Dear friends… I haven’t told anyone this. Only one person. The real reason me and my boyfriend broke up…sexual assault and cohesion. Many time my ex boyfriend would try and touch me and finger me when I’m driving or just existing. I would tell him no I’m driving or no not right now and he would do it anyways. One time we went shopping he wanted me try this dress on. I said sure. I needed help zipping the dress up so I asked him for help. He then proceeded to say to sit on it(you know what I mean). And originally I said yes. Which isn’t something I’m proud of. But I was on top of him and he started slowly pulling me on him. But it hurt a lot. So by the time the tip was in I felt like I was about to pass out. I said I think I’m done. And he said shhhh so no Jen hears us. If you just sit on it faster it will not hurt as much. I froze and just allowed him to pull me down more. I was hurting and shaking like a leaf. I didn’t know what to do. We were half way and I was done. I said I’m gettin off it hurts too much I ain’t feeling very good. He the graves my hips and pulled me down all the way fast and hard. I was going to scream cause it hurt so much but he covered my mouth and told me to shhhhh cause people were in here now… so yeah I fell better now that we’re not together. But yeah idk how to feel about this…
tramatic thread…warning
- Thread starter Sunshine2026
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Maybe someone needed to hear this so hopefully it helps
I'm gonna try to be nice and helpful, but honestly this is something you should probably get some counseling for and talk to a professional (even if it's one of those online services that matches you with a counselor). They're going to be more familiar with the range of reactions people typically have to something like this and what has worked to help them get through.
Having said that. The disrespectful , incosiderate, and evil things your ex chose to do is entirely on him. You're not responsible and you didn't deserve such treatment. Behavior is a language and his was saying that he had no love or regard for you as a person, you were just someone that it was ok to fool around with because you were "dating". And you probably feel a whole lot of things: confused, violated, betrayed, deceived, stupid for trusting someone untrustworthy, guilty for not figuring out how to stop it, etc. So again, it's not your fault. There's no proper way you should feel; there's really just sorting out how you do feel and moving on and healing.
One final word of advice for the future: selfish, predatory men assume that women are going to be too well brought up or too ashamed by what he is trying to do to make a scene. If you're ever in a situation again where a guy isn't respecting your boundaries and is telling you to shush, raise your voice, make a scene, and get every eye in the place on you and investigating what you're screaming about.
Glad you're rid of that scumbag. And may you have the wisdom to spot any others long before you get into a relationship with them.
Having said that. The disrespectful , incosiderate, and evil things your ex chose to do is entirely on him. You're not responsible and you didn't deserve such treatment. Behavior is a language and his was saying that he had no love or regard for you as a person, you were just someone that it was ok to fool around with because you were "dating". And you probably feel a whole lot of things: confused, violated, betrayed, deceived, stupid for trusting someone untrustworthy, guilty for not figuring out how to stop it, etc. So again, it's not your fault. There's no proper way you should feel; there's really just sorting out how you do feel and moving on and healing.
One final word of advice for the future: selfish, predatory men assume that women are going to be too well brought up or too ashamed by what he is trying to do to make a scene. If you're ever in a situation again where a guy isn't respecting your boundaries and is telling you to shush, raise your voice, make a scene, and get every eye in the place on you and investigating what you're screaming about.
Glad you're rid of that scumbag. And may you have the wisdom to spot any others long before you get into a relationship with them.
The guy basically raped you. I hope that you are never again with this total jerk. Oh, consider what @cinder has posted.
Guh - I suppose we can learn from this. Hope you ok now. Its ok to feel whatever you feel. I'm thinking violated.
Don't ever let a boy in a girls changing room. What's he doing asking to dress you?
Thats definitely rape and coercion and if he covered your mouth/tried to gag you (or strangle you) to stop you from crying out, well you need to report it. If this happens to any girl, I would call the police. Try to get some counselling as you must be feeling pretty rotten.
Now he's your ex, but whats stopping him from doing this to another girl? What if he gets into a relationship, starts beating her up because she doesn't give in, and its so bad that she needs to get a restraining order? This happens all the time, you not alone, we need to speak up and out against it. To stay silent means more women get hurt.
So glad you shared and its ok - let it out.
Don't ever let a boy in a girls changing room. What's he doing asking to dress you?
Thats definitely rape and coercion and if he covered your mouth/tried to gag you (or strangle you) to stop you from crying out, well you need to report it. If this happens to any girl, I would call the police. Try to get some counselling as you must be feeling pretty rotten.
Now he's your ex, but whats stopping him from doing this to another girl? What if he gets into a relationship, starts beating her up because she doesn't give in, and its so bad that she needs to get a restraining order? This happens all the time, you not alone, we need to speak up and out against it. To stay silent means more women get hurt.
So glad you shared and its ok - let it out.
I was in fitting room the other day (thankfully by myself) no other people there. The sales lady had locked it and let me in with a tag of how many garments I had. I kind of wish that she had stayed just to keep an eye on if I needed help with size or fit.
This was in a department store and there are separate ladies and mens fitting rooms. But because I was trying on (thermal) underwear I felt a bit vulnerable, because nowadays anyone with a smart phone/camera can just perve at you. I mean I felt safe because the door had a latch and nobody was in with me, and I'm pretty savvy, but I just would not let a guy zip me up even if I thought I could trust him. I'm pretty good at trying on dresses and reaching in back for the invisible zips. If I have to do a pretzel just to get in a dress forget it. It will go back on the rack.
But yea be careful. And don't let a guy/boy think he can dress or undress you. You're a big girl (i.e grown up) you're not a doll.
This was in a department store and there are separate ladies and mens fitting rooms. But because I was trying on (thermal) underwear I felt a bit vulnerable, because nowadays anyone with a smart phone/camera can just perve at you. I mean I felt safe because the door had a latch and nobody was in with me, and I'm pretty savvy, but I just would not let a guy zip me up even if I thought I could trust him. I'm pretty good at trying on dresses and reaching in back for the invisible zips. If I have to do a pretzel just to get in a dress forget it. It will go back on the rack.
But yea be careful. And don't let a guy/boy think he can dress or undress you. You're a big girl (i.e grown up) you're not a doll.
Hi @Sunshine2026,
I read your post before going to church yesterday, and it was on my mind the whole day. I was unsure if I should answer, or how I would even reply. I am so sorry this happened to you.
What you experienced was sexual assault and it was very, very wrong. I'm sure this happens to more people than what hear about (because most people are too confused and ashamed, don't realize what happened, and scared to tell anyone.)
I would also like to say to anyone reading this, whether you are a man or woman, if someone coerces or forces you into something you do not want, this is sexual assault. It doesn't matter if the person doing this to you is older or younger, someone you know and trust or a stranger, or whether they are a man or woman that is attacking you -- it is wrong, and it is also criminal.
I mention this because nowadays especially, anyone of any gender, race, or age needs to be aware and do their best to look out for themselves. Men can most definitely be victims of wrongdoing as well. And it could be someone of the same or the opposite gender who is trying to take advantage of you -- it doesn't matter who or what they are, because it's just wrong, plain and simple.
I think Cinder gave some very practical advice, and I hope anyone out there who has gone through this will read her post, as well as the others here. She and others answered far better than I could have.
I'm glad people have answered you here, @Sunshine2026, because I was concerned you would think no one was listening or that no one cared if there were no answers.
I have been praying for you!
If you would like to message me to talk, please feel free. If you don't have private messaging here, feel free to leave me a message here or on my profile wall and I will PM you -- I just wanted to ask first.
But also, no worries and no pressure -- free to say, "Thanks, but that's ok," if not.
I wouldn't want anyone to feel pressured to message at any time -- I just wanted to let you know my inbox is open if you'd like to vent or talk.
May the Lord bless and comfort you, and we are glad to have you here!
