I was led to Christ by a faithful soul winner from and IFB church. As I grew, I also noted the muddied gospels taught by the pastor's deacons, evangelists during revivals, missionaries and tracts. It was confusing, so I went to the Lord and cried unto Him for discernment. He kindly gave me that spiritual gift and insight to His Word. I spent time alone with Him and He showed me that phrases like "give your heart/life to God" was against Him. He so loved the world that HE GAVE His only begotten Son. The Son gave His life for us so we can receive the gift of everlasting life that He alone paid for. The pastor's friends taught works salvation, like obedience to the law also known as turning from sins to be saved.
The Jr church pastors didn't teach fundamentals, but they would lead little children with no church background to "ask Jesus into your heart." I read God's Word and wondered what that meant? Why should they be expected to know what is not in Scripture and adults can't doctrinally explain. It does sound sweet and we hear sentimental phrases often that we assume the pastors are quoting Scripture.
So, I understand very well how muddied waters get...
I brought this same topic up to a popular pastor today.
The lost can be led to Christ through using Romans, Revelation, Galatians, Genesis, on and on. However the one book devoted to the lost to clearly show them how to be saved is the gospel of John.
20:
30.
And many other signs truly did Jesus in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book: 31But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name.
We all know Christ's substitutionary death, burial and resurrection for our sins. How do we receive the gift He purchased? By trusting/believing/faith in Him.
Anything else on our part is works. People of all ages get this confused and no wonder. The Devil starts by adding leven of heresy to the gospel. Then assumptions are accepted unwittingly. Then strongholds occur. I preached this to my own pastor, I brought my concerns to him time to time. His response was that they are all right and everyone who prays a sinners prayer is saved, even if they think that means giving your life to Christ.
Can you relate?
I said all of that because it is foundational to the topic. However I do not blame you and your husband. I'm just identifying with you both because I warned my half brother and shared the true gospel with him as well as others who were not sincere. Some of these were people who later admitted that they lied and just prayed to make me happy. Others "went out from us because they were not of us" and joined hard core works for salvation churches and cults.
One thing I noticed was that those who "tasted of that heavenly gift" but didn't get saved, ended up with extreme issues. Rather than average sinners, they were, well I'll save it for later if you wish.
I know for a fact how much of my life I invested in them and that they heard the true gospel.
I finally quit blaming myself.
This is why I'm glad Jesus gave Judas Iscariot as an example, don't you?
It sounds like you and your husband did more to get them saved than 90%+ of America.
Unfortunately, we can't know if someone is sincere when we tell them the truth of the Gospel.
It sounds like you did what you thought best with what you knew at the time.