The Terrible Advice Thread

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To show good table manners be sure to use your shirt or sleeve to to wipe off your face when you get food on it or especially barbecue sauce or ketchup not only will people stare at you showing they admire your style but they'll be sure to mention your behavior later to you.
 
In a job pay close attention to posted signs of rules and caution be sure to read them and then ignore them through out each day because rules and warnings of caution are just posted to keep you from doing your job and don't help to keep you or anyone safe or from being distracted from your work,always good to do things in your own "intelligent" way.
 
MultilingualMessenger said:
When using a knife or chainsaw, make sure your hand is right in front of whatever you're cutting.
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And be sure to not use protective equipment like gloves or goggles,because they don't help keep you from harm they only make someone look out of fashion.
 
If your boss asks "just how dumb are you"?
be sure to reply"I'm not dumb I have an answer for everything".
 
When trying to make a point make every sentence a run on sentence and drag them out for as long as possible to show you are not boring and everyone will listen intently to you!
 
Chew your food exactly 30 times before swallowing a piece of food!(bob newhart show reference)
 
Raw meats should be consumed thoroughly before cooking.
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Always eat your hands before washing.
 
Always tell someone what to do even despite not taking one's own advice.
 
Believe that someone is going to do something wrong because you just "know".
 
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