What Dating Advice Would You Give to the Opposite Gender?

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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9,902
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Hey, Guys and Gals...

I was just thinking... guys, what advice do you wish you could give us gals, and ladies, what advice would you give to the gentlemen when it comes to approaching someone you're interested in, asking them out, trying to start a relationship, etc.?

As everyone can tell, I tend to ask a lot of questions (ha ha ha), so when I'm getting to know someone, I tend to ask them a lot about their lives, opinions, purpose they feel God has given them, etc. Very, very few will ask me any of those questions in return, and I know that's something I take into consideration as to whether or not I'm interested in pursuing a relationship or even a friendship.

I know some people are just naturally shy (so being asked questions helps them carry on a conversation) and other people just naturally enjoy talking about themselves, which can be great--but if, say, by the fifth conversation we have, it's still all them talking and they haven't even asked me anything about my own life or opinions... I know it's not for me. I also tend to get into some trouble though because I've encountered some situations where a guy will think that BECAUSE I'm asking so many questions, I want to be his immediate soul mate, best friend, and/or spouse, and then becomes angry when I back away. So... I'm trying to work on a balance.

So, my advice for the guys would be (and I realize some of you don't need it), when talking to us girls, please ask us some questions about ourselves, too (yes, I realize that could be taken to an extreme... but... I trust all the the guys who answer are good guys and true gentlemen.) :)

Fire away!
 
I'd say, give up rules but maintain your principles. If you have a checklist, you will be examining the other person for reasons to be let down. It's a problem
I have with the "would you date someone who _____" threads - they seem to represent a chcklist mentality.

Also, cultivate friendships before romance. Expect to find love among those you know and trust. It's backwards to hope to find a partner among those to whom you're attracted. Making friends rather than lovers is boring because it requires patience, a willingness to look at single people as friends, not potential mates, and a willingness to put aside "the hunt," but it's better than hoping attractive strangers will end up having the right character.
 
dustyzafu said:
I'd say, give up rules but maintain your principles. If you have a checklist, you will be examining the other person for reasons to be let down. It's a problem
I have with the "would you date someone who _____" threads - they seem to represent a chcklist mentality.

Also, cultivate friendships before romance. Expect to find love among those you know and trust. It's backwards to hope to find a partner among those to whom you're attracted. Making friends rather than lovers is boring because it requires patience, a willingness to look at single people as friends, not potential mates, and a willingness to put aside "the hunt," but it's better than hoping attractive strangers will end up having the right character.
Click to expand...

This is a very insightful post, Dustyzafu... gives me a lot to think about... especially regarding a "checklist". I know what you're saying... I struggle with balance in most everything, because part of my problem was that I was TOO open-minded (sure, this guy is an alcoholic, but I really think he's changed... not... sure, this guy has violent tendencies and a ton of repressed anger, but I think he's sincere and turning an new leaf and surely won't hurt someone else even though he's already hurt plenty of other people... yeah right.) I know those are extreme examples... but you make some excellent points here and I wrestle with trying to be understanding... but, on the other hand, I recently read a very good quote as well on the flipside: "Don't be so open-minded that your brain falls out every time you bend over." Been there and trying to do better!
 
I love the checklist mentality. Saves time and money.

Advice to women: Put all your specifications in a folder.

Dates should be like a job interview. No match? Goodbye and good luck. Match? We'll be in touch soon. Thanks for coming.
 
Sharp said:
I love the checklist mentality. Saves time and money.

Advice to women: Put all your specifications in a folder.

Dates should be like a job interview. No match? Goodbye and good luck. Match? We'll be in touch soon. Thanks for coming.
Click to expand...

I had a date like that, very confrontational.

She is a high school teacher.

Rapid fired one question after another.

She actually staked out my address the night before to check me out.

After the date she drove me home and I didn't have to direct her.lol
 
Every bride that ever walked down the aisle had a list of things she was gonna change about her groom.
 
greatkraw said:
I had a date like that, very confrontational.

She is a high school teacher.

Rapid fired one question after another.

She actually staked out my address the night before to check me out.

After the date she drove me home and I didn't have to direct her.lol
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haha sounds like a great woman - she did her research and came prepared.
 
owowowowwww! I have such huge opinions about this, though maybe they need to get in balance here and there. First of all; guys don't fart I mean just don't...no for real don't do it! Hahaha oke ofcourse this was a joke (but seriously don't do it). A guy definatly should ask a girl a lot of questions, show her you are interrested. AND be romantic! I do not mean get candles all over the house (that you can do when it's getting reaaaaally serious). But I mean just like, buy her dinner, take her to a movie, tell her she looks nice AND (the most important) give her your FULL ATTENTION! Don't talk about exes with great legs (which I just had a few weeks ago, I immedeatly thought: BYEBYEEEEE). A girl want a man that fights for her! So do it! Call her, text her and don't "check other girls out" when your on a date. Girls want every bit of you and not the half. AND NEVER LIE (because we will kill you).

And last (but first on the list :P) trust God, listen to His voice and pray for the woman you are falling in love with.
 
Well i'm only 18 but I feel like an experienced man lol. So I give girls some advices that could help you. :)
We like girls who have strong values , we would very hardly marry a girl who has not serious throughts about having a family. Sometimes girls may think that they can look more attractive dressing sexy or showing they are willing to flirt but that's absolutely false. We really appreciate girls who can say a "no" and that wants to do everything like God wants.
Don't be always suspecting about us, letting us feeling trusted will let us give more to you :)
Sometimes we can say something that may offend you but we didn't say that giving much attention I know it's a mistake but a suggestion is that when it happens you don't attack us immediately but valutate what were our intention and how much importance we gave to these words .
Be your self be natural and don't be afraid to show your heart :)
 
Great thread soulsearch! Ok here are some personal points:

Online:
1.) Do not post a picture of yourself with a woman who is your age. It looks like you are with your ex and either have major baggage or are very insecure and are trying to show the kind of woman you can get.

2.) 5 or more paragraphs about you and your hobbies is overkill. The only people who want to read that much about a relative stranger: a stalker, an autobiographer, that’s it- so keep it short and interesting.

In Person:
1.) Bad mouthing your ex-wife or ex girlfriend only makes you look bad.

2.) Eeyore is single for a reason. Gloom is not attractive. Leave the “woe is me” & “life is miserable” behind.

3.) *Please* ask the lady some questions about herself. (Even plan out some questions in advance) NOONE wants to listen to someone ramble about themselves for 20-40 minutes. ( I understand this goes both ways but trust me men are just as bad)

4.) Be a gentleman. If you oggle the waitress, make perverted remarks, or leave us in a dark alley to find our way back home- don’t call again.

5.) Plan the date. I don't care if it's a park or a 5 star restaurant just have a plan!

6.) Tell us if it’s not going to work. You have no idea the HOURS I have spent consoling friends who were led on and then dropped without explanation. For the sake of humanity, say goodbye and why.

7.) Last but not least- If you spend more time talking to someone other than your date , via texting or cell calls, you are saying that you do not value the lady you are with or her time. So if you like her, turn off your phone and enjoy her company.
 
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I wouldn't give any, being honest I don't believe in random dating to find someone, in the sense that I won't ask out a woman who seems nice just to have a date, I might pursue a friendship but that's entirely different.

To me it feels like forcing something that should, in my opinion, be left to happen naturally, by trying to force things people have a set approach in their mind as to how they will behave and they then hope their date will conform to that standard, so any advice would likely be ignored under the 'take me as I am' idea.

I guess if you just let things develop naturally you will more often find yourself on dates with someone who you are more compatible with so most things won't be an issue, if you have to give advice to someone to make them more appealing to you, chances are they aren't right for you and the differences might well run deeper, and those things won't be changed by giving advice.

I guess doing things my way there'll be a lot less dates, but mainly a lot less bad dates, but one thing I would say is allow the man to pay, at least the first time out, it doesn't destroy a woman's independence as some people seem to think, it just spoils a nice gesture and makes things difficult and quite frankly a bit embarassing.
 
My advice to girls out there are:1.Be careful.
2.Pray without ceasing.
3.Shun all appearance of evil.
4.Let ur need be made known to God.
5.Let the word of God abide in u richly.
6.See urself as a candidate of LIGHT.
7.Walk in the spirit to avoid fulfilling the lust of the flesh.
8.Always know when to say NO.
9.Listen more and talk less.
10.QUENCH NOT THE HOLY SPIRIT IN YOU.
 
Advice to women: Don't talk about issues. Don't talk about serious things and boring relationship issues. The real world is not laguna beach or 90210. Have fun and go to themeparks.
 
My advice to girls out there are:1.Be careful.
2.Pray without ceasing.
3.Shun all appearance of evil.
4.Let ur need be made known to God.
5.Let the word of God abide in u richly.
6.See urself as a candidate of LIGHT.
7.Walk in the spirit to avoid fulfilling the lust of the flesh.
8.Always know when to say NO.
9.Listen more and talk less.
10.QUENCH NOT THE HOLY SPIRIT IN YOU.
 
dustyzafu said:
I'd say, give up rules but maintain your principles. If you have a checklist, you will be examining the other person for reasons to be let down. It's a problem
I have with the "would you date someone who _____" threads - they seem to represent a checklist mentality.

Also, cultivate friendships before romance. Expect to find love among those you know and trust. It's backwards to hope to find a partner among those to whom you're attracted. Making friends rather than lovers is boring because it requires patience, a willingness to look at single people as friends, not potential mates, and a willingness to put aside "the hunt," but it's better than hoping attractive strangers will end up having the right character.
Click to expand...

I love this!!! Fantastic advice!
 
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