Unhappy and Unjoyful Christians

MsMediator · Monday at 10:30 PM

I've known some devout and prayerful Christians who have seemed unhappy the entire time I've known them. They seem down or complain even about everyday ups and downs (chores, work issues, relationship issues (family/partner/friend, etc), unsatisfied with where they are in life). Some can be draining. They have not been diagnosed with depression.

Why is it that so many Christians are unhappy and seem dissatisfied?

jacko · Tuesday at 12:26 AM

MsMediator said:

I've known some devout and prayerful Christians who have seemed unhappy the entire time I've known them. They seem down or complain even about everyday ups and downs (chores, work issues, relationship issues (family/partner/friend, etc), unsatisfied with where they are in life). Some can be draining. They have not been diagnosed with depression.

Why is it that so many Christians are unhappy and seem dissatisfied?

Have you tried to talk to them to find out?

MsMediator · Tuesday at 12:45 AM

jacko said:

No, I have not told them that they always seem unjoyful. I think there is a deeper issue other than the every day ups and downs. I wonder if there is joy in being unjoyful (not the same, but feelings of self-pity), because perhaps it brings one closer to God. It is true that one leans more on God during times of trouble. So, I wonder if sometimes people choose to be in that state of mind. Some Christians believe that true Christians are always spiritually attacked, constantly. I believe this can be true as well.

MsMediator · Tuesday at 12:48 AM

I do think there is a connection between self-pity and being unjoyful, but not always. Sometimes people do not feel joy due to truly tough times, unrelated to self-pity, such as if there is sickness/death/other issues in the family.

Deuteronomy · Tuesday at 4:13 AM

MsMediator said:

Hello MsMediator, I think that such people, if they are indeed Christians, may have allowed their lives in Christ to become wrapped up in the things (cares/concerns and even lusts) of this world again .. e.g. 1 John 2:15-16, instead of keeping their focus where it always needs to be, on the Lord (on walking with Him and delighting ourselves in Him, on obeying, pleasing and glorifying Him, and on the hope and promise of their wonderful/wondrous future life with Him in the eternity to come).

This is hardly an easy world to live in as a believer (with the many troubles and persecutions that we face, and all of the empty distractions in it vying for our attention), but even though we may rarely find joy in the moment of our lives here, there is always GREAT joy to be found in Christ (in choosing to live for Him, instead of for ourselves).

There are several other reasons too, of course, but I believe that this is a big part of the problem for many.

God bless you!!

~Deuteronomy (David)

Lynx · Tuesday at 8:16 AM

I dunno... Jeremiah wasn't very joyful.

Neither was Hosea. But he was hopeful.

keepingthingsreal · Tuesday at 8:31 AM

MsMediator said:

You have asked some great questions here, and I think that in order to properly answer them, we must first come to realize that there is a major difference between being unhappy and being unjoyful.

I don't want to sound like a word-nerd, even though I probably am one, but the word happy is derived from the word hap which means chance, luck, fortune, or fate. Similarly, the word happen is derived from the word hap. In other words, happiness or unhappiness is directly related to that which is happening or occurring at any given moment in time.

To the contrary, joy, as it is defined in scripture, is not only a fruit of the Spirit, but it is also quite often directly linked to a future event, as opposed to that which currently happening, and that future event is the return of Jesus Christ when a saint of God will fully receive their redemption or salvation.

For example, Peter said:

1Pe 1:3
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

1Pe 1:4
To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you,

1Pe 1:5
Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

1Pe 1:6
Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:

1Pe 1:7
That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

1Pe 1:8
Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:

1Pe 1:9
Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.

Here, we see that a Christian can greatly rejoice or rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory while being in heaviness through manifold temptations or many-sided trials. This joy is directly related to a lively hope, or to the time when we receive the end of our faith, even the salvation of our souls, or to the time when we receive an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fades not away, reserved in heaven for us. In other words, even if what we are currently experiencing in life due to its many fiery trials leaves us with a feeling of unhappiness, we can still have great joy as we look forward to our eternal rewards.

Here are some more examples of this same principle in scripture.

Heb 12:1
Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

Heb 12:2
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Jesus, who is the author and finisher of our faith and our example, endured the cross by keeping his focus upon the joy that was set before him, or by keeping his focus upon that which awaited him on the other side of his trials. We get a good glimpse of that in the following Messianic psalm.

Psa 16:8
I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.

Psa 16:9
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.

Psa 16:10
For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.

Psa 16:11
Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

By setting the LORD always before him, Jesus was able to endure both the cross and the grave because he knew that he had a promise of being resurrected from the dead, as do we if we truly belong to him, and he knew that he would eventually arrive in the Father's presence or at the Father's right hand where there is fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore. As his followers, if we want to maintain our own joy, then we need to always maintain the same mindset that Jesus had while trusting on the promise of eternal life in the world to come no matter what is currently happening in our lives.

Here is another biblical example of what I am saying.

Jhn 16:19
Now Jesus knew that they were desirous to ask him, and said unto them, Do ye enquire among yourselves of that I said, A little while, and ye shall not see me: and again, a little while, and ye shall see me?

Jhn 16:20
Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy.

Jhn 16:21
A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world.

Jhn 16:22
And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.

In the same manner in which the sorrow and anguish of a pregnant woman in travail is replaced by joy when her child is born, we, as Christians, must endure much sorrow and anguish of our own as we await the time of great joy when Christ returns and our hearts shall rejoice, and our joy no man takes from us.

With these things in mind, and I could give a lot more biblical examples of the same principle, it is normal for a Christian to be unhappy at times, or to not be overly excited about the hap or chance which they are currently experiencing, or to not be overly excited with that which is presently happening in their life.

At the same time, if we are truly walking with Christ, and if we maintain our focus upon that which awaits us on the other side, then we can endure life's many trials and tribulations with joy unspeakable and full of glory.

Am I always happy?

No, I am not.

Am I always joyful?

If I maintain my walk with Christ, and if I keep my focus on the prize at the end of this race called life, then, yes, I am.

2ndTimeIsTheCharm · Tuesday at 9:13 AM

MsMediator said:

Good topic!

I was one of those women. There was a time when I was always unhappy and complaining. But the Bible says that the fruit of the Spirit is:

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

When I got saved and started studying the Bible, I did apply all the "easy" stuff to my life. My problem was that I didn't take everything it said seriously to apply those other more difficult things to my life as well, that would require sacrifice.

So I complained about stuff thinking that it is not a big deal. But God knew that this was fatal flaw in me, that if I didn't address it early enough, it would cause a rift in my fellowship with Him. So He DID try to address it.

I remember one time when I was still living in NYC and used public transportation all the time (because who really needed a car in NYC?) when it was still affordable (the fare prices now are RIDICULOUS!!!). It was evening and it was raining and in the middle of winter. In other words just miserable outside. I'm waiting for the bus to come pick me up but it was taking a long time. Back then, there wasn't even any notification system about how soon the next bus would come.

So I'm standing there with my friend, FREEZING WET. We had umbrellas but it was windy too so they weren't much help. So we started complaining to each other about having to wait for the bus which was so late. We were both Christians and we knew it wasn't right to complain about this. We should have just given this to God in prayer and then rest in the peace the Holy Spirit would have given us if we had just submitted to Him.

So do you know what happened next?!?? The bus comes and we walked closer to where the bus would stop, all the while still whining - AND THE BUS JUST KEPT GOING!!! LOL!!! That made me and my friend laugh so hard because it was so ironic! That was definitely the spanking hand of God on our freezing butts! At the same time, it meant a lot to both of us because it showed He cared enough to want us to grow up in Him.

So we stopped complaining! And within a few minutes, another bus came and picked us up....

It was a memorable event, but I didn't take it seriously enough. I kept complaining and did this for years. Until a root of rebellion grew in me and I acted on that rebellion. It really hurt my walk with God as a lot of you know....

So I've finally learned my lesson. I don't complain anymore! And do you know what I learned? Submitting to the Holy Spirit and letting Him bear his fruit in me really does produce joy. That joy is there because God gives you a more positive, genuinely hopeful (that doesn't hope in the wrong things, but hopes in what is true and lasting) outlook on life. The other fruit that helps with joy is also patience (forebearing) because good things don't always happen right away, but are worth waiting for.

I have seen other people (not just women) in church that continue to complain and it is a "heavy" feeling being around them. I pray for them because even when you try to tell them about giving their burdens to the Lord and trust Him about their problems, it's very difficult for them to let go of those things. So I think prayer is the best thing for these people that are "paralyzed", to present them to Jesus when they can't do this themselves.

🥓

seoulsearch · Tuesday at 10:47 AM

2ndTimeIsTheCharm said:

Good topic!

I was one of those women. There was a time when I was always unhappy and complaining. But the Bible says that the fruit of the Spirit is:

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

When I got saved and started studying the Bible, I did apply all the "easy" stuff to my life. My problem was that I didn't take everything it said seriously to apply those other more difficult things to my life as well, that would require sacrifice.

So I complained about stuff thinking that it is not a big deal. But God knew that this was fatal flaw in me, that if I didn't address it early enough, it would cause a rift in my fellowship with Him. So He DID try to address it.

I remember one time when I was still living in NYC and used public transportation all the time (because who really needed a car in NYC?) when it was still affordable (the fare prices now are RIDICULOUS!!!). It was evening and it was raining and in the middle of winter. In other words just miserable outside. I'm waiting for the bus to come pick me up but it was taking a long time. Back then, there wasn't even any notification system about how soon the next bus would come.

So I'm standing there with my friend, FREEZING WET. We had umbrellas but it was windy too so they weren't much help. So we started complaining to each other about having to wait for the bus which was so late. We were both Christians and we knew it wasn't right to complain about this. We should have just given this to God in prayer and then rest in the peace the Holy Spirit would have given us if we had just submitted to Him.

So do you know what happened next?!?? The bus comes and we walked closer to where the bus would stop, all the while still whining - AND THE BUS JUST KEPT GOING!!! LOL!!! That made me and my friend laugh so hard because it was so ironic! That was definitely the spanking hand of God on our freezing butts! At the same time, it meant a lot to both of us because it showed He cared enough to want us to grow up in Him.

So we stopped complaining! And within a few minutes, another bus came and picked us up....

It was a memorable event, but I didn't take it seriously enough. I kept complaining and did this for years. Until a root of rebellion grew in me and I acted on that rebellion. It really hurt my walk with God as a lot of you know....

So I've finally learned my lesson. I don't complain anymore! And do you know what I learned? Submitting to the Holy Spirit and letting Him bear his fruit in me really does produce joy. That joy is there because God gives you a more positive, genuinely hopeful (that doesn't hope in the wrong things, but hopes in what is true and lasting) outlook on life. The other fruit that helps with joy is also patience (forebearing) because good things don't always happen right away, but are worth waiting for.

I have seen other people (not just women) in church that continue to complain and it is a "heavy" feeling being around them. I pray for them because even when you try to tell them about giving their burdens to the Lord and trust Him about their problems, it's very difficult for them to let go of those things. So I think prayer is the best thing for these people that are "paralyzed", to present them to Jesus when they can't do this themselves.

🥓

Thank you so much for sharing your testimony -- there is a LOT here that I can relate to!!!

I'm not quite as far along in my walk as you are, but it was very inspiring, and comforting, to know I'm not alone in my struggles.

Thank you again! ❤️

Lynx · Tuesday at 12:53 PM

2ndTimeIsTheCharm said:

Good topic!

I was one of those women. There was a time when I was always unhappy and complaining. But the Bible says that the fruit of the Spirit is:

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

When I got saved and started studying the Bible, I did apply all the "easy" stuff to my life. My problem was that I didn't take everything it said seriously to apply those other more difficult things to my life as well, that would require sacrifice.

So I complained about stuff thinking that it is not a big deal. But God knew that this was fatal flaw in me, that if I didn't address it early enough, it would cause a rift in my fellowship with Him. So He DID try to address it.

I remember one time when I was still living in NYC and used public transportation all the time (because who really needed a car in NYC?) when it was still affordable (the fare prices now are RIDICULOUS!!!). It was evening and it was raining and in the middle of winter. In other words just miserable outside. I'm waiting for the bus to come pick me up but it was taking a long time. Back then, there wasn't even any notification system about how soon the next bus would come.

So I'm standing there with my friend, FREEZING WET. We had umbrellas but it was windy too so they weren't much help. So we started complaining to each other about having to wait for the bus which was so late. We were both Christians and we knew it wasn't right to complain about this. We should have just given this to God in prayer and then rest in the peace the Holy Spirit would have given us if we had just submitted to Him.

So do you know what happened next?!?? The bus comes and we walked closer to where the bus would stop, all the while still whining - AND THE BUS JUST KEPT GOING!!! LOL!!! That made me and my friend laugh so hard because it was so ironic! That was definitely the spanking hand of God on our freezing butts! At the same time, it meant a lot to both of us because it showed He cared enough to want us to grow up in Him.

So we stopped complaining! And within a few minutes, another bus came and picked us up....

It was a memorable event, but I didn't take it seriously enough. I kept complaining and did this for years. Until a root of rebellion grew in me and I acted on that rebellion. It really hurt my walk with God as a lot of you know....

So I've finally learned my lesson. I don't complain anymore! And do you know what I learned? Submitting to the Holy Spirit and letting Him bear his fruit in me really does produce joy. That joy is there because God gives you a more positive, genuinely hopeful (that doesn't hope in the wrong things, but hopes in what is true and lasting) outlook on life. The other fruit that helps with joy is also patience (forebearing) because good things don't always happen right away, but are worth waiting for.

I have seen other people (not just women) in church that continue to complain and it is a "heavy" feeling being around them. I pray for them because even when you try to tell them about giving their burdens to the Lord and trust Him about their problems, it's very difficult for them to let go of those things. So I think prayer is the best thing for these people that are "paralyzed", to present them to Jesus when they can't do this themselves.

🥓

Easier on the blood pressure to not complain too. Not to mention the digestion.

ResidentAlien · Tuesday at 2:31 PM

It's pretty simple really, they are pretend Christians. I may not win any awards for saying that, but it's true. A person can be a true believer and have off days; but if their whole life is marked by pessimism and negativity they obviously don't understand the gospel.

jacko · Tuesday at 3:40 PM

ResidentAlien said:

Nah bro… everybody is at a different point in their walk plus nobody ever knows what someone else is going through.

Jesus says pay the guy who worked 1 hour the same wage as the guy who worked 12 hours

Karlon · Tuesday at 3:57 PM

MsMediator said:

1st of all, how can you know that they are Christians for sure? millions of people call themselves Christians & they are not. no berating statement here, but catholics call themselves Christians & they are not. lots of ?'s on that. 1st, if you are Christian, why are you attending a catholic church. & if you are Christian, you are not listening to Holy Spirit telling you to get out of the catholic church. that's man's church, not God's church. & Christians don't say the hail mary prayer. just 1 example. this is interesting. i have never seen a Christian as you describe here. the people you are talking about are missing a vast amount of Christianity. & don't forget, it takes a long time, maybe decades, to release the old conditioned response of conformity to the world & begin the new transformation to what is good, acceptable & perfect in God's sight, (Romans 12:2). if people are Christian & are suffering that way, they certainly haven't recognized the Holy Spirit nudging & prompting them. (Romans 8:26). there's so much more to say on this. too, these human conditions as you speak of are generational carryovers, habits, sins from generations in the family from way back, maybe even curses!

Roughsoul1991 · Tuesday at 4:29 PM

MsMediator said:

In my opinion, it is lack of purpose or knowing the specific will of God for their lives.

I had this experience for a season. I'm not sure if it was depression but I felt as if I had no sense of personal purpose.

Sure, I knew of the overall purpose for the church and the great commission but as to where I fit in was such a struggle. Failure after failure with many seasons of asking what does God want me to do.

For others, I think they may settle in the mundane and never fully seek out God's will. It can lead to a feeling of unsatisfied due to the feeling that there must be more to this life. Many will settle for a white collar or blue collar 8 to 5 job and will never step into the will of God. Unfortunately, the will of God will keep nagging and nagging which creates a sense of anguish.

To live in the anguish of either willful or ignorant disobedience will leave a Christian in constant dissatisfaction.

MsMediator · Tuesday at 5:49 PM

Roughsoul1991 said:

I think many have a lot of anxiety about their purpose and calling in life. Most people want a special/unique purpose. I do think God expects a lot from some/certain people to create bigger impact. I was recently inspired by St Therese, a cloistured nun who spent most of her life praying and doing domestic duties. She found purpose and fulfillment doing little things with great love, like sewing an item for or helping another nun. Also, she wrote how God wants us to be like little children, and He takes pleasure in that. So, in reality, nothing extraordinary. If we focus more on the little things and find satisfaction in that, we will become more joyful.

Roughsoul1991 · Tuesday at 6:37 PM

MsMediator said:

Very true, I guess it depends on what the Spirit is doing. Some may be led to the testimony of a simple life where as others know they are being called but resist the call.

Iconoclast · Tuesday at 8:13 PM

MsMediator said:

They are trying to live a Christian life in the strength of the flesh, rather than living upon Christ, trusting Him by the Spirit's power and enablement

jacko · Wednesday at 12:55 AM

“The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭15‬:‭4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

This verse from Proverbs 15:4 highlights the profound impact of our words. A “soothing tongue”—words that are kind, gentle, and encouraging—can bring life, healing, and growth to those who hear them, much like a tree that provides sustenance and shelter. In contrast, a “perverse tongue”—words that are harmful, deceitful, or cruel—can crush the spirit, leaving emotional and spiritual damage.

It’s a reminder to choose our words carefully and strive to speak in ways that build others up and reflect God’s love and wisdom.

Lynx · Wednesday at 8:43 AM

jacko said:

“The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭15‬:‭4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

This verse from Proverbs 15:4 highlights the profound impact of our words. A “soothing tongue”—words that are kind, gentle, and encouraging—can bring life, healing, and growth to those who hear them, much like a tree that provides sustenance and shelter. In contrast, a “perverse tongue”—words that are harmful, deceitful, or cruel—can crush the spirit, leaving emotional and spiritual damage.

It’s a reminder to choose our words carefully and strive to speak in ways that build others up and reflect God’s love and wisdom.

There's actually a song for that.

Mountains crumble
With every syllable
Hope can live or die

So speak life

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Unhappy and Unjoyful Christians

MsMediator

Well-known member

jacko

Well-known member

MsMediator

Well-known member

MsMediator

Well-known member

Deuteronomy

Well-known member

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite

keepingthingsreal

Active member

2ndTimeIsTheCharm

Well-known member

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite

ResidentAlien

Well-known member

jacko

Well-known member

Karlon

Well-known member

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member

MsMediator

Well-known member

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member

Iconoclast

Senior Member

jacko

Well-known member

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite