What are your relationship dealbreakers?
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He has to love cats!
But he must never have snakes, tarantulas, frogs, toads, lizards or any other creepy ugly looking animal.
Oh and no bugs or rodents either!
But he must never have snakes, tarantulas, frogs, toads, lizards or any other creepy ugly looking animal.
Oh and no bugs or rodents either!
Squirrel Revival
First, I would have to know it was absolutely, without a doubt, positively from the Lord.
I've heard all kinds of crazy stories about people getting "words" from God to marry so-and-so, along with tons of one-sided cases in which one person says, "God told me we are to be married," but the other person isn't the slightest bit interested.
So first, I'd have to decipher whether it was truly Him or just a bunch of religious hocus pocus.
I know everyone will talk about the story of Hosea being commanded to marry Gomer the prostitute, and maybe God still does that.
But among my dealbreakers are smoking, drinking, drugs, a history of casual sex and pornography (if they'd stepped away from it for several years, I'd definitely reconsider,) an unhealthy lifestyle, unable or unwilling to support himself, and not being able to be a capable spiritual leader.
I have all these listed for a reason -- I've already made exceptions for every single one of these "rules" in past relationships, and it nearly cost me my life -- making exceptions for these "dealbreakers" put me in a suicidal state, and I would be right back in it if I were dealing with that again in a relationship. Friendships - with distance - with these issues might work, but not a relationship.
If for some reason God wanted me to attach myself to all these things He Himself strictly forbids, I would ask Him if I could stay as I am - single - for the rest of my life. It's a big reason as to why I'm still single now. I've had lots of great guy friends but for some reason, the only guys interested in me for a relationship seem to have one or more of these issues - mostly because they want me to carry them.
And if God said I was being disobedient for staying single, well... I would imagine I'd become so miserable I'd eventually have to do it - but I honestly can't imagine getting to that point.
And I don't think I would survive very long if I did. I have taken care of men and even friends in those situations before, and as I said, it already nearly killed me.
It's not the pretty spiritual answer we're taught to give.
But it is my most honest answer.
I've heard all kinds of crazy stories about people getting "words" from God to marry so-and-so, along with tons of one-sided cases in which one person says, "God told me we are to be married," but the other person isn't the slightest bit interested.
So first, I'd have to decipher whether it was truly Him or just a bunch of religious hocus pocus.
I know everyone will talk about the story of Hosea being commanded to marry Gomer the prostitute, and maybe God still does that.
But among my dealbreakers are smoking, drinking, drugs, a history of casual sex and pornography (if they'd stepped away from it for several years, I'd definitely reconsider,) an unhealthy lifestyle, unable or unwilling to support himself, and not being able to be a capable spiritual leader.
I have all these listed for a reason -- I've already made exceptions for every single one of these "rules" in past relationships, and it nearly cost me my life -- making exceptions for these "dealbreakers" put me in a suicidal state, and I would be right back in it if I were dealing with that again in a relationship. Friendships - with distance - with these issues might work, but not a relationship.
If for some reason God wanted me to attach myself to all these things He Himself strictly forbids, I would ask Him if I could stay as I am - single - for the rest of my life. It's a big reason as to why I'm still single now. I've had lots of great guy friends but for some reason, the only guys interested in me for a relationship seem to have one or more of these issues - mostly because they want me to carry them.
And if God said I was being disobedient for staying single, well... I would imagine I'd become so miserable I'd eventually have to do it - but I honestly can't imagine getting to that point.
And I don't think I would survive very long if I did. I have taken care of men and even friends in those situations before, and as I said, it already nearly killed me.
It's not the pretty spiritual answer we're taught to give.
But it is my most honest answer.
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Another good question! I'm certain it would be difficult and painful, at least in the beginning. I've found in my life that difficult and painful times can often eventually get sorted out when I earnestly and deeply seek the Lord's guidance and strength to endure. And I look back and realize that it was a time of great growth. We are told to cast our cares upon Him, for He cares for us. I truly believe if it is His will, then it will work out. I believe when we fully trust Him, He will help us to endure. Complete sacrifice of self? Sure. Anything for the Lord. I want to live my life without any doubts in Him.
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Hmm... Why, can we assume, is God asking that of us?
My deal breakers are there for a reason. I would be very interested in the reason God asked me to marry somebody who broke those. She would have to be a very bad person to cross my deal breakers, and there would have to be a very, very, incredibly good reason for me to marry her anyway.
My deal breakers are there for a reason. I would be very interested in the reason God asked me to marry somebody who broke those. She would have to be a very bad person to cross my deal breakers, and there would have to be a very, very, incredibly good reason for me to marry her anyway.
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Seoul mentioned Hosea and gomer. I would mention Peter and the sheet full of unclean food. God had a reason for that one.
Mind you, Peter did not understand the reason until he got to Cornelius' house. But considering all my deal breakers would also break things in the Bible, it would have to be a very good reason for me to marry her anyway.
Mind you, Peter did not understand the reason until he got to Cornelius' house. But considering all my deal breakers would also break things in the Bible, it would have to be a very good reason for me to marry her anyway.
@Butterflyyy,
This is how I would envision my life if "God" required me to marry someone who went against all my dealbreakers:
First, may I put up a disclaimer here that I am NOT at all speaking about all men or any particular man. The question was what would I do if God asked me to marry someone who broke all my dealbreakers, so I'm sure the gentlemen here can envision how this would be for the if God asked them to marry a woman who broke every boundary they set as well.
I'd always be getting up early, probably with no days off, because a man who broke all my dealbreakers would refuse or say he is unable to work (and also incapacitated by drugs, alcohol, and smoking.) I'd probably have to work long hours and at several jobs, because I would be in charge of paying for everything -- including the vices he refused to give up. So, I'd probably be working 2 or 3 jobs to pay for our living expenses, as well as the booze, smokes, and drugs he insisted on turning to.
He would have long, idle days at home, leaving all the housework, cooking, and cleaning for me. He would spend most of his time on porn sites, constantly chatting up new women, eventually committing both online and real-life adultery, because he had no self-discipline. He would tell me nothing was going on, then expect me to make dinner and clean the house. And he would demand more spending money because he is "the head of the houseshold," even though he brought in no income.
He would then either ignore me completely because he felt fulfilled by his girlfriends, or he would use me for his own interests, but he wouldn't be happy with normal relations. Because of what he saw on the porn sites, he would demand more, and he would either shun me for refusing or else not care and force things I did not agree too.
I would go to church alone, because he would refuse, nor would he go to marriage counseling. But yet, I'd have to take care of all the bills and real-life responsibilities. As one member here puts it, I would have "all the responsibility and none of the spiritual authority."
And every night when I cried my eyes out to God, I would tell Him to take my life. My eating would become very disordered, and I would be vomiting a lot. And I would self-harm.
I would become a shell of my former self, existing only because God willed it. And it would only be a matter of who became the most ill, my husband or me, because he would be doing nothing to promote his health. If I still had some shred of strength left in me, I'd be left taking care of him, even though he was spending all his money on his addictions and other girlfriends.
How do I know? Because I've seen in similar situations before (not all of them at once though,) and that's what happened. I became a walking puppet, with no real life or hope of my own.
If that's what God wanted for me, what could I do? But I would beg Him to please allow me to be single forever rather than live that kind of life.
In fact, as I said before, it's a big reason as to why I'm still single now, because I've been in dating situations where I know it would just be a wash, rinse, repeat cycle, and I'd like to think I've learned enough to stay far, far away.
This is how I would envision my life if "God" required me to marry someone who went against all my dealbreakers:
First, may I put up a disclaimer here that I am NOT at all speaking about all men or any particular man. The question was what would I do if God asked me to marry someone who broke all my dealbreakers, so I'm sure the gentlemen here can envision how this would be for the if God asked them to marry a woman who broke every boundary they set as well.
I'd always be getting up early, probably with no days off, because a man who broke all my dealbreakers would refuse or say he is unable to work (and also incapacitated by drugs, alcohol, and smoking.) I'd probably have to work long hours and at several jobs, because I would be in charge of paying for everything -- including the vices he refused to give up. So, I'd probably be working 2 or 3 jobs to pay for our living expenses, as well as the booze, smokes, and drugs he insisted on turning to.
He would have long, idle days at home, leaving all the housework, cooking, and cleaning for me. He would spend most of his time on porn sites, constantly chatting up new women, eventually committing both online and real-life adultery, because he had no self-discipline. He would tell me nothing was going on, then expect me to make dinner and clean the house. And he would demand more spending money because he is "the head of the houseshold," even though he brought in no income.
He would then either ignore me completely because he felt fulfilled by his girlfriends, or he would use me for his own interests, but he wouldn't be happy with normal relations. Because of what he saw on the porn sites, he would demand more, and he would either shun me for refusing or else not care and force things I did not agree too.
I would go to church alone, because he would refuse, nor would he go to marriage counseling. But yet, I'd have to take care of all the bills and real-life responsibilities. As one member here puts it, I would have "all the responsibility and none of the spiritual authority."
And every night when I cried my eyes out to God, I would tell Him to take my life. My eating would become very disordered, and I would be vomiting a lot. And I would self-harm.
I would become a shell of my former self, existing only because God willed it. And it would only be a matter of who became the most ill, my husband or me, because he would be doing nothing to promote his health. If I still had some shred of strength left in me, I'd be left taking care of him, even though he was spending all his money on his addictions and other girlfriends.
How do I know? Because I've seen in similar situations before (not all of them at once though,) and that's what happened. I became a walking puppet, with no real life or hope of my own.
If that's what God wanted for me, what could I do? But I would beg Him to please allow me to be single forever rather than live that kind of life.
In fact, as I said before, it's a big reason as to why I'm still single now, because I've been in dating situations where I know it would just be a wash, rinse, repeat cycle, and I'd like to think I've learned enough to stay far, far away.
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@Butterflyyy,
I just read your post in another thread and I am so, so sorry that you are going through so much. You seem like such a sweet and caring person. ❤️
I can tell you that you ARE doing a good job, right here on this site. I don't know the people in your life so I can't speak regarding them, but I CAN say that I have seen you here for several years, always ministering, encouraging, and blessing other people.
I'm so sorry the ones around you can't see this. Thank you for all you do for the people around you here.
I will most definitely keep you in my prayers, dear sister. 💐🙏
I just read your post in another thread and I am so, so sorry that you are going through so much. You seem like such a sweet and caring person. ❤️
I can tell you that you ARE doing a good job, right here on this site. I don't know the people in your life so I can't speak regarding them, but I CAN say that I have seen you here for several years, always ministering, encouraging, and blessing other people.
I'm so sorry the ones around you can't see this. Thank you for all you do for the people around you here.
I will most definitely keep you in my prayers, dear sister. 💐🙏
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I do need to create myself boundaries.
At the moment, if offered sex, i would leap upon it. but I want to remain virgin (whats left of that) until my dying day, or possibly, if I have a really, really good reason, until I get married.
But as is, I am afraid that if I looked for or entered a relationship it would be for sex.
I currently never plan to marry, because i do feel like my past would create problems.
plus I don't want to force anyone to follow me. I feel called to missions.
And I dont want to have kids and make them leave their life. I do not want that.
My 'dealbreakers' are non-existent, except for being willing to follow me anywhere.
and some could say "you're only 15 man, loosen up." but with my past I feel 18. and I have said I am over 18 about 20-40 times.
At the moment, if offered sex, i would leap upon it. but I want to remain virgin (whats left of that) until my dying day, or possibly, if I have a really, really good reason, until I get married.
But as is, I am afraid that if I looked for or entered a relationship it would be for sex.
I currently never plan to marry, because i do feel like my past would create problems.
plus I don't want to force anyone to follow me. I feel called to missions.
And I dont want to have kids and make them leave their life. I do not want that.
My 'dealbreakers' are non-existent, except for being willing to follow me anywhere.
and some could say "you're only 15 man, loosen up." but with my past I feel 18. and I have said I am over 18 about 20-40 times.
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