Hey Everyone,
We've had many posts here from singles who are frustrated at the lack of support they get from their local churches.
Many years ago, a mentor challenged me to start a Singles Group, and many more years later, by chance, I sort of fell into doing so -- but online. For anyone interested, I wrote about the numerous challenges I found during that time:
https://christianchat.com/christian...nteer-committee-would-you-sign-up-for.219047/
This got me thinking about how an effective Singles Group would REALLY work.
For instance, in Singles Groups, you have to think about things like:
1. What happens when the best-looking people in the group are the ones everyone wants -- and people start feuding over them? (Especially when each one believes GOD has chosen that person specifically FOR THEM!) I've seen this kind of jealousy ruin a lot of groups and friendships.
2. What happens if someone starts stalking someone else in the group? (This seems to be more and more common. Many people are so lonely that even a "Hi" from someone of the opposite sex is seen as a marriage proposal.) I've known a lot of people who have had to change their phone numbers multiple times, and sometimes even churches.
4. What happens if someone gets pregnant? Is the couple automatically kicked out from the group? And how are incidences of "fornication without getting caught via pregnancy" to be handled?
5. What happens when everyone gets bored and leaves, because the same people show up every week -- everyone decides there is no one in the group is "up to their standards" -- and everyone goes on to the next meat market to hunt down other prey?
If you're in a small church, this is especially problematic because there's little chance of any newcomers. The leadership will have poured their heart and soul into something that collapses just as soon as everyone gets a good look at one another. And does this mean that people should then move on to the NEXT small church Singles Group -- not finding anyone there either -- and just keep rinsing and repeating the hunt at every churches in the area?
6. What do people expect a Singles Group to be, anyway? Just a group that has meetups and activities to find a date? And if no one likes anyone there "that way", does the group simply just disband?
I have been thinking a lot about what the church's role in helping singles meet each other could or should be -- but I'm unsure of how these kinds of issues are to be worked through (because from my experience, it would be foolish to not anticipate them.)
I'm leaning more towards the idea of a group designed as a Bible Study Aimed at Singles, but also with fun, free, and cost-efficient activities for people to meet and get to know each other.
This way, if some people ARE treating it more like a meat market and leave right after scoping out "the goods", anyone sincere about the Bible study might stay, and the group has a chance of surviving.
But I suppose some will say that if it's a Singles Group and no one there is meeting anyone for the purpose of dating, the group has no reason to exist.
* What do you think?
Everyone is welcome to answer, but I'd especially like to hear from those who have experience being active members in such groups or leading them.
* How would you handle the challenges mentioned above? What are your ideas for dealing with them?
Most singles want to see some kind of support for singles/ways to connect with other singles at their churches.
But what can singles REALISTICALLY expect?
I would love to hear your thoughts!
We've had many posts here from singles who are frustrated at the lack of support they get from their local churches.
Many years ago, a mentor challenged me to start a Singles Group, and many more years later, by chance, I sort of fell into doing so -- but online. For anyone interested, I wrote about the numerous challenges I found during that time:
https://christianchat.com/christian...nteer-committee-would-you-sign-up-for.219047/
This got me thinking about how an effective Singles Group would REALLY work.
For instance, in Singles Groups, you have to think about things like:
1. What happens when the best-looking people in the group are the ones everyone wants -- and people start feuding over them? (Especially when each one believes GOD has chosen that person specifically FOR THEM!) I've seen this kind of jealousy ruin a lot of groups and friendships.
2. What happens if someone starts stalking someone else in the group? (This seems to be more and more common. Many people are so lonely that even a "Hi" from someone of the opposite sex is seen as a marriage proposal.) I've known a lot of people who have had to change their phone numbers multiple times, and sometimes even churches.
4. What happens if someone gets pregnant? Is the couple automatically kicked out from the group? And how are incidences of "fornication without getting caught via pregnancy" to be handled?
5. What happens when everyone gets bored and leaves, because the same people show up every week -- everyone decides there is no one in the group is "up to their standards" -- and everyone goes on to the next meat market to hunt down other prey?
If you're in a small church, this is especially problematic because there's little chance of any newcomers. The leadership will have poured their heart and soul into something that collapses just as soon as everyone gets a good look at one another. And does this mean that people should then move on to the NEXT small church Singles Group -- not finding anyone there either -- and just keep rinsing and repeating the hunt at every churches in the area?
6. What do people expect a Singles Group to be, anyway? Just a group that has meetups and activities to find a date? And if no one likes anyone there "that way", does the group simply just disband?
I have been thinking a lot about what the church's role in helping singles meet each other could or should be -- but I'm unsure of how these kinds of issues are to be worked through (because from my experience, it would be foolish to not anticipate them.)
I'm leaning more towards the idea of a group designed as a Bible Study Aimed at Singles, but also with fun, free, and cost-efficient activities for people to meet and get to know each other.
This way, if some people ARE treating it more like a meat market and leave right after scoping out "the goods", anyone sincere about the Bible study might stay, and the group has a chance of surviving.
But I suppose some will say that if it's a Singles Group and no one there is meeting anyone for the purpose of dating, the group has no reason to exist.
* What do you think?
Everyone is welcome to answer, but I'd especially like to hear from those who have experience being active members in such groups or leading them.
* How would you handle the challenges mentioned above? What are your ideas for dealing with them?
Most singles want to see some kind of support for singles/ways to connect with other singles at their churches.
But what can singles REALISTICALLY expect?
I would love to hear your thoughts!
-
1
-
1
- Show all
