To Divorce or Not to Divorce... That is the question

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I am having a very difficult time deciding what to do. I have been married for almost 23 years. My husband has been verbally abuse to myself and my two daughters and physically abuse to my daughters. When I lost a third child, he said that he was happy that the baby died. Instead of one spanking when my kids misbehaved, he would give 5 to 10. He would walk by and bang the girls' heads together when they were doing something he didn't like. He made my younger daughter eat her food after she threw up in it. He made my other daughter go outside without shoes in below-zero weather to pick up dog messes and she ended up with frost bite. He called them names, told them they were worthless and that they should never have been born. Three years ago, I left him after he had my daughter in a choke hold and was swearing at her. He went to anger management classes twice and we went to marriage counseling and I thought that he had straightened himself out. Once he got back into the house, he managed to kick my older daughter who was 18 out of the house. When my younger daughter was in a car accident, he laughed in her face when she was telling us that she smashed her head into the windshield. About a week ago, my younger daughter came home with my older daughter and he had the tv blaring so she asked him to turn it down. He turned it up then when she kept asking, he started screaming at her and said he was going to kick her a** out of the house and he was going to call the cops to have them kick them out. He told her she was worthless and when my older daughter yelled for them to stop fighting, he told her to get her f-ing a**out of the f-ing house. I feel physically ill when I'm around him but I feel like I am going to go to hell if I divorce him. And he has threatened me many times that he will take me for everything I'm worth. I make way more than him and he has a lot of health problems so he will get it. I am trying to put my two girls through college and I want to start saving up for possible weddings in the future. If I leave, I won't be able to help them. And my in-laws whom I love will not understand. But I am so absolutely miserable.
 
To clarify, when I was talking about the baby, I was 2 months pregnant.
 
The real question is why didn't you leave a long time ago? Why subject yourself and your children to this treatment? You should've left a long, long, long time ago.
You aren't going to go to hell for divorcing him.

Abusers rarely ever change, even with counseling. They just get on their best behavior when their marriage or relationship is threatened. After that they go back to their usual self, just as he did.
 
Get out of there.......you shouldnt worry about paying
for weddings.....if you continue to stay...they will probably never want to get married...
you are setting an example for how a woman should act.....and they are believeing this
is how a husband should treat you.....that it is acceptable...break the cycle.....
Or your daughters might repeat the cycle...and they too will chose a man like this animal...
I was an abused wife...he only hit me and not the children...but I had to get out
so my girls didnt think thats what a husband should do.....
Ugly is so right ....unless abusers have chosen God....they will never change.......
you are miserable...what is this telling you....God wants you to make changes.....
and if the inlaws are mad...to bad...they need to face what their son is......stop
covering for him and go.....make a beautiful life for you and your children...
the furture.... God says to leave it to Him.....you are thinking way to far ahead....
God says ...day by day.....He will take care of tommarrow.....
I ran and it was the best thing I ever did......no doubts and no fears......
I just trusted God.....and it was the best decision I ever made.....
Now my daughters are grown...my oldest has married and has a good marriage...
my youngest is getting ready for colledge...and I raised them driving a forklift...
We had no help ....except God.....and you know what....its all the help I needed....
if you need an understanding friend or just want to give me the business...
yell...whatever ...pm me....im here for you sister...and im praying....
Peace ....jo
 
I just feel like I made this commitment before God for better or worse. I keep going back to Matthew 5: 31-32. It is very clear that we aren't supposed to get a divorce. I just don't want to give up salvation so that I can be happy for a short time on earth.
 
Now sister Soconfused This is a delicate topic for me,since I have never married in the first place. So I just want you to consider what the oath of marriage is.( eph 5:22-33!!!) Please pay attention to verses 29-33!!

If you both attend the same church I am surprised they have not done this to him already in the church!!( matt 18:15-20) I would sure rather Holy Spirit tell you, then me!!So I want you to see some verses then pray and whatever Jesus leads you to do follow in your faith!! ( 2 cor 6:14-18,eph 5:11-17!! verse 17!,finally 1 john 1:5-7) my prayers are sure with you sis! for remember sis!! heb 11:6!!! no matter what you decide on, you believe Jesus has led you,do not let the enemy rob you any longer from what you already know in Jesus is always the truth!
 
Thanks for listening, everyone. I will continue to pray and hope for an answer.
 
Where in the Bible does it talk of a man being abusive to his wife? A husband is to love his wife like Christ did the church. I've never been married but what your husband has done certainly shows no shines of love. I agree with Ugly. Many women have been in your shoes. And will continue to be in your shoes in the future unless something is changed.
 
The answer to your questions is divorce. You and your children are battered and need to leave now. The bible says a lot of things about relationships and taken as a whole it is obvious that God does not intend for a woman and children to be in an violent verbally and physically abusive relationship. Protect your children and yourself. Flee.
 
As a weak Christian I glorify the God of Israel and his teachings of not leaning on my own understandings. There is a way that seems right unto a man but the end thereof are the ways of death.

Some of the pharisees wanted to tempt Jesus. They came up to him and asked, "is it right for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" Jesus answered, "Don't you know In the beginning the creator made a man and woman? That's why a man leaves his father and mother and gets married. He becomes like one person with his wife. Then they are no longer two people, but one. And no one should separate a couple God has joined together." The pharisees asked Jesus, "Why did Moses say a man could write out divorce papers and send his wife away? Jesus replied, " because of the hardness of your hearts, Moses suffered you to put away your wives. But from the beginning it was not so. And I say if your wife commits no adultery you must not divorce her, to marry another. If you do, you are unfaithful .And whoso marries her which is put away commits adultery.":Imagine your married with someone abusive:" The disciples said, "If that's how it is between a man and a woman, it's better not to get married." Jesus told them, "Only those people who have been given the gift of staying single can accept this teaching. Some people are unable to marry because of birth defects or because of what someone has done to their bodies. Others stay single in order to serve God better. Anyone who can accept this teaching should do so.
Now concerning the thing written in the bible: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. "This mean not to be married" Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
 
I read your problem and googled "what does the Bible say about remaining in an abusive marriage" and the following article came up. I read it and thought you might benefit. I dont know the author or his general opinions,so i am not giving support for anything other than the statements in this article. Personally, i dont believe God wants us to remain in abusive marriage, or where your children are being abused.
Does God Want Me to Stay in an Abusive Marriage? | BECAUSE IT MATTERS ~ Freedom from Abuse in Christianity
 
My husband kicked my older daughter out 4 years ago and my younger daughter just moved out after the last fight that I described. She left for college. So at this point, it is just me. I promised them that I would pay for their first four years of college. If I leave, I will not be able to keep that promise.
 
I have never been married, but I have been where your daughters are. If my mom had stayed with my dad (divorced when I was 7) because she had promised to pay for my college, I would have never forgiven myself. I'm sure they'd understand if a divorce is what you feel is best. There is always grants/scholarships they can receive based on income. I do not agree with staying with someone who is physically/emotionally/verbally abusive, that is however your choice. Only you can decide what you feel is right. You should definitely pray about it. I agree with Ugly though. Abusers rarely change, if at all.
 
They are no longer in the house. I did leave him when they were still at home but felt so guilty about breaking my marriage commitment and he went through months of anger management classes and seemed like he wanted to change. I know that I made a mistake letting him back into our lives. I asked my girls if they were okay with him coming back and they said they were fine with it. I didn't realize that he had bribed them with a sports car until a year later. I realize that it is a really naïve way to look at things but I tend to believe that everyone deep down is decent. It is very hard for me to accept that my husband is a monster even when I see the horrible things that he does. I can't comprehend how someone could even treat people the way he has treated us. But because they are gone now, I just feel like the best thing I can do at this point is to help them get a good start in life by helping them through college. I cannot take back the tough times they had as children but I have the ability to make their life easier now.
 
Jesus was always in the boat, when the storms arrived. Divorce in not the answer. Sounds like he's not able to cope any more, stress, or a mental emotional breakdown, a door that's opened through something, overworked, over stressed, but love never fails. If you pray about this, and get him to seek professional therapy, he will have an ability to talk out problems, that he is holding in. There always is hope with the Lord, if you think otherwise, then it is doubt, and without faith, it is impossible to please God. In the situation of verbal and physical abuse, send him away to relatives, and talk to him about getting help, before you accept him back, to protect the family. There are strongholds in his mind, and Jesus has the power to break every chain holding him captive. Father help this man, and family in Jesus name.
 
He has already gotten "help". It didn't work. He doesn't think there's anything wrong with his behavior- it's everyone else that's the problem.
 
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