Godly sorrow leads to repentance. True rependance is not something u could achieve on ur own. There is God ever convicting u of ur actions and ur need for repentance. I believe that ur rebelious was against God the Father, not the Holy Spirit. Please remember the story of the prodigal son. He was once a son but chose to become a servant dinning with pigs. Though away from home the father still called him "son". If it is impossible to
repent and be restored back to faith - back to the Father, I believe that it does not apply to you because u are already restored and repented of ur past. I can see your love and passion for the true God. God is ever willing to to forgive and accept u and has already accepted u. Isreal as a nation went away from God so many times but were forgiven when they turned away from idols and served the only true God.
Psalms 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
Jeremia 3: 20 Again, When a righteous man does turn from his righteousness, and commit iniquity, and I lay a stumbling-block before him, he shall die: because you have not given him warning, he shall die in his sin, and his righteousness which he has done shall not be remembered; but his blood will I require at your hand.
21 Nevertheless if you warn the righteous man, that the righteous sin not, and he does not sin, he shall surely live, because he is warned; also you have delivered your soul.