The Lord’s message came to me: 2 “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy, and say to them—to the shepherds: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who have been feeding themselves! Should not shepherds feed the flock? 3 You eat the fat, you clothe yourselves with the wool, you slaughter the choice animals, but you do not feed the sheep! 4 You have not strengthened the weak, healed the sick, bandaged the injured, brought back the strays, or sought the lost, but with force and harshness you have ruled over them. 5 They were scattered because they had no shepherd, and they became food for every wild beast. 6 My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. My sheep were scattered over the entire face of the earth with no one looking or searching for them. Ezekiel 34:1-6
Not much has changed since Ezekiel's day. Here I present to you, the Top 6 Ways Pastors Keep Their Sheep At Bay:
1. They use lots of Gatekeepers
The principle gatekeeper is the church office secretary. Her primary job is to screen calls and be on the front lines to thwart those who might just barge in on an important meeting. I've witnessed some churches using bullet-proof glass walls just past the entrance to better serve this purpose.
The next line of defense is the church elder. Armed with their e-mail addresses and cell phone numbers, they're ready to stave off any advances toward one of the many pastors. Their job is to further screen the individual and set up a sort of "triage" unit.
If a lowly parishioner actually makes it past an elder, then an "associate pastor" is employed to "give counsel." The Senior/CEO pastor is never bothered with the trivial matters such as a member's cancer or divorce. These matters are left to his servant, God.
2. They employ the dreaded "contact form"
The best way to get blown off by the church is to fill out the contact form on their web site. Unfortunately, every church has one now. The biggest problem with it is the user does not really know who's going to be reading the comments section. A cry for help may not be private, so the user may give up on the idea. And this is exactly what the paid church staff is hoping for.
3. They use alter call, instead of their sacred office
We don't really use the term "alter call" anymore. That would imply a form of discipleship, and we just don't have the time for that. No, instead we say, "Come to the front if you need prayer." And so someone from the prayer team-- yet another form of gatekeeper-- will be glad to say a 90- second prayer for you and send you on your way.
4. They preach and dash
You won't see any employee at Walmart moving as fast as a pastor dashing out the door after a sermon. "Elvis has left the building." And so has the preacher!
5. They take "prayer requests"
If you are struggling with your marriage or having trouble walking with God, just fill out this nice form. Drop it in the collection plate during the offering. One of the "prayer warriors" (people whom you've never met in your life) will be sure and pray for you. They'll never follow up with you to see if the prayers were answered, but it will hopefully make you feel better until next week.
6. They employ the small group, but not too much
These can also be called life groups or community groups. More and more churches are employing this strategy, because they know that their members are no longer being discipled by the pastor. The idea here is to have small groups you identify with and "do life together." This is not the pastor's favorite strategy. After all, it does take some of his authority and places it in the hands of others who may not have PhD's in Theology.
The question that more and more people are asking is, why not do this in the first place? Why have big buildings housing staff members who don't care about the individual? Why have paid pastors who only care about acquiring the next book deal? Why are we still doing this? That is a very good question indeed...
Not much has changed since Ezekiel's day. Here I present to you, the Top 6 Ways Pastors Keep Their Sheep At Bay:
1. They use lots of Gatekeepers
The principle gatekeeper is the church office secretary. Her primary job is to screen calls and be on the front lines to thwart those who might just barge in on an important meeting. I've witnessed some churches using bullet-proof glass walls just past the entrance to better serve this purpose.
The next line of defense is the church elder. Armed with their e-mail addresses and cell phone numbers, they're ready to stave off any advances toward one of the many pastors. Their job is to further screen the individual and set up a sort of "triage" unit.
If a lowly parishioner actually makes it past an elder, then an "associate pastor" is employed to "give counsel." The Senior/CEO pastor is never bothered with the trivial matters such as a member's cancer or divorce. These matters are left to his servant, God.
2. They employ the dreaded "contact form"
The best way to get blown off by the church is to fill out the contact form on their web site. Unfortunately, every church has one now. The biggest problem with it is the user does not really know who's going to be reading the comments section. A cry for help may not be private, so the user may give up on the idea. And this is exactly what the paid church staff is hoping for.
3. They use alter call, instead of their sacred office
We don't really use the term "alter call" anymore. That would imply a form of discipleship, and we just don't have the time for that. No, instead we say, "Come to the front if you need prayer." And so someone from the prayer team-- yet another form of gatekeeper-- will be glad to say a 90- second prayer for you and send you on your way.
4. They preach and dash
You won't see any employee at Walmart moving as fast as a pastor dashing out the door after a sermon. "Elvis has left the building." And so has the preacher!
5. They take "prayer requests"
If you are struggling with your marriage or having trouble walking with God, just fill out this nice form. Drop it in the collection plate during the offering. One of the "prayer warriors" (people whom you've never met in your life) will be sure and pray for you. They'll never follow up with you to see if the prayers were answered, but it will hopefully make you feel better until next week.
6. They employ the small group, but not too much
These can also be called life groups or community groups. More and more churches are employing this strategy, because they know that their members are no longer being discipled by the pastor. The idea here is to have small groups you identify with and "do life together." This is not the pastor's favorite strategy. After all, it does take some of his authority and places it in the hands of others who may not have PhD's in Theology.
The question that more and more people are asking is, why not do this in the first place? Why have big buildings housing staff members who don't care about the individual? Why have paid pastors who only care about acquiring the next book deal? Why are we still doing this? That is a very good question indeed...
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