Virginity- Keeping it

[Calmador]

I think that's very admirable, but I will point out that then you have no way of knowing if you have chemistry with the person. Sex in marriage is very important in keeping the spouses faithful to one another, and you could end up marrying someone and find out that their kiss is not arousing to you at all. Chemistry is not something you can just "work on." You either have it or you don't. But to those Christians who can trust God for their first kiss and end up with the right person, I say that is a wonderful, beautiful thing. I would just caution against making a permanent, lifelong decision for someone that you don't know you're physically attracted to. Attraction is not just about looks. It's also in the way the couple touches one another. I've kissed physically attractive guys, and felt nothing. When I kissed my husband, it was like fireworks. I'm just telling you from experience.



Actually, I believe the 1 Corinthians verse you're referring to supports this argument well. I would add, that dating a Christian guy should not be about looking for similar doctrine, but about looking for similar maturity. My husband and I are worlds apart on some subjects. But we have the same maturity.

I've felt chemistry before though? I think I've felt that feeling just by looking into a girls eyes and giving her a hug. You said you kissed an attractive man. As you mentioned... sparks flied as well just being around her or hugging a not so attractive girl. So... ditto.

I'm really skeptical about how a kiss is the only way you can tell you how attracted you are to someone. I've definitely been attracted to girls.. some, a lot more than others.

About dating Christians... (shrugs) I don't know about what you said. I just think its wise to date Christians.

 

[presidente]

So, Jesus contradicts Paul when Paul says it is not a sin to eat meat offered to idols, and Peter says that all animals are clean? Either Paul is wrong (who is thought to be inspired by the Ghost that Jesus sent), or there is something else Jesus is implying.

I think you need to read the letter through instead of just stopping at the end of I Corinthians 8. In I Corinthians 8, Paul presents the idea of an idol being nothing. Maybe he's agreeing with his readers who have more liberal ideas about eating meat offered to idols. But then he points out that if one eats meat offered to an idol and a brother with a weak conscience sees him do it and is emboldened to do so, the weaker brother is offended and the one who led him into it sins against Christ.

He talks about giving up one's rights for the sake of others. Then chapter 9 goes into some depth on how he has given up his right to live of the Gospel for the sake of his readers. He returns to the topic of meat offered to idols in chapter 10. He presents some other reasons not to eat meat offered to idols.

- Israelites dying over such things.
- Not wanting them to have fellowship with demons.
- Not wanting to provoke the Lord to jealousy.

He tells them to flee idolatry. The only concession on the topic of eating meat offered to idols is if they don't know. If they are given food at a feast or buy it in the market they don't have to ask if it was offered to idols. But if someone says that it was they aren't to eat or buy it.

The only difference in practice is that Paul allows for not having to ask to find out if you don't know. Otherwise, these chapters teach against eating meat offered to idols, breaking down the reasons not to.

The the context of Revelation 2, Jesus says all these things were taught "according to the doctrine of Balaam." So, you'd have to study that particular religion/god and see what eating meat to idols and fornication meant in that context, not as the Jews thought of it.

Or you can look in the Old Testament. Balaam knew how to trick God's people so that God's wrath would be against them. He prophesied a blessing over Israel, but knew that if their enemies wanted them cursed, that God's judgment would be against them if they committed idolatry. So their enemies had women entice the men to commit idolatry by sleeping with them. This is a type of the false teachers in the New Testament who entice Christians to commit fornication and to eat meat offered to idols. The New Testament doesn't give that many details about the particular group. But it does give us enough to know to stay away from teachers who teach people to fornicate and to eat meat offered to idols.

There were also varieties of gnostic religions that churches had to combat later. One view was basically that what was done with the body didn't matter wasn't important and that the spirit was all that mattered, so if someone fornicated or committed idolatry, they thought it didn't matter.

Yes, you're right, but if you want to keep within the context of Scripture as a whole, Paul was infuriated about this, and criticized Peter for teaching the Gentiles this in his letter to the Galatians.

About what? Jewish Christians still keeping the law? No he wasn't. People were trying to circumcised Gentiles who weren't circumcised. The Gentiles going for this were putting their trust in the law to save them rather than Christ. When conservative Jewish folks came from Jerusalem, where a lot of religious Jews didn't eat with Gentiles, Peter stopped eating with the Gentiles. But this created division in the body. That is what Paul opposed.

Well, the only concern I have is once you start enforcing certain laws in Leviticus, you'd be inconsistent not to enforce them all. That would include sacrificing animals, not piercing your ears, etc.

Read Acts. Believing Jews were still zealous for the law. Paul went into the temple. He may have been getting ready to make an animal sacrifice or pay for some sort of offering for his companions. This wasn't what Paul had a problem with. I don't know about a law for ear piercing. There was a custom that allowed for it for someone who chose to be a life-time slave. But I suspect the apostles wore phylacteries and fringe on their garments like the law commanded, participated in temple rituals as the law said. But they were justified by faith in Christ.

The law required that Gentiles abstain from certain sexual practices. The Gentiles were driven out of the land for not doing so, and the practices are listed. The law also lets us know that a woman sleeping around before marriage was fornicating. So if you want a definition, look at that. And she wasn't fornicating all by herself.

The apostles believed it seemed good to the Holy Spirit to write to the Gentiles to abstain from fornication. Paul wrote to the Thessalonians that this was the will of God.

Also, Genesis teaches that two shall be one flesh. Even if a man sleeps with a prostitute, he is one with her in body. A man is only supposed to be one flesh with his wife, not some girl at a bar he thinks he is cute, or some girl he has a reasonably long-term relationship with and some feelings for, but isn't serious enough to make a life-time commitment.

Jesus came to fulfill the law, and for some scholars that simply means that He came to live it perfectly because we couldn't. But Paul came along and said you don't have to live as a Jew to be Christian. Circumcision is not necessary. I don't know where Jesus Himself endorsed that. That's why some Christians in the early church rejected Paul's letters and ideas. They were called Ebionites.

Timothy's mother was Jewish. Paul himself circumcised Timothy. But he didn't circumcise Titus. Read Acts 22. Paul went along with the decision to demonstrate that he wasn't teaching Jews not to circumcise. He was definitely against circumcising Gentiles, trying to make them Jewish as if the Law was what saved rather than faith in Christ. And the circumcised non-pork-eating Jews like Peter were also justified by faith in Jesus Christ.

 

[LegendaryXD]

I am also keeping my virginity along with my girlfriend until marriage. It is the perfect relationship to remain virgins for each other and give each this gift. We plan to be together forever combined with strong faith. God Bless

 

[Legacy]

I'm 17 and a guy. I'm glad I'm still a virgin. I believe it's vital to have a relationship with God and He will help you on everything. Have faith in Him and put your life into His hands. I will pray for all. I need prayer too. Thanks

 

[Jesus_Freak597]

First, I think it is very important to know that sex is one thing that once it is done, it cannot be taken back. I recently rejoined my church after going through some rough times and one thing I had done while away from church was I gave up my virginity. To this day it haunts me and I would give up everything I have to take it back. I wanted to share with you that it is worth the wait because good things come to those who wait and it will be so magical knowing that you're only giving yourself to one person. Imagine that every time you have sex with someone, you're giving them a piece of your heart. If you don't wait until marriage, then how can you ever give your partner all of your love. I believe that waiting until marriage is very important and any guy who doesn't want to wait, is not respecting what's important to you. Be Proud of who you are and what you believe in, even when it doesn't seem easy!

 

[jamie26301]

First, I think it is very important to know that sex is one thing that once it is done, it cannot be taken back. I recently rejoined my church after going through some rough times and one thing I had done while away from church was I gave up my virginity. To this day it haunts me and I would give up everything I have to take it back.

You know, I experienced guilt when I gave up mine. But it's really a mind-set. People who are not raised in Christian homes, or not told by someone that fornication will incur God's wrath and then they'll go to hell, often don't feel guilt, because they weren't set up psychologically to feel it.

When I was in college, my English professor posed a theory. He thought that teenagers liked watching Friday the 13th so much, because they were watching, on the screen, their sins being punished. These teenagers in the movie were having sex, and that was the reason they were killed (in the first movie, they were, by having sex, neglecting the children and Jason drowned as a result. That's the set-up story.) Boy, one girl in the class was absolutely livid with that theory. She said "I DON'T feel any guilt!" Of course, he couldn't find a way to tweak his theory to fit her particular sentiments.

My husband is half-Swedish, and growing up, he has heard stories of his heritage in Sweden. These people were devout Lutherans. But marrying a woman who was barren was something every man wanted to avoid. Having children was a big thing in that society. So, they would have sex before marriage, for a period of time, trying to get the woman they were interested in pregnant. If she got pregnant, they married her. Now, remember this is not some heathen culture - it is distinctly Christian, but in that society, it was acceptable and even necessary. It is quite relative to the culture, what is acceptable and what isn't.

I wanted to share with you that it is worth the wait because good things come to those who wait and it will be so magical knowing that you're only giving yourself to one person. Imagine that every time you have sex with someone, you're giving them a piece of your heart. If you don't wait until marriage, then how can you ever give your partner all of your love. I believe that waiting until marriage is very important and any guy who doesn't want to wait, is not respecting what's important to you. Be Proud of who you are and what you believe in, even when it doesn't seem easy!

I have had partners before my husband and I can personally testify that I give him ALL of my love. Men in my past did get a piece of my heart - my corrupt, unclean heart. God created in me a new one, and I give it all to him (romantically speaking). And everytime we turn to God in repentance, He cleans and repairs our heart, to the point that it is brand new.

However, I do agree that a guy who really loves a woman, will wait if she desires.

 

[Jda016]

Having children was a big thing in that society. So, they would have sex before marriage, for a period of time, trying to get the woman they were interested in pregnant. If she got pregnant, they married her. Now, remember this is not some heathen culture - it is distinctly Christian, but in that society, it was acceptable and even necessary. It is quite relative to the culture, what is acceptable and what isn't.

.

I'd point out that there is nothing Christian in sleeping with a woman in order to see if she can get pregnant or not, then marry her.

In this case, What society/culture accepts, the Bible wholly rejects.

 

[Von]

I had sex with my husband before we got married, it is awful. I can't even explain the pain that comes with keep doing what you know is wrong and wanting to follow Christ at the same time. The guilt is terrible, it came to the point I just couldn't do it anymore and knew I had to choose between my husband (then boyfriend) or God, so I broke up with him. I'm not gonna go into detail but I have never been as confused as I was during those months, did alot of stupid stuff that I regret.
We got back together, desided that this time we would do this right. We did not have sex again until on our wedding night. It was not easy, even more difficult when you know what youre missing, but it was so worth it!

It is not good that you are afraid to tell someone that you're a christian, if that person will think you're a freak then they are definitely not the right person to be with or give your virginity to! Mark 8:38 " If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.”

 

[faroukfarouk]

I had sex with my husband before we got married, it is awful. I can't even explain the pain that comes with keep doing what you know is wrong and wanting to follow Christ at the same time. The guilt is terrible, it came to the point I just couldn't do it anymore and knew I had to choose between my husband (then boyfriend) or God, so I broke up with him. I'm not gonna go into detail but I have never been as confused as I was during those months, did alot of stupid stuff that I regret.
We got back together, desided that this time we would do this right. We did not have sex again until on our wedding night. It was not easy, even more difficult when you know what youre missing, but it was so worth it!

It is not good that you are afraid to tell someone that you're a christian, if that person will think you're a freak then they are definitely not the right person to be with or give your virginity to! Mark 8:38 " If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.”

Well, you don't advocate it now, of course.

 

[MadelineR]

I want to keep it until if I ever get married

 

[ww_21]

I get picked a lot for being THE ONLY virgin among my friends lol infact, they pick on me because I haven't even had my first kiss or anything... I've never even hugged a guy who was not a relative or someone I consider a relative. That stuff just isn't important to me I guess. And I'm one of those girls who wants to wait till she's willingly and happily married.

 

[Mylady_D]

Keep going girl...as Michael W. Smith says it, "All you're missing is a heartache." If you give it away before you're married, you will regret. Especially when the time comes that your children come to that choice.

 

[Mylady_D]

Good job sir. In some way I think guys have a little rougher time. It is definately hormonally challenging for you guys. (not that use ladies don't have that challenge also...but it's stronger with the guys.) Us ladies have more of a peer pressure fight. Hold to God...like you're doing. He will always lead you through.

 

[presidente]

I wouldn't worry too much about what Jamie says about sparks flying during kissing. I think it's more a matter of hormones and bonding. One thing I read said that a young woman's body releases bonding hormones when she has close romantic affection with a man for the first time (kissing, etc.) In the old days, that would have been with her husband, and she'd have bonded with him. But now, girls do that more and more with lots of guys, and by the time they get to their husband, the effect is low. If affection has included fornication, their chances for divorce may be double. The Bible says 'Do not awaken love until it so desires.' One translation says, 'Do not awaken love until the proper time.'

I think our culture is way too free with the whole kissing thing. I didn't date in high school. But in my 20's, I did kiss a couple of girls before I met my wife. But I regretted it. I awakened some of the wrong kind of love I wasn't supposed to. I was in Asia and that was a bigger deal over there, something I didn't realize. Being raised in America, I thought kissing was no big deals. Ron Howard's character did it on Happy Days and so did the other 30-year-old looking teenagers on that show. It was expected that everyone would kiss a boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

[presidente]

I'd like to say to all those young people on here who are virgins and get teased. When they tease you, you should be thinking (or saying) that they may be teasing you, but you have a strong chance of a successful marriage. Statistically for women, at least, there is evidence for that.

For you young women who keep your virginity, I've read on other forums where young Christian men who've kept theirs have such great difficulty finding a girl who is a virgin to marry, and grieve when they find out someone they've dated isn't a virgin. Either they decide to continue the relationship or look elsewhere. I fully defend the right of a man in that situation not to continue dating a woman if he finds out she is not a virgin. That is just normal, but people in our abnormal, unbiblically-minded society don't see that. There is some man out there who will just be thrilled (as I was) to find out that a woman he is thinking of marrying is a virgin.

I had a friend who'd been quite a fornicator in high school who'd repented. He was telling me about this female friend he had that he would spend hours talking to, and couldn't figure out if they were dating or close friends. He told me she'd told him she was a virgin. The thought that he might end up with her thrilled him, and he was very pleased that she was a virgin, though he felt unworthy because of his past. But he did appreciate it.

Young women, if you are looking for a godly man, keeping your virginity is a really good thing because a man of God who appreciates the word of God (including the parts about virginity) will likely value your keeping yourself for marriage, for the sake of the Lord. And men, if you are virgins and want to marry a virgin woman, a virgin woman is likely to appreciate that. Maybe both types here, male and female, can comment on it.

Just think about it, ladies. The man who consciously makes an effort to refrain from sex before marriage while he is young and hormones are the strongest (for the male) is probably a good 'bet' for exercising some self-control with other women after marriage. You don't want a man who cheats on you.

And men, a woman who has the self-control to remain a virgin during her younger years is also probably a good 'bet' for not sleeping around on you after you marry her. In both cases, not having had sex before marriage doesn't guarantee that someone will not sin. But it is good if they don't have a track record of it. And one study presented evidence that women who had slept only with their husbands were much less likely to divorce than those who had not.

If you are measured on a scale of 1 to 10 on desirability as a spouse, comparing you to everyone else, being a virgin can score you an extra point or two... or three with the right potential mate. Virginity is rare, unfortunately, or seems to be in my country at least, so if you get to marriageable age as a virgin, certain people of the opposite sex are going to find that very important. But even those who don't find it that important usually don't find it to be a problem. But a virgin is a real treasure,.

For marriage, it is great to wait. The REAL motivation, the big one, is to please the Lord. He's more important than some spouse that maybe you will meet some day. Every day you should walk blameless before Him. You should seek to please the Savior Who loved you enough to give His life for you.

 

[jamie26301]

Well, yes, presidente, chemistry is about hormones, and having sex is about that. But I remember when I kissed a Christian man, and he was a virgin, and I was very unattracted to him. It was actually the worst kiss I've ever had. But I was going to marry him anyway, because I thought he would take care of me, had morals, etc. I was valuing his character ABOVE physical attraction. Well, it didn't work out. He was pressured by my folks not to call me, and he caved under that - dumped me because my folks didn't want him to have me at the time because he was religious, and they thought that was bad for me at the time. So yeah, he was REALLY faithful all right - couldn't even stay with me until the engagement. And I was at the lowest low of my life - and he just abandoned me. Turns out in the end, he became a rigid Catholic (NOT knocking Catholicism here) - I mean so rigid, that he thought it was the "one true church" and anyone who wasn't Catholic would go to hell. What if we had gotten married, before he made that transition? What if circumstances had allowed that? I would've been stuck in a religiously oppressive marriage, and I don't care what anyone says, if you're not attracted to your spouse, and don't have chemistry with him/her, that makes it all the more likely that you will cheat with someone that YOU DO find attractive - whether or not you were a virgin when you got married. Paul emphasized sex in marriage for a reason - it's one of the things that keep spouses faithful to one another. It's also a primary reason FOR getting married. "Because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife." All I'm saying is you can't mark someone as being a real good Christian just because they're a virgin. I'm not judging him to NOT be a Christian, but I question the salvation of anyone who believes all Protestants are damned because they're not Catholic. And I remember my first kiss back in high school - for THAT to be on my wedding day... yeah, awkward...

I think it's a low blow to say that people who have had sex before marriage are automatically more likely to be unfaithful, than if they had been virgins. You know, if I hadn't had sex, I might've remained in a state of pride. When we obey the command of the Lord (which is good, don't get me wrong), it has a great chance to foster pride. The kind of pride that dismisses a very good, upstanding man or woman because they slipped up once in their lives. The kind of pride that looks down on someone because they haven't upheld YOUR ability to keep the Law. If you're looking for a man or woman who hasn't had sex, by all means, don't stop there. Make sure that they are ALSO well-versed in Scripture, has been a church member from their youth, has never been drunk, has never told a lie, has never smoked a cigarette, has no tattoos or piercings, has never broken the law or even had a traffic violation, has never masturbated or looked a porn, basically, someone who has NEVER sinned. Cause you want God's best, right? Well, good luck with that. If you're going to look at someone's past, that the Lord has wiped clean, and judge their present faithfulness to the Lord on it, then you haven't a heart that knows what it means to be forgiven. You're obviously unaware of the story of Saul of Taurus, and how an encounter with the Lord can completely transform a person. Now, I can understand questionable histories, such as abuse, but that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about people who fell in love and gave up what they were saving.

There are A LOT of factors in someone staying faithful in a marriage. Someone who controls themselves when young isn't necessarily a "good bet." When someone is going through a mid-life crisis, and there is trouble in the marriage, cheating becomes more appealing. When one spouse is sick and can't make love, the sexual frustration is a contender to be dealt with -especially when there's that really cute co-worker you're working with. Sex is one of the BIGGEST issues between married couples, one of the main things that is fought about. Knowing that you both have the same libido, and similar sexual interests, is important (so you should discuss that - however, what you discuss and what actually happens could be different. My husband's and my sex life is different than we predicted it to be). One reason people cheat is because they're not sexually satisfied in bed - their partner won't try what they want to, or won't make love as much as they want, etc. I've heard of cases, several times through my life, of people divorcing after being together for 30 or 40 years. That's not exactly an adolescent stage of hormones, is it? Not saying the reason was infidelity, but the point is just because you've made it over the three points that you're most likely to divorce (I believe it is two years, seven years, and ten years, but I don't remember), doesn't mean you're home free. Another thing that may lead to a marriage being unsuccessful is the two people have completely different living patterns, and finally can't stand each other anymore (does happen). Someone who develops an addiction (porn, gambling, drinking, drugs, abusing prescribed drugs) while married - everyone who has an addiction developed it AT SOME TIME. An addiction causes many women (or men) to divorce. All I'm saying is that because someone is a virgin, doesn't really mean that the marriage will be successful. More likely, perhaps. But a lot of a successful marriage depends on the two characters, if they mesh well with one another, if there's chemistry, if they have similar values and interests in common - not if they're both virgins.

In fact, I could understand the case made for physical intimacy before marriage. It would be better to know you two have that chemistry, and be happily married in that physical bond, than to go into it blind and when you're in bed (even several weeks into the marriage), you think "I have THIS sex life for the rest of my life?" Trust me, if you're not satisfied sexually, it will be a VERY hard marriage for you, in the intimate way.

Believe me, there has been MANY TIMES in my life that I thought "God is telling me to do this." And I was wrong. I met this one man that I was SO SURE God was calling me to be with - and I waited on him five years, with no contact, and unreturned phone calls/emails, before I realized that I had heard God wrong, and that he really didn't want me. So this whole "God is leading me to do this" stuff - be careful. Not saying it's the devil, but it could just be your own desires, and you convincing yourself of what God has for you, vs what is best for you. I know this is common sense, but DON'T jump on someone JUST because they're virgin and that's rare. Make sure everything is there that should be. I almost jumped on a guy who was a virgin - and would've had a miserable life.

AGAIN, I am not condoning sex before marriage, but I think it's important to be sensible about the likelihood that our children will listen to culture before their pastor, especially if they go to public school. And a pastor's daughter who is told she can't have birth control or condoms because she's saving herself for marriage, is more likely to get a STD or get pregnant the night she slips up than the girl who is given protection. And like I said before, you make it an available option, then it's not as appealing than if it was forbidden.

I completely understand where you're coming from, presidente, but as far as a first kiss being on your wedding day - you can't personally vouch for that, can you? You've never experienced it. So how can you be sure you're steering these folks right in the way of what they will feel? And even so, different people feel differently in the same situation. The first time I had sex, it hurt like... well you know. I'm actually kinda thankful that I didn't have to deal with that on my wedding night (and be too sore to do anything in the morning either). The wedding night for two virgins would most likely be really awkward. Maybe loving and special, but awkward. Sex isn't something where you just pick it up and know what to do. It takes practice to get comfortable with it. Maybe that's just me. I'm sure that some who save their kiss for their wedding day could have a great marriage - but at the same time, there's a GREAT number of people who would expect to be kissed BEFORE the wedding day, and if someone just tells all these people "Sorry, can't kiss you until our wedding day" and they stop dating that person - amongst those who the person have rejected might be the one that is really suited for them. "But each has their own gift from God, one in this fashion and one in that."

 

[jamie26301]

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS:

Well, like I said before, I believe teenagers and young adults should wait until marriage. I encourage that. I endorse that. I believe that is honorable and noteworthy. They should wait especially if they believe for one reason or another that it is a sin - it will cause regret later, if you ignore your conscious.

However, I won't encourage not kissing your boy/girlfriend. You can't tell just by the way someone looks and holding hands if she/he would be a good physical match. I think not kissing is a little extreme and will scare off many potential spouses, even some devout, faithful Christians who would gladly hold off on the sex. I can understand letting someone go because they're pressuring you to have sex or push boundaries, but because they want to kiss you... most people would interpret that as rejection or lack of interest, and that your reason for waiting is just an excuse to in an indirect fashion end the relationship. At least, that's what I would think, and I'm sure many would share that sentiment, or they'll just write you off as a legalistic, hyper-religious weirdo, which will seal THEIR reasons for rejecting you. They may think "If she/he is that rigid about kissing, what other strict rules am I going to have to follow if I pursue this?" I'm sorry, but I can't think of one verse in Scripture that even advises not kissing before marriage.

Be that as it may, it is a personal choice, and if someone trusts God enough to bring the ideal - two people who have never kissed anyone else - then more power to that person, but I don't think it's wise. Donating half your check to the needy may be noble and good, but if that results in your phone bill not getting paid, thus your phone getting cut off, thus you losing your job because you missed the call to come in on your day off - donating that much money was not a wise thing to do. I'm making a parallel here. Going to extreme lengths in a good practice - be it sexuality, finances, or whatever - is usually not wise. I guess if I had to point to Scripture for this, it would come from Solomon's reflection upon his life:

15In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these: the righteous perishing in their righteousness, and the wicked living long in their wickedness.
16 Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise— why destroy yourself?
17 Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool— why die before your time?
18 It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes.

That's just my two cents. I'm not saying I'm right, or that people absolutely should kiss before marriage. Again, that is a personal choice. It's a choice of faith. Something that works for one person may not work for another. I can only speak from my own experience that chemistry is not something you can create - the spark is either there or it isn't. And the best way to know is to get close (psychically) with the person. Some people can have a successful marriage without that "spark," because they're both convicted that divorce and adultery is wrong. That works for some people. It's worked for some arranged marriages through the centuries, apparently. (Arranged marriages was largely abandoned for a reason, you know.)

But I'm sorry if some of you think I'm pushing a license to sin, I only want people to think in a reasonable way about their lives, realizing that we're sexual creatures and temptations arise, and it's best to at least be prepared for that possibility. That's all I'm saying. I believe teens should wait, but I don't believe teens should be THREATENED with hellfire and brimstone into waiting. That sets them up for GREAT guilt and depression if they do fail (which many do) and it takes them so long to forgive themselves and be emotionally healthy again. (I know, because I've been there). It also gives them the "what I do/don't do warrants heaven" mentality. It cheapens grace. I don't believe teens should be stripped of protection. What's the "lesser evil," having sex as a teen protected, or having sex as a teen bringing a child they're not ready for into the world and/or getting an STD they will need to share with their spouse?

But I digress. Have a most blessed day everyone, and may God guide you in all your decisions, and bring you a suitable spouse that you will have long life with. Take care.

 

[jamie26301]

DARN the five minute limit! In the last post, I didn't mean get close "psychically," LOL, I meant "physically." (Fourth paragraph)

 

[hadaza]

Actually, yes I do. I hate stereotyping. There is some truth to teenagers "knowing it all" - I was one of them - but I firmly believe in and have witnessed exceptions. I am friends with a teen girl on Facebook, and have had long conversations with her. We also kid around under statuses and pics. And she doesn't strike me as the typical teenager. She is not in rebellion with her parents - she respects them and are friends with them. She patientiently listens to views that are not her own, because she doesn't want to argue in ignorance against the opposing view. She is planning for her future. She had the maturity to let go of a relationship that wasn't right for her at the time, despite loving him so much - a lot of teenage girls can't do that. Heck, a lot of ADULT women can't do that. Now granted, I'm going on what she has told me - but I've seen her interact with others on her posts, and she is very respectful and wholesome with everyone.


What I don't believe is a good idea, is "shoving the no sex agenda down teenagers' throats," as you put it. And the reason for that is that teens are typically rebellious, and will typically do the opposite of what you tell them to. So what you often have is teens having unprotected sex - and that's how so many teen girls get pregnant. It has actually been proven that when you provide teens with condoms and birth control, teen preganacy goes down. Gee, I wonder why that is? lol Now, I support sex education in school, BUT it should be high school or junior high. I don't think it's wise to introduce the idea of sex to kids that aren't ready for it. I remember at my school, someone came to talk to us about AIDS when I was like in fifth grade! Did you know that the D.A.R.E program was stopped BECAUSE it was found that it actually INCREASED the likelihood that kids will do drugs? Yeah, uh fail! If you command your children not to have sex, you're pretty much asking them to do it, is what the evidence suggests. Not all teens are alike - some will obey their parents, or because they fear and respect God. But I think parents should talk to their teen about sex around the age of 13 or so - when puburty hits. And I have resolved that if I have a daughter, I will tell her: "It's my desire that you wait, I think you will feel rewarded later if you do, but if you decide you want to give yourself away on prom night, I will personally see that you have birth control and condoms." Like I said, it's been proven (or at least there's evidence for) that that approach will lessen the consequences of sex, and I believe it may also take away some of the appeal. It's human nature to want what we can't have - "hmmm, what's so great about that that they're keeping it from me?" That's what happened to Eve, is it not?


So yeah, that's my take on it. Controversial, but I think that's the best approach. And, I think if two people are going to have sex, there should be probable belief in getting married - not just for the pleasure of it. But I would not enforce that on anyone.

I've read all your comments and I'm wondering if you consider bible as the word of God, regardless if you think is a personal decision or not to have sex, scriptures are very clear about it, I totally get what you said about when people have sex before marrige and that doesn't affect when you have you actual husband or wife in the future which I agree but still that gift will be something that your spouse will miss if you don't wait, also is not a very wise thing to comment this in here specially because most of the teens are not matture enough to understand your points it's just my opinion, still the only thing to say is wait for your life partner , why?, just because God asked us to do it and if he did is because we can. God bless you

 

[jamie26301]

I've read all your comments and I'm wondering if you consider bible as the word of God, regardless if you think is a personal decision or not to have sex, scriptures are very clear about it,

Paul is very clear about it. I believe the Scriptures are inspired but not infallible. (Let's not open that can of worms, ok? I've already said what I think about that earlier in the thread). I read the Scriptures from a historical standpoint.

I totally get what you said about when people have sex before marrige and that doesn't affect when you have you actual husband or wife in the future which I agree

Thank you, I appreciate that.

but still that gift will be something that your spouse will miss if you don't wait,

Yes, I agree with that too. However, two people who have had prior sexual experiences will probably have a more pleasurable wedding night and honeymoon than two virgins. They will know what they like and be able to guide each other in a way that's pleasing. NOT JUSTIFYING, I'm just saying, I remember losing my virginity and it wasn't a pleasant experience. But it's different for different women.

also is not a very wise thing to comment this in here specially because most of the teens are not matture enough to understand your points it's just my opinion,

Ok... how is what I said not appropriate for teens? When we learn how to write checks in school and certain budget techniques, we don't really understand how it really benefits us at the time, because we're not utilizing the information. However, it's handy to have that knowledge ahead of time, no? In the same way, teens are becoming aware of their sexuality and they need to know these things now. It's just my opinion.

And besides, ANYONE can view this thread. So technically, I'm not writing JUST for teens' eyes.

still the only thing to say is wait for your life partner , why?, just because God asked us to do it and if he did is because we can.

Yes, that's the only thing I heard as a teen from those who guided me. I think it's important to hear all sides of an argument before making a decision as to the best course of action, or the best opinion to hold. And "the only thing to say" being to wait would not be an honest presentation of the varying Christian viewpoints... because there ARE Christians who don't take the Bible literally and take a "liberal" approach to life.

I agree it's POSSIBLE to wait, but you should prepare the young Christian for the possibility that they will fail in the face of temptation. Jesus tried to prepare Peter. "Before the cock crows, you will deny Me three times." But Peter wouldn't have the thought of himself sinning. And so, he did JUST THAT; he denied Jesus. Some can look at what Jesus said as prophecy, but I tend to think of it as a prediction based on Peter's pompous boasting of his loyalty. Often we predict people's behaviors without "knowing the future" because we know them so well, right?

We tread dangerous waters, when we start saying to ourselves "I'm above that sin" or "I'll NEVER do that." But if we do sin, there's forgiveness available. And teens don't hear that part of the deal. IF you DO screw up, Jesus will be faithful to forgive you. All teens hear is "Don't do that. It's mortal sin. And you'll regret it if you do." Law, law, law. No Gospel. Well, the whole reason Jesus came was because we COULDN'T keep the law. THAT'S what is lacking in the message teens receive from Christian leaders about sex. So, when and if they do fail, they fall into utter despair, and they are an emotional wreck far longer than need be, because for years they were only fed the law side of the coin. It's really quite sad.

God bless you

God bless too, sister.