What is reasonable to give up....?

[blue_ladybug]

You are right...shes not just any woman...she's a woman dressed so scantily it is a miracle she still aint catched both old and new-monia...

​This made me LOL.. good thing I wasn't drinkin' while I read this! I woulda choked..lol

 

[JesusLives]

I would give up my independence which I did give up on Thanksgiving day. But I waited 35 years for a man who would accept me for who I am. In former relationships I tried to make those changes to suit the person, but I quit that because I didn't feel like it was me anymore and if they didn't want me then who was I?

My ex-husband tried to tell me what to wear.....I was not a terrible dresser nor was I showing any skin that should not be showing.....telling me what to do or wear was not a good thing. Telling me he would divorce me if I got pregnant was also not a good but very hurtful thing to say especially after we had been married for a few years.....So when I got divorced I swore I would never get divorced again even if it meant never getting married again and for 35 years I kept that promise to myself and waited for a man who would love and accept me for who I am and not try and change me and tell me what to do, wear, how to look etc.

I gladly gave up my independence on Thanksgiving day as tourist is a man who accepted me for who I am, who lets me be me and I even told him all my faults and that I am not the worlds best housekeeper, that I have trouble sleeping at night and will prowl the house at all hours, that I had made mistakes in the past and I gave him every opportunity to run the other direction away from me but he kept walking toward me and accepted me for who I am so the only thing I had to give up was my independence and after he accepted me for me I willingly submit to him as my new husband and am happy to do so.

I have actually slept a little better since being married and have not prowled at night as much and I am willing to do things that make him happy like cook a little more. I haven't been eating out of cans as much as I used to we are eating real cooked food and it is fun to have someone to cook for again, so yes there are some changes, but none have been hard and I do like sleeping with someone and not alone anymore. It is also nice to have someone else sharing the same space and breathing the same air in the room any room.....I don't even miss the cat as much as I did....It is nice not being alone and it is well worth the 35 year wait to find someone who doesn't expect me to change just to make them happy.

 

[Hellooo]

taylor swift looks like a girl, not really a woman physically:/

What, because she's thin? Would you infer that she looked less womanly if she was fat?Body critiquing is cheap.

 

[lil_christian]

We've had threads about what we like about being single.
We've had threads about what we don't like about being single.
We've had threads about what we are looking for in that special someone.
We've had threads about how to prepare ourselves for that special someone.
We've had threads about being content to be single...

...and we may have even had a thread like this before. If so, I missed it.



What parts of your current lifestyle would you give up for a relationship?

Would you change your look? Gentlemen, would you grow or shave off a mustache or beard if your lady preferred that? Ladies, if your guy didn't like bangs, would you get a new hairstyle?

If you are close to your family, geographically and emotionally, would you move to a different part of the country? Would you move out of the country? What if there was a language barrier in your new part of the world?

Would you marry someone poor but who manages money well and is a good steward of his or her resources? What if this meant living a different lifestyle than the one to which you are accustomed?

Would you give up certain things like eating fried chicken over the sink in favor of eating together as a family? Would you give up staying up too late to play on the computer or watch TV in favor of going to bed at the same time as your spouse...maybe even...praying together?

Not giving up some of these things may be selfish, but is it possible to give up too many things? Can you lose what makes you YOU in the relationship?

How does one find the balance?

You know, I was just thinking about this recently. My sister and I were watching "19 Kids and Counting" together. One was about a marriage retreat and the other was about one of their kids being courted by someone. Honestly, as we were watching it we realized that the media has really demonized them (not my point, coming up soon) and that they were actually pretty Christ-centered and not as extreme as they're made out to be. SO her and I talked about how we'd love to have dinner with them someday. Which I think it'd be cool to do that.

Then I started thinking about how if I did, I'd probably have to dress like they do, because the girls only wear skirts there (I don't think they're apostolic, because they seem to keep their hair cut, and they wear makeup). But I just started thinking about it more, like, what if I ended up dating someone like that, would I be willing to change those sorts of things, such as my clothing? To be honest, I'm not quite sure. I guess if he didn't try to change who I am as a person, making small sacrifices like that might not be the worst thing in the world. There would have to be some sort of line that I would never cross. But it's still something that I'd have to think a lot about.

 

[Nautilus]

taylor swift looks like a girl, not really a woman physically:/

i will disagree and say you should watch either her blank space video or her performance at the VS fashion show. I mean she is 24 now.

 

[biscuit]

Again, these things should take notice during the dating period ... long before marriage. Some are more than willing while others won't budge. If you are in a 80/20 relationship, it is a warning sign or red flag.

 

[sassylady]

I would not change anything about me; he will have to love me as I am. I'm not obese or ugly, could lose a few. I have to wear a wig because a med I was on caused a lot of my hair to fall out. If he's that picky about looks he can go elsewhere. Our society is way too superficial that way anyhow, I don't need it in my life.

I could change most things except moving out of the country. And I wouldn't want to leave my parents due to their age.

 

[tourist]

It is best to enter a relationship accepting the person for who that they are and not attempt to try any wholesale changes that would effectively change who the person is and what they are about.

 

[bafa]

Not sure what you mean by this. I didn't pose this question with leadership in mind, specifically. Leaders are called to make sacrifices when necessary. Yet they should also take care of themselves so they are in a position to lead. So, again the question: "How does one find the balance?"

there's two ways of danger on health:" danger on health from maulation which is mostly coming from attackers whether you're aware or not. and self inflicted dehealth". About leadership; if your claiming that you are already a leader and not think as one? so why do you ask balance then? balance is wide when it comes to leadership; and if your still single? if your referring to a relationship; as a believer of Jesus Christ it is better to keep yourself clean not marrying than marrying clean. it's about contentment and virtousity. i already found my absolute balance, practising always the best that i can to maintain my sacrifices which is LOVE( that depends upon your interprtation ). and about dying? specifically Jesus Christ died for me Physically and Spiritually it means who will kill my body?

Be a Leader "I put a smiley on it"

 

[CatHerder]

Again, these things should take notice during the dating period ... long before marriage. Some are more than willing while others won't budge. If you are in a 80/20 relationship, it is a warning sign or red flag.

Yes, a lot of these things could be hashed out while dating, but once living together (which for a Christian means marriage), there is even more giving up of the "me" stuff in favor of taking on more of the "we" stuff.

It is best to enter a relationship accepting the person for who that they are and not attempt to try any wholesale changes that would effectively change who the person is and what they are about.

Good point. But what about changes that happen after the relationship gets serious? For example, if one got a promotion or new job that required excessive travel, or one got a serious ilnness? The other person didn't sign on for those things. To continue the relationship, this person would be making a lot of sacrifices.

Not sure what you mean by this. I didn't pose this question with leadership in mind, specifically. Leaders are called to make sacrifices when necessary. Yet they should also take care of themselves so they are in a position to lead. So, again the question: "How does one find the balance?"

there's two ways of danger on health:" danger on health from maulation which is mostly coming from attackers whether you're aware or not. and self inflicted dehealth". About leadership; if your claiming that you are already a leader and not think as one? so why do you ask balance then? balance is wide when it comes to leadership; and if your still single? if your referring to a relationship; as a believer of Jesus Christ it is better to keep yourself clean not marrying than marrying clean. it's about contentment and virtousity. i already found my absolute balance, practising always the best that i can to maintain my sacrifices which is LOVE( that depends upon your interprtation ). and about dying? specifically Jesus Christ died for me Physically and Spiritually it means who will kill my body?

Be a Leader "I put a smiley on it"

um...alrighty then!

 

[Reborn]

It is best to enter a relationship accepting the person for who that they are and not attempt to try any wholesale changes that would effectively change who the person is and what they are about.

What is reasonable to give up....?

Exactly.
Nothing-You accept them.
So sad to say, from bad experience, and after dating many women, I learned couple of things the hard way. One, that I should stop dating a lot of women, because that's just terrible. Two: That I was giving up a different pc of who I truly was, for each one. Before I knew it, I wasn't sure which parts were me, and which were my front. I finally found out it was not about giving up my unlikable/ so-called selfish qualities- because that changed with each case- but to accept that we both had them, and it was going to be there. Work on the things that annoy each other as best as you can.

The cliché is true, it's not about giving in, or changing, it's about finding someone who doesn't hate/hold it against you for your bad qualities-working on it (whatever it may be) together-and loves you in spite of them.

 

[isobel]

i will disagree and say you should watch either her blank space video or her performance at the VS fashion show. I mean she is 24 now.

yep just really thin, so doesn't really remind me of a woman is all.
same with miley cyrus, they just never developed much:/

 

[bafa]

We've had threads about what we like about being single.
We've had threads about what we don't like about being single.
We've had threads about what we are looking for in that special someone.
We've had threads about how to prepare ourselves for that special someone.
We've had threads about being content to be single...

...and we may have even had a thread like this before. If so, I missed it.

I found a thread which i saw at singles forum, and all i can read and saw is about cat's. single cat,group of cat's, lot's of cats, domestic cats, forest cat (love it). every thread is about cat. welp, not all. but what's with the cat's?!

i even catch a video chat a while ago, and their talking about cat's and a man on a mic w/ video said that you should look at this, and he said that he has a cat right here but i can't see the cat image, and he was holding something from below and looking at it, and i can hear the voice of something sounding like cat, but it's sound like more of a human female to me. and freaked me! i mean what's with that? i clean my ears regularly and i know the difference between a sound of an animal from a man. what really freaked me out is this: it's sounded like my niece voice. or i'm just imagining things..

 

[bafa]

Wow... you guys are coming up with some great threads! I love this one.

Yeah, giving up any one of these things, or any one of anything at all, isn't a big deal. But if you give up too many, suddenly you aren't YOU anymore. How much can we change of ourselves and still be who we are?

Also, how much would our significant other WANT us to change for them? I know that for me, I've pretty much decided that however a person is now, is how they probably will be when married, so if i were to have any issues then I need to either be okay with them, or move on. Perhaps that isn't fair? I dunno. I wouldn't want anyone to change too much for me, because at some point they realize they just aren't happy that way.

Anyway:

I'd change my hair, or the way I dress, or some of my interests in order to adapt to what my spouse enjoyed or appreciated. (I mean, within reason. I'm not the type to wear black leather and spiked heels.)

I dated a guy once who did not own a TV. I think I could give up TV. The internet is another matter altogether.

I believe that I could adapt to low-income living as long as we were responsible. Country life, suburb life, urban life. Eh.

I can adapt to new family traditions, and could let some old ones go if I needed to.

I can let go of old foods and try new ones.

I want to say I could embrace an entirely different culture, but I've never actually done it so I don't want to be too confident there.

My job is probably one of the things I couldn't give up easily. It's perfect for me and it makes me very happy. I would really struggle to adapt to a 9-5 office job. My work (both the business I run and my ministry work) is a huge part of who I am. He'd need to be okay with the financial risks involved in running my own business as well as the odd work hours (when I expend a lot of energy) and non-work hours (when I seem to do nothing at all).

I'm never ever ever ever going to be a morning person, or someone who can exist on little sleep. It's not about willingness to adapt. It's just a fact. I'd need to make sure they were okay with that going in.

i don't know why i'm having this weird of down feeling that whenever i'm hearing a Grace name(person name). I know about The Grace of God Almighty but there is really something wrong with that name. i don't know, especially your sounding like a grace that i've encountered(it's the evil spirit maybe or it's just me). but i don't entertain temptations i rather rebuke.

i'm used to adjustments.. at first it may be hard to deal stuffs specially if it's your first time, i just knew that i got used to it..
my relationship is quite wide with others and surroundings, but i choose to stay at one place dealing such adaptations.
similarity on some things that your saying comparing to marriage; i believe that love is not puff out.
when it comes to children; (i got two over here)children's are not meant to sacrifice. as it is written:

14Behold, the third time I am ready to come to you; and I will not be burdensome to you: for I seek not yours, but you: for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children. 2 Corinthians 12:14

i had seen some people choose to rather live practically (mentally and emotionally) and most oftenly choose to deal w/ reality. Adjustments always takes place in a relationship minimum, 5 to 6 years. sexual marriage relation helps.
when it comes to financial issues this is a warning:[h=1]Job 15:35
They conceive mischief, and bring forth vanity, and their belly prepareth deceit.[/h]
i'd rather protect my resources and i'm very sure that people agree a lot to this. why? because God who created everything told us to do so.
what i'm saying is without God's blessings and protection, how can a substance (neccesity) be protected? you don't have anything..
i spend a lot of times w/ my kids, on your part you spend a lot of time for management(you work a lot), i think that's unhealthy and i advice you to give it up.
it's not that i'm not a fan of clustter, i'm in chaos sometimes. socializing is not ado..
i don't usually give big deal on culture's, we all came from God. i rather stay healthy.. health is wealth for me.
my tongue loves to taste.. i find urban life is poverty:

[h=1]Proverbs 10:15[/h]The rich man's wealth is his strong city: the destruction of the poor is their poverty.

i don't like to see my people hungry.. 8 hours of working is fine, 5 hours is better.
i don't believe in slavery..
and i really love morning sunshines!

 

[Roh_Chris]

i don't know why i'm having this weird of down feeling that whenever i'm hearing a Grace name(person name). I know about The Grace of God Almighty but there is really something wrong with that name. i don't know, especially your sounding like a grace that i've encountered(it's the evil spirit maybe or it's just me). but i don't entertain temptations i rather rebuke.

i'm used to adjustments.. at first it may be hard to deal stuffs specially if it's your first time, i just knew that i got used to it..
my relationship is quite wide with others and surroundings, but i choose to stay at one place dealing such adaptations.
similarity on some things that your saying comparing to marriage; i believe that love is not puff out.
when it comes to children; (i got two over here)children's are not meant to sacrifice. as it is written:

14Behold, the third time I am ready to come to you; and I will not be burdensome to you: for I seek not yours, but you: for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children. 2 Corinthians 12:14

i had seen some people choose to rather live practically (mentally and emotionally) and most oftenly choose to deal w/ reality. Adjustments always takes place in a relationship minimum, 5 to 6 years. sexual marriage relation helps.
when it comes to financial issues this is a warning:Job 15:35
They conceive mischief, and bring forth vanity, and their belly prepareth deceit.


i'd rather protect my resources and i'm very sure that people agree a lot to this. why? because God who created everything told us to do so.
what i'm saying is without God's blessings and protection, how can a substance (neccesity) be protected? you don't have anything..
i spend a lot of times w/ my kids, on your part you spend a lot of time for management(you work a lot), i think that's unhealthy and i advice you to give it up.
it's not that i'm not a fan of clustter, i'm in chaos sometimes. socializing is not ado..
i don't usually give big deal on culture's, we all came from God. i rather stay healthy.. health is wealth for me.
my tongue loves to taste.. i find urban life is poverty:

Proverbs 10:15

The rich man's wealth is his strong city: the destruction of the poor is their poverty.

i don't like to see my people hungry.. 8 hours of working is fine, 5 hours is better.
i don't believe in slavery..
and i really love morning sunshines!

I am sure that Grace-like-rain can defend herself, but I want to respond because I read this post too. Your criticism is invalid Sister bafa, because -
1) You don't know Grace-like-rain
2) You don't know anything about her situation or the problems she is facing
3) You don't know why she is currently working
4) You presume that she is not taking care of her children enough because of the choices she has made

I can tell you that she has been a blessing to many on this forum, including me. I am sure that her family is happy and well-nourished by her and by God. You have a right to your opinion, but please don't use it to criticize or discourage a fellow believer, much less someone whom you don't know.

 

[isobel]

What, because she's thin? Would you infer that she looked less womanly if she was fat?Body critiquing is cheap.

there's nothing wrong with Taylor Swift looking more like a girl than a woman. its not a criticism:/ i'm allowed to have an opinion on whether Taylor Swift looks like a girl or woman anyway, just as you are allowed:s

 

[Loveneverfails]

there's nothing wrong with Taylor Swift looking more like a girl than a woman. its not a criticism:/ i'm allowed to have an opinion on whether Taylor Swift looks like a girl or woman anyway, just as you are allowed:s

Of course we're all allowed to have opinions. however, we need to be careful as to when/where/how and IF we share those opinions. You may not have meant it as a criticism, but it could easily be interpreted as such by a sensitive girl/young woman who is already insecure about her figure. I may not be skinny, but I have some dear girls in my life who are very skinny, and they struggle with feeling like they don't look like a "real woman" because they don't have "all the right curves in all the right places" (to quote a recently popular tune). You have every right to your opinion, isobel. But as Christians we ought to be sensitive as to whether our words may be a blessing to others. Women already face so much criticism (or "opinions") about their outward appearances out in the world. I know this is the internet, but as a forum filled with mostly Christians, I would love to see this be place where they don't have to deal with that.

 

[CatHerder]

I am sure that Grace-like-rain can defend herself, but I want to respond because I read this post too. Your criticism is invalid Sister bafa, because -
1) You don't know Grace-like-rain
2) You don't know anything about her situation or the problems she is facing
3) You don't know why she is currently working
4) You presume that she is not taking care of her children enough because of the choices she has made

I can tell you that she has been a blessing to many on this forum, including me. I am sure that her family is happy and well-nourished by her and by God. You have a right to your opinion, but please don't use it to criticize or discourage a fellow
believer, much less someone whom you don't know.

I agree. But let's not derail this thread's important topic of the womanliness of Taylor Swift.

or of course, we can always go back to the original topic instead...

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

i don't know why i'm having this weird of down feeling that whenever i'm hearing a Grace name(person name). I know about The Grace of God Almighty but there is really something wrong with that name. i don't know, especially your sounding like a grace that i've encountered(it's the evil spirit maybe or it's just me). but i don't entertain temptations i rather rebuke.

Hi Bafa, my name comes from a song that touches my heart deeply. The lyrics are "Grace like rain falls down on me, all my sins are washed away, they're washed away." I love that feeling. That the Lord is literally pouring grace down over us like rain, and we are soaked through with it. What a beautiful picture that makes. (My real name is Angie.)

I've only ever been on this site under this exact name, so I'm pretty sure we haven't encountered one another before.

The rest of your post looks like maybe it was just your own personal answer to the original post questions. If there are items that I listed which you object to, I'd be happy to address them if you'd highlight them specifically.

(The main reason I love my job/business is because it's flexible, and I can work mostly from home. I have two teenage daughters that I stayed home to care for and homeschool until they were teens, and even now I am home when they get home at noon. It's a wonderful situation.)

 

[Loveneverfails]

I apologize for contributing to the derail, Catherder.

Back to to our regularly scheduled thread