Warning: heavy, dark topic

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My two cents is simple based on my personal experience involving drugs and that kind of activity any of these sinful behaviors are currently in control of your children and until they personally make a decision to change it it will not change

Don't pay for or abett the issues. Pray for peace and understanding. Make solid boundaries in your house. No porn, no sexual activity... etc. If they are of age don't put a roof over thier heads. Love them don't enable them.

Show them love
Thank you for sharing your experience. We're giving them space and basic necessities to finish schooling and get a career to move out. The elder is well on his way and very likely to do so in the next year or two. He's also working a part time job, and saving money to eventually buy the car we let him drive. Unfortunately we can't control everything that comes in and out of our house, but they know what we won't tolerate. With the exception of a cuss word slipping out on occasion they are at least respectful to not do anything blatantly sinful around us. I Learned over the years to pick and choose which hills are worth dying on, and will take the wins where they can be found. The current one can only be fought through prayer, though, and will continue each day the Lord keeps me around here.
 
This is a horrible introduction, my apologies, but this seems to be one of the few places to turn to with anonymity for guidance from fellow believers. I absolutely cannot discuss this with anyone I know except my husband and don’t trust “Christian counseling” businesses. He knows about this and can’t handle discussing it anymore. Not sure where to begin except I’m a wife and mother of three young adult children (1 daughter and 2 sons, youngest turns 18 early next year) and a fundamental Baptist. My husband and I raised our kids to trust Christ for salvation and live a loving, wholesome Christian life, or so we thought. Anyway, ever since last year my heart feels like it has been ripped out of my chest and the devil twists the knife in the wound every once in a while. The backstory: I made the mistake of giving our kids smart phones years ago without understanding of how parental controls work. It was difficult to figure out back then and now I regret ever giving in to it (won’t go into the reasons why as the phones were deemed necessary at the time). Without me knowing, the boys eventually ended up in the subreddit sodomite culture and listening to satanic bands like Slipknot. I also didn’t know they had developed suicidal ideation long before that with the elder son cutting all over his whole forearm, now scarred like he got into a fight with a bramble bush (doesn’t do it anymore). He came out as “bi" to me last year after a long fight with my husband and a week of silence. Our youngest son doesn’t know I found (because I can still check his email) a crossdressing picture of him taken in our bedroom posted in one of the subreddits, as well as his thread claiming to be a closeted “gay." Salt was poured into the wound even today when I found his makeup in one of his drawers. The worst part of all this is the elder says he doesn’t believe in God because of how we raised them. It’s clear to me now he never understood the true gospel despite having heard it and explained in detail many times over. Our youngest says he’s saved, but his actions indicate he may not really be. I know we’re not saved by our works, but would someone with the indwelling of the Holy Spirit really have the desire to commit unnatural sins that Romans 1 says are the desire of reprobates? I led both of them to the Lord when they were younger, so finding all this out made me question my own salvation since my fruit is rotten. While it’s fairly certain our daughter is saved (she was led to Christ by my husband), this truly is a fate worse than death. Additionally, my walk with Christ was crushed after finding out about our sons. I’m barely holding on by a thread trying hard not to throw it entirely away, but go to bed each night wanting to wake up in heaven the next morning. We both pray often for their salvation and hoping this is “just a phase” of rebellious sons, but they seem far beyond hope now. Thoughts, guidance, prayers, anything would be appreciated.
My first reaction is concern for your own state of mind. You are blaming yourself and that won't help you or anyone else in the situation. Satan is the accuser of the brethren. Even if you are at fault, which is not necessarily true, you are already forgiven. All you need do is confess your sin and God forgives you. There is no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus.

Homosexuality has been around for thousands of years. Smart phones are not the problem. You need to remember that homosexuality is the result of wilful and knowing rebellion against God. People are responsible for their choices, that includes your children. You did not choose their lifestyle.

You need to forgive yourself. The following article will show you how, even if it seems impossible.

 
Hi @Jael,

I am heartbroken by your story.

I'm also hesitant to say much, seeing as I don't have children and I can't imagine the challenges Christian parents are going through these days.

If I may say though, please don't blame yourself. I have married friends who are dealing with similar issues in their own families, even though they did their best to instill Christ-centered values.

And with social media being everywhere, even if you wouldn't have given your kids phones, I'm sure they would have been exposed to these things sooner or later.

I listen to a lot of social issue channels on YouTube, and one thing that caught my ear was that when I was growing up, the way kids rebelled or experimented then was often through tattoos, piercings, colored hair, etc. -- before it all became mainstream. Fast forward a decade or two, and many of these same people deeply regret doing these things.

The program host pointed out that instead of young people trying to "find themselves" by getting tattoos, they're now being told that the way to "find out who you are" is through crazy experiments with sexuality and gender.

As grown adults, we know it's all a lie, but unfortunately, young people don't know -- and many won't listen to warnings that an oven is hot until they've cooked in it a while themselves. Many of us wouldn't listen until we got burned as well.

I know this sounds like little comfort, but I do believe a lot of what this generation is going through will eventually be looked back on as a terrible phase, and filled with many regrets -- but that there is still hope of repentance, forgiveness, and choosing to go the right way.

I will pray for you and your family, and may God bless you and comfort you as you keep up the good fight of leading your children to the Lord.
Thank you for your thoughtful response and observations. Yes, each generation has its own form of rebellion. The pendulum swung so far left this current one is taking up the worst form of sins, namely pride. I don't see my sons as prideful in the sense they are full of it. There's some there, sure, but they are very insecure about themselves. Besides the need for independence they have a deep thirst for acceptance. One of the complaints they have about growing up under our parenting is that we didn't allow them to play video games or watch pop culture movies, which they claimed alienated them from their peers (even in Christian circles). Well in their search for acceptance they walked right into the types of forums the worst of the worst were groomed in. I never wanted to know details about the dark corners of the earth as mentioned in the Bible, but here we are. I really want to believe the theory is true and eventually the fever pitch will die down. Come to think of it, there are testimonials of former trans regretting the surgery now. Neither of my sons are trans nor are they violent, thankfully, but still in a really dark place. Your prayers are very much appreciated and God bless you as well.
 
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My first reaction is concern for your own state of mind. You are blaming yourself and that won't help you or anyone else in the situation. Satan is the accuser of the brethren. Even if you are at fault, which is not necessarily true, you are already forgiven. All you need do is confess your sin and God forgives you. There is no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus.

Homosexuality has been around for thousands of years. Smart phones are not the problem. You need to remember that homosexuality is the result of wilful and knowing rebellion against God. People are responsible for their choices, that includes your children. You did not choose their lifestyle.

You need to forgive yourself. The following article will show you how, even if it seems impossible.

You're right and it's very difficult to see that perspective and remember those Biblical truths when in the middle of the storm (especially what appears to be a lifelong one). Thanks for this, I'll read the article.
 
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You're right and it's very difficult to see that perspective and remember those Biblical truths when in the middle of the storm (especially what appears to be a lifelong one). Thanks for this, I'll read the article.

"When you are up to your neck in crocodiles, it's hard to remember that the original objective was to drain the swamp." This is why we need the body to help us. Each situation is unique, but I have been through equally difficult times. The article was a great help to me.

The storm will pass. Circumstances may no change, but God is doing something in our lives that will bring us closer to Him. One of the truly great promises in the Word is that He works all things together for our good. It sure does not look like it at the time. God's grace is always sufficient.
 
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Thank you for your kind words. My past zealousness didn't translate correctly even though they heard it over and over again why the Christian life is important. The elder son translated it as you have to be God's slave to go to heaven. Even the church we used to go to muddied the gospel every once in a while and fed that idea.

I was led to Christ by a faithful soul winner from and IFB church. As I grew, I also noted the muddied gospels taught by the pastor's deacons, evangelists during revivals, missionaries and tracts. It was confusing, so I went to the Lord and cried unto Him for discernment. He kindly gave me that spiritual gift and insight to His Word. I spent time alone with Him and He showed me that phrases like "give your heart/life to God" was against Him. He so loved the world that HE GAVE His only begotten Son. The Son gave His life for us so we can receive the gift of everlasting life that He alone paid for. The pastor's friends taught works salvation, like obedience to the law also known as turning from sins to be saved.
The Jr church pastors didn't teach fundamentals, but they would lead little children with no church background to "ask Jesus into your heart." I read God's Word and wondered what that meant? Why should they be expected to know what is not in Scripture and adults can't doctrinally explain. It does sound sweet and we hear sentimental phrases often that we assume the pastors are quoting Scripture.
So, I understand very well how muddied waters get...
I brought this same topic up to a popular pastor today.

The lost can be led to Christ through using Romans, Revelation, Galatians, Genesis, on and on. However the one book devoted to the lost to clearly show them how to be saved is the gospel of John.

20:30. And many other signs truly did Jesus in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book: 31But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name.

We all know Christ's substitutionary death, burial and resurrection for our sins. How do we receive the gift He purchased? By trusting/believing/faith in Him.
Anything else on our part is works. People of all ages get this confused and no wonder. The Devil starts by adding leven of heresy to the gospel. Then assumptions are accepted unwittingly. Then strongholds occur. I preached this to my own pastor, I brought my concerns to him time to time. His response was that they are all right and everyone who prays a sinners prayer is saved, even if they think that means giving your life to Christ.
Can you relate?

I said all of that because it is foundational to the topic. However I do not blame you and your husband. I'm just identifying with you both because I warned my half brother and shared the true gospel with him as well as others who were not sincere. Some of these were people who later admitted that they lied and just prayed to make me happy. Others "went out from us because they were not of us" and joined hard core works for salvation churches and cults.
One thing I noticed was that those who "tasted of that heavenly gift" but didn't get saved, ended up with extreme issues. Rather than average sinners, they were, well I'll save it for later if you wish.
I know for a fact how much of my life I invested in them and that they heard the true gospel.
I finally quit blaming myself.
This is why I'm glad Jesus gave Judas Iscariot as an example, don't you?

It sounds like you and your husband did more to get them saved than 90%+ of America.
Unfortunately, we can't know if someone is sincere when we tell them the truth of the Gospel.
It sounds like you did what you thought best with what you knew at the time.
 
"When you are up to your neck in crocodiles, it's hard to remember that the original objective was to drain the swamp." This is why we need the body to help us. Each situation is unique, but I have been through equally difficult times. The article was a great help to me.

The storm will pass. Circumstances may no change, but God is doing something in our lives that will bring us closer to Him. One of the truly great promises in the Word is that He works all things together for our good. It sure does not look like it at the time. God's grace is always sufficient.
Amen, God's grace is sufficient! I read through the article you sent and agreed with much of what it says about God's forgiveness for salvation and that He remembers our sins no more. Praise the Lord for that! The idea that only Jesus can forgive others on our behalf I'm not so sure about. My understanding of Scripture is that Jesus commands us to forgive others as God has forgiven us. Maybe I'm wrong and misunderstood the article's intent. Perhaps what it's conveying is that Jesus can bridge the gap on our behalf when it seems impossible to forgive, and that helps free us of the bitterness. I'll go back and read it again when my head is a bit clearer. While trying to figure all this out I'll certainly take what was written to heart knowing it helped you. Praise God for that as well!
 
This is a horrible introduction, my apologies, but this seems to be one of the few places to turn to with anonymity for guidance from fellow believers. I absolutely cannot discuss this with anyone I know except my husband and don’t trust “Christian counseling” businesses. He knows about this and can’t handle discussing it anymore. Not sure where to begin except I’m a wife and mother of three young adult children (1 daughter and 2 sons, youngest turns 18 early next year) and a fundamental Baptist. My husband and I raised our kids to trust Christ for salvation and live a loving, wholesome Christian life, or so we thought. Anyway, ever since last year my heart feels like it has been ripped out of my chest and the devil twists the knife in the wound every once in a while. The backstory: I made the mistake of giving our kids smart phones years ago without understanding of how parental controls work. It was difficult to figure out back then and now I regret ever giving in to it (won’t go into the reasons why as the phones were deemed necessary at the time). Without me knowing, the boys eventually ended up in the subreddit sodomite culture and listening to satanic bands like Slipknot. I also didn’t know they had developed suicidal ideation long before that with the elder son cutting all over his whole forearm, now scarred like he got into a fight with a bramble bush (doesn’t do it anymore). He came out as “bi" to me last year after a long fight with my husband and a week of silence. Our youngest son doesn’t know I found (because I can still check his email) a crossdressing picture of him taken in our bedroom posted in one of the subreddits, as well as his thread claiming to be a closeted “gay." Salt was poured into the wound even today when I found his makeup in one of his drawers. The worst part of all this is the elder says he doesn’t believe in God because of how we raised them. It’s clear to me now he never understood the true gospel despite having heard it and explained in detail many times over. Our youngest says he’s saved, but his actions indicate he may not really be. I know we’re not saved by our works, but would someone with the indwelling of the Holy Spirit really have the desire to commit unnatural sins that Romans 1 says are the desire of reprobates? I led both of them to the Lord when they were younger, so finding all this out made me question my own salvation since my fruit is rotten. While it’s fairly certain our daughter is saved (she was led to Christ by my husband), this truly is a fate worse than death. Additionally, my walk with Christ was crushed after finding out about our sons. I’m barely holding on by a thread trying hard not to throw it entirely away, but go to bed each night wanting to wake up in heaven the next morning. We both pray often for their salvation and hoping this is “just a phase” of rebellious sons, but they seem far beyond hope now. Thoughts, guidance, prayers, anything would be appreciated.
Do u remember when u were young ? Maybe u were brought up in a Christian household so u have always had that grounding . I was not brought up Christian and , there r very many people in this world that weren't either . God brought us to Him . I was in a terrible state of flux in my youth , right up until the day I picked up a Bible . I think I was 26 . Youth is the time of mistakes and folly and stupid decisions , do u not remember making any ? Please try to stay calm and continue to love your children at least as much as u always have . Continue being a good mum and a good Christian and remember , as long as your children r alive , there is hope , hope that they will repent and turn back to God . All my youthful foolishness taught me things , about myself and this world . Your children r learning by their mistakes , just like we all do . B patient , don't give up on them but , it maybe that they need to go through these awful phases in order to learn that those lifestyles r not for them . Your youngest is 18 coming up ? They r all almost adults . B there for them but u may have to take a little step back , keep calm and just b patient . God doesn't put a time limit on repentance . Don't push your kids away when they need u the most . God loves them and u and He will guide u , in love and patience .
 
Do u remember when u were young ? Maybe u were brought up in a Christian household so u have always had that grounding . I was not brought up Christian and , there r very many people in this world that weren't either . God brought us to Him . I was in a terrible state of flux in my youth , right up until the day I picked up a Bible . I think I was 26 . Youth is the time of mistakes and folly and stupid decisions , do u not remember making any ? Please try to stay calm and continue to love your children at least as much as u always have . Continue being a good mum and a good Christian and remember , as long as your children r alive , there is hope , hope that they will repent and turn back to God . All my youthful foolishness taught me things , about myself and this world . Your children r learning by their mistakes , just like we all do . B patient , don't give up on them but , it maybe that they need to go through these awful phases in order to learn that those lifestyles r not for them . Your youngest is 18 coming up ? They r all almost adults . B there for them but u may have to take a little step back , keep calm and just b patient . God doesn't put a time limit on repentance . Don't push your kids away when they need u the most . God loves them and u and He will guide u , in love and patience .
This

Also, just wondering, you say you raised them IFB. Were your children baptised, I mean did they make that personal choice. It's believers baptism? Do they have their own personal Bibles?

Know that God calls His own, won't be snatched out of his hand. The prodigal son wasn't kicked out. He wanted to explore the world, so he was let go. His dad thought he'd lost him. When his son returned after having his full, and humbled the dad ran to him and killed the fatted calf.

Peer pressure and video games + reddit. Generation Z

What about yourself @Jael were you raised IFB as well?
 
This is a horrible introduction, my apologies, but this seems to be one of the few places to turn to with anonymity for guidance from fellow believers. I absolutely cannot discuss this with anyone I know except my husband and don’t trust “Christian counseling” businesses. He knows about this and can’t handle discussing it anymore. Not sure where to begin except I’m a wife and mother of three young adult children (1 daughter and 2 sons, youngest turns 18 early next year) and a fundamental Baptist. My husband and I raised our kids to trust Christ for salvation and live a loving, wholesome Christian life, or so we thought. Anyway, ever since last year my heart feels like it has been ripped out of my chest and the devil twists the knife in the wound every once in a while. The backstory: I made the mistake of giving our kids smart phones years ago without understanding of how parental controls work. It was difficult to figure out back then and now I regret ever giving in to it (won’t go into the reasons why as the phones were deemed necessary at the time). Without me knowing, the boys eventually ended up in the subreddit sodomite culture and listening to satanic bands like Slipknot. I also didn’t know they had developed suicidal ideation long before that with the elder son cutting all over his whole forearm, now scarred like he got into a fight with a bramble bush (doesn’t do it anymore). He came out as “bi" to me last year after a long fight with my husband and a week of silence. Our youngest son doesn’t know I found (because I can still check his email) a crossdressing picture of him taken in our bedroom posted in one of the subreddits, as well as his thread claiming to be a closeted “gay." Salt was poured into the wound even today when I found his makeup in one of his drawers. The worst part of all this is the elder says he doesn’t believe in God because of how we raised them. It’s clear to me now he never understood the true gospel despite having heard it and explained in detail many times over. Our youngest says he’s saved, but his actions indicate he may not really be. I know we’re not saved by our works, but would someone with the indwelling of the Holy Spirit really have the desire to commit unnatural sins that Romans 1 says are the desire of reprobates? I led both of them to the Lord when they were younger, so finding all this out made me question my own salvation since my fruit is rotten. While it’s fairly certain our daughter is saved (she was led to Christ by my husband), this truly is a fate worse than death. Additionally, my walk with Christ was crushed after finding out about our sons. I’m barely holding on by a thread trying hard not to throw it entirely away, but go to bed each night wanting to wake up in heaven the next morning. We both pray often for their salvation and hoping this is “just a phase” of rebellious sons, but they seem far beyond hope now. Thoughts, guidance, prayers, anything would be appreciated.
I think there is some good advice in the replies. I'd have to contemplate, research and pray more before I'd give advice on some of the topics you're facing.

I would start off by saying you're blessed to have a husband who trusts in the Lord. I would strongly recommend (if you aren't already) to pray with your husband nightly, bringing these issues to the Lord together and discussing what you're both thinking afterward concisely. Prayer and talking together helps identify correct and incorrect thoughts, encourage each other and bring forward the word of God.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your oldest in that he was able to tell you he feels he's agnostic and doesn't want to be a slave. If you can... do a regular, on-going, casual "going out coffee" or a walk, and talk openly with him and let him know he can talk to you about what he's thinking without your condemnation. You can research deeply what he's talking about and concisely offer correct, insightful, Godly information for him to consider as part of a long term conversation, not a dreaded intervention.

I don't know what speaks to your eldest regarding belief in God, but this maybe a useful seed/source: https://christianchat.com/threads/current-science-suggests-creator.223716/#post-5754893

Scripturally speaking, I don't believe your children are your spiritual fruit, your actions are. Especially as adults, your children are persons and God is faithful to complete the good work in all of you over time.

Philippians 1: 4-6 -- 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Hebrews 12 -- Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses ... And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
 
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Disclaimer - I am being brutally honest here, because I sincerly believe that lying is one of the worst sins.
Please don´t take offense and keep in mind that my english is self taught - In any case of misunderstanding, feel free to ask.

I see a multitude of problems that are currently seeming to over run you and I believe - with all respect - your husband is leaving you alone with these problems.
Now why would I say this?
Silent treadment is exactly the reason why things get worse.
Your children need your assurance, your their safe haven as parents.
If they don´t feel like they belong into the home they grew up in, this will ultimately be the easiest invitation you can give to the wicked. When it comes to stuff as selfinflicting harm, su*cidal thoughts etc. my alarm would ring and I would seek a doctor or therapist. Just as our body can become unhealthy, so can our mind. And just as we have to see a physican when we´re ill, we have to seek professionals if our mind is not working accordingly.
- Jesus answered them, ‘It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. (Luke 5:31-32)
- Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. (Colossians 3:21)

There´s absoulte no shame to mental unhealthy phases in life, but shutting doors is most likely one of the worst ways to handle the situation.
You will not pave a street into a heart by burning bridges. Mark these words.
And yes, I do understand that this gets to your heart, of course it does, its your children. You´re supposed to be worried (its acutally a sign that you love them). But imagine Jesus turning away people or considering to shun somebody. Jesus has given us clear examples how to be compassionate even with sinners.
- Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” (Matthew 18:22)

Teenagers are rebilious. Almost everybody that been in the 80s knows this well. I mean we had a whole decade of young men basically dressing like girls at some point. To quote Charly Murphy "the guy that would get the most girls in the 80s was the guy that looked the most like a girl". And we forgett that pretty fast.
Also teenagers have a massive massive lack of impuls controll (hormones spiking like crazy, body changing rapidly etc.).
Maybe its just a rebellion. Maybe its just limit testing and actually what I personally believe:
Maybe some of the kids these days only want some type of attention from their parents (I believe that you are the more caring person of the parents), so if the kids dont get any validation or attention from "being good" (cause its expected as a natural form of character) they feel as if they are not "worth the attention", so naturally, kids tend to "push over limits" just for the sake of getting attention.
And naturally a lot of kids these days rebell exactly what their parents are.
Funny enough, I know a kid that turned super conservative christian, only for the sake of trolling his parents that are outspoken atheists (funny isnt it? somebody elses worst nightmare, would be the perfect kid for you and vice versa).
The Lord will always have his sheep coming back. We´re just human beings, we like to mess up and God knows.
He knows we are faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar from perfect.
- Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” (Psalm 27:10)

I do undestand that its a tough time for you, but believe me my sister, silent treatment, shunning, pushing away will make the problems far far far faaaaar worse, because then your kids will try to seek validation from strangers.
And the wicked are waiting for exactly that.

Let me give you one idea:
Just walk up to the kid and be like "hey, I found you putting on make up and stuff. It´s fine, just do me a favour and make sure it doesnt touch the fabric cause its a headache to clean, unless you want to clean that stuff up later, then go for it".
Your kid will be like "what?! why is she not angry? why all sudden I am not pushing her buttons anymore" and tada, you just broke his game plan completly, cause instead of getting negative attention, you actually validated him as a human being.
This will do something (positive) with him, I promise.
In less than a couple of weeks he will most likely give up on it, cause theres no resonance. He might still like rock and metal music (which is also totally fine, becuase there are far more christian bands and artists as you would ever believe to be. Like Slayer, they are mistaken for satanic, but their singer is an outspoken christian). So what I would do be like: ok, what band is christian and metal and build another bridge to my kid.

Sometimes it takes a bit more patience. The wicked doesnt have the Lords patience. Always remember that.
Forgive your children, just as God forgives us.

- But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20)

I sincerly wish you and your family the best,
For every problem there´s a solution my friend.
You´ll be fine
 
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I was led to Christ by a faithful soul winner from and IFB church. As I grew, I also noted the muddied gospels taught by the pastor's deacons, evangelists during revivals, missionaries and tracts. It was confusing, so I went to the Lord and cried unto Him for discernment. He kindly gave me that spiritual gift and insight to His Word. I spent time alone with Him and He showed me that phrases like "give your heart/life to God" was against Him. He so loved the world that HE GAVE His only begotten Son. The Son gave His life for us so we can receive the gift of everlasting life that He alone paid for. The pastor's friends taught works salvation, like obedience to the law also known as turning from sins to be saved.
The Jr church pastors didn't teach fundamentals, but they would lead little children with no church background to "ask Jesus into your heart." I read God's Word and wondered what that meant? Why should they be expected to know what is not in Scripture and adults can't doctrinally explain. It does sound sweet and we hear sentimental phrases often that we assume the pastors are quoting Scripture.
So, I understand very well how muddied waters get...
I brought this same topic up to a popular pastor today.

The lost can be led to Christ through using Romans, Revelation, Galatians, Genesis, on and on. However the one book devoted to the lost to clearly show them how to be saved is the gospel of John.

20:30. And many other signs truly did Jesus in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book: 31But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name.

We all know Christ's substitutionary death, burial and resurrection for our sins. How do we receive the gift He purchased? By trusting/believing/faith in Him.
Anything else on our part is works. People of all ages get this confused and no wonder. The Devil starts by adding leven of heresy to the gospel. Then assumptions are accepted unwittingly. Then strongholds occur. I preached this to my own pastor, I brought my concerns to him time to time. His response was that they are all right and everyone who prays a sinners prayer is saved, even if they think that means giving your life to Christ.
Can you relate?

I said all of that because it is foundational to the topic. However I do not blame you and your husband. I'm just identifying with you both because I warned my half brother and shared the true gospel with him as well as others who were not sincere. Some of these were people who later admitted that they lied and just prayed to make me happy. Others "went out from us because they were not of us" and joined hard core works for salvation churches and cults.
One thing I noticed was that those who "tasted of that heavenly gift" but didn't get saved, ended up with extreme issues. Rather than average sinners, they were, well I'll save it for later if you wish.
I know for a fact how much of my life I invested in them and that they heard the true gospel.
I finally quit blaming myself.
This is why I'm glad Jesus gave Judas Iscariot as an example, don't you?

It sounds like you and your husband did more to get them saved than 90%+ of America.
Unfortunately, we can't know if someone is sincere when we tell them the truth of the Gospel.
It sounds like you did what you thought best with what you knew at the time.
Wow, yes, it sounds like we were in the same boat. There is a lot of confusion surrounding what it means to accept Jesus, a lot of different terminology used. I tend to think that some people who say they give their life to Christ really just mean they gave it to him to save them and they're not attaching works to going to heaven. My husband didn't use any of that terminology with me when I asked him about salvation, he just said I had to trust Jesus and ask Him for forgiveness and to go to heaven, that was it. It wasn't until I started attending these churches that I picked up a lot of that terminology but didn't have a full understanding of what the pastors actually meant about it. Anyway, it makes me sad that anyone would get confused by the terminology and false gospels and not get saved. It's certainly so much worse when you teach your loved one the right way and they don't take a moment to understand it before it's too late. Maybe someday I'll be able to quit blaming myself like you did yourself. For now I'm still in the fog of war and each day can either be relatively peaceful (if our boys aren't around much), or faking like nothing's wrong. You're right, we did try, and will continue to pray, that's all we can do now.
 
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Do u remember when u were young ? Maybe u were brought up in a Christian household so u have always had that grounding . I was not brought up Christian and , there r very many people in this world that weren't either . God brought us to Him . I was in a terrible state of flux in my youth , right up until the day I picked up a Bible . I think I was 26 . Youth is the time of mistakes and folly and stupid decisions , do u not remember making any ? Please try to stay calm and continue to love your children at least as much as u always have . Continue being a good mum and a good Christian and remember , as long as your children r alive , there is hope , hope that they will repent and turn back to God . All my youthful foolishness taught me things , about myself and this world . Your children r learning by their mistakes , just like we all do . B patient , don't give up on them but , it maybe that they need to go through these awful phases in order to learn that those lifestyles r not for them . Your youngest is 18 coming up ? They r all almost adults . B there for them but u may have to take a little step back , keep calm and just b patient . God doesn't put a time limit on repentance . Don't push your kids away when they need u the most . God loves them and u and He will guide u , in love and patience .
I'd like to hope it's just a phase and they got mixed up. Your words of encouragement is much appreciated. Hearing thoughts from brothers and sisters in Christ really help
 
This

Also, just wondering, you say you raised them IFB. Were your children baptised, I mean did they make that personal choice. It's believers baptism? Do they have their own personal Bibles?

Know that God calls His own, won't be snatched out of his hand. The prodigal son wasn't kicked out. He wanted to explore the world, so he was let go. His dad thought he'd lost him. When his son returned after having his full, and humbled the dad ran to him and killed the fatted calf.

Peer pressure and video games + reddit. Generation Z

What about yourself @Jael were you raised IFB as well?
Yes, all three were baptized by choice. Our daughter at a contemporary Christian church and our sons at the Baptist church we ended up at. We explained believer's baptism and they all understood. They also got their own Bibles and we'd read through it with them.
Our elder son seemed to reflect the story of the prodigal son, but then he outright denied God's existence and says he's not a Christian. He was attending our church's high school and towards the end of his senior year he had a meeting with our pastor over issues he was having. He walked away feeling incredibly hurt after asking our pastor tough questions, and I'm guessing that was the point he'd walk away from Christianity and not looked back. My husband, our other son, a friend at school, and myself all had separate conversations about faith and the gospel with him at different times along the way. What I discovered later is that he asked us all the same questions (the typical questions atheists ask) and we all gave him strikingly similar answers. He was in the doom loop of not understanding and that's why I'm confident he never got saved to begin with. Just to clarify, I'm still unsure about our youngest being saved, he is highly intelligent and could be parroting anything about God and faith that he's learned. If there's a chance either of them are, though, it would be him.
I was not raised Baptist, as a matter of fact I was raised by a Catholic mom and a Methodist dad. My dad wasn't practicing, but my mom was. I just did as I was told through catechism, never believed any of it the entire time. Did become a rebellious teen, but praise God He was patient and sent my future husband my way to help me dig out of my hole. Something I pray for the boys is that God would work a miracle in their lives to bring them to Christ.
 
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Reverse pyschology often works on rebellious teens
What did your pastor say to your son though.
I don't think you just give your life to Christ, be forgiven and then go to heaven. Be forgiven for what? How? Why should I give my life to Christ and become religious? How do I know about heaven when it's only there when I die?

You need to understand that He gave his life to YOU. He died on the cross to pay for our sins with his own flesh and blood. You need to believe he was raised from the dead (this is the faith part) and he gives you his Holy Spirit.

I just think maybe there's something missing in understanding the gospel. Don't sweat it a lot of churches don't get it right. But also, your son's heart needs to be open, so just give it some time. We need conviction in our hearts first.

sorry I just recall the parable of the sower. Even with my own walk of faith several people tried to share with me when I was younger and I really didn't get it fully until I was in my 30s.

And people say teens brains don't reach maturity until they are 25. Don't know if that's true or not, but a lot of people are saying that now. Ask the neurologists.
 
I think there is some good advice in the replies. I'd have to contemplate, research and pray more before I'd give advice on some of the topics you're facing.

I would start off by saying you're blessed to have a husband who trusts in the Lord. I would strongly recommend (if you aren't already) to pray with your husband nightly, bringing these issues to the Lord together and discussing what you're both thinking afterward concisely. Prayer and talking together helps identify correct and incorrect thoughts, encourage each other and bring forward the word of God.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your oldest in that he was able to tell you he feels he's agnostic and doesn't want to be a slave. If you can... do a regular, on-going, casual "going out coffee" or a walk, and talk openly with him and let him know he can talk to you about what he's thinking without your condemnation. You can research deeply what he's talking about and concisely offer correct, insightful, Godly information for him to consider as part of a long term conversation, not a dreaded intervention.

I don't know what speaks to your eldest regarding belief in God, but this maybe a useful seed/source: https://christianchat.com/threads/current-science-suggests-creator.223716/#post-5754893

Scripturally speaking, I don't believe your children are your spiritual fruit, your actions are. Especially as adults, your children are persons and God is faithful to complete the good work in all of you over time.

Philippians 1: 4-6 -- 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Hebrews 12 -- Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses ... And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Yes, I am so blessed to have my husband, he led me to the Lord and is so kind to me. We've discussed ad nauseam and the conclusion is always prayer and talk with him when the window opens. There have been a couple times since the blow-up where the conversation between me and our son would steer that direction and I'd take the opportunity to revisit the fact that religion isn't what saves us. He still wouldn't be able to separate trust in Jesus from religion in his mind. He doesn't hate us (maybe has issues with my husband) but there isn't really animosity at this point since we're giving him space to mature. The lack of arguments doesn't mean the underlying issue has gone away, so we keep praying. Thank you for your thoughtful response, scripture, and good reminder to pray with my husband. It's been a while since we have together.
 
Wow, yes, it sounds like we were in the same boat. There is a lot of confusion surrounding what it means to accept Jesus, a lot of different terminology used. I tend to think that some people who say they give their life to Christ really just mean they gave it to him to save them and they're not attaching works to going to heaven. My husband didn't use any of that terminology with me when I asked him about salvation, he just said I had to trust Jesus and ask Him for forgiveness and to go to heaven, that was it. It wasn't until I started attending these churches that I picked up a lot of that terminology but didn't have a full understanding of what the pastors actually meant about it. Anyway, it makes me sad that anyone would get confused by the terminology and false gospels and not get saved. It's certainly so much worse when you teach your loved one the right way and they don't take a moment to understand it before it's too late. Maybe someday I'll be able to quit blaming myself like you did yourself. For now I'm still in the fog of war and each day can either be relatively peaceful (if our boys aren't around much), or faking like nothing's wrong. You're right, we did try, and will continue to pray, that's all we can do now.

That's a blessing to here that.
Do I understand that your husband led you to Christ?
That really touches my heart.
I'm so glad you both are saved.
You have many promises from the Lord, this being foremost.

11And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. 12He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life. 13These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.
I John 5

A week and a half ago a pastor expressed his heart break over a similar situation with his young adult children.
Likewise I am praying for you and your family.

I led ministries to College and Career adults, single Christians and have searched for answers why it is so common for those raised in church to go way word. This is especially hard on the parents who love them with all their hearts and invested their lives raising their children to see these things happen.

May our Father watch over your children and comfort you dear sister.
 
Reverse pyschology often works on rebellious teens
What did your pastor say to your son though.
I don't think you just give your life to Christ, be forgiven and then go to heaven. Be forgiven for what? How? Why should I give my life to Christ and become religious? How do I know about heaven when it's only there when I die?

You need to understand that He gave his life to YOU. He died on the cross to pay for our sins with his own flesh and blood. You need to believe he was raised from the dead (this is the faith part) and he gives you his Holy Spirit.

I just think maybe there's something missing in understanding the gospel. Don't sweat it a lot of churches don't get it right. But also, your son's heart needs to be open, so just give it some time. We need conviction in our hearts first.

sorry I just recall the parable of the sower. Even with my own walk of faith several people tried to share with me when I was younger and I really didn't get it fully until I was in my 30s.

And people say teens brains don't reach maturity until they are 25. Don't know if that's true or not, but a lot of people are saying that now. Ask the neurologists.
I actually don't remember exactly what he told him. Generally speaking he made it all about himself (trying to relate in a bad way) instead of guiding him with the Bible. There was a specific insult towards our son's character, which, he wasn't necessarily wrong about but not exactly a great way to win someone over.

Your suggestion could be a good approach. I'm not a huge fan of apologetics since, like with my son, it tends to end up in the doom loop. However, asking the right questions to break through the wall could do it, with the Holy Spirit's guidance of course. There was an instance in a conversation where he said he couldn't believe in the Christian God who.... and my reply was, then which God do you believe in? That led down the path of the big bang and creation. No, I didn't think it would break down any barriers, but my approach was to ask questions to get him to think about what he actually believes. Even when I was an unbeliever I thought the big bang was a stupid theory and he also isn't so sure about it. Next time the window opens I'll try that line of questioning regarding being religious.

The parable of the sower...there was a seed planted when you were young, it laid dormant, someone else came along and watered it and it germinated at exactly the right time. I think it's true that brain maturity happens in the mid twenties.
 
Disclaimer - I am being brutally honest here, because I sincerly believe that lying is one of the worst sins.
Please don´t take offense and keep in mind that my english is self taught - In any case of misunderstanding, feel free to ask.

I see a multitude of problems that are currently seeming to over run you and I believe - with all respect - your husband is leaving you alone with these problems.
Now why would I say this?
Silent treadment is exactly the reason why things get worse.
Your children need your assurance, your their safe haven as parents.
If they don´t feel like they belong into the home they grew up in, this will ultimately be the easiest invitation you can give to the wicked. When it comes to stuff as selfinflicting harm, su*cidal thoughts etc. my alarm would ring and I would seek a doctor or therapist. Just as our body can become unhealthy, so can our mind. And just as we have to see a physican when we´re ill, we have to seek professionals if our mind is not working accordingly.
- Jesus answered them, ‘It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. (Luke 5:31-32)
- Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. (Colossians 3:21)

There´s absoulte no shame to mental unhealthy phases in life, but shutting doors is most likely one of the worst ways to handle the situation.
You will not pave a street into a heart by burning bridges. Mark these words.
And yes, I do understand that this gets to your heart, of course it does, its your children. You´re supposed to be worried (its acutally a sign that you love them). But imagine Jesus turning away people or considering to shun somebody. Jesus has given us clear examples how to be compassionate even with sinners.
- Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” (Matthew 18:22)

Teenagers are rebilious. Almost everybody that been in the 80s knows this well. I mean we had a whole decade of young men basically dressing like girls at some point. To quote Charly Murphy "the guy that would get the most girls in the 80s was the guy that looked the most like a girl". And we forgett that pretty fast.
Also teenagers have a massive massive lack of impuls controll (hormones spiking like crazy, body changing rapidly etc.).
Maybe its just a rebellion. Maybe its just limit testing and actually what I personally believe:
Maybe some of the kids these days only want some type of attention from their parents (I believe that you are the more caring person of the parents), so if the kids dont get any validation or attention from "being good" (cause its expected as a natural form of character) they feel as if they are not "worth the attention", so naturally, kids tend to "push over limits" just for the sake of getting attention.
And naturally a lot of kids these days rebell exactly what their parents are.
Funny enough, I know a kid that turned super conservative christian, only for the sake of trolling his parents that are outspoken atheists (funny isnt it? somebody elses worst nightmare, would be the perfect kid for you and vice versa).
The Lord will always have his sheep coming back. We´re just human beings, we like to mess up and God knows.
He knows we are faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar from perfect.
- Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” (Psalm 27:10)

I do undestand that its a tough time for you, but believe me my sister, silent treatment, shunning, pushing away will make the problems far far far faaaaar worse, because then your kids will try to seek validation from strangers.
And the wicked are waiting for exactly that.

Let me give you one idea:
Just walk up to the kid and be like "hey, I found you putting on make up and stuff. It´s fine, just do me a favour and make sure it doesnt touch the fabric cause its a headache to clean, unless you want to clean that stuff up later, then go for it".
Your kid will be like "what?! why is she not angry? why all sudden I am not pushing her buttons anymore" and tada, you just broke his game plan completly, cause instead of getting negative attention, you actually validated him as a human being.
This will do something (positive) with him, I promise.
In less than a couple of weeks he will most likely give up on it, cause theres no resonance. He might still like rock and metal music (which is also totally fine, becuase there are far more christian bands and artists as you would ever believe to be. Like Slayer, they are mistaken for satanic, but their singer is an outspoken christian). So what I would do be like: ok, what band is christian and metal and build another bridge to my kid.

Sometimes it takes a bit more patience. The wicked doesnt have the Lords patience. Always remember that.
Forgive your children, just as God forgives us.

- But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20)

I sincerly wish you and your family the best,
For every problem there´s a solution my friend.
You´ll be fine
Thank you so much for your honest, thoughtful response. Also, your English is just fine! Just to clarify, our son was the one who stopped talking to us after the fight. He was trying to figure out how to talk to us about not being Christian and becoming "bi". From our standpoint the silent treatment wasn't going to be tolerated very long, but from a neutral standpoint it's understandable why he needed that time. My husband said he was going to force the conversation if the silent treatment went on longer than a week. When our son finally said he wanted to talk to me and brought it all out to light, he expected me to kick him out of the house. I actually didn't respond with much right away. All I told him was that I needed some time to think through everything he just said and that I wasn't going to kick him out of the house. It did take me a couple days to emotionally calm down, but he understood I was going to discuss it with him again.
My husband and I have discussed both sons' circumstances with each other many times over, he's reached his limit. I can't get into what he does for work, but a big reason he no longer has the mental capacity to talk about it is because the stress levels at work are extreme where every day is a crisis. His words "I'm not allowed to be human." Since we're pretty much at an impasse with it all, we've concluded that only prayer is what can be done right now. Our elder son has seen a therapist in the past and he told me it was a waste of time. At this time he's OK. He's staying busy with work and trade school and is doing really well. If he gets through the rest of school and passes his certification exams, he'll e starting is career mid next year or early the following year. It's a positive thing that's kept him from devolving. I've offered our youngest to see a counselor when he was showing signs of depression but he sees no value in it. He's been doing positive activities apart from gaming, so at least he's not on the computer all day every day. Once college starts back up that should keep him busy on a full-time basis.

You're right, the teen years are very tough to navigate. So many changes are being thrown at them all at once. That's why we're giving them both time to mature. That said, I'm not so sure the unnatural sins are just a phase. Time will tell and may God miraculously show up in their lives to turn their hearts to Christ. That is my hope and prayer.
 
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That's a blessing to here that.
Do I understand that your husband led you to Christ?
That really touches my heart.
I'm so glad you both are saved.
You have many promises from the Lord, this being foremost.

11And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. 12He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life. 13These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.
I John 5

A week and a half ago a pastor expressed his heart break over a similar situation with his young adult children.
Likewise I am praying for you and your family.

I led ministries to College and Career adults, single Christians and have searched for answers why it is so common for those raised in church to go way word. This is especially hard on the parents who love them with all their hearts and invested their lives raising their children to see these things happen.

May our Father watch over your children and comfort you dear sister.
Yes he did, before we got married actually :-) Amen, I love those verses.
so sorry to hear about the pastor and his family. The Old Testament may be the key to answer your question. The line of kings went back and forth between being good and being evil. Why? I have no idea outside of stubborn rebellion. Unfortunately the pendulum didn't stop swinging with the kings, it's been happening ever since. Of course not all youth become wayward after they leave the home. However, what really is shocking is that we've gone from seeing just one in the family to more than one in such a short time. It used to be scandalous that a pastor's teen son or daughter got into trouble, but now it's like oh, whatever, happens all the time. It reminds me of the end times warnings about families dividing, iniquity abounding and love waxing cold. Well, thank you for your prayers, it really is comforting talking through ideas, thoughts and scriptures with brethren
 
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