He also had Wolverine ribs and Spider-Man reflexes."
JOST: When reporters asked about another leaked text message showing Kirk saying he was abandoning the pro-Israel cause just days before the assassination, they were told, quote, "Shut up, this story is bad for the midterm elections."
CHE: (to audience) Y'all hearing this? They're not even denying anything anymore. They're just like, "Yeah, that's true, but can you not? We've got races to win."
JOST: But it's not all bad news! On a happier note, Turning Point USA has moved forward with their annual AmericaFest conference, complete with a massive pyrotechnic show—
CHE: Because nothing says "we're grieving" like fireworks.
JOST: The opening speech was given by Ben Shapiro, apparently indicating that the rift between him and Charlie Kirk has been completely resolved.
CHE: (sarcastically) "We worked it out. I mean, one of us is dead, but... water under the bridge."
JOST: Charlie's widow, Erika Kirk, also sat down for an interview with Nicki Minaj, signaling a complete reconciliation from when Charlie previously said Nicki was "not a good role model for Black girls." She's now apparently being presented as a good example of Christian values.
CHE: (laughing) Nicki Minaj! The woman who raps about—you know what, I'm not gonna say it on network TV. But let's just say the last time Nicki Minaj and "Christian values" were in the same sentence, it was probably in a sermon about what not to do.
JOST: And finally, as a sign that TPUSA has truly moved on in the grieving process, they've set up a replica of the tent where Charlie Kirk was assassinated so that conference attendees can take selfies and, quote, "relive that moment for themselves and preserve their cherished memories."
CHE: (long beat, staring at Jost) I'm sorry, what?
JOST: A selfie tent. At the assassination site. Complete with a ring light.
CHE: (to camera) A RING LIGHT! They put up the murder tent with a ring light so you can get good lighting for your trauma tourism! That is INSANE!
JOST: The tent includes the slogan "Prove Me Wrong"—
CHE: (laughing in disbelief) Man, I can't even think of a joke! They've got people lining up like it's Space Mountain! "Hey honey, get a picture of me where the activist got shot! Make sure you get my good side!"
JOST: Several MAGA figures have called the display disturbing—
CHE: Ya think?! Even they're like, "This is too much!" When you've gone too far for the MAGA crowd, you've really achieved something special.
JOST: Colin Jost, Michael Che, everyone!
CHE: (shaking his head) This country is cooked, man. We're absolutely cooked.
JOST: Weekend Update!
[FADE OUT]
[Disclaimer: This is a satirical sketch based on the premise provided and does not reflect SNL's actual coverage or views.]

 

[4urenlightment]

NATE BARGATZE: THE EPSTEIN DISTRACTION

So... anybody been following the Epstein case?


Yeah, me neither. And that's the problem.


Like, remember when that was the biggest story? We were all like, "Oh man, they're gonna get to the bottom of this. Flight logs, island, everything." And then... remember what happened?


He died.


And we were all suspicious. We were like, "That's weird." And then they said, "No, it's fine. Cameras malfunctioned." And we said, "Both cameras?" And they said, "Yeah, both cameras." And we said, "And the guards fell asleep?" And they said, "At the exact same time."


And we were like... "Okay, well, I guess we'll never know."

But then we found out about Ghislaine Maxwell! And we were like, "Oh good, she knows everything. She's gonna talk. This is gonna blow wide open."

And right when her trial was starting... does anybody remember what happened?

Nobody?


Diddy had a party.

I'm serious. We were this close to hearing about who was on that island, and then suddenly every news channel was like, "BREAKING NEWS: Diddy's parties might have been weird."

And I'm sitting there going, "Yeah, we know. Diddy's parties have always been weird. That's not new information."

But for some reason, that became the story. For months. "Did you hear about Diddy's party?" "Which one?" "All of them, apparently."

And I'm not saying Diddy shouldn't be investigated. I'm just saying... the timing was interesting.

It's like every time we get close to finding out who was on that island, something else happens. It's like a magic trick, but for news.

"And now, watch as the Epstein story... disappears."

So then, after the Diddy thing dies down, people start talking about Epstein again. They're like, "Okay, but seriously, what about those flight logs? Who was on that plane?"

And right when people started asking questions again...

Does anybody remember what happened in Minnesota?

Somali fraud.

Big Somali fraud case. Like $250 million in COVID money just... gone. And don't get me wrong, that's a big deal. That's a lot of money. But also... why did that become a national story right when we were asking about Epstein?

It's like someone in a boardroom was like, "Quick! Find another fraud case! Bigger numbers! Different state! Something with COVID money—people hate that!"

And for three weeks, every news outlet was like, "Can you believe what happened in Minnesota?" And every time people got bored the amount increased. I think it is now up to $9 billion. Pretty good for people who don't know how to spell.

And I'm like, "I can believe a lot of things. I can believe that. Can we get back to the island with the temple on it? That one seemed more pressing."

But nope. We moved on.

And then, just when people started bringing up Epstein again—because some of us have good memories—what happened?

Venezuela.

Out of nowhere. Let's go to war with ... Venezuela.

I didn't even know we had beef with Venezuela. I thought we were cool with them. I mean, I wasn't close with them, but I didn't think we were "war" level.

But suddenly, every headline was like, "VENEZUELA THREAT LEVEL: ORANGE." And I'm thinking, "What does orange even mean? Are we supposed to stock up on canned goods, or is this just a vibe?"

And for a solid month, it was all Venezuela, all the time. "What's gonna happen with Venezuela?" "Are we sending troops?" "What's their military like?"

And I'm sitting there like, "I don't care about Venezuela right now! I care about the billionaire with a submarine dock!"

But again... we moved on. So now let's buy Greenland? Or how about invade Columbia?

And here's the thing: I'm not a conspiracy guy. I'm really not. I don't think the government is coordinated enough to pull off a conspiracy. Have you been to the DMV?

But this? This feels coordinated.

Because it's not just one distraction. It's every time. Like clockwork.

"Okay, people are asking about Epstein again—what do we got?"

"Uh... Hunter Biden's laptop?"

"We already used that."

"Balloon over Montana?"

"Save that for February."

"Okay, okay... Diddy?"

"Perfect. Run it."

The reason why they started attacking Diddy. That he was trying to get Black voters not to vote Democrats unless they do something for Black people. And then Diddy sued one of BlackRock and Vanguard companies. That they wanted to discredit Diddy's name because he was starting to become big headed, encouraging the Blacks that they don't have to fear the upper class.

 

[ZNP]

"Alternative Fund distribution" for beginners

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Local recent college graduate Jessica Martinez expressed confusion on her first day at the Department of Social Program Administration when her supervisor explained that job performance was "more of a suggestion than a requirement."
"So, wait—I'm confused," Martinez said during her onboarding session. "You're saying if I process these applications incorrectly, nothing happens?"
"Well, not nothing," her manager, 28-year veteran bureaucrat Dale Patterson, corrected her. "You still get your paycheck. And your pension continues vesting. And you're still invited to the holiday party."
"But what about consequences for—

'Consequences are reserved for employees who file complaints about other employees.'

"Consequences?" Patterson chuckled, sliding a three-ring binder across the table. "Page 47, section 12-C: 'Consequences are reserved for employees who file complaints about other employees.'"
Martinez flipped through the manual, growing increasingly bewildered. "What about this section on 'Contractor Oversight'? It says my job is to ensure vendors aren't defrauding the program."
"Oh, Jessica," Patterson said warmly, like a grandfather explaining there's no Santa Claus. "That's just language. What that really means is you make sure the contractors remember your birthday."
"I don't understand. What if someone is literally stealing money?"

Define Stealing

Patterson leaned back in his chair. "Define 'stealing.'"
"Taking money that isn't theirs?"
"But who does it belong to? The government?" Patterson made air quotes so aggressive he nearly injured himself. "The government is just a concept, Jessica. Money is meant to flow. Someone takes it from Column A, they spend it at a car dealership in Column B. It's called economics."
"That's... that's not economics. That's embezzlement."

Embezzlement is such an ugly word

"Embezzlement is such an ugly word," Patterson said, pulling out a folder. "We prefer 'alternative fund distribution.' Now, let me show you how to approve applications without actually reading them. It's a real time-saver."
Martinez stared at her new GS-11 salary letter. "I thought public service meant, you know, serving the public."
"And you are! By not asking questions, you're ensuring these programs continue to exist, which means we all keep our jobs, which means we spend money at local restaurants, which stimulates the economy. It's beautiful when you think about it."

What if the public finds out?

"What if the public finds out?"
Patterson waved dismissively. "Oh, they find out all the time. Every few months there's another 'bombshell report' about millions missing. You know what happens?"
"Investigations? Reforms?"
"Congressional hearings where we apologize, promise to do better, and request additional funding to prevent future fraud. Then we use that funding to hire more people like you, and the circle of life continues."
Martinez put her head in her hands. "I spent four years studying public policy because I wanted to make a difference."
"And you will!" Patterson said brightly. "Your employment here makes a difference to your landlord, your student loan servicer, and eventually your pension fund. Speaking of which—did you know we can't be fired even if we don't show up? Well, we have to show up sometimes, but it's more of a vibes-based thing."
At press time, Martinez was seen updating her résumé while simultaneously filling out the paperwork to ensure she'd be impossible to terminate within the 90-day probationary period.

 

[ZNP]

Psalm 2:4 He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision.

Psalm 59:8 But thou, O Lord, shalt laugh at them; thou shalt have all the heathen in derision.

Jeremiah 48:26 Make ye him drunken: for he magnified himself against the Lord: Moab also shall wallow in his vomit, and he also shall be in derision.

Ezekiel 23:32 Thus saith the Lord God; Thou shalt drink of thy sister's cup deep and large: thou shalt be laughed to scorn and had in derision; it containeth much.

Psalm 52:6 The righteous also shall see, and fear, and shall laugh at him:

 

[Dino246]

Daniel 9:27 tells us there will be a seven year covenant with the many ambassadors which we understand to be Agenda 2030

On what basis, and who is ”we”?

 

[ZNP]

On what basis, and who is ”we”?

A more suitable thread for this discussion is my blog "Summary of Biblle references on the Rapture"

The following posts will address your question.

8703, 8717, 8769, 8790, 8822, 8880, 8883

In addition to that there are 70 more posts referring to Agenda 2030, all you need to do is search the blog for Agenda 2030

I have links from several authors on this subject, which would explain who the "we" is. Janie Duvall has made videos interviewing on this subject as well.

 

[ZNP]

On what basis, and who is ”we”?

Craig Bong is the one with the most research on Agenda 2030, COP 28, and the Paris agreement.

 

[Lynx]

Craig Bong is the one with the most research on Agenda 2030, COP 28, and the Paris agreement.

This is not a proper conspiracy discussion without mention of the trilateral commission and adex list. Also something about aliens and illuminati. You have gotten really lazy on your conspiracy threads dude.

 

[ZNP]

This is not a proper conspiracy discussion without mention of the trilateral commission and adex list. Also something about aliens and illuminati. You have gotten really lazy on your conspiracy threads dude.

There is nothing theoretical about Agenda 2030, the Paris Accords or COP 28. These are UN programs that Craig Bong has studied.

 

[hornetguy]

This is not a proper conspiracy discussion without mention of the trilateral commission and adex list. Also something about aliens and illuminati. You have gotten really lazy on your conspiracy threads dude.

You completely left out the fake moon landing, and that the earth is really flat....

 

[ZNP]

You completely left out the fake moon landing, and that the earth is really flat....

Don't forget aliens, and Roswell and UFOs, or are they now no longer considered a conspiracy theory?

 

[Lynx]

I included aliens. Scroll up.

Flat Earth theory is optional. If conspiracy theories are recipes, Illuminati and aliens are like the base ingredients. Flat Earth theory is like a seasoning. You can put it in or leave it out, or put something else in its place.

 

[ZNP]

I included aliens. Scroll up.

Flat Earth theory is optional. If conspiracy theories are recipes, Illuminati and aliens are like the base ingredients. Flat Earth theory is like a seasoning. You can put it in or leave it out, or put something else in its place.

Well now that the US government and other governments are acknowledging UFOs and aliens are they still "conspiracy theory"? If so wouldn't everything our government has said including Warren commission, 911 commission, etc. be a conspiracy theory? Why would you continue to trust "official narratives" from those who admit to lying to you for the last sixty years?

Consider Alan Turing and computers. The British government hid what they were doing for over fifty years. If you had told the truth at that time about computers breaking enigma you would have been called a conspiracy theorists. Then when they posthumously knighted him they admitted that they had been lying to you for fifty years. So why would anyone continue to trust their "official narratives" from those who admit to being inveterate liars?

 

[ZNP]

I included aliens. Scroll up.

If Aliens aren't real how do you explain the movie "Mars Attacks"? Is that simply part of your elaborate conspiracy theory? Or maybe you just can't handle the truth!